29 DOUBLE-DATE!

Friendship is not a reward for our discrimination and good taste in finding one another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each the beauties of all the others.

—C. S. Lewis, The Four Loves

IN GENERAL WE RECOMMEND THAT your dates be devoted to couple time (i.e., uninterrupted time between just the two of you, without the distractions of kids or other adults). However, once in a while, it’s a good idea to venture outside of that format and enjoy a date with another couple.

For the purposes of this discussion, we’ll assume that you’ll be dating with a “peer” couple—a couple who is in generally the same stage of life you’re in and who is roughly the same age.

Just as on your regular dates, avoid the temptation to administrate during your double date. For most couples during the childrearing years, the standard procedure is to go out together and tell story after story about the kids. They spend a great deal of time and energy finding childcare so the kids can stay at home, and then on their date, the kids dominate the conversation! There’s nothing inherently wrong with this, of course. But if you get to the end of the night and realize you know everything there is to know about the other couple’s children but very little about the couple, you’ve probably spent too much time on the joys and challenges of childrearing.

ACTIVITY: The rules for a double date are similar to those for your regular dates: (1) do something fun, and (2) if possible, experience something none of you have tried before. Just as you and your spouse build intimacy through these types of activities, you can also, as a couple, build stronger, deeper friendships by experiencing them with other couples. So go out and try some exotic food. Play laser tag or go swing dancing. Be creative and stretch your boundaries!

QUESTIONS: Ask questions and tell stories that will give you greater insights into the lives of your friends. For example, tell them your story, and let them tell you theirs. Even if you’ve known the other couple for years, you might not know some of the finer details of their dating, their wedding, and so on.

If you share the same beliefs, don’t be afraid to broach spiritual matters. What have you been learning in church lately? What have you been studying in a small group? Individually? As a couple?