40 TENDERNESS

She has her griefs and care, but the soft words, they are spoke so gentle, it makes it easier, easier to bear.

—“Try a Little Tenderness,” performed by Otis Redding

THINK ABOUT YOUR TYPICAL WEEKDAY. It’s likely full of challenges and frustrations, from rush-hour traffic to obnoxious coworkers to meetings with the school principal for an unruly child to car trouble, and on and on. The hours during the day when you’re apart can be devastating to your self-esteem, your attitude, and your faith in humanity. It’s a tough world out there.

On those especially trying days, how do you treat your spouse when the family finally arrives back together under the same roof? Are you snarky? Do you take the cares and frustrations of the day out on your spouse and kids? Is venting about your own day more important to you than empathizing with your spouse about his or her day?

The book of Proverbs reminds us that “a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (15:1). This is a crucial principle for husbands and wives who have hurried, harried lives (in other words, every husband and wife). After a stress-filled day, your time together should be filled with tenderness. Your home should be a place of refuge from the trials and challenges of life—not a place to magnify and amplify them. Adopting this approach will help you share each other’s burdens. This is one of the reasons why Scripture encourages us to “carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2) and admonishes us to “be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (James 1:19).

ACTIVITY: As usual, try something new and exciting. Whatever your activity, make sure to listen to your spouse and empathize with him or her. You might want to consider a quieter activity, without a lot of distractions and stimulation, that affords you the opportunity to zero in and focus on one another. Convey tenderness toward your mate throughout the evening.

QUESTIONS: Either during your activity or in a quiet location afterward, discuss the following Questions: What things do I do that communicate tenderness toward you? Are there other ways I can communicate tenderness on a regular basis? Were your parents tender toward each other? How? Especially after long, tough days, how can we make a concerted effort to reconnect and show tenderness and empathy?