42 TRUST

You can trust us to stick with you through thick and thin—to the bitter end. And you can trust us to keep any secret of yours—closer than you keep it yourself. But you cannot trust us to let you face trouble alone, and go off without a word. We are your friends, Frodo.

—Merry to Frodo in J. R. R. Tolkien’s The Fellowship of the Ring

A FEW YEARS AGO, DURING a date at our favorite restaurant, Erin began sharing about how exhausted she gets while dealing with our children all day (our oldest is now in college). “Sometimes during the day, I feel like I’m losing my mind!” she said at one point. We laughed about how chaotic parenting can be at times, and we even referred to her as “Crazy Mama.”

However, on the way home, we ended up having an argument about a sensitive topic (yeah, we obviously didn’t follow our own advice). During the argument, I (Greg) made a rather ill-advised comment, suggesting that the argument was Erin’s fault because she wasn’t thinking clearly. “Remember dinner?” I said. “You’ve already admitted that you’re losing your mind!”

Not only was the comment not funny; it actually weakened our relationship. Why? Because I used something against Erin that she’d shared during an intimate conversation. Nobody wants to reveal private and sacred information when it might later be used against them! When couples feel unsafe sharing their emotions, their hearts tend to close, and they disconnect emotionally from each other. On the other hand, when people feel safe, they are naturally inclined to open their hearts and spirits, and intimacy occurs effortlessly and naturally.

ACTIVITY: There are many levels of trust within marriage—emotional, relational, spiritual, physical, and so on. Consider a fun activity that reinforces the concept of trust between you and your spouse. It could be anything from a ropes course to skydiving to singing karaoke or scaling a climbing wall. Like the teamwork date, it should be an activity that requires you to rely on each other in order to complete—something that requires you to say to one another, “I’ve got your back.”

QUESTIONS: After your activity, explore the following Questions: Did you trust me during our chosen activity? Would you have done the same thing with someone else? With a stranger? How can we ensure that our marriage is always a safe environment to share private and sensitive information?