After Honor added her name to the tryout sheet for Carmony Candy and refused to put down second or third choices, Charlie snagged her hand and headed for the door while Ryker was otherwise occupied talking with another parent in the classroom.
If he wasn’t currently cemented on her what-were-you-thinking naughty list, she might have waited for him, let him walk out with his niece. But her anger right now prevented that. Space would be a good thing. She had to calm down, process. And doing it without Ryker was better for everyone involved.
Outside, the sun had slipped behind the mountains, and bright pink and orange splashed through the sky like paint in a toddler’s hands. The mountains never failed to remind her that God was present in her life. It was as if they shouted, If God can do this, what can’t He do?
She got out her phone and sent a text to her friend Addie. Operation be-nice-to-uncle-for-Honor’s-sake failing miserably. Send chocolate.
Addie’s text reply came back quickly. What happened? Want company? Evan is here so I could pop over.
Charlie’s strong burst of relief surprised her. She’d known fostering would be hard, but she hadn’t expected the little details like tonight to leave her floundering and agitated. Wasn’t she supposed to be fiercely capable?
Yes, please! We’re still at school but should be home shortly.
Let me get Sawyer down for the night and then I’ll text you before I leave to make sure you’re home.
Perfect.
Addie had moved to town last spring to reopen the Little Red Hen Bed & Breakfast, and the two of them had quickly bonded. She had an adorable two-year-old son, Sawyer, and she’d recently become engaged to Evan Hawke. Charlie often hung out with the two of them. As couples went, they were pretty good at not making her feel like a third wheel, though the looks they exchanged when they assumed no one was paying attention required a fire extinguisher. They were planning their wedding for the first weekend in January, and Charlie was going to be a bridesmaid. She was happy for her friend and, most of the time, not jealous.
Most of the time.
But on a night like tonight, when the water was slipping over her head and her arms were tired of treading, she craved what the two of them had. What the three of them had.
They were a team. And Charlie—despite her willingness to participate in a relationship—was still a one-woman show. God was with her always, she knew that. But having someone physically present who could hold her hand or pull her out of the raging waters when she got dumped overboard...yeah, she’d take one of those.
And if he had a baby in his arms...she’d take one of those, too.
When Charlie had turned thirty, she’d asked God for one thing—a child. It had been a crazy wish on so many levels, but she’d confessed her deepest desire and then tried her best to let go of it. To let God handle it. That’s when God had planted the fostering dream inside her, and she’d latched on. Tentatively, yet cautiously optimistic.
There’d been a moment after she’d gotten the call about Honor when she’d let her mind wander down the what-if road. What if her mom’s parental rights were eventually revoked? Would Charlie consider adopting Honor on her own? What would that look like? And would it fill that void inside her? Those musings had quickly crashed and burned once she’d learned that it was Kaia’s first brush with losing custody and once Ryker had screeched into town.
“Hi, Honor.” They were walking to the car along the fence that lined the school playground when a little girl with stunning chocolate eyes and equally dark hair swept into a braid stopped in front of them. “Do you want to play on the playground with me?”
Honor froze. After two beats, she glanced up at Charlie in silent question. “You can go play for a few minutes. I’ll wait for you.”
They scampered off, and Charlie’s heart expanded three sizes. None of the kids in the meeting had spoken to Honor. Charlie had assumed the girl had very few friends, if any, and it had broken her heart for the sweet child.
“Charlie!” She turned at the sound of her name. One of the women she’d seen in the classroom came in her direction. “Hey, I’m Camila. Gabby’s mom. I’ve brought my car in for service before.” A faint Spanish accent peppered her introduction. The woman was gorgeous with her raven hair and olive skin.
“Right. I’m so sorry. Sometimes when I’m out of context—”
“Same thing happens to me all of the time.” Camila waved her hand in a don’t worry about it gesture. “I didn’t realize you had a child at the elementary.”
“I’m actually...here with Honor Delaney.” Charlie pointed to the playground, where the two little girls were running across a balance beam.
“Oh, that’s wonderful. That’s my daughter, Gabby, right there. They must be friends. How sweet.”
Or they’re new friends, and your daughter is a gift sent from God.
“Anyway, I’m sorry to talk shop, but I’ve been meaning to bring my SUV in. I just can’t seem to find the time.”
“Tell me about it.” Charlie silently chuckled at her inside joke, since she could hardly find the time to shower these days. She’d seemingly entered the newborn mom phase...with a five-year-old. “So, what’s going on with your vehicle?”
“It’s shifting strange. Kind of almost...jerking.”
“Okay, well, it’s best if you can drop it off sometime and I can drive it. How about Friday morning?” Charlie would block off a chunk in her schedule. Especially since Gabby was her new favorite person. The girls were swinging now, and the sound of their giggles about made Charlie weep with gratitude.
Honor never talked about anyone from school. Charlie would guess that was about to change. Sometimes all it took was one person to alter the course of a life. Her granddad had been that person for her. Maybe Honor would look back someday and remember the night Gabby had asked her to play.
Or maybe Charlie was long gone down a sappy road and needed to rein it in.
“Friday’s great. I’ll plan on leaving it in the morning. Thank you.” Camila’s phone rang, and she checked the screen. “My husband!” Her delight was palpable. “He’s deployed, so his phone calls are like gold.”
“That’s so great! I’ll hang out with the girls while you talk to him.”
“Really? Thank you so much!” Camila greeted her husband as she walked to her vehicle and opened the driver’s door, sitting inside for privacy.
Charlie sent a text to Addie explaining that they were going to hang out at the playground for a bit. She didn’t know how long Camila’s phone call would last, but the extra playtime wouldn’t hurt. Maybe it would help Honor expend all her energy and sleep peacefully. Something Charlie prayed for her every night.
“This is the best sight I’ve seen since I arrived in Colorado.” Ryker approached and motioned to the girls playing, his voice warm like caramel sauce melting ice cream. Charlie had never despised dessert to this level.
“You’re still here? I thought you’d left.”
“You wish, huh?” His low chuckle made her stomach flip and flop. That’s what anger did to her digestive tract. “I’m still here. And I’m going to go out on a limb and say you’re still upset with me.”
“You reneged on the plan.” So much for taking some time to cool down. Charlie had just jumped right in. But she wasn’t good at hiding her emotions—didn’t have any practice at it. She was usually straightforward and drama-free. She was still the first, it seemed, but Ryker was tipping her scales regarding the second.
Ryker moved to the bench that flanked the fence and plunked down, his torso hunching over his knees like he’d been punched in the gut. And Charlie hadn’t even entertained the thought...this time. At least, not for long.
“You’re the one who came up with that idea in the first place. I wasn’t sure what I thought about all of it. I just want what’s best for Honor.”
“I do, too! And you’ve obviously made your opinion clear. And now I’m going to have to deal with the repercussions of what you decided in the heat of the moment.”
“Because you’re in this all alone.” Ryker radiated with a deadly, boiling heat.
“Yes, I am. As of this point, I’m Honor’s caregiver. You still have hoops to jump through, and who knows if you actually will. You’re here because I’m being gracious and talked to Angela about you attending this meeting. It’s not like you even have a place for her.” Charlie pulled back the arrow, unable to resist the urge to let it fly. “Or a job here. Who’s to say everything doesn’t fall through?”
“Ouch.” Ryker sat back against the bench. “Tell me how you really feel.” He raked hands through his hair. “Family first is supposed to be the motto, but they sure make it hard.”
Charlie’s empathy flared. Ryker was trying. She was just angry about the ambush in the school. If Honor were her niece, she’d do absolutely anything to take care of her.
Anything.
She had to find a way to balance caring for Honor and growing to love her with knowing she might have to hand her over to this man. Or someone else, even. There were so many unanswered questions that she was stumbling on repeat.
Honor’s giggle broke the quiet. It was the kind of laugh that came from deep inside, that had to find a way out. She started to run to the slide, then stopped and reached back. Gabby grabbed her hand and they raced forward together.
Charlie’s heart flat stopped. She might be terrified of what came next, but that little glimpse was the reminder that she was exactly where she was supposed to be.
“Thank you for stating my every fear into existence.” Ryker’s stony glare cut through the night in front of him, and the playground lights clicked on as if in answer, emitting a buzz. “And you just might get your wish, because I can’t find a job.” So much pain laced the admission that Charlie winced. She’d thought the idea of Ryker leaving town would bring her joy and relief.
Turns out, it didn’t.
Remorse for the verbal onslaught Charlie had just lobbed his way overtook her features and surprisingly tugged on his sympathy.
How many times had Ryker done or said something and then instantly regretted it?
He certainly felt that way about the park fiasco last week.
“Sorry.” Charlie’s demeanor softened around the edges. “I’m not gunning for you to leave town. You’re good for Honor. I’m not denying that. I’m just angry about what happened inside because she’ll be crushed if she doesn’t get the part, and I’m not sure I can handle watching her go through that. She’s already weathered enough.”
“I understand. And I deserve the backlash for blindsiding you like that.”
Charlie moved toward the bench, taking a seat next to him. Next meaning she’d left a foot of space between them. Was it strange that Ryker wished she’d sat closer? That way he could inhale lemons and Charlie. That way he wouldn’t feel so alone in all of this.
Yes, Hayes, it’s strange. She’s not on your team. At least not fully. Ryker wasn’t even sure he could call her a friend at this point. This whole situation fighting for Honor was so messed up. Normally Ryker got along with pretty much everyone. But for how amiable Charlie seemed to be, she had some walls up. She was protecting herself, and Ryker didn’t blame her.
Honor and her new friend had climbed up a tower on the playground, and their heads bent together as they discussed something. They giggled, screeched and ran across a wooden bridge that connected the equipment.
“I didn’t tell Honor to go for the part because I’m trying to ruin anything for her or you. I just...” Her little face had been so hopeful that Ryker hadn’t wanted to erase that. “She’s already had so many disappointments in her life. Has likely been told she’s not good enough—verbally or nonverbally—by people or society on numerous occasions. I just wanted to believe in her, with her. If Honor wants to dream big when she’s probably never done that before and we’re here to help her—”
“And catch her,” Charlie interjected with a sigh.
“Right. And catch her. If she wants to go for it, I can’t be the one to tell her no before she’s even tried. I’m sorry for backing out of the plan.” The plan you came up with and I never actually agreed to. Thankfully he didn’t let that bomb fly.
“I get that. I do. It’s just... Carmony Candy is a big part, which the director said would likely go to one of the older kids. She doesn’t even fit the description for the character in size or age. Feels like setting her up to fail.”
“Yeah. I just thought—or hoped—that hearing it from the director, letting her handle it, was better than us crushing the idea before she tried. I know it’s not the same, but what if someone had told you that you couldn’t be a mechanic because you’re a girl?”
Charlie snorted. “Plenty of people told me that.”
“Well, then it only made you stronger. But how nice would it have been if someone believed in you?”
Charlie waited a few beats, then answered quietly. “Someone did. My granddad. My parents are great, but he was the one who really saw me and always, always encouraged me. He was an airplane mechanic in World War II.”
“An older couple that lived near us, they did that for me. They believed in me. Let me work with horses at their ranch. They changed my life.” The Armijos had welcomed him into their ranch and their home for dinner on more occasions than Ryker could count. They’d talked about God, and he’d believed because they’d lived it. “So we have to let her fly a little. Not too far. Not over a cliff. Just let her dream and try, I think. Just like we both needed.”
“Don’t tell me what to do.” Charlie coupled the statement with a grin, and Ryker chuckled.
“I wouldn’t dare.”
“You just did dare.”
“Yeah, but I’m right.”
Charlie wrinkled her nose. “I’m not so sure about that, and even if I was...” Her sassy smile registered like a hoof to his gut. “I would never admit it.”
Fine by him. Ryker had a few things he never planned to admit, either. Like the fact that Charlie intrigued him more every day. It was too bad they hadn’t met outside of this situation. But with Honor between them, letting anything grow in that regard would be hazardous. Too much could go wrong. Too much was up in the air. And Ryker had to focus on his niece. He couldn’t get distracted, and he refused to repeat his mother’s mistakes. She’d allowed her romantic relationships to come first, even before her children, and Ryker and Kaia had suffered on repeat because of it.
“So, what’s the dealio with the job hunt?”
Ryker wasn’t sure if he should spill everything to Charlie about his job-search issues, but at this point, he had nothing to lose by sharing.
“I’m not sure. I’ve called around pretty much everywhere I can find, and no one is hiring.”
“And you were a ranch hand in Texas?”
“Yep.” Compared to Charlie’s success, Ryker was nothing. He might have been dependable and good at what he did, but when he saw all the irons she had in the fire—her mechanic shop and the place she was planning to open next door—he was as successful as a beetle on its back in the middle of a massive lake.
“There are so many ranches around here.”
“You know of any that are hiring?”
“Not offhand. But I could ask my friend Addie. Her fiancé has some connections to Wilder Ranch.”
“I stopped by there, and they said at the beginning of the season they would have had openings, but not going into fall. They’re slimming down staff at this point.”
“Yeah, that makes sense. So maybe you have to make a change of some sort. If you could do anything, what would you do?”
“Find a job. Any job.”
“I get that, but...” Charlie inched closer. “What’s your dream? You can’t hide it after you forced us to let Honor go for hers.”
True. “I’d like to work with horses and teens, because horses are what saved me when I was a kid, but I have no idea how to make that happen. It’s a pointless dream if it’s impossible.”
“Dreams are never pointless.” Charlie snapped her fingers. “What about that horse ranch that we drove by the other night?”
“Sunny Farms. I called there.”
“And?”
“I left a message about looking for work. No one called me back.”
Charlie’s expression shot straight to incredulous. “And that’s it? You’re just going to leave it at that? Why aren’t you driving out there? Following up?” A car door shut behind them. “That’s Camila—Gabby’s mom. She had to take a phone call.”
Perfect timing. Ryker didn’t want to get into this conversation with anyone, let alone Charlie—the woman far more successful than him and therefore likely more qualified to take care of his niece than he was.
“So you’re going to push Honor to dream big, but you won’t do the same with yourself? Is that what I’m hearing?”
Charlie didn’t understand. She’d grown up differently than he had. She hadn’t been emotionally—and sometimes physically—kicked around by her mom’s boyfriends until she no longer remembered who she was or what she was capable of.
That was his story, not hers. “You don’t get it.”
“You’re right. I don’t. And based on the fact that I’m growing attached to Honor, I’m probably the last person who should be telling you this, but don’t give me a sob story about how you’ve done everything you can to find a job when you haven’t. You’re saying that Sunny Farms would be your first choice, and you haven’t even driven out there. Sounds like self-sabotage to me.”
It did.
Ryker had stopped by some other ranches, but not the one highest on his interest list. He was dragging his boots regarding Sunny Farms. It was just...he wasn’t trained in anything they would need. Yes, he’d worked with horses in high school for the Armijos and after at the Circle M, but that likely wouldn’t be enough. Sunny Farms hadn’t called him back, had they?
You’ll never amount to nothing. Take out the trash, including yourself.
Ever since he’d arrived in Colorado, sending his life into upheaval, the insults from his childhood had played through his mind like an endlessly skipping CD. Ryker tried to combat the lies with Bible verses and prayers, but the taunts had staying power.
Camila rounded the fence and called out for her daughter. She still had the phone pressed against her ear. “Come, honey, Daddy wants to say hi to you.” She waved at Charlie. “Thank you so much!”
The girls began their descent from the playground equipment. “All I’m saying—” Charlie rushed to impart her final blow, lowering her voice “—is that you made Honor dream, so maybe you should do the same.”
“Why are you helping me?”
Her eyes flashed with remorse and confusion, her response a whisper. “I really don’t know. I just want what’s best for Honor.”
Me, too. But if he believed everything that had been pounded into him growing up...he wasn’t good enough for his niece.
Wasn’t good enough for anyone.
No wonder he couldn’t find a job. Why would someone else believe in him when he couldn’t believe in himself?