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WHEN I ASK CLIENTS to tell me about the life experiences they feel have shaped them, I hear deeply moving stories. I hear about how they developed an ability to listen wholeheartedly and be the person that everyone comes to, to unload, because of growing up with an alcoholic parent. They tell me how they developed an ability to make people feel good because they were the victim of racism as a child, how they learned that they were a good mediator from listening to their parents fight every night, or how growing up in poverty was the catalyst for starting a food bank. Without exception, every time I ask someone this question, they describe how they developed a certain quality, a unique quality that others come to them for. What is interesting to me, is more often than not, they hadn’t made the connection until I asked the question.
Every one of us is born with something for which our community seeks us out. Within us, our spirit has a unique quality that we are ordained to share with others. This quality becomes our unique offering to the world, and as life happens, it gets honed and sharpened and refined. By the losses, struggles, and heartbreaks, life continues to call us to our work, no matter what stage we are in, or our age.
How do we uncover this quality within ourselves, our unique genius? The first step is spotting the illusion that the only value by which we see ourselves is through what we do, our occupation. Then our work is to grasp the spiritual energy that is thriving in us, however buried under accumulated limiting beliefs. Part of the uncovering process is following your life thread to see how everything that life has offered up to you, the good, the bad and the ugly, has led you to this moment in time and shaped you into who you are. What you learned along the way was the refining process of your unique genius. This sacred gift is your true power.
Someone I worked with told me how she never believed she was smart enough to do much of anything. She was 47 years old and an attorney. For years, she had been feeling stuck and unhappy, in work that felt like a black hole. From the moment she was born, she was programmed to believe girls could never accomplish anything because they just aren’t smart enough. Her brother was nurtured and groomed for greatness and no matter how hard she tried, how committed she was to getting good grades and excelling in school and work, she never received the praise that her brother got and that she yearned for.
She chose to go into law because becoming a doctor or lawyer was the surefire way to prove herself. She accepted that she was flawed and that she wasn’t smart enough. This flaw became the driving force that led her towards law and eventually herself. After disbelieving this limiting thought, she could accept herself for the first time. She had the ability to see that she was a compassionate listener and passionate about helping foster youth. It became clear to her that life had provided the exact array of challenges she needed. Her choice to go into law gave her the skills to create the life work that allowed her to offer her gifts and make a difference in the world. She has created an advocacy nonprofit for foster teens who get lost in the system. The conditioning of her family of origin was the wounding, the flaw that she accepted as the truth, was the driving force for her to accomplish the very career that she needed as the foundation for her life’s work. Her wounding led her to make choices in compensation, which ultimately shaped her calling.
One kind heart has so much power to change the world. We each have a vitally important way to serve.
