28

 

The first two days of Lauren's visit were cloudy and gloomy and generally uneventful. It was reminiscent of the time Lauren had spent with them at the beginning of her pregnancy. Aside from mealtimes, where she would sullenly pick at her food, Lauren stayed to her room and mostly slept. Anna decided that was probably for the best. Let her emerge on her own timing. She'd been through a lot and perhaps just needed some peace and quiet.

To Anna's relief, she saw no sign of pills or alcohol. It seemed that Lauren really had managed to get beyond her addictions. However, it was clear that something else was still wrong. Whether it was depression or just sadness, Anna couldn't be sure. On the third day the weather turned sunny and Anna enticed Lauren to sit out on the upper deck for their afternoon tea.

"Clark says we're going to have a spell of warm weather," Anna said as she tucked a lap robe over Lauren's legs. Lauren looked pale and thin, with dark shadows under her eyes. And she had aged considerably. Anna had been enticing her to take some herbal supplements, hoping to build her up physically. But it was Lauren's spirit that was most disturbing. She seemed partially dead inside. "I'm so proud of you," Anna said as she refilled her cup with chamomile tea. "So glad that you've really managed to get free of your chemical dependence. I've read up on it a bit, and it sounds like it does take time to recover completely. So I hope you'll go easy on yourself, dear. Give yourself time."

Lauren looked at her with sad blue eyes. "What if time can't help me, Mom?"

Anna made a small, forced smile. "But you wouldn't know that it couldn't help, dear, not until enough time passed."

"Donald has left me." Lauren turned to look toward the river now.

"I'm sorry."

"After all I did to get well. He—he left me, Mom." Her voice broke.

Anna didn't know what to say. She handed Lauren a handkerchief.

"I did it for him, Mom."

"Did what?"

"Went to the clinic—got clean and sober. Donald had threatened to leave me if I didn't go. So I went . . . for him."

"But didn't you do it for yourself, Lauren? It's your life. Didn't you do it for you? And what about Sarah?"

Lauren shrugged. "I did it for Donald, Mom."

"But he left anyway . . ."

"Yeah." Lauren called him a bad name.

Anna bit her lip and wished she could think of something encouraging to say.

"I asked him . . ." She paused to wipe her nose. "I asked him if he wouldn't have left me if I was still, you know, using the pills and stuff."

"What did he say?"

"That he'd decided to leave me long ago. And that he would've left me whether or not I'd gone to the clinic."

"I am sorry," Anna said again. "But I'm curious. If he left you, who is with Sarah right now?"

Lauren gave her an exasperated look. "He's still living at home, Mom. He agreed to stick around until I get back. But our marriage is over. He has emotionally left me."

Anna reached over and put her hand on Lauren's, looking deeply into her daughter's eyes. "I know it's hard, dear. But the important thing is that you've taken the steps to get healthy. Your life is on track. I know it must seem hard for you right now, but you are on a good road."

"A good road?" Lauren narrowed her eyes. "Alone?"

"You're not alone."

"I mean alone without Donald, Mom."

Anna wanted to question if she'd ever really had Donald in the first place.

"I'm not one of those women, Mom, the ones who are all liberated and able to be single." She shook her head. "That is not me!"

"And that's fine, Lauren. There are other men. And when you get really healthy and when you are on top of this, you will—"

"I am thirty-six years old, Mom."

Now, despite her resolve to be understanding, Anna laughed. "Thirty-six is quite young."

"Thirty-six going on seventy," Lauren said bitterly.

"I was nearly forty when I married Clark."

"You're different."

"Yes, but you are changing, Lauren. I can sense it. You are going to get stronger. You're going to embrace life and—"

"Maybe I should embrace life right now." Lauren set her teacup aside and stood so suddenly that the blanket fell to her feet. "I think I want to take a walk."

Anna blinked. "Yes, I think that's a good idea. Do you want company?"

"No." Lauren put her hand on the railing. "I need to do this on my own, Mom."

Anna just nodded. "All right."

Now Lauren went down the stairs and Anna just stood there watching her leave. "Have a good walk, dear."

Lauren didn't answer, just kept going.

Anna felt uneasy as she picked up the blanket and tea things. Perhaps it was unwise to let Lauren go off by herself. Lauren had never really been much of an outdoors enthusiast. What if she wandered too far, or got lost? Anna decided to clean up the tea dishes and set some things out for dinner and then she would go on a walk of her own. She would try to act perfectly natural, not as if she was worried about her daughter's state of mind.

After about thirty minutes, Anna wandered down for her walk. First she wandered around the grounds, and even asked Clark, who was painting exterior trim on the cabins, if he'd seen her. "No." He smiled. "But that's great she decided to get out and get some fresh air and exercise. That should help lift her spirits." He held up his paintbrush. "I'm making hay while the sun shines."

"And I won't keep you from it." Anna continued, going down the main nature trail, the one the guests usually liked most because it went along the meadow, through the woods, and finally returned along the river. Clark had built benches and stopping spots along the way. And Anna had enticed wildflowers to grow in certain areas. All in all, it was a charming little hike and only took about an hour to complete. As Anna came to each rest stop, she hoped to discover Lauren pausing to catch her breath. But there was no sign of her.

It wasn't until Anna was on the river portion of the trail that she began to wonder about the boats. Was it possible that Lauren had taken a boat out? Lauren had never been very interested in boats before, and Anna hadn't heard any of the boats' motors starting up, but with all Lauren's talk of the river calling her, perhaps she'd taken out a rowboat.

Anna stopped by the boathouse to see that all the rowboats and canoes appeared to be in place. Then she looked over to the dock, where she kept her own canoe, the River Dove, handy for her own use. She realized it was missing!

"Clark!" she called out as she jogged over to where she'd last seen him. "Do you think Lauren took my canoe out?"

He set his brush back in his pail and frowned. "I don't know. I haven't seen—"

"My canoe is gone," she breathlessly told him. "Why would it be gone?"

His brow creased. "Do you think she—"

"I don't know." She turned, calling over her shoulder. "But I'm going to take the boat out to look."

"Maybe you should check the house first," he called back. "Make sure she's not there."

"Yes." She paused. "You're right."

"If she's not there, tell me, and I'll take a boat out too."

She was not there and within minutes, both Clark and Anna were in motorboats, Clark going east and Anna going west, promising to meet back in thirty minutes, which would be shortly before the sunset. With a pounding heart, and silently praying, Anna wove the boat back and forth along the river, scouring along the inlet and marsh areas and even calling out from time to time. But there was no sign of Lauren or the canoe. Finally Anna knew it was time to return to the inn. Perhaps Clark had found Lauren by now. Maybe they were both sitting in front of a crackling fire, enjoying a cup of hot cocoa. But when she reached the dock, Clark's boat wasn't there. And it was getting dusky.

She ran up to the house, yelling for both Lauren and Clark, but when no one answered, she grabbed a coat and a couple of flashlights and blankets then ran back down and tossed them into the boat. She was heading upriver. Less than a mile up, she spotted Clark's boat alongside what looked like Jim Flanders's skiff. But as she got closer, she could tell from Clark's expression that something was wrong.

"Jim spotted the canoe," Clark quickly told her. "Over by his place."

"And Lauren?" Anna looked hopefully at Jim.

"The canoe was upside down," Jim explained. "I was worried you'd had problems. So I ran down there to check. But no one seemed to be with it. I looked around awhile, just to be sure something wasn't wrong, then I hauled the canoe over to my dock." He held his hands up.

Anna looked at Clark. "But what about Lauren?"

"She's not at the house?"

"I checked. She's not there." Anna felt tears coming to her eyes. "We need to keep looking!" She handed him a flashlight and blanket.

"I'll keep looking too," Jim told her.

"The canoe was at your place." She pointed upriver. "Which means it could've drifted from even higher up the river."

Clark suggested they split up and Jim said he'd get a couple more neighbors to help. No one actually said what they were looking for, but Anna could see it in their eyes. They were looking for a body.

With trembling hands, she guided the boat along the south side of the river, shining the flashlight along the edges, occasionally calling out Lauren's name. But the further she went, the more disheartened she felt. She could see other boats out now, maybe a half dozen or more, all moving slowly, shining lights through the darkening sky and river. The sounds of motors rumbling, the occasional call or whistle. The eerie image filled her with dread and she knew she was close to despair. "Lauren!" she cried out. "Where are you?"

Anna continued to search and to pray, but as minutes turned into hours, her hopes of finding her daughter alive grew dimmer and dimmer. She hated to give in to her dark doubts, but ever since this hunt had begun, Lauren's words had been haunting her. Had the river been calling to her? Had Lauren believed the river was her way out, her escape from the pain of her life? Had Lauren taken her own life?

The wind was picking up now and Anna's boat ran into a partially submerged log, nearly throwing Anna out of the boat. She looked out over the area where the other boats were slowly searching, shining their lights, and realized she couldn't ask her neighbors to risk their lives like this.

"Clark!" she yelled loudly, making her way to the center of the river. "Come here!" Before long, the other boats clustered around her. She knew that they thought she'd found something. Instead she thanked them for their help. "I can't ask you all to stay out like this," she said, choking back tears. "It's getting cold and windy and I just can't expect you to—"

"Don't you worry about us," Barry Danner called to her. "We'll keep looking until we find her." Barry was Dorothy's brother. He and his wife, Janice, had retired to the river several years ago.

"I just don't want anyone getting hurt," she said between her tears. "And I have to tell you that there's a chance that, well—" Now she broke down completely.

"Janice, you go with Anna," Barry insisted. "You get her home. This is men's work."

"Yes," Clark agreed. "Thank you."

Soon Janice climbed into Anna's boat and took over the helm. Meanwhile, Anna hunched over and let the tears just flow. Back at the inn, Janice walked Anna up the stairs and, once they were inside, Anna confided her worst fears to Janice.

Janice hugged Anna. "Dorothy has told me a bit about Lauren's struggles. But don't give up, Anna. I've been praying all evening for Lauren and I have a feeling that God isn't finished with her earthly life yet."

Anna wiped her tears and put the kettle on. "I hope you're right." She looked out the window, over the darkened river and swallowed hard. "More than anything in this world, I hope you're right."

As they had tea, Anna felt guilty for being so weak. "I should be out there looking for Lauren too," she told Janice. "Maybe I can go back out now. I can't just—"

"No," Janice insisted. "We'll wait here. The men will handle it."

Anna stood and began pacing now, wringing her hands with each step.

"Do you have any guests now?" Janice asked. "I know this is the off-season."

"No. Not until the first weekend of February." Anna suspected Janice was just trying to distract her.

"But you have someone in Babette's house?"

"No." Anna shook her head, continuing to pace. "Not now."

"But I noticed the light on as we were coming to the inn."

Anna turned and stared at her. "What light?"

"In Babette's house."

Anna frowned. "What do you mean?"

"As we came downriver, on our way here, I saw the light on. In the kitchen."

"A light in the kitchen?" Anna was trying to process this. "But no one is . . ." She stopped pacing. "Do you think? I mean, is it possible? Babette's house isn't that far from where Jim Flanders found the canoe." Anna was already grabbing for her coat. "I'm going over there to check."

"I'll come too."

Soon Anna was pulling up to Babette's dock. Janice jumped out and tied it off and they both ran up the trail to the house. Halfway up, Anna stopped in her tracks, pointing to the dimly-lit front window where a white shrouded figure was moving.

"What—is that?"

Janice let out a little shriek. "A ghost!"

Anna grabbed Janice's hand and together they continued up to the house where, with a trembling hand, Anna beat loudly on the door. Then to her surprise and delight, Lauren opened the door. With a white comforter wrapped around her like a cape, her face was pale and drawn. "Mom!" she cried.

Anna took Lauren in her arms. "I thought you were dead."

"I tried to call the inn," Lauren said. "No one answered." Anna turned to Janice. "Will you go tell the men, please? To call off the search."

Janice nodded with wide eyes. "Yes. Of course. Oh, I'm so glad Lauren's okay!" She paused to hug both of them. "I'll go tell them now!"

"Do be careful," Anna called out happily, as she closed the door. Then she turned to Lauren. "What on earth happened?" She pointed to the comforter. "And why are you wearing that?"

"Because my clothes were soaking wet." Lauren led Anna into the living room where a pitiful fire was smoldering, "I don't even know why I took your canoe, Mom. I was so angry and confused. I honestly don't even remember getting into it or what I planned to do. But there I was just paddling away and I'm sure I wasn't being very careful. You know I've never been very good in a canoe." She sat down in an easy chair and sighed loudly. "I accidentally let go of the paddle and it was caught in the current and I tried to grab it, and the next thing I knew, I was in the water."

"Oh, dear." Anna went over to poke the fire to life, layering on some more dry kindling and a couple more small logs.

"And you know I've never been much of a swimmer."

Anna nodded, sitting down across from her, listening.

"The water was freezing cold, and it was moving pretty fast too." She looked at Anna with wide eyes. "I was so shocked, but I started to dog-paddle for shore and suddenly I was being pulled down. It must've been an undercurrent, sucking me down and turning me around. I fought to get back up to the surface, but the force of the water wouldn't let go. It was like I was stuck. Like a giant hand was holding me down."

"Oh, Lauren!"

She nodded somberly. "I really thought that was it for me. I was going to drown. I was going to die." She pulled the comforter more tightly around her chin. "But in that same moment, I realized I didn't want to die. I had thought I wanted to die before, that I had nothing to live for. But suddenly I changed my mind."

Anna studied her closely. "You really didn't want to die?"

"No." Lauren firmly shook her head. "In a split second, I realized that I really, really wanted to live. And yet there I was about to drown—for real. Isn't that ironic?"

Anna just nodded.

"So I kicked my legs and I flailed my arms, and the whole time I was praying, begging God to help me. I wanted to breathe the air again. I wanted to live." She stood now. "And when I made it to the surface I was so happy. I knew I wanted to live—really live. Can you believe it?"

Anna stood up and took Lauren in her arms again. "I can believe it, Lauren. You have so much ahead of you. So much to look forward to. Of course you want to live!"

"And you know what I think?" Lauren had tears in her eyes.

"What?"

"I think the river helped save me."

Anna just nodded.

"It was the river calling to me. And it allowed me to fall into it. And then it tried to give me what I thought I wanted."

"By holding you down?"

"Yes. But then it gave me a second chance."

Anna smiled. "The river is a good one for that. Second chances."

"I honestly don't know how I made it to shore," Lauren continued. "I can't even remember exactly. All I remember is that when I climbed out I was freezing cold. It was just getting dark and I saw this house up here and I climbed up the hill and kind of just collapsed on the porch for a while. When I came too, I was shivering and shaking from the cold. So I banged on the door, but no one came. And, well, I guess I broke in."

"You broke in?" Anna hadn't noticed any damage.

"Actually, I found a key under the flowerpot." She made a sheepish smile.

Anna nodded, remembering where she'd hidden a key.

"Do you think I'll get in trouble?" Lauren looked around the pretty room. "It's such a pretty house. Do you know who owns it?"

Anna chuckled. "As a matter of fact . . . I do."

"Who?"

"I do."

Lauren blinked. "What?"

"I own this house. It used to belong to Babette. I'm sure I brought you here once when you were a girl. Don't you remember?"

Lauren shook her head.

Now Anna explained how Babette had left it to her and how she sometimes rented it to vacationers. "But most of the time it's just empty." She ran a finger over the dusty side table. "I suppose I should consider selling it . . . someday."

"Don't sell it," Lauren told her. "It's a wonderful house."

"No, I won't sell it. Not anytime soon. Sarah loves it too." Anna went over to the window. Looking out over the river, she saw the lights of a boat pulling into the dock. Probably Clark.

"You know, Mom, it feels like both the river and this house saved me today. Does that sound ridiculous?"

Anna turned to look at her daughter. "No, it doesn't sound ridiculous at all. I think that this river and this house, and perhaps the well wishes of Babette up there in heaven, combined with a number of people praying and searching for you down here, as well as God himself . . . were all at work to save you today." She smiled. "And I'm so thankful they did, Lauren. Infinitely thankful."