9
I Am Secure
Transforming Anxiety into Peace
One morning when I was standing at the kitchen sink, my hands in dishwater, my husband, Wayne, said, “Sue, we got the announcement yesterday. American Eagle Airlines is closing its doors in Nashville. Everyone is being laid off.”
Panic began to spread up the back of my neck. This had been a second job for Wayne to supplement our income as pastors. However, we had resigned the church that we pastored for nine years and were in transition. This was the job that was helping to feed our four daughters, ages six, four, two, and newborn.
I was silent for a moment as my mind raced. What are we going to do? How are we going to live? I need to stay home with our daughters. I can’t get a job now.
I shook the dishwater off my hands and turned to Wayne, praying for words that would help. I sensed God giving me the words to encourage my faithful husband:
“Honey, it must mean that promotion is around the corner for you.” There was a precious moment of peace reflected in my hardworking husband’s eyes. He was thankful for my words. He knew I believed in him. He was working overtime to make ends meet.
Reeling from the news, I took off for my early-morning prayer walk. I gave God my long list of concerns. As I prayed I started to become more anxious as the reality of our situation began to set in. I ended my conversation with “And God, we need groceries!”
As I moved through my morning routine with my daughters, I was surprised at lunchtime when an acquaintance showed up with four bags of groceries. She didn’t know that my husband was losing his job, but God did. My new friend simply said, “I was praying this morning, and God just put you guys on my heart. I thought you might need this.” Tears filled my eyes as I received her inspired act of kindness.
I was amazed at God’s specific answer to my prayer, and peace began to fill my anxious heart. God, if you can answer my simple, faith-filled request for groceries, you can do anything!
As I put the groceries away in our pantry, God reminded me of my prayer the week before. I had visited Wayne at the airport where he worked. The job had been great as a secondary income for our growing family. We especially appreciated the flying benefits that enabled us to visit our extended families.
I had been watching Wayne work in the cold, dark room where he threw bags on a conveyer belt, and I cried out to God in prayer: My husband is made for more than this. He is a seminary graduate. You have made him to pastor people. Lord, get my husband out of here!
Now here we were a week later. Oops. I didn’t mean for Wayne to lose his job. I was asking God to promote him. That’s why the words “promotion must be around the corner” came out of my mouth. I was able to say those words because I had been praying them over my husband.1
How do you keep your anxious thoughts from becoming a toxic swamp in your mind, polluting everyone around you? I have a one-word answer: prayer.
Two of the best-known sisters in the Bible, Mary and Martha, approached life with Jesus in different ways, as illustrated in Luke:
As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he taught. But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.”
But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.”
10:38–42
Martha was the oldest and the owner of the home that Jesus came to. We don’t know if Martha inherited the home; we just know she was the responsible one. She was the hostess distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. Martha was concerned about serving Jesus.
Mary drew close to Jesus, sitting at His feet. She was unconcerned about food. She wanted to spend every moment with Him. Her desire was intimacy. She wanted to listen to each word He spoke and linger in the joy of the moment. Mary was concerned about being with Jesus. She wanted to learn from Him.
Jesus cut through the cultural and religious expectations of the day and called women close to Him in intimate conversation. He showed that he valued Mary’s ability to think, reason, and carry on intellectual dialogue. His very conversation challenged the rabbinical thinking of the day: A woman was the property of a man and not worth the time to teach. Women were viewed as inferior, but Jesus valued and esteemed both Mary and Martha.
Martha’s activity appears anxious. Preparing a meal in that day took a lot of effort. She also seems concerned about propriety. The prescribed role of women was to be in the kitchen. It may have irritated Martha not only that Mary was not helping her in the kitchen, but that she had overstepped her role as a woman.
Jesus was not concerned with pretense; He wanted personal relationship. I love His words to Martha:
My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.
Luke 10:41–42
It seems like Jesus is making a play on words. He may mean, Martha, why are you doing unnecessary work preparing a feast of many dishes, when one dish is enough? Or He may be saying, The one thing that is most important is spending time at my feet like Mary. Jesus’ words are surprising.
The key to prayer is learning to have intimate conversations with Jesus. Jesus affirmed this when He said, “Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her” (Luke 10:42). Mary chose the better part, and so can you and I.
Even though Mary went against societal expectations, she chose the most precious part of life, an intimate relationship with God. Even though she neglected her duties, she found what was most important. She refused to be robbed of the joy of being with Jesus.
Our perspective would dramatically shift if we stopped thinking about the duty of having a quiet time. When we have a mental religious list (or sometimes it is written in ink) of the things we need to get done, we take on prayer like one more thing we have to do to please God.
Truth be told, most women have both Mary and Martha lurking within their hearts. Whenever I listen to someone who brags about spending hours and hours of time with Jesus I find myself a bit suspicious. In my skeptical mind I find myself wondering, Is there someone else stressed out, carrying it all—helping this one whose head is in the clouds? I know that my husband and daughters have sometimes felt that way with me. They carry so many practical things in our household. If I’m Mary, I need a bunch of Marthas walking beside me.
In Jesus’ last words to His disciples, He warned them that life would not always be smooth sailing. But He also promised them peace.
I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace. In the world you have tribulation and distress and suffering; but be courageous [be confident, be undaunted, be filled with joy]; I have overcome the world. [My conquest is accomplished, My victory abiding.]
John 16:33 AMP
Jesus gave us His Word so that you and I can have perfect peace and confidence. In the same breath, He promised that we would have tribulation, trials, distress, and frustration. Then He instructs us to take courage, be confident, certain, undaunted!
How can He expect you to be undaunted in the midst of distress? He simply says, “I have overcome the world!” He is the overcomer. He will help you overcome every trial. At the cross, He deprived the Enemy of power over you. Whatever situation you are presently facing, it has no power to harm you. He conquered it for you. This just makes me want to shout! His promise of peace in our lives is not a rinky-dink promise of superficial pats on the back. He walks with us through trying situations. He is the Prince of Peace, so if you walk with Him, you will experience His peace.
To be secure means that you are free from danger or harm. You are safe. To be secure in this storm-filled world means that you have replaced your worry and anxiety with God’s peace. You have found a protected harbor in your mind, will, and emotions. Your life is lived firmly established with a certainty of God’s goodness.
If there were a pass code to avoid every toxic relationship and traumatic event you are going to experience in your life, then you would not grow to be the person of depth and maturity that God has destined you to be. God is not the author of pain and suffering; He is the deliverer. It is the Word of God that is sharper than any sword and can divide between the soul and spirit (Hebrews 4:12). Rather than taking you around the pain, He will show you the way through it.
I am not writing this book to sound like I am now free from all trials, and I have arrived at the safe harbor of peace! In this world, we all face trials. The good news is we don’t go through it alone. Jesus is the One who is in the boat with us. He is the One calming the storm. So cry out to Him in prayer.
To replace your anxiety with His unshakable peace requires that you trust Him. Choose to take heart and put your focus on the fact that Jesus overcame, so you can too. He is the God of peace who crushes anxiety under your feet: “The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet. May the grace of our Lord Jesus be with you” (Romans 16:20).
God gives His grace to you in times of your greatest need. His unmerited favor surprises me every time. It never fails to amaze me how God chooses to answer my prayers.
Don’t Give Up!
Anxiety is a deceiver. Like a blowfish that expands to make itself look bigger than it really is, anxiety exaggerates every bad thing that could happen. Worry will convince you that you can’t make it.
One day when my children were still young, I pushed my stroller in my neighborhood and I met another mom. I visited with her and her children in their home for about an hour. Since my husband and I were pastors, our neighborhood felt like a “parish” to me, so I regularly made “house calls” on neighbors. Our neighborhood was a suburb of new homes with white picket fences and hopes for the future.
My neighbor appeared stressed, but nothing out of the ordinary compared to the other moms I visited. Her daughters were beautiful, with golden hair. They loved play jewelry, ribbons, and Barbies. After that initial meeting, I kept in touch with the mom, but only by waving my hand or sharing brief words on the street as I walked by, pushing my baby stroller.
Then one morning, I awoke to the tragic news that she had taken her life and the lives of her children. She had driven her car, with her children, into a nearby lake, and everyone drowned. I share her story here, not remembering her name or even the exact number of children involved or the details of their deaths twenty years ago. I feel regret that I did not do more to help her.2
Whatever you are facing in life, it is important not to give up! Sometimes we need to put one foot in front of the other and trust God that He will help us through the difficult times. “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up” (Galatians 6:9 NIV).
Peace through the Seasons of Life
The Enemy may provide a counterfeit way to avoid pain. Often he uses addiction to make you feel a temporary relief from internal torment. The alcohol, drugs, sugar, or sexual release provides a moment of forgetting the pain and experiencing pleasure. The hook of the addiction is that it takes more and more of your drug of choice to experience the high.
Sometimes the pain is simply boredom or a discontent in your season of life. Right this moment I am writing by a pool and four little girls are playing with their dad and mom. A moment of missing my girls, who are now adults, stabs my heart. Yet when I was in the season of raising my children, who came at two-year intervals, I was too tired to really enjoy them. Why do we long for a different season rather than embracing the sweetness of the season we are in?
God’s peace and perspective bring us through the mundane, the terrible, and the terrific with His grace and wisdom. The key to enjoying your daily life is to seek God in prayer, letting Him set your priorities. Listening to His voice will always lead you to value what is truly important.
I remember fasting and praying about how to educate our children. We heard Him clearly. I was to lay down my own desires and freedoms to spend my time homeschooling our children. At that point of surrendering my own will to God’s will, I had no idea that I would have fifteen years of experience leading a homeschool academy that my children all attended. I homeschooled for eighteen years and got to see not only my children but the other children at the academy grow in grace and wisdom. Now my daughter Angela Grace teaches Spanish at the same academy where she learned to love languages.
Prayer instructs us on which way we should go. Prayer helps us make good choices at the crossroads of our journey. When you don’t know which way to go, stop and listen to God’s voice instruct you on the path you should take.
Finding Peace in Your Daily Life
In this Instagram-perfect world, it may appear that your neighbor has a beautiful life while yours is filled with stress. It’s important that you don’t compare her outward appearance with your internal struggle. You really don’t know what she is going through.
It’s difficult to describe the anxiety and pressures of our last few years. Life is a walk of faith, and it takes twists and turns that you are not expecting. After twenty-eight years of pastoring in Nashville, we knew that God was calling us to a new territory, but we didn’t know exactly where. We stepped out in faith and explored an opportunity in Virginia and then in North Carolina. Then I was awakened with a vision of the state of Texas surrounded in flames and a compelling call from God to plant a new church in Texas.
That may sound exciting and glamorous, but we didn’t know anyone in Texas. Though our denomination opened doors and encouraged us to plant, we were starting all over. That meant pulling up roots and moving into the unknown. The hardest part for me was leaving my adult daughters.
My mom helped me when I was anxious and torn up about being away from my daughters and sons-in-law. She was out walking with me, and I shared with her what we were praying about. She stopped walking and looked at me and said, “Sue, you have raised your daughters. You don’t know where they will end up. God has a call on your life. You need to obey God and walk through these open doors.”
It’s just like a praying mom to speak peace to an anxious heart.
We saw God do miracle after miracle as He provided for us and confirmed His call. Make no mistake. Church planting from scratch is not easy. In fact, it is lonely. Thank goodness our adult children helped us drive our stuff across the country and move in, but then we had to say good-bye to them as they headed back to Tennessee. I cried. I was away from my daughters for their birthdays and for special events. Yes, I am a frequent flyer to Tennessee, but it is still tough.
We opened our hands and let our adult children fly, trusting God that He would provide for them, care for them, lead them, and guide them. Now our youngest daughter, Sarah Faith, has moved to Texas and is going to college, working, and living at home. Our oldest daughter, Rachel Joy, her husband, Dustin, and our handsome grandson, Andrew Wayne, will be moving to Texas in a few months. We are thrilled that God has called them here.
God is so good. As a mom, I have wasted far too much time and emotional energy worrying about things that I can’t control anyway. Fretting is a waste of energy. If your prayer time leaves you feeling more stressed than peaceful, then you are not casting your cares on Him in prayer.
When I was growing up, Scripture songs were very popular. Putting Scripture to music helps me memorize and recall the Word of God from long ago. My aunt Joyce and her daughters would sing and harmonize these words:
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore, will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea.
Psalm 46:1–2 KJV
At the time, Joyce had gone through a divorce that she didn’t want and was a single mother raising four children. She was making the decision of whether to marry again or remain a single mother. She gained strength and wisdom by singing her prayers to God. Now she is a grandma of many and has seen God provide for all of her needs as a single mom.
What’s the song in your heart? What Scripture are you standing on in your time of need? You will know the Scripture because it will jump off the page into your life. Immediate peace, hope, and perspective will guide you in your decision making.
Before you reach the harbor of peace in your mind, you will often have to follow the wisdom of these words: “Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you” (1 Peter 5:7).
Giving God all your worries and cares will often mean you have to cast them away from you. You have to make a deliberate choice not to wallow in the torment of indecision, regret, or fear.
Walk in God’s Peace
To walk in God’s peace, I need to regularly detoxify my mind and emotions. Here is a list of detoxifying habits that have helped restore God’s peace in my life:
Reading the Bible (Replacing the world’s words with God’s Word)
Prayer and Meditation (Replacing my concerns with God’s care)
Forgiveness (Replacing my hurt with God’s health)
Journaling (Reframing tough situations with God’s strategy)
Church Community (Replacing my apathy with God’s passion)
Books (Replacing my confusion with God’s clarity)
Podcasts (Restoring my foggy brain with God’s focus)
Conferences (Reshaping my weakness with God’s power)
Counseling (Rebuilding my brokenness with God’s wholeness)3
God’s peace establishes order and balance in your life and home. God’s peace is a tangible force that overwhelms overwrought emotions with God’s powerful presence. His peace anchors your thoughts and steadies your emotions. His peace strengthens your ability to face stress-filled situations with calm serenity. Replacing your anxiety with God’s peace is a moment-by-moment choice to view God as bigger than your problem. God’s peace is the absence of inner conflict and turmoil. God’s peace is embracing the character of Jesus, who is the Prince of Peace.
~PRAY~
Prince of Peace, Shepherd of my heart and soul, lead me in your ways.
Guide me on your paths. Help me to turn away from the swamp of anxiety, worry, and dread. Show me how to live peace-filled, tranquil days. Thank you for healthy thoughts and reflections. I will meditate on what is noble and right. I know that as I pray about everything, your peace will guard my heart and mind. Your peace exceeds anything I could understand. So I will fix my mind on what is lovely. I will celebrate what is admirable. Daily, I rejoice in your peace (Philippians 4:4–8). Amen.