15
I Am Humble
Transforming Entitlement into Humility
As an author, speaker, ministry leader, and sexual abuse survivor, Mary Demuth has led the way in helping people deal with their difficult past to become in her words a “forward-momentum person with a story that changes the world.” Since I am now a fellow Texan, I reached out to Mary and found out that she had been a church planter in France. Her story challenges all of us who feel like we are entitled to a happily-ever-after success story when we obey God. Here are Mary’s words:
“When we came home from France after being church planters there for two and a half years, I received an email from a friend asking me if we’d missed God by going there in the first place. After all, we came home early, so maybe our going had been a failure on our part to hear God’s voice in the first place. That would neatly explain why things didn’t quite work out as we had planned.
“I prayed, and then spent a lot of time answering my friend. The gist of my communication was this: It’s an American idea that if God calls us to a task, and He is truly in it, then success always follows.
“I hate to say this, but it’s not always true. In fact, it’s seldom true. Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote this: ‘When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die. It may be a death like that of the first disciples who had to leave home and work to follow him, or it may be a death like Luther’s, who had to leave the monastery and go out into the world. But it is the same death every time—death in Jesus Christ, the death of the old man at his call.’1
“Following Jesus wherever He leads means walking down frightening paths. It means risk—of reputation, of meeting society’s neatly packaged goals, of your own concept of victory. It means thinking beyond your personal kingdom to the kingdom of God.
“We are far too shortsighted if we feel that following Jesus is the pathway to worldly (or even churchly) success. He is the pathway to new life, yes. But new life springs from death.
“When we returned from France, defeated and bone-tired, one of my husband’s seminary professors told us: ‘Nothing significant in the kingdom happens unless death occurs.’ That encouraged us.
“We rested there, hoping and believing that our toil in a foreign land, though not magnanimous or something tangible to point to, meant something in the silent, growing, unseen kingdom. Nearly four years in the aftermath of coming home, we’re beginning to see it.
“We’re deeper. We have more empathy. We understand many who go through hell in ministry. We can walk alongside those who feel bewildered by their calling. We understand slander, misunderstanding, and shattered dreams. We are weaker, but in that token, we are stronger because Christ’s strength is made perfect in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9–10 NIV).
“We may walk with a limp, not having ‘conquered France for Jesus.’ But we were faithful there, doing the next thing, then the next thing, then the next thing. We persevered through mounting trials. (After one year on the field, we were both diagnosed with PTSD. Yep, a lot of stress.) We kept the faith. Our children are in love with Jesus.
“Did we miss God by going to France, then coming home early? No. We learned valuable lessons about sacrifice, death, and the beauty of trusting even when the outcome is dark. As my husband said recently to some other former missionaries, ‘I firmly believe God sent us to France. And I firmly believe he brought us back to the States.’
“May we believe God is big enough to bring us through perceived ministry failure for the sake of His name, His glory, His plan. May we be humble enough to be small for the kingdom’s sake so His story resounds. And when God calls us again to do a difficult task, without promise of tangible, spectacular results, may we plow forward in joyful obedience.”2
Living Relationship with God
To have a living, vital relationship with God, we die to ourselves. To die to self is to set aside our own wants and desires and focus on loving and serving God. As we die to ourselves, we no longer try to keep up appearances or get our own way. We stop having an I-know-better-than-you mentality. This dying process looks different for each of us and is described by Paul in Galatians 2:
What actually took place is this: I tried keeping rules and working my head off to please God, and it didn’t work. So I quit being a “law man” so that I could be God’s man. Christ’s life showed me how, and enabled me to do it. I identified myself completely with him. Indeed, I have been crucified with Christ. My ego is no longer central. It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God. Christ lives in me. The life you see me living is not “mine,” but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I am not going to go back on that.
Is it not clear to you that to go back to that old rule-keeping, peer-pleasing religion would be an abandonment of everything personal and free in my relationship with God? I refuse to do that, to repudiate God’s grace. If a living relationship with God could come by rule-keeping, then Christ died unnecessarily.
vv. 20–22 MSG
Dying to self means living for Christ. After we go through that dying process, things are actually easier. We don’t feel hurt when we are overlooked. We are secure in God’s love without the need for public recognition.
There are things in life that we can’t make happen no matter how long and hard we pray. We may feel entitled to success because we have been faithful and worked hard. We may pray with so much vigor, we are sure things will turn out the way we hoped.
Dying to self has become less popular in our American culture, where everyone is a winner and no one ever loses. The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement describes growing narcissism in today’s culture:
On a reality TV show, a girl planning her sixteenth birthday party wants a major road blocked off so a marching band can precede her grand entrance on a red carpet. A book called My Beautiful Mommy explains plastic surgery to young children whose mothers are going under the knife for the trendy “Mommy Makeover.” It is now possible to hire fake paparazzi to follow you around snapping your photograph when you go out at night—you can even take home a faux celebrity magazine cover featuring the pictures. A popular song declares with no apparent sarcasm, “I believe that the world should revolve around me!”3
The core of narcissism is a grandiose perception of yourself. A narcissist believes that he or she is better than everyone else and deserves special privileges. These beliefs have gone beyond individuals with a narcissistic personality disorder and have become a part of our American culture.
The core of this narcissism epidemic conflicts with and is opposed to fundamental Christian beliefs. Jesus said, “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45 NKJV). He calls His disciples to serve others and says, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me” (Luke 9:23 NKJV).
As Christians, we can slip into this culture of entitlement, buying into an individualistic version of following God and fulfilling our destinies. Then if we obey God, we feel like we are guaranteed success.
Miriam’s Story: Crossing the Line
I loved reading about Miriam when I was a little girl. When her little brother Moses was put in a basket and floated down the River Nile, Miriam is the one who followed and kept watch. She was bold enough to come forward and talk to Pharaoh’s daughter.
When Moses came back after forty years in the desert, Miriam took up a place of leadership alongside her brothers, Moses and Aaron: “For I brought you out of Egypt and redeemed you from slavery. I sent Moses, Aaron, and Miriam to help you” (Micah 6:4).
After Moses stretched out his rod and the mighty power of God parted the Red Sea, it was Miriam who led as a prophet. She led the women in a celebration dance. Miriam’s prophetic songs were sung through the generations:
When Pharaoh’s horses, chariots, and charioteers rushed into the sea, the Lord brought the water crashing down on them. But the people of Israel had walked through the middle of the sea on dry ground! Then Miriam the prophet, Aaron’s sister, took a tambourine and led all the women as they played their tambourines and danced. And Miriam sang this song: “Sing to the Lord, for he has triumphed gloriously; he has hurled both horse and rider into the sea.”
Exodus 15:19–21
Miriam was respected. She led alongside Moses and Aaron. This was a gigantic task that required strength and wisdom. If Miriam’s story ended at Exodus 15, we would see only her success.
On the border of the promised land Miriam and Aaron were infected with jealousy and entitlement. Gossiping against Moses, their brother and the leader of the nation, exposed their hearts:
Miriam and Aaron began to talk against Moses because of his Cushite wife, for he had married a Cushite. “Has the Lord spoken only through Moses?” they asked. “Hasn’t he also spoken through us?” And the Lord heard this.
(Now Moses was a very humble man, more humble than anyone else on the face of the earth.)
Numbers 12:1–3 NIV
I think it would be difficult to be the sibling of the humblest man on earth. Miriam and Aaron complained and criticized behind Moses’ back. They felt entitled to their prominent roles in leading the nation. Miriam’s name is listed first, showing that she was the primary speaker.
In this period of wandering through the wilderness, God was leading the people through the desert with a cloud by day and a pillar of fire at night. If the cloud moved, the people broke up camp and moved with it. Miriam and Aaron were directly confronted by God himself, who saw the motive of their hearts:
At once the Lord said to Moses, Aaron and Miriam, “Come out to the tent of meeting, all three of you.” So the three of them went out. Then the Lord came down in a pillar of cloud; he stood at the entrance to the tent and summoned Aaron and Miriam. When the two of them stepped forward, he said, “Listen to my words: ‘When there is a prophet among you, I, the Lord, reveal myself to them in visions, I speak to them in dreams. But this is not true of my servant Moses; he is faithful in all my house. With him I speak face to face, clearly and not in riddles; he sees the form of the Lord. Why then were you not afraid to speak against my servant Moses?’” The anger of the Lord burned against them, and he left them.
Numbers 12:4–9 NIV
Moses may have felt all alone with leaders on every side challenging his authority. Then his brother and sister stood against his unique role. God is the one who defended Moses’ authority through the pillar of the cloud. God claimed that He spoke face-to-face with Moses rather than through dreams and visions.
God’s defense of Moses’ character and leadership went beyond the words that He spoke to a physical consequence of Miriam and Aaron’s sin:
When the cloud lifted from above the tent, Miriam’s skin was leprous—it became as white as snow. Aaron turned toward her and saw that she had a defiling skin disease, and he said to Moses, “Please, my lord, I ask you not to hold against us the sin we have so foolishly committed. Do not let her be like a stillborn infant coming from its mother’s womb with its flesh half eaten away.”
So Moses cried out to the Lord, “Please, God, heal her!”
The Lord replied to Moses, “If her father had spit in her face, would she not have been in disgrace for seven days? Confine her outside the camp for seven days; after that she can be brought back.” So Miriam was confined outside the camp for seven days, and the people did not move on till she was brought back.
Numbers 12:10–15 NIV
Miriam’s entitlement cost her the public humiliation of being outside the camp for seven days before being restored to the community. Leprosy was seen not just as a disease that ate away the skin but a picture of the contagious infection of sin.
Miriam, like Moses and Aaron, never entered into the promised land. After this public rebuke there is no record of Miriam holding the same level of authority or leadership. Miriam began triumphant, but faded into dishonor and obscurity.
Pride is deceptive. You may have been blindsided by pride like Miriam was. You didn’t realize you were walking in entitlement until the ugly sin was out in the open. You may be unaware of your pride, but those closest to you have been impacted by its hot blows.
Pride is the basis of all sin. Pride is the door that allows other sins like anger and rage to make their home in your heart. Pride shows itself in so many ways. Pride blocks your ability to hear God’s voice.
Pride precedes prayerlessness. If you feel like you don’t need God, you will not pray. Pride blinds you to your own weakness and need for God. Pride exaggerates your own strength. You start to take credit in your life for what God did through you. Pride will lead you further from God. Your prayers will become hollow and you will not have the sweet intimacy with God that comes when you walk in humility. Heaven will become silent to your requests.
If you feel like heaven is silent, you may want to examine your own heart for pride. If you feel like you have accomplished everything in your own strength, you may be walking in pride.
Pride creates strife. If you seriously believe that you are always right, you will experience a lot of conflict in your life. I regret the times that I have blamed my husband or my children when my own critical heart was to blame. Pride is the gasoline that turns a disagreement into an all-out war.
Humility Is a Guide for Life
Humility is a guide that leads us to fulfillment in life. Humility leads to honor and favor with God. Walking in humility will lead you to make choices that value relationships. Humility helps you to be the best version of you while you help others fulfill God’s call on their lives.
God’s ways are higher than the world’s ways. Our American culture encourages us to strive and succeed. It doesn’t seem to matter who you climb over, hurt, and wound as long as you find success. The climb to fame can be littered with immoral choices. The emptiness at the top of fame is strewn with broken relationships.
God promotes and gives grace to the humble, but He frustrates and resists the proud (1 Peter 5:5). God’s honor is poured out on those who are not seeking it for themselves. Favor from God increases your ability to help and serve people. Humility casts down pride and pretentiousness and embraces strength under restraint. Meekness of mind and heart fashion a character of submission in prayer.
As Christians we are headed in a different direction than the world is headed. The way up to greater Christian influence is down through sacrificial servanthood. Humility is the result of knowing who we are in Christ. This doesn’t mean we have a poor self-image. Humility anchors on God’s greatness and majesty. We are made in God’s image. If you and I walk in humility, what we do in secret will be rewarded openly.
Humility Helps Us Hear His Voice
God’s voice differs from our own. However, when we so badly want our own way, it can be dangerously easy to mistake our thoughts and emotions for God’s wisdom. So how do you know the difference? How do you know if God is really speaking to your heart? The answer: God’s voice is always consistent with His Word. One guiding Scripture on gaining His wisdom: “But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere” (James 3:17 NIV).
Wisdom from God brings peace and assurance to your heart. To hear His voice, you must be willing to submit to Him and surrender to His leading. His voice will be confirmed by the good fruit produced by the Word. When you surrender to wisdom from above that is impartial and sincere, you are able to act with both humility and boldness. His wisdom is so pure and full of mercy that you won’t want to fight for your selfish ways.
God’s Voice Will Lead You on the Path of Life
It will be difficult to truly hear God’s voice if you are focused on getting your own way. Allowing the Holy Spirit to cleanse your heart by reading God’s Word and turning away from sin will open the door to greater revelation. You will more readily hear God’s voice in prayer if you have determined in advance to yield to God’s will. One prayer that I have prayed at pivotal turning points in my life is:
Lord,
I will go anywhere you want me to go.
I will say anything you want me to say.
I will do anything you want me to do.
I will serve who you want me to serve.
This is the prayer that I pray when I don’t yet know what God is saying. When your life takes unexpected twists and turns, trusting in God’s leading is key. Knowing that He is good will bring peace in times when you are not sure what He is doing.
God’s Voice Awakens the Unexpected
After twenty-eight years of pastoral ministry in Nashville, I prayed this prayer, not expecting to be awoken the next day with a vision of the state of Texas outlined in flames. As I saw this vision, I knew that God was outlining new territory for us. As we shared the vision with trusted leaders and prayed, God opened the door for us to plant and pastor Life Bridge Church north of Dallas.
Humble and Bold
Humility and boldness are two sides of our prayer lives. We will talk more about boldness in another chapter, but I mention it here on purpose. Often people get caught in a trap, thinking that to be humble means that you need to be passive. But you and I are called to be humble and bold at the same time. There is a tension in this dynamic paradox between knowing by the Spirit when to bow down on your knees and accept the will of almighty God and when to rise up in bold faith to fight for the fullness of your inheritance. The key to knowing the way you should pray is being in tune with the Spirit of God.
To be humble means that you do not think more highly of yourself than you do of others. You have an accurate view of who God has made you to be. Your bold faith is not founded on a confidence in your own abilities, but on the ability of God to intercede on your behalf:
Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
Hebrews 4:14–16 NIV
Confidently approach God, knowing that He will help you in your time of need. God sympathizes with our weakness but doesn’t leave us there. Our time of need becomes an opportunity to grow and become more like Jesus. Humble faith tenaciously perseveres and holds on to truth. What Jesus did on the cross makes it possible for us to come to God face-to-face. Jesus has made a way for us to confidently approach the Father and receive not only His mercy but His grace.
~PRAY~
Jesus, show me how to pray in each situation. God, I know that there are times that I need to simply surrender and rest in you. Jesus, I want to be more like you. You made yourself of no reputation. You took on the nature of a servant. Your name is above every name. You took the lowest place and gained the most exalted place. Jesus, I confess my sin of pride and give you permission to reveal when I am walking in entitlement. Cleanse me from the narcissistic attitudes of my culture. I am a citizen of heaven first.
Open my eyes to see things the way you see them. Awaken me to your Word, will, and way.
Lead me daily and moment by moment. I want to be in step with you. Amen.