“You can’t do much about the length of your life, but you can do a lot about its depth and width.”
AUTHOR UNKNOWN
Laughing is one of the best parts of life. It is such good medicine that it can relieve stress, cure headaches, fight infections, and even alleviate hypertension. Laughing produces well-documented physical benefits similar to those obtained through vigorous physical exercise. When you tip your head back and cackle aloud, muscles in the abdomen, chest, shoulders, and elsewhere contract, while the heart rate and blood pressure increase. In one burst of this activity, the pulse can double from 60 to 120, while systolic blood pressure can shoot from a normal 120 to 200. Once laughing ceases, heartbeat and blood pressure dip below normal—a sign of reduced stress.
Laughter is good for you and laughter brings health—a fact that was known by wise King Solomon: “A cheerful heart is good medicine” (Proverbs 17:22). That really is more than a verse of Scripture—it’s also a medical statement, as we just saw. When merriness fills the tanks of our hearts, we feel better on the inside.
Joy and Happiness: Not Siamese Twins
Don’t confuse happiness with merriness. Merriness comes from joy, not from happiness. Understanding this is crucial to your emotional well-being as well as your influence on others. There are times we cannot and should not be happy—when people are hurting, going through tragedy, losing jobs or loved ones. In the face of injustice, happiness is inappropriate if not impossible. Yet, in a real sense we should always remain joyful. We cannot be happy without being joyful, but we can be joyful without being happy.
This is a key point that you must not miss. Jesus said to His disciples, “I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete” (John 15:11). The Great Rabbi makes it plain that the joy He is speaking of is unique (“my joy”) and fulfilling in a way that the world’s happiness is not (“that your joy may be complete”). Jesus makes clear that being a faithful follower of His teaching brings one an inner joy that is real and resilient regardless of economic indicators, interest rates, government deficits, or the triumvirate of pestilence, disease, and death.
How can this be? He had just told them previously that they enjoyed a love that transcends all others—the love of a heavenly Father that is unconditionally offered and, once accepted, permanently experienced (John 15:9-10). Nothing can compare to the love of God. His love is not based on looks, personality, wealth, or even moral goodness. It is offered without any preconditions and is neither fickle nor failing. You can’t do anything to make God love you more, and you can do nothing to make God love you less.
Furthermore, divine love doesn’t just give you warm fuzzies; it is constantly at work to direct you to make wise decisions, protect you from making poor decisions, and even correct you when you make bad decisions. God’s love guarantees acceptance when all others have rejected you, forgiveness when all others judge you, and mercy when all others want to condemn you. When you bask in this love, you bathe in a wellspring of joy bubbling up in your heart. Nothing and no one should be able to take this away from you.
I called a dear friend of mine the day I wrote this chapter because the date represented one of the saddest days of his life. Twenty years ago his 23-year-old son was killed in a motorcycle accident. As I called him to let him know I was thinking of him, I couldn’t help but think of how full of joy my friend is every day. I said, “Ken, I’m writing a chapter on the necessity of being a joy-filled person, and I was wondering how you’ve maintained your joy all these years?”
Ken thought for a moment and said through tears and a breaking voice, “I came to understand quickly that even though grief can rob you of your happiness, it cannot rob you of a joy that is far deeper and stronger. Even in the terrible moment when I landed and was met with this devastating news, I was simultaneously strengthened by my faith, which helped me see the big picture.”
He took a deep breath and continued. “I knew that Paul was not suffering, and I would see him again. We had enjoyed a great father-son relationship. We had a love for each other that death could not end, and I had a wife and two loving daughters who adored me, and a faith that had prepared me for this moment. I can’t explain it, but even in the most difficult of times, I had a joy in my heart that helped me smile on the inside even through the tears on the outside.”
Listening to Ken, I was reminded of the contrasts between joy and happiness. Consider these distinctions:
• Happiness is external; joy is internal.
• Happiness depends on outward circumstances; joy depends on inward character.
• Happiness depends on what happens to us; joy depends on who lives within us.
• Happiness is based on chance; joy is based on choice.
The word happiness comes from the old English word happ, which literally means “chance.” It corresponds to the Latin fortuna, which means “luck.” These words suggest that if things happen the way we want them to happen, then we are happy. But if they don’t happen the way we want, we are unhappy. Happiness is temporary and fickle; joy is permanent and settled.
Created for Joy
Unfortunately, many people think God is some type of cosmic killjoy who frowns at smiles, cringes at laughter, and hates anything that smacks of joy and delight. Yet, as C.S. Lewis noted, “Joy is the serious business of heaven.” And as we just saw, the person universally accepted as the greatest teacher who ever lived said His teachings were not just for information but for transformation—to bring a joy that would be permanent and complete.
Indeed, the Bible is one of the most joy-filled books ever written! It might surprise some to learn that the Bible uses the words joy and joyful some 245 times. The word rejoice appears 150 times. The Bible instructs us to be joyful and rejoice nearly 400 times.
It might seem odd that God tells us to experience joy, but that fact illustrates the difference between joy and happiness. Joy sometimes just happens when good things unfold for us. No doubt we may feel joy when, as the song from the musical Oklahoma declares, “Everything’s going my way.” But it is important to note that joy is also a choice.
Let me tell you a secret about joy that differentiates it even more from happiness: More than an emotion, joy is an attitude. Emotions cannot be chosen—no one can tell you to feel happy if you are not. But you can choose to be joyful regardless of your circumstances.
Imagine you are mired in a muck of unhappiness, and you go to a professional counselor and lie on the couch, spend tons of money, spend countless hours pouring out your unhappiness to him only to hear him say: “Don’t worry, be happy!” You would probably be ready to take action to make him extremely unhappy! Telling someone to be happy is foolish, for happiness is not a choice.
Neither is it a commodity that can be bought. Too many people find out too late that money cannot buy happiness, much less joy. It has been wisely said that the poor are better off than the rich because the poor still think that money will buy happiness; the rich know better. Trying to find happiness or joy in material things is like drinking saltwater: the more you drink, the thirstier you get.
A well-dressed restaurant customer was staring sullenly into his drink. The waitress, trying to be kind, asked if something was wrong.
“Well, two months ago my grandfather died and left me $500,000 in oil wells.”
“That doesn’t sound like something to get upset about,” the waitress said.
“Yeah,” the young man said, “but last month my uncle passed away and left me $100,000 in stocks.”
“So why are you sitting there so unhappy?”
“Because this month, so far, nobody’s left me a cent!”
The great poet Horace wrote these words:
Happy is the man and happy is he alone,
He who can call today his own.
He who is secure within can say,
“Tomorrow do thy worst, for I have lived today.”
Today is really all we have, and we can choose to be joyful today. We get to ride on the merry-go-round of life only once. Why not choose to enjoy the ride?
The Power of Joy
Joy gives us strength for living. It allows us to walk in the sunshine even when the rain pours down. It gives us wings to fly when most of the world is walking. It gives us strength to persevere even under the worst circumstances. Searching for a silver lining in every dark cloud is indeed far better than seeing a dark lining in every silver cloud.
Furthermore, joy “baits the hook” with the one thing people want most in this world: hope. Joy gives people a sense of optimism, hope, and merriment that endures with the times and doesn’t evaporate with troubles. Even his political foes agreed that Ronald Reagan was one of the most well-liked presidents in our history. His sunny disposition radiated an infectious joy.
Human beings spend many of their waking hours seeking something to fill the emptiness in their souls. That something is joy, and if you can offer someone joy, you will be a winner and an influencer far beyond your wildest dreams. I once heard a friend say, “Joy is a winsome magnet that draws people in because it is the one thing they do not have.”
Leaders pull everyone else around them up when they are down. Not only do they see the glass half-full, but they invest energy in the lives of those around them so that they keep a joyful perspective as well. If you are going to maximize your influence and leave a lasting impact on others, you must become contagious with joy. There are two practical ways to do this.
First, create a joyful environment. My wife loves to go to certain restaurants for what she calls the “atmosphere” or “ambience.” The surroundings, the service, and the sounds create for her a relaxed and romantic feeling that you won’t get at McDonald’s. Leaders can create environments of joy so that others experience it and even catch it. It can be something as simple as walking around the office giving everyone a smile or a thumbs-up, or encouraging a mother and father to make sure fun is on the agenda every day in some way in the home.
Second, invest in others. When you share your life with another person, you can give him or her a “joy transfusion” even when times are tough. We really do have the power and ability to help people see that life is good in so many ways, that it is always full of potential, and that we have reasons to smile, laugh, and even give thanks for the many positives that are with us daily. Zig Ziglar has been a mentor and encourager to me. Many times he has called out of the blue with that bubbly joyful voice of his and breathed a joyful attitude into my life. Who will you become a mentor and encourager to? Choose to invest in others, and you’ll unlock the power of joy.
The greatest secret of personal joy—and perhaps the one principle that will practically guarantee it—is this: Give joy to others, and you will get it for yourself. Helen Keller once wrote in her journal, “Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes happiness [and joy]. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.”
Look around and you will find that the most joyful people are those who invest their time and energy in others. The unhappiest people are those who wait around, wondering how someone is going to make them happy. Someone once asked Karl Menninger, the great psychiatrist, how a lonely and unhappy person should deal with the unhappiness. “Lock the door behind you, go across the street, find someone who is hurting, and help him or her,” he said.
Chief Enjoyment Officer
Dale Carnegie said the expression you wear on your face is far more important than the clothes you wear on your back. Carnegie tells how a New York City department store recognized the pressures its salesclerks felt during the Christmas rush. It presented its customers with the following philosophy:
It costs nothing but creates much.
It enriches those who receive without impoverishing those who give.
It happens in a flash, and the memory of it lasts forever.
None are so rich they can get along without it, and none so poor but are richer for its benefits.
It creates happiness in the home, fosters goodwill in a business, and is the countersign of friends.
It is rest to the weary, daylight to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad, and Nature’s best antidote for trouble.
Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, nor stolen, for it’s no earthly good to anybody until it is given away.
And if in the last-minute rush of Christmas buying some of our salespeople should be too tired to give you a smile, may we ask you to leave one of yours?
For nobody needs a smile so much as those who have none left to give!
When I speak of smiling, I do not mean a forced smile that shows a cynical spirit. I mean a smile that naturally reveals a heart filled with joy. Joy is difficult, if not impossible, to conceal.
Some prospectors out in California once discovered a rich vein of gold; the strike would make them all instant millionaires. They had but one problem: they had not legally staked their claim. They made a solemn vow to one another that they would not tell a soul about the discovery until they had completed the legal work and bought all of the supplies and tools needed to begin digging. They went into town and divided their duties—some going to get food, others to get tools, and others to file the claim. But as they left, they noticed practically half the town was following them. At first each felt fury, believing one of them had betrayed the others. But when they asked how their discovery had leaked out, one of the townspeople replied, “It was the look of joy on your faces. We don’t ever see that around here—and we knew it must be gold!” Joy and excitement so filled these men that their faces betrayed what was in their hearts.
As a leader you can be a CEO—Chief Enjoyment Officer—regardless of your official position.
The Journey to Joy
Think of life as a journey you can either endure or enjoy. Since you make the journey only once, you may as well enjoy the ride. But the ride begins when you establish a personal relationship with God, the ultimate source of all joy. This is the first step to experience joy that will stick and last a lifetime. The Bible says:
You [God] have made known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
(Psalm 16:11)
God made you for Himself, and only when you find His purpose for your life will you also find peace and joy.
If you were to take a fish out of the ocean and place it on the beach, you would watch its scales dry up as it gasped for breath. Is that fish full of joy? Absolutely not. If you covered it with a mountain of cash, would that make the fish joyful? No. Would a beach chair, an iPod, a good book, and some iced tea restore its joy? Of course not. Suppose you bought it a new wardrobe of double-breasted fins and people-skin shoes. Would that satisfy it? Obviously not.
Only one thing will restore joy to this fish: putting it back in the water. That fish can never have joy on the beach because it wasn’t made for the beach, it was made for the ocean. In the same way, we were made for fellowship with God, and we will be like a fish out of water—never knowing the true source of everlasting joy—until we find it in Him.
The journey begins with God but continues with you. When you plug into God, He changes you into a person of joy. And as a person of joy, you must remember to be a grateful rather than a grumbling person. Gratitude is often the missing link in the chain that binds joy to the grind of everyday living. Grumbling and complaining not only take your focus off the positives; they drain the energy of joy from the battery of your heart. Stop and take notice of the simple things in life you can feel grateful for.
A man was sitting on a train, looking out the window as his railcar traveled through the countryside. Whenever the train passed open fields, he would say, “Wonderful.” As it chugged through woods, the man would again say, “Wonderful.” Everything he saw—cows grazing in a pasture, birds sitting on fences, or just ordinary buildings—would evoke an amazed look and an exclamation of “Wonderful.”
Another man watched him for a while and then said, “Sir, why is everything so wonderful to you? I don’t see the big deal.” The man replied, “I’m sure you haven’t understood. You see, I have been blind since birth, but I have just had an operation and now I can see—and to me, everything is wonderful!”
Be satisfied with what you do have; don’t be sour about what you don’t have. Remember two words: greed and envy. These are guaranteed joy killers. A wise person knows that more is not necessarily better and that others are not necessarily better off. Even if the grass is greener on the other side, that just means it grows faster and is more difficult to cut.
A wealthy businessman felt disturbed to find a fisherman sitting lazily beside his boat. “Why aren’t you out there fishing?” he asked.
“Because I’ve caught enough fish for today,” the man replied.
“Why don’t you catch more fish than you need?” the rich man asked.
“What would I do with them?”
“You could earn more money and buy a better boat so you could go deeper and catch more fish. You could purchase nylon nets, catch even more fish, and make more money. Soon you would have a fleet of boats and be rich like me.”
“Then what would I do?” the fisherman asked.
“You could sit down and enjoy life,” the rich man said.
The fisherman looked peacefully across the water, smiled, and said, “What do you think I’m doing now?”
That fisherman had learned the secret of enjoying life.
Don’t Miss Out
Life is too short to miss out on the joy of knowing God, serving others, and delighting in becoming a blessing to others. Make the decision now to go through life with a smile on your face, a smile that radiates from joy in your heart.
I don’t know of a more difficult profession on this planet than being a pastor. A pastor is somewhat like the president of the United States; his popularity index and approval rating is like an ocean wave—up one moment and down the next. I constantly have to choose to maintain my joy—even after complaints about the music, gripes about the temperature, or second-guessing one statement I may make out of a 40-minute message.
When I find myself tempted to chuck it all in and lose the smile in my heart, I remember Victor Frankl. He was a Nazi concentration camp survivor. He describes how everything tangible was taken from the Jewish prisoners—clothing, personal belongings, pictures. In the ultimate dignity robbing degradation, their captors even removed their names and gave them numbers. I ask you—where do you find joy in that situation? But then Frankl says: “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances.”1
People of influence choose joy over gloom, gladness over sadness, optimism over pessimism—and lead others to do the same thing. Life is indeed short, and the journey is over almost from the time it begins. Beginning today, make it a joy ride!