I’m an animal lover. When I was growing up on the island I used to dream of being one of the cowboys to wrangle up the ponies for the annual swim across and auction. As I got older I learned of the many duties carried out by those brave individuals, and the hard work they put into making sure every single pony is cared for throughout the years.
After my mom died I knew there was no chance of me doing anything other than working on the boat alongside my brothers. There was no choice. It’s how it had to be then, and even now, but it still doesn’t sway me from remembering that aspiration and embracing the fact that I may never be able to be anyone other than who I am now.
I’m not angry or miserable. I actually love my job. I exercise without having to go to the gym. My tan is constant, even in the winter months, a result of being on the water with the sun reflecting against my visible skin. I feel healthy, and if I wasn’t before, Leigh’s vegan diet keeps me in check.
She’s been trying to get me to give up meat, but my brothers think it’s a joke. They are constantly feeding me things like Pizza with sausage, or even bacon on sandwiches. I think they get a kick out of seeing me fail, because it’s less for them to have to respect.
After finally leaving the place I share with Leigh, I head to the marina to meet the crew. I’m halfway there when I get a call from my little sister Bristol. Since graduating high school, I haven’t known her to ever be up this early, so it’s alarming.
Swiping my phone to pick up the call, I raise it to my ear and greet her. “Hey, sis. What’s got your panties tangled up before daybreak?”
“It’s Brimley. He’s been throwing up since last night, and he’s just lying on the floor shaking.”
“Take him to the vets.” I’m already in a panic. Brimley was the puppy I got right after my mother passed away. If Leigh wasn’t allergic I’d have him with me all the time. Even though he’s kind of my dog, the rest of the family takes equal responsibility for him. “Tell Dad.”
“He’s not here this week, remember? They left on that cruise yesterday. I tried to call the twins, but they won’t answer me, and West and Dane are already on the water, because they have to get back to help cover the restaurant. Brant, you’ve got to come help me. I can’t lift him into the truck. Please. He’s your dog too.”
“What happened? Did he eat another ping pong ball?” I’d had to pay to have one surgically removed a few years back after my brothers had a party and left them lying around.
“No. I don’t think so.”
I sigh. I’m already tired as hell, so maybe this will give me a reason to stay on land for the day and possibly catch an afternoon nap. The twins can manage on their own for one damn day. “I’m heading your way now. Give me five minutes. I’ll call the guys and let them know they’ll have to go it without me. Hang tight.”
I make the calls, getting more worried by the minute. Brimley isn’t just one of the family dogs. He represents a time of healing for all of us. The lab brought my family laughter when we thought none was possible. I’m not an emotional person, but I hate to see anyone suffer, because I know the pain that comes with it on both sides of the spectrum.
I fly into the house and find my sister in tears. She’s sobbing on the floor next to Brimley, rubbing on his soft ears while his eyes seem glossed over. It’s obvious the dog is in distress. “Have you called the clinic yet?”
“No. Dr. Sorenson lives next door. If he’s not there I’ll run over and get him.”
She’s right. His practice is located in a building directly across from his residence. While carefully lifting Brimley and carrying his scared body to the vehicle, I hear my sister following behind me, her bellows calming with the knowledge that help has arrived.
The veterinary clinic is about two miles from the house, but I drive like there’s no tomorrow. Brimley is falling fast. He’s become unresponsive, and I worry if he’s going to make it. I skid against the curb when we arrive and rush to retract him from the truck without causing anymore harm to the struggling canine. Bristol darts for the door, discovering it’s in fact open. A female I recognize from the community hurries in our direction from the office area. “What’s going on? The doctor isn’t in yet.”
“You need to get him. Something’s wrong with our dog. Please hurry. Call Dr. Sorenson.”
She gives us a once over and then walks back into the office while ordering us to take him into the first examination room.
I watch the second hand on the large school-type clock spin around the dial several times, while listening to my sister’s sniffles. Normally Brimley would fight to remain on this cold metal table, but he’s just sprawled out, shaking and unaware. I fight with my own emotions due to the circumstances. Death could be close, and it’s something none of us have dealt with since Mom died. Knowing that scares the hell out of me. He might be a dog, but he’s family. This will hurt more than I’m willing to admit. It will crush us, and although I know we’ll outlive our pets, a part of me knows he’s way too young to leave us.
I hear the sound of the door bell jingle and wait for the old man to pop his head in the room. I swear he sleeps in his white doctor’s jacket. I’ve only ever seen him once without it on, and that was at church. He’s been the only vet in town since I was a kid, so he’ll recognize us immediately. I turn my back to the examination room door and try to ensure Bristol that help is about to walk through. “He’s here, sis. Whatever he says, we’ll figure it out, okay?”
She nods, her eyes doubling in size as I hear footsteps from behind me. A woman’s voice fills the room, almost startling me. “What do we have here?”
I pay no attention to the female, but direct my gaze to the ill pooch. “He’s sick. Something’s wrong with him.”
Bristol adds, “Yeah, he’s been throwing up since last night. Now he’s shaking, but it’s not like a seizure. Is he going to die?”
A set of gentle hands reach around as the female begins checking Brimley out. Another person comes into the room. It’s a young assistant that I’m also unfamiliar with. The doctor acknowledges the person and lets her stand opposite as she begins to look Brimley over.
I glance quickly when the smell of her shampoo fills the air. The vet has her long blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail. Underneath a pair of blue rubber gloves I can see that her fingers are painted a dark color and she’s wearing a ring on her left finger. Her blue scrubs have different breeds of dogs all over them, and she’s wearing those slip on rubber shoes most medical workers seem to prefer.
Without seeing her face I’d say she’s maybe my age, but it’s always been hard for me to tell. “I’m Dr. Danvers,” she says while reflecting a small light into each of Brimley’s eyes. She then checks his gums and teeth, and even his tongue. Then she begins feeling his stomach area. “I’ll draw some blood, but I think I know what’s causing your dog to be in stress. It’s quite common with labs. I’m pretty certain he has a gastric torsion.”
“Can he survive?”
She nods and gives Bristol her attention. From the side I’m not certain. My stomach begins to tighten. It can’t be. She said her name. There’s no way this woman is who I think she could be. “He can, but I’m going to need to get him into surgery right away. It’s a dangerous situation that will require my immediate attention. Does Joan have your information?”
Bristol nods. “Yes. I’ll give her my cell number though, because my dad is on a cruise.”
The doctor turns to address me, and when she does we’re both rendered speechless, though I don’t get the reaction I expect from her. It’s only a few seconds before her gentle eyes turn cold and focused. “I’ll take him to the back and get him prepped. We’ll give you a call in a bit when I have an exact diagnosis and some more information on treatment. If this is what I assume, I’ll do the procedure and get him into recovery.”
“Can we stay?” Bristol asks.
“You can, but it could be several hours and the chairs in the waiting room aren’t the best for long-term use. Go home or wherever you planned for the day. I’ll be in touch as soon as I have something definite to report. If my diagnosis is right, we’ll do the procedure right away to relieve the animal. Timing is everything.”
Bristol looks to me and then back to the doctor. She’s too young to remember this woman. “Thank you.”
“It’s my pleasure. I’ll do everything I can to save your dog. You can count on me.”
Our eyes meet again, but it’s the same reaction. It’s quick with no real change. She’s focused on being a doctor, and for this purpose I can’t let it get to me. Something I love could die. I need her on her best game.
It’s possible she doesn’t recognize me. It’s been years, but I’d know her face out of millions. Those eyes. They’re just as gorgeous as the last time I peered into them.
There’s no time to ask what she’s doing here, or why she’s back. I haven’t seen her in a decade. The once young teenager has blossomed into a beautiful woman, and I can’t find a single thing to say to her. Instead I nod and pretend she’s nothing but a stranger helping our animal survive. For the life of me I can’t wrap my head around this. I need air, or time, or something to help me understand what the hell just happened between us, and why it was so cold and unfamiliar.
We leave our information with Joan, but instead of taking Bristol back home we go to the restaurant for breakfast and coffee. I don’t want to be alone right now, because a part of me longs to rush back into that animal clinic and confront personal demons that have haunted me since the day I let her slip away from me.
Knowing my obligations and current relationship, I know I have to get my shit together and calm down. That woman is in the past. Nothing good can come from digging up what was the worst year of my life. I won’t do it to myself, but most importantly to her.
It’s still difficult to come to terms with what happened and how I felt when I realized it was her. Jamie Sorenson in the flesh. It was like my dream was somehow preparing me. She’s real. This isn’t something I’m going to wake up from with regrets. I have them already, and there’s not a damn thing I can say to her to make the past go away.
I have to let this go. It’s better if we go about our lives like we were never anything at all. She’s obviously moved on, most likely married with children. Her new surname tells me that much. It’s pretty fantastic that she’s a veterinarian, like she always talked about becoming. I smile when I think back to us on the beach in our special spot talking about our hopes and dreams, but it’s soon replaced with a sorrowful frown. What’s done is done.
My phone chimes as soon as we sit down to eat. Leigh’s number flashes across the screen. For some reason I feel guilty, like I’ve done something behind her back that I need an explanation for. “Hey, babe.”
“You out on the water?”
“No. We had a family emergency.”
“Oh no. Is everything okay?”
“It’s Brimley. He’s not good. I think he’s going to need surgery.”
She’s silent for a second. “I’m sorry, Brant. I know how much he means to you.”
“Yeah,” I’m choking on my words as it sinks in. “Hopefully he’ll make it.”
“I love you. Do you need me to skip my last class to come home?”
I nod, even though she’s unable to see it. “Actually, it would be nice to have you here, just in case I get bad news. I know he’s just a dog, but...”
“Don’t you dare apologize. He’s special to you. I understand. It’s one of the many reasons why I love you.”
“I’ll be at Dad’s house. Bristol’s pretty messed up too. I don’t want to leave her alone until we have some definite answers.”
“Dr. Sorenson will know what to do. I’ll be there soon, babe.”
When the call ends I realize I didn’t correct her. Leigh met Dr. Sorenson when we took the dogs for their shots. It was the same day I learned how allergic she was to animals. It started with a sneeze but then her eyes got puffy and she had to be driven home for medicine before her throat closed.
My mind begins to fill with worry when I consider telling her there is a new doctor in town, one that could potentially mess with my head. Jamie isn’t the one that got away. She’s the person I pushed away because I was a selfish heartbroken asshole with nothing to offer. She’s the woman my mother wanted me to have a future with. She’s the love I refused to allow myself to experience, because opening my heart would remind me of the parts of it that will forever remain empty.
Ten years ago I gave up on love.
I didn’t just give up on her.
I gave up on everything.