| |
Three hours after Bodin was taken into custody, the Secretary of State looked up from her desk to see the Saudi ambassador enter her office. She had sent him an urgent summons half an hour before. The ambassador entered the Secretary’s office flanked on both sides by battle-dressed marines carrying rifles with fixed bayonets. The rifles were carried in the port arms position, diagonally across the chest, with the bayonets up and to the left. The military steel and precision clashed with the ancient oak bookshelves filled with rare editions, gifts from heads of state, and memorabilia dating back over two hundred years. Proud moments of American diplomacy were displayed on those shelves.
The Saudi ambassador stood in front of her, angry, and not hiding it. He was angry that he was on the defensive. Insulted that he was flanked by two Marine guards. Offended that she was a mere woman with more power than his entire country. And hating the profound insult of that to his Wahhabist faith.
He gestured at the guards, “Madame Secretary, I will not be treated like some common barbarian! This is an affront to my great country and to me personally! I remind you that the Middle East was the center of civilization while your ancestors were still in the Dark Ages! Allahu akbar!”
His look at her, a mere contemptible woman, was not lost on the Secretary. She held his gaze with perfect poker deadpan.
He could tell she was studying him. He thought, What is she thinking? It doesn’t matter. I will overpower her by force of will. It is Allah’s will. It is a law of nature.
She looked at him and thought, Some disassembly required.
“I’m a little busy today, Mr. Ambassador. If you’re through pouting, I’d like to get to business,” she began. “Your country just committed an act of war against the United States of America. Your government attempted to murder four of my fellow citizens and endangered many bystanders. I need you to answer one question, as a diplomatic formality: Does Saudi Arabia wish to declare war on the United States of America?”
The ambassador’s eyes grew wide and his head pulled back as if he had been slapped. He looked left, then right, at the Marine guards. And he understood. They aren’t armed guards for show. They’re armed guards for real. And, though they stood at rigid attention, he could see they watched him carefully, like tigers watch prey. He could see what they were thinking. He could see it in their eyes, Allahu akbar my ass.
Still blustering, he leaned toward the Secretary, “Of course not, Madame Secretary. How could you even think such a preposterous thing!”
“Good,” she said, and made a checkmark on the pad of paper in front of her. “War with Saudi Arabia would be 24 hours I can’t spare right now. Would you be so kind as to explain why your country committed an act of war by trying to kill four American citizens?”
Her matter-of-fact contempt for his country sobered him. America has a complete warfighting Army and Air Force already stationed in Saudi Arabia. She’s right. We’re hers for the taking in 24 hours. She just doesn’t want us. He was still outraged but calming down. He puffed his chest as he said, “It was revenge, Madame Secretary.”
“Revenge? For what?”
“For what? For destroying my country, and my way of life, of course! For that we claim the ancient right of vengeance!”
The Secretary looked at him in silence, deadpan. The silence grew awkward.
The ambassador filled the silence, “And in the hope that their deaths might delay the coming economic collapse. For a little while.” He paused. “For that you should thank us!”
The Secretary continued to look at him in silence. When it was clear the ambassador had nothing more to add, she said, “I’m disappointed. But perhaps it’s my fault. We really do need higher standards for our allies. Vengeance? Vengeance!? Unbelievable. How twelfth century. Oh, well, at least it means you’re going to appreciate this next part. We’re going to settle this tonight on TV at 9pm. I’m obliged to say this to you formally, and I will repeat it tonight on TV: Using your lawful chain of command, your government ordered active duty Saudi Arabian soldiers to perform this de facto act of war. Under international law that constitutes invasion of US sovereign territory. And the soldiers were out of uniform, which is a violation of the international Law of War. Therefore, they have forfeited the privileges of lawful combatants, and I am allowed to treat them as wartime spies. The United States is completely within our legal rights, domestic and international, to have all of them executed by firing squads on live TV this evening. Nine o’clock Eastern time will give us the biggest audience. That’s two hours from now.”
He thought, She can’t be serious! This is demented!
She continued, “I will require that you and a Wahhabist mullah be there, under protection of diplomatic immunity, of course, to offer the condemned their traditional last rites. We can provide the blindfolds or, if you prefer, you can bring your own.”
She paused. “We decided not to use the traditional Biblical form of execution. The Bible says we should disembowel them. Whereas the Koran says we should simply behead them. But Americans like guns so we’ve decided to shoot them. There’s one thing we haven’t decided, though. I think we should shoot all six of them at once, in a wide-screen panorama event. But the President thinks we should shoot them one at a time, with the cameras focused up close on each one.”
She looked the ambassador square in his now even wider eyes and said, “For your country’s sake, I hope they die well.”
In the name of Allah, she’s serious! This is insane!
Then she leaned back in her chair, “The President’s approval ratings will skyrocket, you know. Not needing your oil any more gives us wonderful flexibility of action. It’s really quite an enticing ... option.” She paused again.
“On the other hand, perhaps it would be a good idea if you sent all those soldiers home now. Right now. This minute. Don’t make me call the President. She likes the firing squad option. And don’t let me detain you further.”
The Saudi ambassador, still wide-eyed, nodded and silently turned to leave. Where did I go wrong? When did I lose control? She’s a madwoman! And so is her President! Allah, most merciful and beneficent, protect us from women!
The Marines turned with him. The Secretary of State added, “Oh, one last item.”
The ambassador paused and looked back at her. His left eyelid twitched.
The Secretary said, “If Saudi Arabia would like any favors from the United States any time in, say, the next three years ... any favors at all ... please don’t bother to ask.” She made another check mark on her pad of paper, and said almost to herself, almost inaudible to him, “Time out, three years. Knuckle-dragging Wahhabist sucker.” Then she giggled.
Within three hours all four Saudi squads were wheels up in hurriedly rented private jets, and on their way back to Saudi Arabia. All had armed fighter escorts out of US airspace. And a ways beyond.