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In the afternoon, the research team had a teleconference with the US government to discuss a partnership.
It was another beautiful late summer day in Vermont. Dorothy went to Burlington, a city on the shore of Lake Champlain about twenty minutes north of the Colonel’s hideaway. The freelancers guarding her at a discreet distance blended into the downtown shopping district like grizzlies in a petting zoo.
She told the Colonel earlier that day, “I want to try out my new disguise. I can’t be a bag lady in Burlington. Too many people try to help me, or give me directions to a shelter, or hand me money. That’s why I’m now a Walmart lady. I’ve got a wig full of curlers covered by a tacky scarf. I’m wearing a baggy muumuu, support hose, and jogging shoes. And I carry a Walmart plastic shopping bag. Everyone tries to avoid seeing me. And those who do see me try to forget me as quickly as possible. Being an embarrassment is almost as good as being invisible. And it’s comfortable. Plus I need to do some shopping.”
The Colonel grimaced. Then had his men drive her to Burlington. Most nationalities of soldiers were represented in the guarding force. Except the French, who were out shopping for cheese.
While Dorothy shopped, she used her earphone to listen to the meeting in Washington DC:
“Good afternoon Madame President, Cabinet members, and other dignitaries. Thank you for joining us. I am Joan Goldstein, a senior partner with this law firm. The purpose of this teleconference is to establish the outlines of a hopefully enduring relationship between my clients and the US government. If we can agree on an outline, the details will be worked out later. Madame President, would you like to say a few words before we begin?”
“Thanks Joan. My speeches and press conferences of the past couple of days have laid out America’s goals fairly clearly. The only thing I’d like to add is my personal thanks to the inventors, and my hope that they will join me for dinner at the White House sometime soon.”
Joan said, “You are most kind, Madame President. Does anyone have anything else to add?”
Dorothy, who was paying scant attention to this introductory part of the telecon, showed a sample of undergarment to a shop clerk and said, “I like the texture and underwire on this, but do you have it in a 34B?”
It’s a long way across the table in the Cabinet room, but the Secretary of Defense sprayed a mouthful of coffee all the way, lightly spattering the VP. The VP pulled an embroidered hanky from his coat pocket, mopped himself, and said quietly, “Don’t worry. I’m used to it.”
Joan said, “Dorothy, you might want to mute your microphone, please. Thanks very much.”
“Aaaack! sorry,” said Dorothy. She slapped her forehead with a thunk that echoed around DC.
“I’m curious, where are you Dorothy?” asked the President.
“I’m doing some shopping at Victoria’s Secret while I listen to the conference, Madame President.”
The shop clerk raised an eyebrow. This Walmart lady was clearly delusional.
Dorothy went on, “I apologize, but time is tight, I needed to get some essentials, and this is the only place that has a comfortable fit for me.”
“I know exactly what you mean Dorothy,” said the President. “I shop there, too, for the same reason. Or, at least, I used to before the Secret Service limited my movement. For all the gaudy posters in their window, they sell underwear that fits real women. Anyway, I look forward to meeting you sometime soon. But now, back to work.”
“Yes, Madame President.” Dorothy muted her microphone.
Later during the teleconference:
The Secretary of Defense was angry that the invention wouldn’t be headquartered in DARPA, the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency. That stuck in his craw. He said, “I don’t understand why we’re taking this patent seriously. I’ve never heard of a more compelling case for eminent domain. If it’s money they want, we can still make the inventors extremely wealthy.”
The President said, “Harry, you tell him.”
The Secretary of the Treasury said, “Paul, it’s not about their wealth. It’s about our tax revenues. If we seize the patent via eminent domain, it becomes public property. Worthless to everyone. But if the US agrees to honor and defend the patent, the inventors will base their patent licensing organization in the US. That means we can tax all licensing income from around the world. We estimate that should be worth at least a trillion dollars over the next ten years. Possibly two or three trillion. This invention alone will pay off the national debt.
“But if we don’t honor the patent, or do use eminent domain, there are still 149 other countries in the world that have signed the Patent Cooperation Treaty. Any one of them would be delighted to host the patent and collect those licensing taxes. And, under the treaty, they must refuse to license or sell to the US. We would be locked out of the global antigravity economy for the life of the patent. That’s twenty years.”
Defense said, “But we could still ignore the patent and build it here. And control our technology. We’re still the biggest market in the world. That’s a lot of taxes!”
Treasury said, “The US is only 25% of the world economy. Why settle for 25% when we’re being offered 100%? I feel confident in saying that the EU, China, and Japan, which together constitute 50% of the global market, would lock us out in a heartbeat if given the chance.”
Defense said, “I don’t like negotiating away so much control!”
The President broke in, “Paul, what makes you think this is a negotiation? Or that we have any control? Joan, how many other countries have accepted your terms?”
“As of early this morning, fifty-eight, Madame President. Oh, wait.” Brief whispering. “Make that seventy-seven. It’s been a busy morning.”
“How many countries have you contacted?”
“Seventy-seven so far, not counting the US, Madame President.”
“So, Paul,” said the President, “It’s clear to me we’re not here to negotiate over control. We have no control to negotiate. Unless you want to abrogate a very useful international treaty that protects much of our economy. And push offshore a few trillion dollars’ worth of tax revenues over the next twenty years. As I see it, we’re here to listen to their terms, and decide whether or not they’re acceptable to America. If we’re very friendly, and smile a lot, then maybe ... just maybe ... they might consider tweaking their terms a little bit more in our favor.
“To you, Joan, and to your brilliant clients Dorothy, Bodin, Benjamin, and Dalton, let me say the United States is honored to be your first choice for a home base. So, Joan, what are the rest of your terms?”
The terms included five billion dollars per teammate upon signing the agreement, plus one billion dollars per teammate per year for each year of patent protection. Payable at the start of each year, no strings, non-refundable, and tax-free. No backsies. Plus a lifetime pass to the national parks because ... why not? Plus secret service protection because, if they were killed, their estates would release the patent into the public domain. That would rob the US of trillions in licensing taxes. So the US had an extremely powerful incentive to keep them alive. Unfortunately, it gave the rest of the world an equally powerful incentive to kill them. As Dalton summarized, “Life’s a bitch.”