I
I can’t go back, not now.
Saffron sat in the night’s darkness, frozen in its cold silence. Tendrils of shadows coiled around her with noiseless hisses and venomous grins. She hadn’t slept again, but she didn’t care. It’s time to find some answers. Pressure pulled down her shoulders with the weight of the world. It’s time to move deeper into Hell. All she wanted was to find Ray again. Do you even remember what he was like? All she wanted was to see him again. Do you even remember what he was like before he left you? Before he left everyone—
THUD. THUD. THUD.
She took a deep breath in. Calm down. She tried to settle the adrenaline buzzing through her body. I’m okay. Then she opened the door. Aren’t I?
“Hey there, Phire.” The blue-haired person grinned, showing off their silver-capped canines as they leaned against the doorframe.
“Hey,” Saffron whispered, putting on her serpentine charm to hide her flood of unease. Am I really going to do this?
“Are you ready for your first time sneaking out?”
“I couldn’t be more ready.” Couldn’t I? Is this even a good idea?
They moved their tongue over their teeth. “Perfect.”
The person with facial piercings stood next to them. “Remember to watch that cardboard.” They pointed to the doorframe, where a thick piece of cardboard had just fallen from. “Make sure you put it back in the door. You don’t want it to lock itself when you’re gone. Seriously.” Their eyes widened, refusing to blink. “I don’t recommend getting caught outside your cell in the morning.”
Saffron picked up the cardboard then placed it back in the doorway where she had jammed it. “You’d think the guards were smarter than letting cardboard stop a lock.”
“You’d think.” The blue-haired person let their eyes linger on Saffron for a long second. “It’s almost too easy, isn’t it?” Almost.
“I think the people who made Detention didn’t put much effort into it. I actually think this building used to be a school,” the other said.
“That wouldn’t surprise me. They’re both basically prisons.” The blue-haired person laughed.
“Exactly.” The one with facial piercings grabbed Saffron’s wrist. “Okay, come on. We don’t have all night.” They pulled her into the open corridor, away from their rooms and their pandemonium.
I can do this. Just don’t get caught. They scurried down the corridor with only the occasional light illuminating their path, stretching out their shadows. Don’t. Get. Caught. Detention felt eerily threatening at night. It was no longer filled with the voices and snickers of other prisoners. It felt abandoned. No, worse than that. It felt like death.
Saffron’s heart grew in tempo as she looked up towards the glowing red dots of the security cameras. Don’t. Get. Caught. “Do you think anyone is watching us?”
“Only one way to find out.” They rubbed their tongue over their teeth again.
“Don’t think about it too hard.” The one with facial piercings pulled her wrist harder, moving faster towards the frosted-glass door. “We’ve tracked the movements of the guards. It should be clear.”
I don’t like how they said the word should.
“Let’s hope so.” The blue-haired one opened the door before catching another piece of cardboard wedged into it. “We’ll make sure the lock doesn’t catch you out here either.”
That trick really is far too easy. I should’ve figured it out myself. I should’ve done everything myself.
“Go on now. Down the corridor and up the stairs.” The person with facial piercings gestured Saffron through the door. “Ash should be keeping a lookout up there.”
Why do they keep using the word should? Should I even trust them?
“We’ll watch from here,” the blue-haired one said. “So if you hear a scream, you’ll know a guard is on the way.”
“A scream is the signal?”
“Screaming is the most effective signal.” The blue-haired person brushed their tongue over their teeth once more. “You can give it a try, if you like.”
“I’ll save it for when I need it,” Saffron said, looking down the corridor, which was lost in darkness. It was covered by shadows that silently waited for her. Shadows she swore shouldn’t have been there.
“Perfect. I’d love to hear you scream.” They laughed, louder than they should have.
“Go on. And don’t get caught,” the other said. “You don’t wanna be fed to that caliginent monster they have, seriously.” They held a wide, blank stare at Saffron before their mouth turned into a smile.
I shouldn’t trust them. I shouldn’t trust anyone. “Okay.” Saffron nodded then moved into the corridor. But as she did, she heard both of them snicker under their breath. This isn’t a good idea. Yet as she walked farther, the darkness of the corridor swallowed their laughter and left her in its biting silence.
It’s not too late to turn back. She forced her legs to walk, but they felt numb in the piercing coldness. Is it? The darkness clouded her vision, tightening the walls around her and warping the path into a maze. Will Ashiya even be there? She tried moving in a straight line towards the stairs but felt like she was going in circles. Or is this all a set-up? She twisted her shoelace bracelet. A trick? She listened for any sign of life or movement. A trap? But only silence listened back.
She found the end of the corridor, steadying herself as she began to climb up the cold metal stairs. There’s nothing there. Her footsteps echoed against the sinister trickle of quietness. There’s nothing to worry about. Her jagged breaths grew louder, giving away her position, reminding her how vulnerable she was. Nothing.
She walked up one flight of stairs then looked at the next corridor. Darkness upon darkness looked back at her with a fierce smile. And a glowing red camera light stared down at her. Always watching…
Then something moved in the shadows.
“Hello?” she whispered. “Ashiya?”
No answer.
Nothing’s there. She ignored it. Just keep going. Then walked up another flight. It’s just my eyes playing tricks on me. She kept her eyes down, trying not to focus on the shadows encircling her feet. Right? Trying not to think about their hungry stares watching her, waiting for her.
Keep. Going. She moved up another flight. Then another. Then another. She went past corridors, rooms, Sin and Death, bridging the gap between Hell and Earth. Why is it so quiet? It felt like no one was with her. It felt like I wasn’t with her, watching her, waiting for her. So. Quiet. Then she walked onto the last staircase. She saw the glowing white door with the name Helios up ahead. Finally. She was almost there, almost at a place where I can find answers, where I can find Ray.
Something moved in the corner of her eye. Only slightly. Barely any movement at all. But it definitely moved. Right?
She rubbed her eyes. I just need to sleep. I just need—
Something moved again. Clearer this time, from the corner behind her, which was drowning in shadows, gasping for air. There’s nothing there and there’s nothing to worry about. She stepped towards it, squinting through the mountain of darkness, trying to prove to herself that nothing could be there, right? She listened for any sounds, any movements, any signs of life. But everything was devoid of noise. She strained her eyes to look through the shadows and see what was waiting beneath them—there’s nothing to worry about—to see what was looking back at her, nothing is—
A hand grabbed hers.
“There’s a teacher coming this way,” Ashiya whispered against the back of her neck.
“What?” Saffron turned around with a bolt of panic.
“They’ll be here soon. But I know a place to hide.”
“Where?” Her heart pounded in leaps of fear.
“First you have to tell me something.”
“What? What is it?” Saffron could just about see Ashiya, as her sharp smile and bright-yellow hijab stood out against the darkness.
“Tell me why you really want to go to Helios.”
“What?”
“This is definitely more than just mere curiosity. You have a motive.”
“Who cares about that now? We should hide,” Saffron whispered as the corner of the corridor covered her in its shadows.
“We have a minute before the teacher gets here. So you have a minute to tell me what you really want. Then I’ll show you where we can hide.”
“A minute?” Saffron frowned, but Ashiya didn’t budge. Don’t tell her. Don’t trust her. Don’t trust anyone. “I don’t have much of a motive. I’m just—”
“If you’re going to lie, at least make it interesting.”
Saffron looked at the bright Helios door. She was so close. She didn’t want to get caught when she was so very close. “Okay.” Don’t tell her. Don’t… “The truth is I’m looking for my friend.”
“Your friend?”
“Yeah, my friend Ray.” Why am I telling her? Why am I trusting her? “He was here in Detention not too long ago, but then he… He changed after his time here.”
“Changed?”
Saffron nodded. “He was stranger and more isolated and drank even more than usual.”
“So you think something happened to him here?”
“I know something did. It must’ve done. Because then… Then he went missing. And no one has heard from him since.”
“Missing?”
“He didn’t say goodbye or leave a note or anything. He just vanished.” She took a deep breath, taming her increasing heartbeat. “So I want to find out what happened to him here. I know there’s more to it.” Do I know that?
Ashiya studied Saffron’s face as though she were trying to understand what was happening inside her mind—not that anyone ever could. “Did he have one of these ominous Helios appointments?”
“I don’t know… Maybe? It’s a hunch. But that’s exactly why I want to check it out. Now shouldn’t we be hiding?”
Ashiya laughed, letting her voice ring out in a scream of joy. “There’s not really a teacher coming.”
“What?” Saffron sighed with both anger and relief.
“I really am great at performances, aren’t I? I really had you there.”
She’s messing with me. This is just a joke to her. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Not much. I just had to find out why you were really just curious.” Ashiya nudged her arm.
I cannot trust her. I cannot trust anyone.
“Plus, I wanted to see you scared. I told you I like a challenge.”
“And I told you it takes a little more than that to scare me.” Does it? Saffron put her mask back on, stretching her mouth into a smile even though it didn’t quite feel right.
“Are you sure about that?”
“I’m sure.” She wasn’t. She thought she was hiding it well, but even Ashiya’s studious eyes saw through her façade.
Ashiya took hold of Saffron’s hand then leaned in close towards her. “Well, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry about your friend. It sounds so overwhelming to lose someone and not know where they are or what happened.”
“I’d rather not talk about it anymore.” Saffron took her hand back. I need to concentrate. I need to find him. “I just need to find out what happened.”
Ashiya’s eyes lingered on Saffron’s. “Okay. Well, let’s go then.” She walked up the final staircase, towards the door. “Come on.”
“You’re going in there too?” Am I not better off alone? Am I not always better off alone?
“You’ve convinced me. Plus, it’ll be nice to know what Helios is doing before my own appointment. And I guess it’ll be nice to spend more time with you,” Ashiya smiled, walking up the stairs. “Your curiosity intrigues me.”
“Is that a compliment?”
“If you want it to be.”
I saw Saffron twist her shoelace bracelet as she followed Ashiya, turning it over and over and— This isn’t good. I shouldn’t be with someone else. I should be alone. I should always be alone.
“However,” Ashiya continued, “I’m not sticking around for long, since there’s no guarantee we won’t get caught. And I do like to push boundaries, but I’m not allowed to be stupid.”
“Allowed?”
“It’s a moral code I have. Everything in moderation.”
As they stopped in front of the door, Saffron stared at the Helios letters. What the Hell is going to be in here? The serpentine shadows slithered closer towards her, silently snickering at her fear, eager for her to enter their den. What the Hell have I gotten myself into? Her heart beat out against the deathly quietness, crescendoing in volume as her panic set in and her smile fled from her face.
“Are you sure we should be doing this?” Saffron asked as the Helios letters stared back at her, silently cackling at her agitation.
“Definitely not.” Ashiya’s smile glistened like knives in the darkness.
“We don’t even know what could be behind here.”
“Isn’t that precisely the point?”
Calm down. I can do this. What’s the worst that can happen? “Okay.” And what’s worse than that? “Okay, let’s go.”
“Don’t be frightened, Phire. I don’t think those caliginent monsters actually exist. But then again…” Ashiya pushed open the door. “Every myth is made from some slither of truth.”
II
The door creaked open. No locks or chains were attached. That’s almost too easy. Almost.
“Looks like it’s clear.” Ashiya nodded as she led Saffron into the soul of the castle.
No one else was there, thank Hell. Not even the glowing red dots of security cameras followed them as only the scuttle of shadows crept inside the room.
“Well, that’s a little disappointing.” Ashiya laughed. “I really did want there to be some top-secret brainwashing facility or pit of caliginent monsters.”
“Yeah.” Saffron nodded. She was trying her best to keep her façade of confidence, but it was slipping out of her grasp. “I thought there would be something more than this.”
Small spotlights lit up the room, forcing their eyes to squint as they adjusted to the brightness. It looked like a reception area, as an empty front desk stood ahead of them. To the right was a scatter of chairs with boxes stacked on top. The walls were white with an enamel gloss, and the air was filled with the smell of fresh paint. Nothing was broken or stained, making it look very different to the rest of Detention, making it seem out of place.
“What’s with the boxes?” Saffron asked. “Are they packing or unpacking?”
“Probably packing. The others said not many people are taken here anymore. Maybe my appointment is one of the last?”
“Let’s just pray to Hell there’s information left in this place.” This can’t all be for nothing.
Ashiya gave a relaxed, confident smile. “Let’s keep going.” Then she led Saffron towards the set of double doors on the back wall.
They walked out into a bright, white stairwell with a tall staircase climbing the building. No signs or posters or leaflets were plastered around it. Everything was blank, clean, and fresh. As Saffron looked up the steep, savage stairs, she couldn’t see where they ended as an intense light beamed down.
“I swear this place shouldn’t be this big,” she said, blinking against the harsh light as they moved up the staircase.
“How far up do you think it goes?”
Saffron tried her best to smile through her unease. “Let’s find out?”
Their boots echoed as they walked up each step. Saffron listened for other sounds but found nothing. No other footsteps, no movements, no noise. Only empty, lifeless silence that felt as cold as a dead body.
The same set of double doors waited for them on the first floor, like a cloned copy made from a soulless machine. Saffron looked farther up the staircase yet still couldn’t see any sight of the top. How are there more stairs than this? A mist of disorientation muddled her mind as though the building were trying to steer her in the wrong direction.
“Let’s look in here.” Ashiya went up to the doors. “Come on. After you.”
“After me?”
“You’re the curious one, aren’t you?” She laughed under her breath.
Saffron gave a faltering smile as she stood before the door. There’s nothing to worry about. Her stomach was knotted with trepidation. Her heart battered against her chest. And her breath wavered as though her body couldn’t decide whether or not it needed air.
“Come on then.” Ashiya grinned with menacing confidence.
Saffron placed her hands against the door. “Are you sure?”
“Definitely not.”
A pain of dread stabbed Saffron’s guts as she hesitantly pressed the door open. Nothing. To. Worry. About—
No one was in the next room, thank. Hell. They still were alone. Right?
“Sadly, there’s no caliginent pit here either.” Ashiya loudly laughed.
Rows of empty cubicles lined the room. Boxes and papers were stacked across each desk within them. The walls were all pure white. No posters, no signs, nothing. It was blank and empty yet pristine. Nothing was broken. Everything was slotted perfectly into its rightful place.
“I’m sorry to disappoint you.” Ashiya stared teasingly into Saffron’s eyes.
Saffron tried to hold eye contact but couldn’t. Don’t trust her. Don’t trust anyone. She moved away, down the rows of cubicles, glancing over one after another after another after… She peered into the boxes on each desk, flicking through the blank stacks of papers within them.
“So this place is just an office?”
“We can’t let appearances deceive us. Can we, Phire?”
Can I? Saffron moved farther across the room. Do I really believe I’ll find Ray here? She pushed through the cluttered boxes, rummaging through stacks of office supplies. Do I really believe I’ll find answers? She went from desk to desk to desk, finding lamps, staplers, pots, pens—do I really believe I’ll find him at all?—empty notepads, hole punchers, blank files, headphones, telephones—can he even be found?
A flicker of shadow moved in the corner of the room, crawling towards her. I should give up. I could see her hands shaking. Give up. Her face shifted to fear, anger, envy—no, despair. He’s not going to be here. And I already know that, don’t I?
“Ray must be pretty special if you’re risking all this to see him,” Ashiya said, taking Saffron by surprise. “He must mean a lot to you.”
Does Ray mean a lot to me? If he meant so much, wouldn’t I know what happened to him? Wouldn’t I have accepted the truth sooner? “He does.” Saffron kept her eyes on the boxes, the items, the papers, the—does he? Are you sure he means anything to you at all?
“What was he like before he came here? Before he ‘changed?’”
What was he like? “He was…” Do you even remember? Do you even want to? Do you even want to accept what really happened? “Wait. Over there.” Saffron looked to the back row of desks.
“What is it?”
The desks at the back were more organised, the office supplies neatly laid out. There was even a fresh bowl of apples on one of them. And papers. So many papers. Papers that had been filed into drawers and folders. Papers with actual writing across them.
“I don’t know. But it looks promising.”
Saffron rushed over to the desks. Her eyes lit up with hope as she flicked through papers, through scribbled notes, through folders, through overflowing drawers— One drawer was full of mayoral election posters: “VOTE FOR BROWN.” They were the same ones plastered over the narrow corridors. She hated them. So did I.
“Look at all these forms.” Saffron saw most of the papers were blank forms. They were forms on people’s backgrounds and identities, on their referral to Helios, on their mood-rating scales, on their feedback, on their assessments, on their—
“Phire.” Ashiya stood by the desk next to her, holding a stack of papers.
“Did you find something?”
“No, but feel these.” She handed the papers to Saffron. “They’re warm. As though they’ve only just been printed off.”
Saffron’s smile ran away from her face. “Someone’s here?”
“Someone’s here.” Ashiya nodded. “We have to go before they come back.” She moved across the room, back towards the door.
“But what about all these papers and files? We can’t leave when we’ve just found them.”
“They’re all blank forms and posters. I can’t see anything useful.” Ashiya carried on moving away from the desks, away from Saffron.
“Wait.”
“We can’t wait. Someone is here. Do you want to get caught?”
“I…” Saffron’s stomach turned with a flood of nausea.
“No? Then let’s get out of—”
“I’m staying.”
“You’re staying? Are you crazy? Someone is here. And they will find us if we don’t—”
“I have to stay. I have to find something.” If there’s anything here to be found.
Ashiya opened the door before looking back at Saffron. “Well, as much as I’d love to stay with you, I can’t. I’m allowed to take risks, but I can’t be stupid.”
“You’re calling me stupid?”
“I want to call you a lot of things.” She laughed. “Just remember to tell me everything you learn if you make it out of here alive. And try not to get caught.”
“I’ll try.” Saffron hesitantly smiled back before Ashiya disappeared out the door.
The room felt emptier the second Ashiya left. Eerily emptier. And darker too, as though the shadows were growing taller, looming over Saffron, watching her even closer. Maybe I should have left with her. Maybe I shouldn’t overstay my welcome and take more than I’m allowed. She thought she was alone now; she thought she had the place to herself; she thought wrong.
She continued scanning more papers, more forms, more blank sheets, more useless crap. There must be something here. There must be more information on what happened to Ray. I can’t accept that he left with no explanation. I can’t accept that he left without even saying goodbye—
A flicker of movement shot past her eye.
She looked up. The tenebrous shadows looked like humanoid figures, patiently waiting in every corner of the room. Their bodies seemed mutilated as the darkness lacerated their limbs. And their eyes were fixed on her as they stepped closer.
There’s nothing to worry about. Saffron looked back at the papers. Concentrate. She didn’t have time to think about the starving stares of darkness. Keep going. She needed to find Ray. She needed to keep looking through more forms, more posters, more notes, more useless crap—
Wait. Here. Is this something? She picked up a file that sat under a large stack of forms. Please be something. A poster for Helios was stuck on the front. It had pictures of smiling children and bold text underneath in an ugly font. It confirmed it was a medical company. And it said they were conducting trials, with their main ongoing project being The Caliginent Trial.
Caliginent trial? It’s a trial?
Her breath rushed with a sigh of relief. It’s. A. Trial. I knew the caliginent was more than just a story. I knew I was right. I knew something was going on…
Concentrate. There’s no time to celebrate yet. The other side of the poster said these were medical trials that were helping the young people in Detention control their behaviour in order to get their lives back on track. What does that mean?
Saffron opened the file then looked over the documents inside, eager to find the answers she craved. There has to be more here. The shadows took another step closer as she lost herself in the pages of text. There has to be. Their sharp claws extended into knives as their darkness slithered into the room. What happened to you, Ray? Saffron didn’t even notice their smiles loom over her as they took another step.
Here. She turned to a document that was titled “Injection Procedure for the Caliginent Trial.” Injection procedure? Does that mean it’s a drug trial?
She searched through the page—come on—through the jargon about Helios—hurry up—through the reference lists for their studies—I’m running out of time—through dedications to university professors. She turned through the next pages more quickly, looking for the key information, looking past more useless crap— Here.
INJECTIONS OF THE NEWLY DEVELOPED DRUG—it is a drug—WILL BE GIVEN TO ALL WILLING PARTICIPANTS. Willing? THE DRUG SHOULD IMPROVE BEHAVIOUR IN ALL AREAS OF LIFE. THIS INCLUDES SEEING MORE POSITIVE SOCIAL INTERACTIONS, BETTER RESPONSES TO AUTHORITY, AND FEWER NEGATIVE BEHAVIOURS. So they’re trying to control people? She read over the pages again and again and…
So the caliginent is an experiment? A drug trial? They’re using the prisoners as guinea pigs for their new drug to “improve” their behaviour—whatever that means? It wasn’t clear. Nothing was clear. It barely made sense. Nothing makes any sense. The shadows took another step.
She read through more pages, through jargon and statistics and information about chemicals she didn’t even bother to understand. But lots of lines and words had been crossed out, marked over with a black pen. As she turned through more pages, more black pen markings appeared. What are they hiding? Did they hurt people with this drug? Did they hurt Ray? Is that why he left? Is that why he’s not here—
She looked up. The silhouette of shadows had moved closer towards her. Their ravenous smiles were hidden in the mask of darkness as they preyed on her fear. It looked like they had grown even taller, towering over the room like a cosmic horror that had its claws around her—no, it’s just my eyes playing tricks on me. Nothing’s there. I’m all alone, like always.
She looked back to the papers. She didn’t have time to waste. She had to find something more—there must be something more here. She searched the text over and over and over. She looked through the other papers, the other notes, the other files. There must be more information than this. This can’t be it. It can’t be. She searched through more forms, more blank pieces of paper—come on—more mayoral election posters, more participant forms, consent forms, feedback forms—please show me I’m not wasting my time. Please show me I’m not wasting my life. Then…
Ray.
Ray?
Saffron had pulled out a drawer that was full of papers. But these ones had Ray’s handwriting over them. His scribbles, his smudged letters, his barely legible words. It was a complete mess, but it was definitely his mess. What is this? She picked up the stack of papers. They looked like the papers she had found in his file, with only a few lines scribbled on each one.
THE CALIGINENT IS COMING.
The caliginent.
IT’LL COME FOR YOU AT NIGHT. DO NOT FALL ASLEEP.
At night?
REMEMBER, IT’S ALWAYS WATCHING.
Always watching?
REMEMBER, IT’S WAITING.
Waiting?
WAITING TO TAKE YOUR THOUGHTS. WAITING TO TAKE YOUR MIND. WAITING TO TAKE YOU AWAY.
The shadows stepped forwards again, extending their tendrils of knives towards her neck. But she didn’t look up. Her eyes were fixed on Ray’s writings. Ray. I miss him. I miss him so much…
DON’T TRUST ANYONE.
Don’t trust anyone?
THEY WON’T BELIEVE YOU.
Believe me?
RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN.
While I still can?
Wait.
What is that?
Thud. Thud. Thud.
Are those footsteps?
Thud. Thud. Thud.
That’s not real, is it?
Thud. Thud. THUD.
No. I think that might be real.
Thud. THUD. THUD.
That’s definitely real.
Not now, not now, not— Saffron folded as many of the papers as she could—RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN—before stuffing them into the waistband of her trousers. She pushed the others back into the drawer, leaving them in almost the same position she had found them. Almost.
THUD. THUD. TH—
The door creaked open.
III
Saffron ducked behind the desk. She was at the back of the room, farthest from the door, farthest from whoever just walked in. Or rather whatever just walked in. What should I do? Hide? Show myself? Make up a lie? Praise the creation of the drug?
The footsteps sliced into the silence with a THUD. THUD. THUD. They were heavy, emphatic steps that moved towards her with vehement intent. It’s just a guard, right? A teacher? Or is it something else? Something that wants to devour me alive? Her heart doubled the pace of the footsteps, rushing against their tempo. Either way I can’t get caught. I can’t get sent back to that isolation room. I can’t waste any more time when I’ve already wasted a whole year— THUD. THUD. THUD.
Then move. Now. Saffron lowered her head then slithered away from the footsteps, moving as quiet as a shadow. She covered her mouth, muffling her heavy breaths. She kept her body as low as possible, ducking her head far below the desks. The caliginent is coming—no, concentrate. She moved to the end of the row, sticking to the dark edges of the room, covering herself in their shadows. Quicker. Then she listened as the footsteps walked towards her— THUD. THUD. THUD.
She scurried around the corner of the desks, putting the footsteps parallel with her as they marched along the other side of the row. THUD. THUD. THUD. Then they grew louder. THUD. THUD. THUD. And louder. THUD. THUD. THUD. And…
Saffron stopped moving. She pressed her back against the side of a desk and prayed to Hell. THUD. THUD. THUD. The caliginent is here–I said concentrate. THUD. THUD. THUD. She froze in position. THUD. THUD. THUD. I can’t get caught. THUD. THUD. THUD. Not again. THUD. THUD. THUD. Please, not again—
RING. RING. RING.
A phone suddenly started, making her jump back as it shook through the empty silence. Her arm hit the desk behind her with a THUD.
The footsteps slowed down. Did they hear me? THUD… THUD… THUD…
RING. RING. RING.
THUD… THUD… THUD…
RING. RING. RI—
“Yeah, I’m here now,” a voice began. It was a low voice that lingered on the last syllable of each word, as though they didn’t have the energy to start the next. “Yeah… That’s okay…”
Thank Hell. Saffron took this chance to move farther along the rows, away from the voice and towards the double doors. Hurry up. She made her way to the first row of desks in the room, hiding in the slither of shadows. I’m so close to the exit. She was only a few metres away from the doors. So very close…
“No, really, I said it’s okay… No, honestly… Yeah, I know you’re busy… Right, well, I’ve got the list for the drug…”
The drug. Saffron’s eyes sparked up. Maybe I can stay for a moment longer?
“Yeah, exactly. It’s the best we’ll get… Yeah… Have you got a pen? …Well, go get a pen… No, we can’t rely on your memory again…”
Saffron looked up at a desk she was next to, noticing a pile of pens in a box. She quickly grabbed one.
“What was that?” the voice said. “What? … Oh, no, don’t worry… Just my eyes playing tricks on me…”
Is this a bad idea? Saffron took the pen lid off. Of course it is. She scribbled on her arm to get the ink flowing. I should get out of here while I still can.
“Right… This handwriting is so messy I can barely read it… I know, but it doesn’t mean it’s not annoying… Okay, here’s the list: nausea, vomiting… Erm…loss of appetite, sweating, tiredness, insomnia… It’s hard to read this… Well, you’re not here, are you? … Okay. Delusions, paranoia, mania, seizures…and hallucinations. That’s it.”
Saffron scribbled down the words, snaking them around her forearm: nausea, vomiting, loss of appetite, sweating, tiredness, insomnia, delusions, paranoia, mania, seizures, hallucinations.
“Yeah, of course… Well, it’s expected… Okay… Yeah… No, you’re okay—I’ve just made one… Okay, yeah…”
Saffron looked back towards the door. Now let’s get out of here before—
“Wait. Have you been down here? …Well, someone’s been here…”
She held her breath.
“No, it’s not my eyes playing tricks on me again… All our things have been… Wait… Have they taken the papers from here? …You know, Ray’s papers…”
Ray? They. Know. Ray.
“No, I didn’t misplace them… I’m telling you that someone’s been here… Why would they still be here? …Okay…. I said okay. I’ll check.”
THUD. THUD. THUD. THUD. THUD. THUD. Footsteps moved around the room but faster this time. Much. Faster.
Saffron shuffled under the desk she was next to, coiling herself into the space where the chair should be. She squeezed herself into a ball, keeping her head down and her eyes shut, trying to disguise herself as a shadow that wasn’t supposed to be there. I can’t get caught. I can’t lose myself again—
THUD. THUD. THUD. THUD. THUD. THUD. The footsteps moved faster. THUD. THUD. THUD. Then faster again. THUD. THUD. THUD. And again. THUD. THUD. THUD. And. Again. THUD. THUD—
“Okay,” the voice continued. “They’re not still here, like I already said…”
Saffron relaxed with a silent sigh of relief. I have to get out of here.
“I think you should inform the teachers… Or maybe the officers… It’s best they know, isn’t it? …Don’t you want the papers back?”
She shuffled out from under the desk, keeping her eyes fixed on the door. It’s time to go. She knew she needed to get out of there. She knew she needed to run. Just run. Just. Run. Go now. Go. Now. I said RUN. RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN.
Saffron scrambled to her feet, sprinted to the double doors, and pulled them open with one swift movement. Get out now. Run. Run. RUN.
“Hey!” the voice suddenly boomed. “What are you doing?”
Saffron didn’t dare look back as she ran into the stairwell. Maybe it was just an office worker bee, maybe it was a security guard, or maybe—it doesn’t matter. It didn’t matter. Nothing matters. It doesn’t. Just get out of there NOW.
“Stop!”
Let’s go, go, go. She raced down the steps under the beaming lights of the stairwell with her shadow running behind her. Go faster. She clung onto the stack of papers tucked into the waistband of her trousers, not letting them fall, not letting them go, not letting Ray go. THE CALIGINENT IS HERE—concentrate.
She ran down one stair at a time—two stairs at a time, three stairs at a time. She leaned on the bannister, jumping down faster, then faster, then faster again. Keep going. She leapt down as many stairs as she could, falling towards the bottom.
“Stop!” the voice continued to yell.
They must be at the top of the stairs; they must be right behind me—
“What is it?” another voice joined in, from farther away. There are other people here?
“We have a snake!” Was that the original voice?
“Stop!” Or was that another voice?
Just keep going. Saffron ran farther, faster, harder. Ignore them; ignore it all. She pushed past the vivid light, the blank staring walls, the swarm of voices, the shadows, the madness. Get out. She was panting, shaking, gasping for breath. Come on. Let’s go. Then finally she burst through the first set of double doors into the reception area.
Get the Hell out. She ran through the room, dodging past the scattered furniture, the chairs, the boxes, the hungry walls, the desk, the emptiness. Hurry up. Her breath quickened. Go faster. Then quickened again. Come on. And again. Keep going. And—go!
She rushed to the entrance and swung open the door, sending it crashing against the wall behind it with a THUD. I can’t afford to get caught. Not now. Not ever. But in the final second she looked over her shoulder. She saw no one was chasing her. No one was there. She couldn’t even hear the voices or the footsteps or any signs of life.
Keep going. Don’t let appearances deceive you. She turned back and moved through the doorway. Get out. She moved down the next staircase, going down flight after flight after—don’t stop. She fled the scene, and with her fled the shadowy mist of darkness that had been following her. Hurry up.
She swore she went down more stairs than she had gone up—keep going—before she moved into the corridor at the bottom of the abyss. She felt herself searching for air as her heart banged against her chest. Get yourself together. She raced through the visible darkness, back towards the frosted-glass door.
She glanced down at her arm. The words had smudged, but they were legible. Are these the effects of the drug? Nausea, vomiting, loss of appetite. Is this what happens to the people who take it? Sweating, tiredness, insomnia. Is this what happened to Ray? Delusions, paranoia, mania. Is this what’ll happen to Ashiya? Seizures, hallucinations.
Saffron pressed the glass door open, picked up the cardboard, and pocketed it before the guards could find it in the morning. She stepped back into the wide, open corridor. It was dark, empty, lifeless. Nothing seemed to have moved since she was last there. Except now there was no sign of Ashiya’s friends. Forget about them. Get back before anyone notices.
She stepped down the corridor. Almost there. She tried not to make any noise. Almost time to catch my breath. She moved towards her cell, but then she noticed…
The door. The door. It was shut.
Her heart raced with dread. It’s shut? She tried pushing her cell door open, but it didn’t budge. No. It can’t be shut. I left it open. I. Left. It. Open. She tried pressing it harder, then harder again, and again—but nothing moved. It was locked.
No, no, no. This can’t be happening. I left it open. I swear I did. Are they messing with me? Was this all a trap? Did they leave me out here to get caught? She cursed under her breath. I knew paradise would only bring me pain. I knew I shouldn’t have trusted them. I shouldn’t have trusted anyone—
Shut up. She took a breath in. Worrying won’t help you now. And out. Calm down. She looked around the corridor. Think. Light rain began to fall against the windows, hitting them with beats of percussion as she took another long breath in. Be logical. She held it. What the Hell do I do now? Then held it for longer. I can’t get in. And longer. So where else can I go? And longer—
I said. Calm. Down. She breathed out then took out the folded papers she’d been carrying in the waistband of her trousers. She slipped them through the bottom of her cell door. Good, the evidence is disposed of. She took another breath. Now what?
She stared at the cold, desolate corridor. It mocked her with its silence, enjoying her panic. The shadows patiently stood along the edges, watching her with nefarious smiles. They had sharpened their fanged teeth and elongated their broken limbs, heightening their cloak of monstrosity. Their claws twisted back into scimitars as they reached out towards her—
Think. But Saffron didn’t even look at them as she walked towards Ashiya’s room—maybe this is all a joke or an initiation—stepping quietly to blend in with the patter of relentless rain—maybe she did this on purpose—trying not to panic, maybe—DON’T TRUST ANYONE.
She saw Ashiya’s door—this one, right? Or rather, she was pretty sure it was Ashiya’s door. Right? She stepped over to it then gently knocked.
No sound replied.
She knocked again. Come on. And again. Please. And again. Where the Hell is she?
Only silence greeted her.
She tried pressing against the door, but it was locked. Seriously? Then she kicked it with a THUD. Where is she? But still nothing responded.
Okay. Think. Think. Think. Saffron looked back to the corridor. The rain picked up speed as the wind sent it crashing against the windows. She tried to focus on its familiar noise and calming tempo, on its beating THUD THUD THUDS.
Wait. Another faint sound blended into the rain. Or am I imagining it? No, it was there. Am I sure I’m not imagining it? She wasn’t.
THUD. THUD. THUD. Footsteps.
Not again, please. Her breath was sharp and loud as her lungs choked on the air. What the Hell am I going to do? A cold chill scurried over the back of her neck as though someone were breathing against it. I can’t get caught. Not now. Her eyes widened with fear as she scanned the corridor. Think. She looked towards the frosted-glass door that silently stood at the end, trapping everything inside. Then she looked to the dark windows, which were being beaten with never-ending floods of rain. And then she looked farther along the corridor, down the long row of cell doors that disappeared into a chasm of darkness. A darkness that had been waiting for her. She squinted as she looked farther across its black void…
And then she saw feet. Feet? Or maybe they were hooves, or paws, or maybe even boots. Their form was corrupted by the mangling shadows attempting to hide its true nature within their hellish pit. And the feet were walking. Walking? Or maybe they were crawling, or slithering, but they were definitely moving. Moving towards her.
I’m just imagining things, right? Saffron stumbled backwards as though half her body was frozen in horror. I must be imagining things. The sound of rain continued to crash against her eardrums as the footsteps moved along with it. Right? The footsteps that would never leave her. This can’t be real. The footsteps that were the closest they had been in a long time. It can’t be…
I enjoyed watching her panic crescendo. I silently laughed at her terror as she backed away from me. But we both knew there was no escape here. We both knew she would have to face me eventually.
Stop it. Think. She pulled her eyes away from my warped shadows. I can’t wait around to get caught. She focused on the cell doors around her. I have to do something now. She listened as the footsteps grew in volume. Now!
Indie. What about Indie’s room? She forced her feet to start moving. No. I can’t see him. He’ll hate me. He’ll be mad at me. He— She tore her mind out of the shadows. He’s the only option left. Then she pushed herself down the corridor.
THUD. THUD. THUD. The footsteps rang against her ear. They weren’t going to stop.
She kept her gaze on the cell doors, ignoring the darkness that was finally catching up to her. Here, it’s here. She found the door she hoped was the right one. Number fifty is what he said, right?
THUD. THUD. THUD. She wanted the footsteps to go away, but instead they echoed louder, battering against her mind. THUD. THUD. THUD.
It’s going to have to be this room. She gently knocked on the door. Please be this room. Then she noticed the door wasn’t fully closed. A piece of cardboard was trapped inside it.
“Indie?” She knocked again with a spark of hope.
And again.
And—
“Saffron?”
Thank Hell. “Don’t be mad.”
IV
The rain accelerated its tempo, hitting the small window in Indie’s cell. Saffron sat on his bed. What have I done? Her stomach was in nauseous tangles. What if he hates me? Her breath was running out. No, he does hate me. Her fingers tapped against her knees in a nervous panic. Of course he hates me. Her heartbeat marched through her ears. Everyone hates me for what I’ve done. And the pool of dark shadow took a seat behind her.
“Okay, okay, just-just tell me quickly. What kind of trouble are you in? And what-what are you putting me in now too?” Indie paced around the cell, almost tripping up from his trainers, which were far too big for him.
“I promise I’m not putting you in any trouble.” Saffron panted through her words, searching for her lost breath. I just need a moment to catch my breath. I just need one moment—
“You’re not putting me in any trouble? You’re-you’re literally in my room at like-at like five in the morning. If anyone catches us—”
“They won’t.” They won’t? “No one is out there.” Am I sure about that? “No one even saw me.” Really sure?
“Why were you running then, if-if no one saw you?”
“I heard footsteps—that was all. But I didn’t see anyone.”
“Footsteps? So there are teachers out there?”
“No, I don’t think so.” Something else entirely is out there. “I think we’re okay now.”
“You’d better be right about that.”
“I am.” Are you? “I promise.” Do you? “How do you go running for fun anyway?”
“What?”
“I can barely run when I need to. Why would anyone do that for fun?”
“Don’t change the subject now. Just-just tell me what’s going on.” Indie paced back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.
“I was right.”
“Right about what?” He paused. “Wait. This-this isn’t about Ray, is it?”
“Hear me out.”
“Saffron. Please stop trying to find answers.”
“But I was right about the caliginent.” She lowered her voice. “They weren’t just mythological creatures that Ray wrote about here. They’re the name of a trial.”
“A trial?”
“A medical company called Helios. They did a trial named ‘The Caliginent Trial.’ And I think Ray took part in it too—I found his writings again in the Helios place upstairs. It was like an office up there with all these notes on an experiment. Then I saw notes Ray had left—”
“So you’re sneaking around offices now?” Indie didn’t seem as impressed as she had hoped.
“I can show you the notes I found when we can go back to my room. Then you’ll see—”
“What-what if someone had seen you or what if you were caught? All for some answers that don’t even exist?” The rain hit the small window even harder.
“Aren’t you listening? There are answers. Ray took part in an experimental caliginent trial thing. That’s why he changed so much when he left Detention. That’s why he left those notes. And that’s why we lost him.”
“Saffron.” Indie pushed his hair back. “Stop it.”
“Why? You know I could be right.”
“Please. Ray is gone. I know you’re used to running away from your problems and-and shutting everything out. I know being stuck in one place is hard for you. But-but trying to create a mystery plot around a medical company’s drug trial isn’t going to-to help.”
Wait. What did he say?
Saffron paused. “I didn’t say it was a drug trial.”
Indie paused too. He stopped pacing.
“How do you know that?”
He didn’t respond. He looked at his trainers.
Don’t trust anyone. “Does this mean you knew about it all?”
“Saffron, I—”
“You knew about this caliginent trial?”
“Look, I was just-just worried about you. What if you followed the same path Ray did and I never saw you again? What if—”
“You knew there was something to do with the caliginent here that wasn’t just a story? Yet you made me believe I was crazy for thinking that?”
“I thought if you knew, you’d do something stupid! And clearly-clearly…. Clearly I was right.” Indie took a long breath, calming his tone. “So, yes. I knew about Helios.”
He’s been lying to me? “What do you know?” Has he always lied to me?
“Not much. Ray talked to me about it when I visited him here. He told me he had an appointment with them, and he was going to be given a drug but was scared to take it.”
“So you really did know about the drug and Helios and the caliginent—”
“Yes, okay, I knew. It shouldn’t be surprising that I knew more about Ray than you did. He was my boyfriend. I know you miss him, but I promise you I miss him more.” Indie sounded more defeated now.
“What did you say to Ray when he told you about the appointment?”
“What?”
“What did you say to him?”
Indie rubbed his earlobe between his fingers. “Well, I-I told him he shouldn’t be scared and it would help him.”
“Help him?”
“He wasn’t well. Like you said, he changed. He was different. He wasn’t doing good. And the drug sounded like it was something that could help him.”
“And did it?”
“What?”
“Did it help him?”
He didn’t respond.
“Because I think the drug harmed him.”
“Saffron—”
“No, listen. I found out the drug gives people crazy effects like…” She looked at her arm. “Like nausea, vomiting, loss of appetite, sweating, tiredness, insomnia, delusions, paranoia, mania, seizures, hallucinations. This means this drug is dangerous. It means it could be the reason Ray was so ill. It could be the reason he…” Her heart beat faster again. “It could be the reason…” And again. “He…” She sensed the pool of darkness crawl closer towards her. I can’t even say it. Just say it. Just. Say. It. She couldn’t.
“Hey,” Indie started, quieter. “You know….you know it’s been exactly one year today since he died, right?”
It’s been exactly one year since he died. The patters of rain slowed down. A year. Since. He. Died.
“What?” she asked after a long moment of silence.
“Yeah, it’s…it’s been exactly a year since Ray died.”
A year since Ray died. He was right. It had been a whole year since Ray had died. I guess I forgot to mention that.
Indie kept his head down, looking at his oversize trainers as he shuffled his feet against the floor. “I know we’ve both been busy and time doesn’t feel right in Detention. So it’s okay if you forgot or didn’t realise or whatever.”
Saffron stayed silent. I forgot it’s been exactly a year since Ray died? She fidgeted with her shoelace bracelet, pulling it on and off again. How could I forget? She had been through so much war with her grief over this past year that it felt like a decade. All good is lost. Yet it still wasn’t over.
“We were supposed to see his family today, remember? Before-before we got sent to Detention. But I guess-I guess that’ll have to wait until we get out…”
“Indie, I...” How could you forget? I watched a singular tear fall down her cheek before she pushed it away. Don’t cry. Keep up your mask. Keep the world on your shoulders. “Ray has been on my mind so much recently—all I wanted to do was find out what happened to him.”
“I know. But I think-I think you forgot you need to grieve for him too.” He pushed his strands of black-and-purple hair away from his face. He didn’t have any tears in his eyes. He’s already cried them all. “It’s okay, though. Sometimes I forget he’s gone too. Sometimes I still, like, I still go to-to tell him something, or think about going to see him, before realising, Oh, yeah, I can’t…” There was a sharp coldness in his voice. “Or maybe-maybe I even imagine he’s still here, still by my side, still holding my hand like he always used to…even though I’ll never get to hold his hand again.”
They let the silence sit for a long moment.
I saw another tear fall down her cheek, but she swiped it away once more. “It doesn’t make any sense that he’s….” Say it. “Nothing makes any sense.” Why can’t you say it? “The world doesn’t make any sense.” Saffron kept her eyes on the floor, staring at Indie’s trainers.
Indie gave a soft smile that creased his eyes. Then pulled her into a hug. His lanky arms wrapped around her back. Saffron placed her arms around him too, letting herself feel comforted by the moment. Another teardrop fell from her cheek, and she let this one fall. Just breathe. They didn’t say anything but knew they didn’t need to. Instead they stayed in that embrace, holding onto each other as closely as they could while the rain continued to fall in the background and the world turned on relentlessly.