EPILOGUE: DAY FIFTY-SIX (FINALLY)

Stop. Just breathe. That’s all that we can do right now. That’s all that we could ever do. And sometimes that’s enough.

My shadow stared up at me from the table as I sat in the interrogation room. I knew it was judging my appearance, as I looked like a complete mess. But at least this time the cut on my cheek finally had healed. The green strands were fading to a yellow colour across my tangled curls. And my wrists weren’t chained down.

I tapped my fingers against the table, racing them against my heart, which was beaming with excitement. I was counting down the minutes as they passed, counting down the time I had left until I could finally get out of this Hell and into the next.

The door finally opened.

“You all right?” Sylver walked in and took the seat opposite me. He stared at me for a long moment with his sunken eyes. Then he laughed. “You made it out.” He leant back in his chair. “I didn’t think you would.”

I laughed too. “I didn’t either.”

He had several cuts and bruises across his face and neck, not all of which I had seen before. But his laugh seemed to cover them. “No one did. You surprised everyone.” He took off his trench coat and rested it on the back of his chair.

“Shut up.” I laughed again, showing off my serpentine smile. “It’s a shame I didn’t get out as quickly as Indie did.”

“Maybe if you’d focused on the play and ‘contributing’ to Detention, you would’ve? Huh?” Sylver flicked through the file he’d been carrying, scanning through useless notes the teachers had made about me during my time in Detention. “It’s a miracle you got let out on time.”

“It is.” I spoke quieter. “Thanks.”

Sylver waited in silence for a long moment. “Indie’s all right, by the way. I checked on him the other day…even though I know he didn’t want me to.”

“He’ll come around eventually.”

“No, he won’t.” He wouldn’t.

“Do you have any idea how Ashiya is?”

“Ashiya?” He smiled. “Why are you asking about her?”

“I’m just curious.” I tried to brush it off and not seem as interested as I was.

“Sounds like it.” He smirked. “She works for the mayor, you know? That’s why she got out early too. I noticed that during one of your first days here. I knew I had seen her someplace before…”

“I know. She told me.”

“She did?” He laughed. “She wasn’t a very good ‘spy’ then.”

“She was all right.” I laughed too.

“All I can tell you about her is that it looks like she’s still in a job.”

“So it looks like the mayor will be re-elected?”

“It always looked like that. Especially now with the ‘success’ of the drug trial.”

“Success? And everyone believed him?”

“Of course. He’s the best actor of them all.”

I let myself laugh again until it disappeared into silence.

“You’re going to be careful when you leave here, right?”

“I always am.”

“You’re not.”

“I know.”

“Good. Just keep going how you have been recently. You’ve seemed a little better. A little more like your old self—”

“A little better at not getting into trouble all the time?”

“No, I think you’ve gotten worse at that. Just remember you still have a forty-day probation period to get through before you’re truly free. You don’t want to be brought back here.” He ran his hands through his hair, revealing the hidden blue strands underneath.

“Don’t worry. I am never going to come back here again.” I didn’t know if that was true or not, but I prayed to Hell it was.

“Good, because I don’t want to see you here again. I’m getting tired of your idiotic face.” He got up and moved to the door. “Come on then.” He opened it, gesturing me out. “Shall we?”

I smiled. “We shall.” I took an extra moment in my chair, hoping it was the last time I would be sitting in it. Then I followed him out.

“And Saffie,” he said quieter. “Please look after yourself this time.”

“I’ll do it if you do it, Sylver.”

He scratched at his overgrown stubble as he thought for a moment. “I’ll try.” The bags under his eyes were begging for sleep more than mine were. “And Saffie…”

“It’s Officer Sylvester, right?” I gave my usual pandemonious smirk.

“It is. You know that.” I did. “But also remember to breathe. Okay?”

I rolled my eyes at him. “How could I forget?”

I followed him out of the room, into the narrow corridors and towards my exit. I was wearing my dark clothes and comfortable leather jacket again. I had my muddied military boots and shoelace bracelet too. I felt completely myself for the first time in a while. I didn’t look around at the security cameras as I strode forwards. Instead I kept my gaze ahead of me. I was ready to finally get out, back to Medlock, back to my real life, my friends, my family, to everything I had missed. Finally.

“Try not to come back here.” Mr Woods was leaning against a wall, watching us pass by. “Please.”

“I’m going to try harder than I’ve done before.”

“Good. The amount of paperwork I’ve had to do because of you is insane. So I can’t go through that again.”

“I promise I’ll stop making your job any harder than it already is.”

Sylver hid his smile with a cough as we walked past.

“Great. And good luck out there, missy!” Mr Woods shouted after us.

I held on to the shoelace bracelet, twirling it, twisting it, moving it along my wrist. I took a breath. In. And out. In. And out. It was nice being able to properly breathe again without a mask covering me. I could see again. I could hear again. I was whole again. And I had slept. I had actually slept. A fresh buzz of energy rushed through my body. And my shoulders felt lighter, like there wasn’t quite a whole world resting on them.

“There’s your exit.” Sylver pointed to a final door.

“Finally.” I grinned.

“Dad should be waiting for you.” He walked away, back into the maze of corridors. “I’ll see you later!”

I saw a long stretch of shadow on the floor before me as I pushed open the final door and walked out into a reception area. The scenery was bare, like they were taking it down as the play reached its end. And there was one large frosted-glass door straight ahead. Bright sunlight poured through as relentless drops of rain crashed against it. I could finally smell the freedom I had missed. I couldn’t wait to return home, to whatever mess was waiting for me there.

“Saffie?”

My dad’s tall figure was standing by the door.

“Dad?” I mimicked his tone exactly.

“You all right?”

I thought for a moment. “I don’t know.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I don’t know.”

He nodded. “We don’t need to pick your sisters up from school for a few hours. Do you wanna get some pizza?”

“Sure.” I smiled, looking back out towards the sun, which was inches away from me.

“Saffie.”

“Dad.”

“I know these past several weeks have been difficult.” He paused. “I know this past year has been difficult. But you know it wasn’t your fault, right?”

“What wasn’t?”

“Everything.”

“Everything?”

“Maybe a few things.” He smiled. “Only a few, though.” He waited in silence for a moment. “But I…I know how difficult it is to get rid of pain like that… Maybe some days it’s quieter, but it never really leaves.”

I looked back down to my shadow stretching out on the floor.

“The best way I’ve found to deal with it is to just talk about it. Your darkness is not a burden. You don’t have to hide anything.” He stood in silence for another long moment. “I know it’s not the best advice… But it’s a start.”

I nodded.

“So Saffie…”

“So Dad.”

“You’re okay now with it all?”

“It all?”

“With the world that doesn’t make any sense.”

“Sure. I know now it’s not supposed to. Right?”

We let ourselves laugh then turned to the door, looking out at the world beyond.

“Saffie.”

“Dad.”

“Are you going to be okay?”

I stretched my mouth into one last sinuous smile. “No, I don’t think so.”

I listened to the THUD THUD THUD of my heartbeat as it relentlessly marched on. I took my final bow. Then I pushed open the bright glass door as I took a breath in.

And out.

In.

And out.

In.

And.

Out.

In.

And—