I’M LOSING TRACK OF WHAT DAY IT IS

I

What the Hell. Have. You. Done?

“Phire?”

“Get away from me!” Saffron jumped to her feet. She dragged her eyes open, letting them adjust to the world again. But it was blurred and disorientating. It still wasn’t quite right.

It hasn’t been quite right in a long time, has it? In days…no, months—no, a year.

She shivered as my words shattered through her mind. The dread of panic ran over her as she realised I was still there. The nightmare wasn’t over yet.

“Phire, hey, it’s all right. Sit down.”

“What’s going on?” She was no longer in a cell, no longer strapped to a bed. Instead she was in a brightly lit dining hall. It was a place Saffron had barely been in with her consistent loss of appetite, but now it had transformed itself into a theatre. An array of chairs had been laid out in rows, each with their own shadow. Poorly made props and scenery were scattered around the floor. And there was a stage in the centre, a place to act your part. A hive of people stood on it. Indie was there too. They all had scripts in their hands. And they were preparing Ray’s play. They’re reading the last words he ever wrote.

“I think you dozed off. It looked like you were having a nightmare,” Ashiya’s warm voice said.

Saffron took a seat. They were in the back row of chairs together. “A nightmare?”

“Yeah, it looked like a terrifying one. Are you okay?”

Get yourself together. Say you’re fine, remember?

Saffron jumped back to her feet as my words reverberated against her thoughts. “No, no it’s still here. It’s still here.” She went to wipe sweat off her forehead but felt it was cool and dry. Then she saw she was wearing the usual Detention uniform again. Everything was normal again? But then she noticed she still wore the plain white tennis shoes and her shoelace bracelet was missing. Normal might be the wrong word.

“No. It can’t still be real. It can’t be.” Saffron’s breath was short and stammered, as though she had forgotten how to breathe properly. “It’s just a delusion. Just a hallucination. Just a nightmare.”

You know I’m so much more than that.

“Phire?”

“How did I even get here? I was in a cell a second ago.” It felt as though time and place were skipping around her and the world didn’t care if she was caught up or not. Nothing felt right. Nothing will feel right again unless you let me in.

“How did you get here? I think you walked?” Ashiya laughed. “Unless there’s other secret modes of transportation around here?”

Get. Yourself. Together.

“Are you okay?” Ashiya frowned, studying Saffron’s face. She knew something was wrong. Probably because everything is.

“How can I hear it but not see it?” Saffron looked around the room again, peering into the corners, at the shadows—but there were so many shadows. Too many. She knew I could be hiding in any one of them.

“Are you looking for something?” Ashiya squeezed Saffron’s arm, trying to grab her attention.

Don’t tell her. She’ll say you’re delusional. She’ll say you’re mad.

Rain relentlessly poured down onto the windows, echoing against the room. And sunlight streaked in—sunlight.

“Wait. What time is it?”

“It’s midday. Like one maybe?”

“Midday? Okay, that’s good.” Saffron nodded, sitting back down again. “That means it can’t hurt me yet. It’s nighttime when it comes out.” Are you sure about that? “I’m sure. It can’t get me yet.”

“What are you talking about? Do you need to go back to sleep?”

Saffron turned to Ashiya. She focused on her face, her kind eyes, her orange hijab. “You’re here.”

“I am, yes. That’s very observant of you.”

“I mean, you’re alive. You’re okay.”

“Yes, I’m alive.” She gave her infectiously melodic laugh. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“The-the séance. You didn’t seem right at all. Then you passed out or something? They took you away.”

“So you liked my little performance?”

“Performance?”

“I told you I’m good at performances. I think I did a pretty good job, right?” Ashiya grinned. “Did I scare you?”

“Scare me?” Does that mean it was all just an act? All for show? “What?” Maybe you two are more similar than you think. “No, shut up,” Saffron muttered under her breath, fighting against my words.

“What is it, Phire? Did the teachers hurt you?” Ashiya scanned Saffron’s face, trying to work out what was happening.

What if this is all an act too? What if she’s lying just as much as you are?

“I-I…” Tell her you’re fine. Why wouldn’t you be fine? “I don’t know what’s going on. I think it’s coming for me. I think it’s getting stronger.”

“Someone’s coming for you? Is it one of the teachers? Or officers? That Sylvester? I mean, the one who hurt your cheek?”

“What? No. No, not him.” Saffron tried to take in more breaths, but they were short and sharp, barely even a breath at all.

“Then who?” Ashiya placed her hands on Saffron’s shoulders, but Saffron pushed them off. She had too much weight on them already.

She won’t believe you. “I don’t know. I-I…” She tried speaking over my words, but they only echoed louder in her mind. “I-I don’t know if it’s even real. But it hurt me. It hurt me.” She showed Ashiya the cut on her arm, which looked as fresh as it was when I shattered the mirror. “I don’t know how, but it did. And I can’t let it do that again. I’m going to have to fight it off at night, I think.”

“What is ‘it’?”

Don’t tell her. Don’t— “The caliginent. It won’t stop speaking to me. It won’t go away. No, it’s trying to get in. Into my mind. Wait—no. It’s not real. It’s a delusion. It’s just a delusion.” She’s not going to believe you. No one will. “Did you not see it when you took the drug? Did it not torment you? Like-like it did to Ray? To Curtis?” No one will.

“The caliginent? Curtis?” Ashiya smiled wider. “Oh, I get it! You’re rehearsing. Putting on a performance to scare me too, right?”

“What?” No. One. Will.

“Your acting is very good, very subtle. I guess that’s perfect for a character who’s being eaten by a caliginent, slowly losing their minds before turning into a caliginent themselves.” She laughed, louder.

Is this it? Is this all life is? One huge swirling mess of confusion that doesn’t lead anywhere? “Shut up. No. No, not the play. I mean really. I mean did the caliginent not really torment you? As it’s been tormenting me ever since…” Ever since when? “Since…” Since. When? Come on. Really think about it. How long have I been here? How long have I been waiting for you to let me back in?

“Hey!” Indie shouted from the stage. “Are you two coming to join us yet or-or what?”

“We’re coming now!” Ashiya shouted back. “Saffron was just getting herself into character!”

Saffron? Did she call you Saffron? She knows your name is Saffron? Does that mean she can see through your disguise? She knows you’re not an angel of light. She knows what you truly are—

“We’re taking it from the top of the-the third scene in act two. Saffron, feel free to-to watch us for now,” Indie called out. “Then I’ll bring you in, if you’re ready?”

Are you ready? Saffron stared at Indie and the group of people onstage. They all seemed so far away, in a whole other realm to where she was. She wanted to join them, but she didn’t know how to return home to normality—there’s only one way to do that. Let me in.

“I hope you keep up that character.” Ashiya smiled, looking back towards Saffron. Then she walked out into the aisle. “Oh, and afterwards we have to talk about what trouble we’re going to get into on your birthday.”

“My birthday?”

“Indie told me you’re turning twenty. We definitely have to throw a party—it would be rude not to.”

“Wait.” Saffron grabbed Ashiya’s arm before she could walk away.

“What is it?”

“Did nothing happen when you took the drug? Did nothing torment you?”

“Torment me? What would torment me?”

“A monster.”

“A monster?” Ashiya laughed.

She’s not answering you. You realise that, right? She’s not answering you. “Or any sort of hallucination or anything?”

“Anything? Like what?”

Why is she not answering you? “Just. Anything. I don’t know. What happened when you took the drug?”

“What do you mean?”

Think! Why is she not answering you? Saffron squeezed Ashiya’s arm hard with a burst of anger. “Just tell me what happened when you took it!”

Ashiya frowned as she watched Saffron’s face fill with rage. “Okay, Phire. Calm down.” She pulled her arm out of Saffron’s grasp.

She’s still not answering you. “Tell me what happened!”

“I never took it,” Ashiya finally said.

There it is. “What? You mean… You never took the drug?”

“No.”

“What? So…the séance was fake?”

“I told you I’m great at performances. And it was fun, wasn’t it?” Ashiya laughed again, softer.

“But…why didn’t you take it? How didn’t you take it?” She lied to you. Everyone lied to you.

“I was just worried after you told me about your friend, Ray—how he took it then went missing. And then… Then Indie told me Ray didn’t go missing.”

He didn’t.

“He said Ray died.”

He did die. And you didn’t tell her that. In fact, you didn’t tell anyone that. Not even yourself. Because you can’t, can you? You can’t even say that he died, can you? Because saying it would mean it was true.

“Shut up, shut up, shut up,” Saffron muttered under her breath.

“Phire, it’s okay. I understand why you didn’t want to tell me. And I’m sorry you lost him; I really am. It must have been so horrible—”

It was. But you don’t even remember losing him, do you? Or at least you don’t want to remember. You don’t want to remember his death or even his funeral. You don’t want to accept that he’s gone and never coming back.

“From. The. Top,” Indie shouted across the hall.

Should I keep fighting for the will to live, or should I end my pain while I still can?

Ashiya gave Saffron one more smile of kindness. “We can talk more afterwards, okay?” Then she ran towards the stage.

“Lights, please!” Indie yelled.

The lights of the hall turned off in one sudden switch, plunging the room into darkness.

Why don’t you remember it? Why don’t you want to remember any of it?

“And spotlight!”

The light directly above the stage lit up, illuminating the actors as they froze in position. Saffron tried to concentrate on them, on what was real. The hall was real. The rain was real. Indie was real. Ashiya was real. The chairs were real. Her shoelace bracelet was real—wait, no. No, it wasn’t. It wasn’t there. It was still missing. She took a breath. The rain was real. The stage was real—

And I am real too.

“Action!”

II

“There is no escape left for me,” Indie started in a loud, clear voice, taking on his confident stage persona. He enjoyed having his words prepared and ready for him to speak as eloquently as possible. He enjoys wearing a mask just as much as you do. “Nothing is left for me.” He was acting as Curtis, the protagonist of Ray’s play.

Others around him were pretending to be on a ship in a storm, using scrap materials as sails blowing in the wind. They played weak sound effects for rain that were drowned out by the real patters of rain crashing against the windows of the hall, as though Poseidon himself were coming for them. There is no escape left for you.

“There is no escape, no hope, no fear, no remorse,” Indie continued. “All good has been lost. All life has been lost. Everything is lost.”

Everything is lost. And only I remain.

Saffron tightened her fists, digging her nails into her palms—letting the pain pull her back to the present; to the broken chair she sat in; to her feet on the ground; to the sounds of the fake rain, the real rain, the movement of the actors, Indie’s acting, the visible darkness of the room; to the shadows behind Indie, which were shifting and coiling and forming broken bodies and malicious grins.

“There is nothing there. There is nothing to worry about,” Saffron whispered to herself, breathing in. Then out. Out. Then in. Out. In. In. Out.

“Maybe the Aphotic is my only choice,” Indie continued as the fake storm around him grew stronger. “Maybe being in a place where no light shines and no caliginent beasts reign will be my only saviour.”

In then out again. Out. Then in. In. Out. Out. “Just focus on what is real,” she muttered. What even is real? In. And out. She focused on Indie. She focused on his words, on Ray’s words. Out. And in. She ignored the shadows as they twisted into monsters waiting in the corner of the stage, waiting behind Indie, just waiting. In. And out. And out. Out.

“The Aphotic? Why do you speak of that treacherous place again?” Ashiya walked onto the stage. She was one of Curtis’s comrades, the closest one to him. Saffron used to always imagine the character like herself. The one who tried to listen to Curtis, who tried to help him but ultimately couldn’t. Did you even try to listen to Ray? Did you even bother? Or did you ignore his pain like everyone else? Did you watch him leave without even waving goodbye?

“The Aphotic is the one place I cannot stop thinking about,” Indie said. “It is the one place I will be safe from the grasp of this Scylla beast that is the caliginent.”

Saffron looked out the window. The sunlight had faded. Time was skipping its way around her, then speeding far ahead. It looked as though it was almost night. It looked as though it was almost time. I was almost here.

Her breathing sharpened, as though a knife were cutting through it. In. Out. Out. In. In. Out. She watched Indie, Ashiya, the play, the shadows. In. Out. In. In. The shadows that were growing, getting stronger with every breath she tried to take in. Out. In. And in. Out. Out. Out. And in.

“But there is nothing to be seen down there,” Ashiya continued, in a loud, confident voice, comfortably fitting into her performance role. “The Aphotic is merely the depths of the ocean where no light, no hope, and no life can get to. It is not a place—it is a grave.”

“I know… I know if I go down there, I will never be seen again.” Indie nodded, easily matching Ashiya’s energy. “I know it is a place no soul can ever return from. But it is also a place no caliginent can break into.”

“Why do you still speak about that beast? Have you not been successful in your attempts to resist its call?”

“There is no resisting its call. It is a beast that dominates my entire mind. And there is no escape from that. The only place that will bring me true peace lies at the bottom of the ocean.”

He’s right. There is no escape from me.

Breathe in and out again. Slower. In and out. Focus on what’s real. Listen to the calming motion of the crashing rain. In and out again. That’s it. In and out.

Ashiya stumbled across the stage as the fake storm blew against them. “You cannot just end everything and walk away from us.”

“I can. No, I must,” Indie stated.

“So you would rather go to the Aphotic? To a place where there is only silence and darkness forever?”

“It is better than having to fight off this caliginent beast every day. It is better than trying to win a never-ending battle, than trying to climb an insurmountable summit, than trying to breathe when no air is left.” He walked to the edge of the ship.

“You are lost, my friend. You are lost!” Ashiya pulled Indie back from the edge, but he resisted her.

“I am not lost. I know exactly where I am,” Indie continued. “But clearly you do not. No one does.” No one understood Ray’s pain. Not even you.

“Is it not better to continue on this mortal plane? To face the wounds from the caliginent? Is it not better to take on the pain so you do not burden anyone else with the pain your departure will bring?”

“You want me to live so you can thrive? You want me to go through mountains of pain every single day so you don’t have to face your own?” Indie walked closer to the edge of the ship, peering over the side, looking into what should be the ocean below. “I do not yet understand whether my life is worth that. Whether it is worth all that pain and suffering. Whether it is worth anything at all.”

Saffron hadn’t read the ending of the play yet. Is it worth suffering? She hadn’t read whether he chose to go to the Aphotic, to death, to the only place he could escape from the caliginent. Is it worth anything at all? She couldn’t face the ending. She couldn’t watch Curtis die. She couldn’t watch Ray die. She couldn’t accept it. She couldn’t accept that he was actually dead. She couldn’t even say it. Can you? Say it. Just say it!

Saffron’s body shook at my words. She didn’t know how to stay in reality while they plummeted through her mind. She felt like my darkness was crawling over her, scuttling across her body, slithering through her thoughts with a piercing coldness. She was pretending as though she couldn’t hear me. She acted as though she couldn’t see me, as though she weren’t watching me standing in the corner of the stage. But she could. Of course she could. I was all she could see. You’ll have to face me eventually. So why not now?

“I’m so glad to see you,” a soft Irish voice started next to her.

She jumped, turning her head, adjusting to the darkness of the room. “Indie?”

“Sorry. I-I shouldn’t have scared you like that.” He sat next to her. “But I really am glad you came.” He gave her a huge, genuine smile that creased his eyes.

“You are?” Saffron asked.

“Of course I am. I mean it.” He doesn’t. Why would anyone want you? Why would anyone be glad to see you?

Ashiya continued to speak out across the stage with flutters of soliloquies and pure poetry. Saffron had missed hearing Ray’s words being performed. She had missed his plays, his stories, his life.

“It’s-it’s kind of like we’re back in college again, isn’t it?” He tried to smile but felt unsure about it.

Is it? She used to enjoy being a part of Ray’s productions in college, but now acting had become more of a burden than an escape. There was nothing comforting about this theatre. Especially not when everyone was watching her, waiting for her to break character.

“Okay, okay. Do you want to tell me what’s going on?” Indie kept his voice quiet, leaning in close towards her. “Did something happen? I mean when they-they kept you in isolation for so long. I imagine that was tough. They didn’t-didn’t hurt you again, did they? I mean, Sylvester didn’t hurt you?”

“What?” Saffron saw he was looking at the small cut on her cheek that still wouldn’t heal. “No. No, he didn’t.” Didn’t he? “He didn’t.”

“Are you-are you sure?” His eyes moved to the cut on her arm.

“What? Yes.” She pulled down her sleeve to cover it. “I’m sure.” Are you? “I am.” You’re not. “I am. Shut up. I’m fine,” she said, fighting against my voice. You’re lying. “I’m not lying.” Act normal—you’re letting your mask slip. “I’m normal.”

“Normal people don’t have to say they’re normal.” He went to laugh but didn’t. “Look, I know it can be a lot, performing Ray’s last work. I know it can be tough, because it gives it all a sense of finality. But maybe-maybe that’s a good thing?”

Maybe it’s a good thing to accept that he’s dead. To say that he’s dead. Just say it. Go on. Say it. “I can’t.”

“You can’t do the play?”

“What? No. I’ll do the play, I think.”

“Oh, okay… Well, I thought you might just-just like to have a few lines. Maybe we can share the ones at the end?”

The end? Saffron still hadn’t read the end. She hadn’t wanted to. She couldn’t accept it. She couldn’t face it. She took a long breath in, trying to steady herself against my never-ending words. Then she leaned in closer to him, making sure no one else heard them. “I have so much to tell you first. I’ve found out so much—”

“Found out?” he frowned. “You haven’t still been investigating, have you?”

He’ll be mad at you if you tell him the truth. “It’s more complicated than that—”

“You’re not still-still looking for answers that don’t exist, are you?” He let out a long sigh. “I thought the-the ridiculousness of the séance would’ve stopped you from this.”

He’s already so mad. “No, Indie, you don’t understand. I—”

“Can’t we just have a normal day for once, without you-without you taking me away from it?”

“But seriously—”

“I can’t argue about this now.” He stood. “Let’s talk about this afterwards. It’s-it’s almost my cue.”

He won’t believe you anyway. “But listen to me—”

“Please, Saffron. Can we just get through this rehearsal first?” Indie held out his hand to her. “Why don’t you join me? It could-it could be good for you.”

“No, I’m trying to tell you something important—”

“This is important, Saffron.”

“But I—”

“Forget it.” He took his hand back and started to walk away. “It doesn’t matter for now. Let’s just-just speak afterwards, okay?” Okay? Is anything okay? Is anything ever okay? He pushed his hair out of his face. He walked back onto the stage to resume his role.

While she resumed hers. “Nothing to worry about,” she whispered to herself, rocking in her chair to comfort herself against my words. “Nothing to worry about.” How can you say there’s nothing to worry about when there’s still everything to go? Breathe In. Then out again. Slower. In. And out. In. And slower. Out. In. Out. In. I said slower. In. Out.

I told you he wouldn’t believe you.

In. Out. Stop. In. Out. Slow down. In. Out. In. In.

I told you he wouldn’t even want to listen.

In. In. And in. She couldn’t find her breath. She couldn’t find anything. All she could see were my red eyes glowing from the back of the stage as the shadows shifted. They were stitching themselves together, creating one indomitable beast that was eager to devour her.

Are you ready?

In. And. In. And. And. And. She watched my tendrils of darkness strangle one another as they merged together, pushing and pulling and contorting one another. They fought for a place until they constructed a large creature of darkness. A Scylla beast. A monster waiting for its cue.

Are you sitting comfortably?

She watched as I waited in the corner of the stage. My hollow mouth dripped with bloodied shadows, and my cape of darkness enshrouded my secrets. Then she watched as Indie walked in front of me.

Then let’s begin.

III

“The caliginent! It’s here!” Indie shouted as he walked to the centre of the stage, stepping out in his trainers, which were far too big for his feet. “Help me, my comrades!”

“Curtis?” Ashiya looked at him as a group of other prisoners joined the scene.

“The caliginent! It’s here! It’s here to take me away! My mind has been broken down into so many pieces that I can no longer even begin to put it back together. I cannot fight off the caliginent. Not by myself.”

Saffron stood up. Her breath strangled her lungs. Her heart lashed out against her chest. And her eyes were fixed on my glowing red eyes waiting in the corner of the stage, just waiting. She wondered if Indie could actually see the caliginent too. No, he’s just acting. He can’t see it— “Shut up,” she whispered. She was convinced he could see it too. She was convinced it couldn’t just be her.

“Help me, my comrades!” he screamed out in fearful pain. “Please help me! Before it takes me away! Before it destroys me! Before it breaks my mind into even more pieces and destroys them all!”

She didn’t know if I was really there, as my figure was lost in the darkness of the shadows. She didn’t know if I was a hallucination, or maybe I was a costume, a part of the play. She didn’t know what was happening to her mind, and if this is what happened to Ray—

But then I moved forwards. I took a step closer towards the spotlight. And she saw that I really was there and there really was something to worry about. I was much more humanoid now. There was an actual shape to my shadowy figure. I stood around seven feet tall, towering over Indie. I had arms and legs and a torso and head. I looked almost familiar for a brief moment—

But then she saw it wasn’t just darkness creating my new form. It was snakes. Hundreds of small, shadowed snakes slithered around the air as one. They were piling on top of one another, crushing one another as they fought for their position to create my appearance. And my red eyes of fire burned in the centre of it all like drops of hellish flames that could never be extinguished.

“Look! Can’t you see it? Can’t anyone see it?” Indie shouted. “Please help me destroy it before it breaks my life! Before it breaks my heart! Before it breaks my mind and takes away everything I have!”

“Curtis!” Ashiya called over the sounds of fake rain. It merged with the real crashes of rain to create one treacherous storm that was drowning them all. “There is nothing there, my friend! There is nothing in the winds before you. I fear you are seeing false spirits. Your mind is not truthful!”

“No, it is! It is there before me! Can you not see its tall, frightening form? Are you not shaken by its ghostly appearance of pure shadow?”

“No, my friend. Step back away from the edge now. Do not let your mind fool you!”

“I cannot! I must face it. I must fight it before it breaks me!” He took out a dagger.

“Please, you are deluded. Put the knife down! Step away from the edge!”

“Not until the deed is done.” He stepped towards the caliginent. And I stepped towards him, looming over him in my mask of venomous snakes.

“There is nothing there,” Saffron whispered to herself. “There can’t be. It’s just a play. Just a hallucination. Just a delusion. Just a—” Her heart clattered harder against her chest. “Just a—” Her breath was lost and no longer moving. “Just a—” And her mind was lost too.

“You are mad, Curtis!” Ashiya yelled.

“If you will not help me, I have to help myself,” Indie continued.

If you will not help me. You didn’t help him, did you? You never helped Ray. Instead you ignored him, didn’t you? You didn’t see his true pain. You didn’t see his caliginent shadow. You didn’t see him. And what’s worse is that you didn’t even try.

Indie lunged towards me with his dagger, thrusting it through my concoction of shadows. But it went straight through me. It didn’t even leave a mark. So I took another step towards him.

“Nothing is there,” Saffron muttered. “Nothing.” Nothing? But she knew I was there. She knew I wasn’t going to leave.

I stepped towards Indie once more. He tried to stop me; he tried to stab me—but again it didn’t work. You can’t kill a caliginent. He stumbled back away from me, falling onto the ground. “Help me! Please! I cannot do this alone!”

What are you going to do? Help him? Or let him die like you let Ray die?

“There is nothing there, my friend!” Ashiya shouted back. “There is nothing to worry about! Put your weapon away and speak to us.”

Are you going to act like she is? Are you going to carry on denying my existence? Are you going to carry on denying everything? Saffron felt the world around her was blurring into one. It was all so dark, so empty, so cold. But she couldn’t let me take him. She couldn’t watch this anymore. She had to do something.

She moved away from her chair. She walked out to the aisle. Then she ran. She moved with all the strength she could find, sprinting towards the stage to get to Indie before I got to him first.

“Indie!” she yelled. “Get back! Stay away from it!” She kept her eyes locked on mine. “Don’t let it get you! Don’t let it take you away!” She jumped onto the stage with one swift motion, then moved past Indie, moving towards me—

But he grabbed her arm.

He pulled her back.

“Saffron? What-what are you doing?” He spoke in a soft, worried voice.

What are you doing? What the Hell are you doing?

“The caliginent. It’s…” She looked back to where I was standing. But my figure was no longer there. Instead she saw a few young prisoners with a long black sheet over them. “It was just…”

“Are you okay?” Indie kept hold of her. He could feel how warm she was.

She looked back at him. “I’m-I’m…” Fine. Right? You’re fine. “I can still hear it.” She looked around the room, but it was too dark. There was no light outside either. Night had fallen over them without her even realising. She couldn’t see anything. She couldn’t see me. But I saw her.

Indie got up to his feet. “Maybe you need to sleep?”

“Sleep? No, no. I can’t. It’s here.” She carried on searching for me, scanning her eyes around the shadows. “I think. I don’t know. It can’t be real. But it is. Isn’t it?”

“What is?”

“The caliginent. It’s here.”

“Saffron, are you-are you okay? Are you ill? Are you sure you-you don’t need to sleep?”

He doesn’t believe you. “No, listen to me. It’s here. It’s going to hurt me.”

“Nothing is going to-to hurt you, Saffron.”

Just like Curtis’s comrades didn’t believe him.

“I’m telling the truth!” She spoke louder. Others walked onto the stage, staring at her. They didn’t know if she was acting or if she was as delirious as she seemed.

Just like how you didn’t believe Ray.

“Saffron, come on. Let’s go.” Indie gestured her offstage, away from the stares of the audience.

“I don’t know what’s going on, Indie.” She looked at him. She focused on him, trying to hold on to the present, trying to wake herself up. “I thought it was all a hallucination. But it feels so real.” She was shaking, shivering, sweating. “It doesn’t make any sense.”

“What doesn’t?”

“Everything. The world doesn’t make any sense.”

And it never will. Not unless you listen to me and accept me—

“Shut up! Stop it!”

“Maybe we should get you some help.” Indie held out his hand to her.

She didn’t take it. “No, I’m fine.” Fine? “I just need to stop it. It’s here.” Why don’t you tell him the truth about how you’re feeling? She ran her hands through the green curls and knots of her hair. Or are you afraid he’ll hate you? Or are you afraid he already hates you? “No.” Because everyone hates you. “Stop it!”

She looked behind her, back to where the costume of the caliginent was, to where my voice came from—

And she saw me once more. I was smaller, maybe only six feet tall now. And my limbs were more even, creating a more realistic silhouette of a body. But my form was still made up of poisonous snakes. Their shadowy darkness wrapped around me, slithering around me, strangling every part of me. And my eyes of fire still looked deeply into hers.

Go on. Tell me I’m not real one more time.

She stumbled backwards. “Look! It’s there!” She pointed at me as fear flooded her face.

No one else reacted.

“Look! Can’t you see it? Can’t anyone see it?”

“There’s nothing there, Saffron.” Indie’s voice was a whisper. “Are you okay? Calm down and speak to me.”

“You can’t see it?” She moved backwards as panic sprinted through her heart. And my tendrils of sharpened claws moved towards her. “No. No!”

She pushed herself away from me, away from Indie, away from Ashiya, away from the other nameless characters in the hall around her…

Then she ran.