IT’S NO LONGER A DAY. IT’S NIGHTTIME NOW

I

Stop.

Saffron’s heart clawed at her body, fighting for life. Her breath gasped and tore at her lungs. Her whole body was sweating with drips of uncontrollable fear. And it was breaking into pieces, ripping at the cracks in her failing façade.

Stop running away from all your problems. Stop it. Stop—

“Shut up!” She shouted. She didn’t know what else to say. She couldn’t find the words. It felt like her mind was no longer her own, if it ever had been her own to begin with.

She didn’t dare look back to see if I was chasing her as she ran down narrow corridor after corridor after— She didn’t even know where she was. It all looked the same. The same nauseating paths. The same patronising posters. The same dead security cameras. The same endless maze of walls swallowing her whole.

Thud. Thud. THUD.

The world around her felt surreal, the layout of everything muddling and swirling and changing. Nothing stood still. Nothing made any sense. Yet still she tried to focus on what she knew was real. What she thought was real. What she hoped wasn’t just a dream, or a nightmare.

Thud. Thud. THUD.

“Mr Woods!”

Thud. THUD. THUD.

“Are you there?”

THUD. THUD. TH—

The door swung open. Mr Woods was more dishevelled than usual, like he had just woken up. His hair wasn’t quite as neat and straight as it normally was. And he was tired, but nowhere near as tired as you are.

“Saffron?” His shirt was crumpled and creased. Luckily he didn’t have his new Shade trench coat over it. “So you’re knocking on my door for a change?” He had his relaxed, northern accent on.

“Mr Woods,” Saffron said with a sigh of relief, panting for her lost breath.

“What is it? What are you doing here at this time?”

This time? Do you even know what time it is? Do you even know how late it’s getting?

She tried to ignore my words; she tried to push me away; she tried to actually speak clearly. “I don’t know what’s going on. I feel as though I’m being chased by a monster. I feel like I’m going mad.”

“Did you take something again? Have you been drinking?”

“What? No. I think something is chasing me.”

He folded his arms. “Right.”

“I’m serious. It’s that drug they gave me. That Helios drug. It made some kind of monster that’s haunting my mind.”

“So what do you want me to do about it?”

“What? I…I just need to get this thing out of me. I’m not feeling very well. I don’t know what they did to me, but whatever they gave me is dangerous. They’ve poisoned me. You have to stop them from giving that drug to others. We have to tell someone—”

“Relax, missy. You’re not making any sense.” Mr Woods glanced at his empty wrist. “Can you wait to tell me about this at our next meeting? I think it’s best you go and sleep off whatever this is for now. You’re going to be assigned a new mentor anyway, since I no longer have to babysit—”

“Wait, no, I really need to do something now.” Her heart sped against her fear. “I think something is trying to kill me. The drug. I think the drug is trying to kill me.”

“Come on, missy. You have to be more mature than this. Why don’t you go for a little walk to clear your head? Then maybe you can start to think a bit clearer too?”

“No, you’re not listening. It’s trying to kill me. I’m going to get hurt if you leave me alone with this-this monster. I know how it sounds, but it’s not a hallucination—it’s definitely more than that because it cut me. It actually cut—”

“Are you in any physical pain right now?”

“What?” Saffron paused for a second. “No, no, I don’t think so. I just have this voice that won’t stop—”

“Then it can’t be that bad, can it? Look at you—you seem young and healthy enough. You need to sleep this off. Or get some food and exercise; then you’ll be fine. Didn’t the Helios workers say these side effects could last another week or so?”

“But I don’t think it’s a side effect. I think it’s really going to hurt me. This happened to my friend, Ray. He was in this same position. He had this-this drug and this demon too, and then he, then he—” Say it already. Say that he died. “I think what’s happening to me happened to him.” Why can’t you say it?

“I know you’re talking about Raymond. I’ve been told all about your situation. I actually supported him when he was in Detention.”

“You did? So then you know all about his caliginent and—”

“He wasn’t a very well person.” Mr Woods spoke over her. “What happened to him was a tragedy.” It’s not a tragedy. “But we have to move on, don’t we? We have to keep going, right?”

“What? No, we have to—”

“And remember, if you need any extra help, call that list of numbers I gave you.”

“Call a list? But what am I supposed to do about this monster that’s eating my mind—”

“Here, I have another one for you.” Mr Woods grabbed a piece of paper from his desk and handed it to Saffron. “I’m sure someone on this list can support you just as well as I can.”

“What?” Saffron looked at the paper. It was the same identical list with the same long list of numbers. Saffron couldn’t tell which ones were suitable, if any. “But wait. What am I—” She looked back up, but Mr Woods had disappeared and closed the door.

Looks like no one’s helping you. You really are stuck with me.

A piercing shot of movement crawled across the shadows at the end of the corridor. It looked like the scuttle of a spider, eager to trap its prey.

Saffron backed away from the movement. She didn’t want to test if it was actually real this time. She didn’t want to convince herself there was nothing to worry about because now she realised there really was something to worry about. There really was something in the dark corners of the corridor that was crawling towards her.

There. There.

My darkness slithered out of the corner and into her sight. I looked like a huge chain of snakes writhing on the floor with venomous screams. Then they began attacking one another, biting and grabbing and twisting around one another’s bodies. They fought and struggled against death, slowly merging into one large mess. They coiled and twirled and wrapped themselves around my form, strangling one another until they built themselves higher and higher and higher in the air—until they stitched the shadows together and created my caliginent figure once more.

But I was even more humanoid this time. I was a little under six feet tall, standing at the exact same height as Saffron. My limbs were taking the right shapes. My figure was evening out. Everything was falling into place. And now I was walking. I was walking down the corridor, walking towards her, stepping across the ground with a THUD. THUD. THUD.

“No, you’re not real,” Saffron said, but even she didn’t believe her words. “This can’t be happening.” But it is. She turned away from me, prying her eyes off my figure even though she could hear how close I was—THUD. THUD. THUD.

Then she ran again. She sprinted as fast as she could, but her body was failing her. Her breath was choking on itself. Her vision was blurring. The noises, the shapes, the colours—it was all a mess. The whole world is a mess. She couldn’t do it. You never could. She couldn’t run down the never-ending corridors anymore. You can’t run away from me forever. She didn’t have the energy to move for much longer. You’ll have to face me eventually. Unless you choose to go to the Aphotic, like Curtis? Unless you decide the easiest way out is the hardest choice? Unless—

“Stop it!” She pushed open a door, but it was locked. It didn’t move.

You can’t escape. Not again.

She didn’t look back at me. Instead she ran to the next door and pushed it open, but it was locked too.

You’re running out of options.

She ran to the next one. Then the next one. Then the next—but they were all locked.

Don’t you think it’s time to give in?

She carried on trying door…

After door…

After—

Here. One of them opened. “Thank Hell.”

She ran into the room, closing the door behind her. She kept her back to it. She tried to take deep breaths in out, in out, out in; she tried to find some stability—but she couldn’t. She was beginning to collapse into broken pieces of pain. Everything was beginning to collapse.

She looked around the room. A row of phones was in front of her. She looked at the piece of paper that was scrunched up in her hand. She looked at the list, at number after number after—you’re running out of time.

She shivered at my words as she reached over to one of the phones. She punched in the first number she saw on the list—but the phone was broken. No noise, no response, nothing.

She swore under her breath as she reached for another phone. She punched in another string of numbers. Then it rang.

And rang.

And…

“You are the twenty-second person in the queue.” A robotic voice said. “Please hold.” Upbeat piano music played down the line.

Saffron swore under her breath again. She looked around the room but saw there was no other furniture, no other door, no window, no escape. She looked to the corner of the room, to the one security camera that seemed like it had been dead for decades. Looks like no one’s here to help you. The room had become so dark. No one is here to save you. It had become so lifeless. You can only do that yourself. It had become so full of minacious shadows.

She dropped the phone, letting it dangle on its cord. The piano music continued to play out as its swinging notes and jazzy tune sang to her. There was a soft drumbeat in the background, thud-thud-thudding along the off-beats of the music. She let the rhythm flow through her mind as she closed her eyes.

Are you ready to stop running away from all your problems now?

Then she braced herself.

Are you ready to finally face me?

II

Saffron tightened her fists as the darkness of the room enshrouded her, hiding its true nature. Yet somehow she still had a tall, elongated shadow stretching out in front of her.

Then it stretched even more, lengthening and bending its limbs. Her shadow was growing, coiling, twisting, forming upright before her. My darkness upon darkness was taking a better form again, transforming, metamorphosing—becoming better, bigger, stronger. It shifted in slithers of jagged movement until I created an even more humanoid shape than the last. One that mirrored Saffron’s limbs perfectly. I was the same height, the same weight, the same exact shadow. I stood before her like a dark reflection, a perfect copy.

You’re pathetic.

She was keeping up a brave face as she looked into my fiery red eyes, but we both knew how weak she was behind that mask. “You’re not real.” She focused on the piano music that was still playing, still swinging, still fluttering out from the phone. But it was too quiet to keep hold of.

Look at you. You’re a broken mess.

Her body shook. Her eyes were sagging down under the weight of tiredness, which begged her to sleep. Her hair tightened in tangled knots of curls. She knew she was sweating and couldn’t remember the last time she had showered. She really was a broken mess.

You’re broken in every way. You’re losing time; you’re losing place; you’re losing reality. You’re losing your friends. You’re losing your family. You’re losing everything.

She was still panting, gasping for breath that was no longer hers. But still she didn’t want to show any weakness—not to me, not to anyone, not even to herself. “Stop it. I’m fine. You’re not real. You’re not,” she said defiantly, as though she were trying to convince herself it was true.

Fine? Why do you keep saying that? Do you really believe it? No one else believes it. No one ever has. My words echoed louder, booming around her mind. You haven’t been fine in a long time. My words blended with the noise of the swinging piano music that was somehow growing louder. Not since Ray died. He died. Those are two little words you can’t say. You can’t admit it to yourself. You can’t even accept it.

I stepped closer towards her, forcing her to take a step back away from me. Her movements were staggered and weak. I knew she didn’t have the energy to face me. I stood taller as I looked down at her. My shadowy form was an exact copy of hers now. Even her loose strands of hair were mirrored in my shadow, reflecting her image exactly.

“You’re not real. This is a side effect.”

Do I look like a side effect to you?

“You’re not real. No. You can’t trick me with your lies.”

You think I would lie? I stepped closer towards her once more. Isn’t that your job? You’re the one who likes to pretend you’re fine, who likes to make jokes to cover up the fact you’re dying inside. It must be exhausting, constantly performing for other people, constantly smiling through the pain.

Saffron moved back again, hitting the wall behind her. “This isn’t real. There is nothing there and nothing to worry about.”

I stepped forwards. Don’t you want to finally stop acting? Don’t you want to finally stop lying? Don’t you want to finally let it all stop?

The piano music grew louder, as more instruments joined its tune, layering on top of it in a merge of different sounds.

“I’m not scared of you.” She felt my cold, sharp breaths against her own.

You’re scared of everything.

I reached out my serpentine hands. They were shadowy, dark tendrils with perfectly formed fingers. If you looked really close, you could see the outline of a bracelet on there too. A bracelet that looked like a shoelace, coiling around my wrist.

I’ve been trying to chase you down for so long. And now, finally, you’re stuck in a place where you can no longer escape from me. You’re finally going to confront everything you’ve pushed to the side. I extended my dark, twisted fingers towards her. Come on. Take my hand. Take it all back. Let. Me. In.

She turned away from me, shutting her eyes, wanting to get away from the world, though she knew she couldn’t. “No.” Her voice was so weak.

Just take it.

She kept her eyes locked shut.

Take it!

“No!”

I moved my hand farther towards her. Okay, then I’ll play it your way. I’ll be the demon you want me to be.

Suddenly I grabbed her top. I physically grabbed her. My fists gripped the collar on either side of her neck. I pushed my weight onto her heavy shoulders.

“No.” Saffron’s voice was so quiet, so weak, so scared. My hands felt like ice against her skin. “You’re not real. You can’t be—”

I am as real as you are. I grabbed her tighter. Maybe even realer than that.

The music was still growing in volume, crescendoing to a climax. And the drumbeat built in tempo, getting faster and faster and—

Saffron tried to struggle free from my grasp, but she couldn’t. I had her. I. Actually. Had. Her. So I gripped her even tighter, feeling the circles of violence slither around me as I brought her further down into the depths of my sinuous darkness.

Then she started to panic. She started to push me back, trying to grab me and hurt me—you’re wasting your energy. But every time she tried, her body only went through mine, through the shadow, through the nothingness of my form. You’re wasting your life. She couldn’t do anything to me. She couldn’t even touch me. And every time she tried, she felt herself grow weaker. You’re wasting everything and only hurting yourself.

I moved my hands from her collar to her neck, shocking her with my piercing coldness. But maybe you deserve it. I could feel her. I could strangle her. I could hurt her. Maybe you deserve all this pain after what you did to Ray.

The taste of blood crashed into her mouth. It filled her throat, stopping the air from escaping as it drowned her in agony. She was running out of breath. She was running out of life—

Look at me. Look at me without the mask you put over me. Look at me and finally see me as I truly am. Not the shadowy monster you expect me to be. Not the satanic beast the audience expects me to be. Not the demon that killed Ray, that killed anyone. You’ve spent your time here trying to figure out what the caliginent is. Don’t you want to finally find out? Find out if it is worth suffering?

Saffron smashed her hands down on mine, punching me, kicking me, doing everything she could to fight back against my words—but again, it only made her grow weaker. Her body felt sick and fragile as her limbs ached with agonising tiredness.

Stop fighting me. Stop fighting the entire world. Can’t you stop for a moment? Just look at me. Just listen to me. Let me take hold of you. Take back all this darkness, all this pain, all these memories you’re trying so hard to forget—

“No. You can’t control me. You’re not strong enough for me.” Saffron’s voice was dying with her fading breath.

Strong enough? I tightened my grip on her neck. Do you really think strong minds cannot be taken down? Then I made it tighter. Strong ones are the most vulnerable because they’re the ones who don’t let anyone else help them, who want to deal with everything on their own. And tighter. They’re the ones who don’t let anyone else in, who fight all by themselves. And tighter. Even when they’re falling apart.

She had no breath left.

You can’t keep me locked away forever. You can’t carry on ignoring me. It’s been too long. It’s been an entire year. A whole year that you’ve refused to see me. A whole year that you’ve stopped me from getting back in.

She had nothing left.

Maybe it’s time to fix what is broken. To put back the pieces, one at a time. To fit it all together again.

Nothing at all.

Look at me.

Her eyes were closing. She was falling into unconsciousness.

I said look at me!

Her eyes met mine for a brief moment as she tried fighting to stay awake, to stay alive. That’s it. I’m here. Look at me. And in that moment, I think she saw me. Finally she looked past the mist of shadow to the face hidden below. My face, which was exactly like hers—

No, it was hers. My face was exactly like hers. It was almost a perfect reflection.

Almost.

Keep looking. Can’t you see what you’re doing? Can’t you see anything? Ray’s death was the hardest day we’ve ever had to face—

Wait. No. Stay awake.

Stay. Awake.

Look at me!