“Thank you for coming over.”
After closing my front door, I lead the way into the living room, motioning my friend to the couch. Fortunately, my brother Travis is out for the night, so it’s just me and Sean. Our youngest brother Trey moved out a few months ago to live with his fiancé David. It’s weird sometimes, not having him in the same house, but I’m happy he found love with David. I’m not sure where Travis is tonight, but when I asked if I could have the place for an hour, he said he’d keep himself busy until eight.
I turn and watch the man who’s been my boyfriend—and submissive—for the past six months. Oddly enough, I didn’t meet him at the BDSM club I frequent. We met at The Court, a gay-friendly club in town my brothers and I love. Brushing his fringe off his face, Sean’s eyes hold wariness as he looks up at me. “Of course, Sir. Especially after receiving your text. ‘We need to talk’ always sounds ominous.”
Nodding slowly, I slip my hands inside my pockets before plunging ahead. “Sean, as you know, our second contract as Dominant and submissive ends today. The last six months have been great. But… I won’t be renewing it after tonight.”
He physically flinches, and it’s hard to watch. “Sir?”
His hurt is plain as day, and I feel horrible. But the fact is, we both owe it to ourselves to seek, to desire , more than this. Sean’s been a great submissive, very obedient and respectful. Only calling me by my name, Henry, when we’re in public. He’s cute and wants to please me, and, up until now, these aspects were all enough. But the thing is, after years of being a Dom, I not only want to find a sub, I want to find love. With my eyes, I beseech him. “I…. What we’ve had has been great. But we both deserve more than this. You’re a great friend and submissive, but I don’t think I’m alone when I say I want more.” I wait, patient and quiet, for him to digest everything. After being together for around six months, I know this is coming out of the blue. Until now, I haven’t acknowledged or expressed to him something was missing. At least, so I thought.
His brows scrunch up. “I… sort of had a feeling this would happen. I mean, aside from the text, you’ve been… different. It wasn’t something I did?”
Surprised at his words, I shake my head seriously. “No. You haven’t done anything.”
Sean fidgets on the couch, tucking his hands under his knees. “Is it because I haven’t done anything? Is there something else you want, Henry? From me? From this?”
Since I’ve been standing up until now, I move forward and sit on the chair next to him. “No. I just…. Isn’t there something missing for you too? You don’t love me.” It isn’t a question; it’s a fact. And, another fact is, I want someone who loves me. Doesn’t everyone? Sean might want to renew our contract for another three months, but neither of us are in love. I don’t want to waste either of our time when I know we both want more.
He frowns. “I… I care for you, Henry. Deeply.”
I’m glad he’s already comfortable with using my name instead of the honorific. It proves to me I’m doing the right thing. “And I care for you. But we don’t love each other, Sean. And I’m finally acknowledging that I want and deserve more. And so do you.”
“There isn’t someone else?” he asks.
“No. I swear to you there isn’t. I haven’t met anyone else. But because of our arrangement, we’re hindering ourselves from finding love. We won’t meet anyone else if we continue our D/s relationship.”
“So… you want to cut ties now?” His eyes well up.
I take his hands in mine. “Sean, you’re an amazing person, sub, and friend. I think the only reason this has gone on as long as it has is because we’re such good friends, and neither of us wants to lose that. I’d like us to remain close, and I promise to pass on a great reference for you to future Dominants. Who knows? Maybe we’ll each go out and meet our special someone.”
He scoffs, and I don’t blame him. I can hardly believe what I just said. Warmth enters my cheeks. “You actually believe in that crap all of a sudden?” he asks. “When we first got together, we laughed at the idea of finding the one . Our soulmate . You’re telling me you actually believe there’s only one person for us out there now?”
His tone makes me cock my eyebrow. He wouldn’t be talking like this if we were renewing our contract. I actually like this side of him. He wasn’t the type to speak freely as my submissive, but maybe now as my friend, he will. Still, at my expression, he has the decency to smile sheepishly.
I scratch my beard. “Maybe it’s because of Trey and David and their commitment ceremony coming up, but yes. I want to meet someone I feel 100 percent myself around. And even though you come pretty fucking close, there’s something missing between us. Each and every scene we did was amazing, but I want someone to live with, build a family with, and grow old with. Someone who hungers to be with me twenty-four-seven and vice versa.” Watching my younger brother find his soulmate has clearly brought me hope. I’m ecstatic for him and David, and it makes me yearn for a similar thing. I’d do anything for the chance of finding that one person who feels for me exactly what I feel for them. Fortunate enough to have a loving family and friends, I know what unconditional love is; but to have that from someone I’m sexually intimate and comfortable with would be amazing. I never knew finding love was something I’d crave until I saw it with my own eyes with my brother.
He bites his lip and sighs. “I freaked out at first when I got your text, but I can understand where you’re coming from now. I think it feels so natural and comfortable that I was scared to lose the connection. Our friendship. And I see what you mean. We don’t love each other. But, we can still be friends, right? Hang out and go clubbing together?”
I nod with a wide grin. “Of course. And I’m sure we’ll see each other at Lost and Bound.” As I mention the BDSM club I’ve been a member of for a couple of years, I realise I haven’t been for a while. I make note to give the owner, and my friend, Kyle Simmons a call. I add, “And if neither of us have a partner and Kyle wants us to do a public demo, we can still do that.”
Sean smiles and blushes. It’d turned out he’d only joined the BDSM club a week before we met. Sean confided in me early on that he has a crush on Kyle. I’ve never actually known the Dom to have a sub for longer than three months. Sean nods. “Cool. I’m glad.”
I sit up straight and clear my throat. “Now, I have a big favour to ask. Do you mind if, just for now, our separation stays between us? Tomorrow night, we’ll all be going out for dinner and drinks, and I’d like the focus to be where it belongs. Tomorrow night is about Trey and David and meeting David’s best friend. Is that okay?” Sean was invited as well, and I’d still like him to join.
My brothers have no idea about my Dominant status. A huge part of the why of it is the fact it’s simply personal. But the other part? I’m worried about what they’d think. Would they judge me? If they found out, how would they react to me, their brother, being a Dom? Would they think it’s because of our father? Trey’s and my father verbally and eventually physically abused our mother. It wasn’t until she met Travis’s dad that we learnt what a dad should be like. Would they assume I’m a sadist because our father used to hit our mum? Would they accept me? I don’t know, and because of these reasons, I have kept it to myself. I consider my tastes to be on the lighter end of the spectrum. I revel in dominating and controlling the sexual nature of my relationships. This sometimes includes bondage, blindfolds, and a toy or two. I don’t enjoy inflicting pain unless it’s used for discipline.
My best friend Kristen and her girlfriend Lindsay know, as well as a huge part of the BDSM community in Perth. But my brothers and other friends are blissfully unaware of my life as a Dominant. Knowing my brothers, as soon as they find out Sean and I have separated, their focus will be on me all night. They’d want to make sure I’m okay. The last thing I want is to be the centre of attention. Tomorrow is about my brother, his fiancé, and meeting David’s best friend Ryan. Apparently, he’s returned to Perth after working over in Melbourne for a few years.
“Of course,” Sean says easily. “You can tell your brothers after tomorrow night.”
I give him a relieved smile and stand for a hug. “Great. Thank you, Sean.”
* * *
The idea of lying to my brothers about me and Sean makes me feel off the next night. But in all honesty, I’ve been lying by omission for four years, ever since I was introduced to the BDSM lifestyle. During the ride to the restaurant, the urge to tell them Sean and I are no longer together almost spills out of me. I make the decision to tell them tomorrow and push any worries over lying to them away.
When we rock up, I follow behind the happy couple, Trey and David. Sean gives me an encouraging smile and I return it. I know he genuinely wants to be here, because he’s fond of my brothers, but it takes a good man to join me tonight, given we’ve parted ways and are keeping it quiet. Along with my quest to find love, I really do hope Sean finds his special someone too. As everyone appears to be at the table, David does the introductions, and that’s when the metaphorical wind is knocked out of me. The man on the other side of the table is simply breathtaking. He grasps David’s hand in a shake, and both men smile as they hug.
Ryan Scott.
David’s best friend.
Ryan Scott is fucking gorgeous . He has chocolate-brown eyes, dark-brown hair, and plump lips. His slightly bent nose makes me wonder if it’s a sport injury or from a fight. Wide shoulders fan out with bulging biceps. My eyes work their way down his broad chest and slim waist. The man has a beautiful V shape going on. It’s obvious he has an impressive physique under those clothes. Overall, he makes me think of Tom Welling, except with tanned skin and brown eyes. Fuck . Those eyes. I could drown in them. The mental image of his eyes gazing up at me while I feed him my cock has my dick pressing against the zipper of my jeans. Sean nudges me. Everyone, including Ryan, is staring at me. I must’ve missed something.
Clearing my throat, I say, “Sorry, I zoned out for a minute.” Something incredibly unusual for me.
My younger brother, Trey, smiles. “Ryan, this is my brother, Henry. Henry, this is David’s best friend, Ryan.”
Aware my cheeks are probably as red as a tomato, I push away my embarrassment and smile, holding my hand out. “Nice to meet you, Ryan.”
He meets my eyes for a moment before dropping his gaze. Ryan nods and shakes my hand, matching my firm grip. “You too.” He’s quick to pull back.
When all the intros are done, we sit and order. During dinner and afterwards as we dance, my eyes never stray from Ryan. I don’t know what it is I find so intriguing. Sure, he’s really fucking hot, but he’s not my usual type at all. For starters, he’s my height, and he’s built bigger than I am. I usually go for cute, smaller guys like Sean, not hot men who’re clearly strong enough to pick me up. I know Ryan’s gay; Trey mentioned he’d broken up with his ex-boyfriend before moving back here. But I’ve yet to figure out what his preference is. Is he a top? A bottom? A switch?
When it comes to his physical appearance, he’s not my type. Aside from the fact he’s absolutely gorgeous to look at, why the fuck am I so captivated?
Sometime later, we’re all dancing, and Sean says he’ll be back. I realise Ryan’s watching me. Unable to resist, I head over to chat with him, but my brother beats me to it. I hear how Trey says he’s going to stop drinking after the next shot, and Ryan agrees he’s had a little too much. He does seem… looser than earlier.
David appears beside me with a tray of tequila shots, so I take three and sidle up to the man who continues to intrigue me, and my brother. “Hey. Here you go.” I hold them out between us. When Ryan grins in gratitude and takes a glass, I find his mouth fascinating. Especially as he throws his head back and his throat is on full display as he swallows. Fuck. How would it feel to kiss him there? To lick my way up his neck. What would it be like to see a collar around his neck? A collar which tells the world Ryan is mine?
I blink.
What the fuck am I thinking? I never collared Sean, and we were together six months. But the desire to claim Ryan as mine is so intense I can’t stop staring. A drop of his drink slides down his throat, and the urge to lick it up is almost too hard to resist. God, I wish I had the right to do that. Just lean forward and catch the runaway liquid with my tongue. To hear his sigh-filled pleasure as I lick him. I hold back a sigh of disappointment when he wipes his throat with the back of his hand.
“Trey!”
The three of us turn to see David crook his finger, and my brother swoons. “Excuse me, boys. I believe my man wants a dance.”
Ryan and I smile as we watch Trey throw his shot back and saunter over to his lover. After finally knocking my own shot back, I face Ryan. His eyes keep flicking from mine to the floor and back. There’s uncertainty in his expression, and I open my mouth to say something, when he suddenly blurts out, “I really like your tat.”
The touch of his hand on my wrist awakens something inside me. His fingers stroking my forearm send tingles all through my body. It’s been a while since I let someone touch me without permission. I watch, entranced, and a little tipsy, as his pointer finger caresses the ink. It’s a long, thin wand that starts about an inch from my elbow and ends just before my wrist. Ryan moves even closer as he reads the quote out in his deep rumble. “Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” He smiles at me and, again, I marvel at how our eyes line up perfectly. As do our lips. Why do you interest me so? His eyes are chocolate pools I could lose myself in, all day long. They fall back to my arm and he grins. “I’m a Harry Potter fan too.”
I have to clear my throat. “Are you now?” My voice is husky.
What is this man doing to me?
He nods and his whole body seems to join in the movement. “Yep.” The act makes me smile. During the night, I’ve noticed something curious about Ryan and his body language. It’s as though, compared to another person, it takes immense effort for him to keep control of himself or, more accurately, his body. With a few drinks in his system, there seems to be a loosening of his otherwise held-in-check behaviour. Still, although he’s letting go, he’s not relaxed. The idea of seeing this man in total relaxation mode intrigues me. He releases my arm, seemingly surprised at his own move to touch me.
I run my thumb over my bottom lip before taking a deep breath. “I need some fresh air. Come with me.” It’s not a question, but a demand.
Ryan’s eyes are on my mouth as he nods. “Okay.”
Making our way over to the balcony, we discard our shot glasses on a nearby table. With one hand in my pocket, I use the other to open the door and let him stride out first. Aside from a couple over to the left, there’s no one else outside. Ryan steps to the right and leans over the railing. Thousands of lights, and the many buildings, make up an amazing city view. As I stand behind Ryan, he sighs quietly. “God, I’ve missed Perth.”
“Really?”
“Yeah,” he says, leaning back against the railing, his eyes on me. He folds those impressive arms over his chest and licks his lips. “You don’t like it here?”
“I love it here.” I raise my hands to run them through my hair. When his eyes linger on my biceps and it makes my heart flutter, I know it’s his approval I’m seeking. By the hungry look in his eyes, I’ve found it. He’s attracted to me.
“Your eyes are like blue topaz.”
His words make me smile. “Are they now?” I chuckle. “This is a good thing?”
Ryan simply nods. “So,” he says quietly. “You have any other tattoos?”
Aware that, although he seems interested, I’m taking a risk at being rejected, I step forward and place a hand on either side of him on the railing. Cornering him. “Yes,” I reply. He swallows thickly at our close contact, and once again my focus is glued to his beautiful neck. “I have a pride flag between my shoulder blades and the words Born this way . I got it with Trey and Travis. They both have one as well. Trey’s is on the left shoulder blade, and Travis on the right. Do you have any tattoos, Ryan?”
At my proximity, his arms drop and he shudders. He’s nervous. No. As I lean closer, our bodies align and I feel him. He’s hard. If he likes this, why is he freezing up? It’s as if controlling his body is a struggle. “No.” The defensive vibe I’m getting from him is interesting.
Ryan’s eyes won’t meet mine. “Henry?”
“Yes?”
“W-what are you doing?”
I sigh and move in closer, unable to stay away from this man. The need for him to know I’m interested is overwhelming. “Pressing up against you. I don’t know about you, Ryan, but you… intrigue me. You’re incredibly hot.”
“I am?” He blinks. Vulnerability fills his eyes as his body struggles for control. Of his actions? Of his emotions? It’s hard to tell.
“You know you are.”
Ryan shakes his head. “No I… I don’t know that.” He’s being genuine. I can see his honest surprise. How can he be shocked by hearing this? He must be told how good-looking he is on a daily basis.
“Okay,” I allow.
He frowns and licks his lips. “Um, Henry? You should know… I’m not…. I mean, you really seem like the kind of guy who likes control.”
A grin forms on my face. Perceptive. You have no idea, boy. “I am.”
“Well… so am I.”
“Oh really?” For some reason, a part of me wants him to prove it. To test him. I don’t know why, but I follow through. “Are you sure about that, Ryan? Because when I look at you, I see someone who wants to give up control. But you don’t let yourself. Why?” I place a hand behind his head and lean forward to whisper into his ear, “You love the cock, don’t you?” Sliding my right hand down his hard, wide chest, I grin. “And all you can think about is when you can ride my dick.” At the last word, I reach his groin and palm him through his jeans.
Ryan gasps and I know I’m right. He’s a bottom. He loves being taken. For a moment, I wonder how he’d react if I ever told him I’m a Dom.
Because of my surety, it throws me for a loop when he grasps my hand and yanks me over to the corner. Before I know what’s happening, the man has me up against the brick wall. As he holds my arms above my head, Ryan growls, “I take control. No one else.” He moves between my legs and presses our groins together. He’s full of nervous energy, but being manhandled has never felt so good. My body doesn’t complain at the idea of Ryan taking control, but my mind does. I’m the Dom. I demand control. He thrusts his hips forward. Pushed against the wall with our hard-ons pressing together, it makes me shudder. “Fuck,” I pant. I want this man. His neck is right there . Powerless to stop myself, I latch onto it with my mouth. Sucking his skin for all I’m worth, I run my mouth up to his ear. “I want you,” I breathe. I don’t care about anything else. In this moment, I want this man, and that’s all there is to it.
Still keeping my hands hostage, Ryan groans and nudges my head with his. Smashing his lips to mine, Ryan meets no resistance as he slides his tongue into my mouth. He tastes like tequila, lemon, and salt. Plus, something else altogether Ryan . All I can focus on is warmth . Against my cock, around my wrists, all over my body, and especially in my mouth. The man is everywhere. Pressing me against the wall, he’s everywhere. I like the way our bodies feel together, but I want to be where he is. I want control. As I open my eyes, something captures my attention. I see Trey heading back inside and realise he must’ve seen us. Pushing Ryan back gently with my hips, I curse. “Shit. I think Trey just saw us.” I don’t want to stop making out with him, but things need to be explained before we can continue. Everyone needs to know Sean and I aren’t together anymore. Especially Ryan. Maybe he’s forgotten, but I’m certain when he remembers I came with someone, guilt will eat at him. I also need to tell Ryan if we do continue this, I’ll be calling the shots.
“Oh.” He wipes his mouth and suddenly glares at me. “Wait. That Sean guy. Aren’t you with him?” Apart from the anger, there’s regret in his eyes. Shit.
I’m about to tell him yes, but it’ll just confuse him. Although we came together and made everyone think we were still an item, we’re not. “Let’s go inside,” I tell him.
Ryan needs to know I am not the cheating type. Back inside, I’m adjusting my hard-on when I catch Sean’s eye. The minute he realises what must’ve happened between me and Ryan, his face crumbles and my heart races. Why does he look so upset? We’d spoken about this.
As he starts to rush off, remorse slams into me and I chase after him. “Sean!”