“Sean!” I yell again. When I’ve run out of other options, I call out, “Pet!” Just before he reaches the door, he stops and turns around. He wipes his eyes roughly. “Hey,” I say softly, rubbing his arm. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have made a move on anyone. It was my whole idea to keep this quiet tonight, and I’m so grateful you did this for me. If you’re embarrassed or hurt, I’m really sorry.”
Sean scowls. “You’re the one who didn’t want to tell them tonight.”
I nod, irritated at myself but still finding it hard to regret the hasty make-out session with Ryan. “I know. I’m really sorry, Sean. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
He huffs before letting a whine escape. “There was a really hot guy earlier, and I didn’t chat him up, because you wanted to wait to tell them.”
“Fuck,” I reply. “Is he still here?”
Sean scoffs. “I don’t know.”
“Sean, I’m sorry.” I fold my arms over my chest and duck down to try to meet his eye level. “You looked upset. You’re not… jealous, are you?”
He shakes his head. “Not really. It was weird seeing you with someone else at first, and I think a part of me realised we were really over, but I’m not jealous. No offence, but I’m most upset you got to hook up with someone and I’ve probably missed out.”
I bring him in for a hug. “I am sorry.”
After a moment, he pushes me back with a laugh. “Okay, stop apologising. Why don’t we go back and tell them we’re good?”
“Okay. Thank you.” I shake my head as we turn around. “Now I feel like an idiot. I should’ve just told them before tonight.”
“Yeah.” He shrugs. “You are an idiot.”
“Hey!” The man’s lucky he’s not under my care anymore or it would’ve earnt him a spanking. I ruffle his hair, and he mock punches me as we return to the group. My eyes search for Ryan, and I watch him as he sees Sean and I have made up.
He turns to David. “Hey, man, I’m gonna go.”
“No!” I blurt. He can’t leave before I get the chance to speak to him. “Wait, um….” Everyone stares at me. Trey, David, Travis, Sean, and Ryan. I meet Trey’s eyes. “Sean and I are just friends now.” At the sound of Ryan’s gasp, I glance over to see his horrified expression before focusing back on Trey and David. “We wanted to wait to tell you guys, because tonight’s about you and meeting Ryan. But last night, we decided we’re going to be friends.”
Sean shrugs. “I was just annoyed. There was a hot guy earlier I wanted to talk to, but Henry wanted to keep quiet tonight.”
Trey and Ryan seem to sigh in relief, and I clear my throat. “Yeah, I didn’t want you guys to worry, so I didn’t want to say anything until after tonight. But…” My eyes find Ryan. “I figured you should all be up to date given the circumstances.”
David frowns. “What circumstances?”
“Um….” The circumstance where I want to dominate, fuck, and possess your best friend and I hope the feeling is mutual?
Trey saves me. “Well, we are in a gay bar,” he tells his fiancé. “There’s a good probability either Henry or Sean or both of them will find someone to hook up with tonight. I suppose, because of this, they wanted to clear the air?”
I give my brother a grateful smile. “Yeah, something like that.”
David winks. “Ah.”
Everyone ambles off in different directions, and Ryan heads to the bar. I follow after him. He orders a water and I do the same. When I’m facing him, I lean my elbow on the bar. “Ryan—”
He interrupts me with his hand in mid-air. “Henry, it’s okay. You don’t need to say anything.”
“No.” I shake my head. “I needed to say I’m sorry if you thought for a moment you helped me cheat. And I just wanted to say, if we were to get together, I am single.” At his silence, I plunge ahead. “And interested.” Ryan licks his lips. “Very interested.” I realise I should probably be thinking more clearly when it comes to pursuing Ryan. He’s my soon-to-be brother-in-law’s best friend. If anything happened, it could make things awkward for everyone involved. But I can’t help it. He intrigues me more than anyone I’ve ever met. I’m completely powerless against this desire I have for him.
He has a long gulp of his drink before facing me. “Look, Henry, I think you’re really hot and cool. You seem like a good guy, and Trey and David only have nice things to say about you.”
My eyebrow cocks up. “I sense a ‘but’ coming.”
Ryan meets my eyes. “You seem great, but I’m… not interested. In anyone.”
“I see.” Sure seemed interested out on the balcony.
He sighs and lowers his gaze. “I got caught up in the moment before. I’m not looking for a relationship, or even something casual at the moment, you know? I’m sorry if what happened out there misled you. I got carried away. I just need to focus on myself right now. Especially after moving here, but more importantly....” Ryan thinks for a moment, and I let him. “I just got out of a… something. A bad one. And I can’t even consider entering into any kind of relationship so soon.” His jaw drops as he realises what he’s said, and he beseeches me, “Please don’t tell David. I don’t want him worrying over me.”
Well, I hardly know you and I’m worried . When he mentioned a previous connection, why did he hesitate and not use the word “relationship?” Was it so bad he couldn’t call it that? His words and behaviour suddenly give me an unexpected and unlikely impression. Could I have been correct in the beginning? Does Ryan love to give up control? Would he excel at being dominated? Is Ryan possibly projecting this hard, strong façade, when in fact he’s a submissive?
Determined to find out, I smile and hold my hands up. “I won’t say anything. And I get it, fair enough. If you ever need to talk, I’ll listen. We hardly know each other, but we might have more in common than you think.”
Ryan chuckles darkly and bites his lip. There’s hurt in his eyes. “I doubt it.”
I shrug. “Maybe you’d be surprised. Anyway, since we’ll probably see each other a lot, I’m here if you need me.” Tossing back my water, and without looking at him, I say, “Finish your drink.”
He doesn’t hesitate.
Ryan lifts his glass and drinks the rest of his water without a thought. Once he’s placed it back down, I praise him, only loud enough for Ryan to hear. “Good boy.”
Luxuriating in the way he sighs in pleasure, I stare at his lips. Ryan hasn’t said a thing, but I have my answer. He turns to me with wide eyes, no doubt realising what I said and his reaction. Moving my left hand slowly to his cheek, I give him the option to stop me if he wants to. When he doesn’t, my palm holds the side of his face and I move my lips to his other ear to whisper. “You’re a submissive.”
Ryan shivers.
With my left hand now on his nape, I slide my right one over his chest. His heart rapidly beats against it. It’s his only normal reaction. After his status becomes clear, he’s no longer hard. And by the pale face, shallow breathing, and wide eyes? He’s clearly frightened. No, Ryan is terrified .
Now I’m worried.
“You’re scared.” I lower my voice. “Ryan?”
“Let me go.”
His words are soft. But they’re there. It leads me to unsavoury assumptions. This man has been hurt. Abused. He’s scared of me now. Ever since he found out what I am. Aware of our surroundings, I don’t want Ryan to say something loud enough for my brothers to hear.
Moving my hands to rest softly on his shoulders, I stare into his eyes. “Let’s go somewhere to talk.”
“No!” he blurts, trembling.
I know he’s frightened. Even… traumatised. But he has to understand the situation we’re in, and the only way for him to feel safe might be to give up control. “Ryan. Listen to me carefully. I’m not going to hurt you. There’s a couch in the corner to your right. Be a good boy, go there, and sit down for me.”
When his eyes flick up to mine, there’re unshed tears. His instinct is to obey me, but his very instinct frightens him. The poor man is so conflicted.
“Go.” My voice is gentle as I nod over to the quiet area.
He concedes, striding over, and I sit closely beside him. Luckily, there’s no one close by, but I keep my voice down. “Let’s get a couple of things out in the open.” Spreading my arm along the back of the furniture, I focus entirely on Ryan. He gazes at the floor. “You’re a submissive, and I’m a Dominant.”
He scoffs and meets my eyes. “No shit.” My cocked brow makes him swallow. He breathes deeply to calm himself down. “Sorry.”
“My brothers don’t know,” I tell him. “Can I assume David is unaware as well?”
Ryan nods. “Yeah.”
“Okay.” Now we’re on the same page. This part of our lives is a secret. Breathing deeply, I take a moment. The urge to ask him about his reaction, to find out why he’s so terrified, is almost too much. I don’t know this man, and he doesn’t know me. But in the end, I accept that I’d like it even more if Ryan came to me. When he’s ready.
While I’m quiet, Ryan checks me out. Perhaps assessing me under this new light. Not Henry, David’s fiancé’s brother. Henry the Dom. As we sit there silently, slowly, the tension emanating from him decreases and he takes a deep breath.
“We couldn’t have worked out anyway,” he insists weakly. I’m not sure who he’s trying to convince. “I’m… not a sub anymore. And… I don’t bottom.”
Gazing at him, I get the feeling it’s not that he doesn’t, but more so he can’t bottom. Someone hurt him and now it’s a hard limit. Letting him watch as I unashamedly run my eyes up and down his body, I finally focus on his mouth. This man has me desiring all sorts of new things. I choose not to focus on his initial reaction, but to reiterate my attraction to him. “I’m not so sure. It could’ve been good fun, tying you up and swallowing your cock. Or ordering you to take me inside your mouth. Demanding you swallow my release, only to kiss you and taste myself on your tongue.” Ignoring his shiver, I shrug. “Everyone has their hard limits, Ryan. Aside from taking you, there are so many other ways I can pleasure you.”
With that parting comment, I stand and give his wide-eyed and slack-jawed expression a wink before heading for the men’s. I’ve made my point. Although he says he doesn’t want to be with anyone, especially a Dom, I want Ryan. I want him in my bed. And the idea I might not ever fuck him doesn’t bother me. I want to dominate and possess him in every way I can.
No matter what it takes, or how long, I’m going to own Ryan Scott.
* * *
Three weeks after meeting Ryan, I start to feel disheartened. After the first week, I slowly embraced being single again, but it’s taken a bit of getting used to. It was nice having someone for company, submission, or sex. What Sean and I had was nice. It was comfortable. If I’m interested in someone, I usually do the chasing. But with Ryan, I know I need to be careful. I’d hoped the way things ended between us would result in him making a move. Even if it was the smallest hint of a sign he was interested, I would’ve taken it and gone after him. Unfortunately, he hasn’t, and I don’t want to make him uncomfortable.
Dating has been a bust. My quest to find something more, to find love, has been unsuccessful. No matter who I go on a date with, every guy has been the same; they either claim to want a relationship only to bail after the first date, or they say straight up they’re only looking for a one-night stand or a friends-with-benefits deal. It has me asking where all the good men are. Where are the men who actually want a relationship? The guys at the BDSM club Lost and Bound either want a Dom and nothing more, or the few who do want more hold no interest for me.
Yes, I’d like a submissive in the bedroom. But the idea of having someone to come home to after a long day’s work? Someone to simply lie naked in bed with and just rest in each other’s arms? It causes a heavy yearning in my chest. Sure, sex before or after we snuggle together would be a bonus, especially if he’s a submissive, but it’s not what I’m starving for. Now? I want affection and love. I don’t even want to consider how long it’s been since I was simply held. The desire brings Ryan to mind. The dark hair and chocolate eyes. His beautiful, tanned body I hope to one day see in its entirety.
Arriving at work, I open the door to Anderson’s Athletics, or Andy’s, and consider giving up dating for a little while. It’ll mean letting various friends know I’m over the set-ups, but I think it’s for the best. Shoving my bag in a pigeonhole behind the front desk, I grab my towel and water bottle before clipping my name badge on. Working as a fitness trainer at a gym south of the Swan River with my brother is awesome. When they first meet us, people assume Travis and I go crazy working and living together. But we make it work and we’re really close. There’s only been a few incidents throughout the years, and only one big fight. Of course, it was years ago and it revolved around a guy we were both interested in. Scanning my eyes over the day’s roster, I make note of which clients to expect at what times. Afterwards, my thoughts stray back to Ryan.
Ever since that night three weeks ago, when we hooked up on the balcony, we’ve seen each other a few times. Once at Trey and David’s, and a couple of times at the gym. Soon after meeting us all, Ryan became a member at Andy’s, and although I’ve been with a client during the times he’s come in, I’ve kept an eye on him. Admittedly for both professional and unprofessional reasons. Every time we’ve been in the same vicinity, Ryan’s ignored me as much as possible. My interest in him hasn’t faded away at all, but in the last week, a sense of hopelessness hit me. We’ve added each other on Facebook and follow one another on Instagram, but the guy doesn’t pick up anything I throw out. I’m not sure why it bothers me so much. Maybe it’s because it reflects our interest levels. Clearly it’s unbalanced.
I should stop torturing myself and move on. I’m not usually one to waste energy and time on someone who isn’t interested. The worst part is, he doesn’t seem to care I’m out dating. Trey was retelling one of my blind date fiascos, and Ryan didn’t react at all. Even when my brother named a few other men who might be interested in me, he’d seemed bored. It irked me, because if I found out Ryan was going on a date, or had been on a date, I’d be jealous. Which frustrates me more than anything. How can I be jealous ? As much as I’d like him to be, Ryan isn’t anything more than my brother-in-law’s best friend.
It’s later in the day when I spin around and see the man, who’s been monopolising my thoughts, heading towards me. Taking my eyes off Ryan to check the time, it tells me I have fifteen minutes before my next client arrives for a PT session. Once again, Ryan’s in his black gym shorts and grey Everlast T-shirt. The outfit emphasises his wide shoulders and muscular legs. He’s so hot it should be illegal. Ryan’s welcoming, wide smile is a surprise and it makes my heart beat faster. Why is he smiling at me? Who’s made him this happy? For an unfortunate moment, I wonder if he got lucky recently.
“Hey, Henry,” he says, stopping a couple of feet in front of me. I like the way he says my name with his deep, sexy voice.
I smile and nod. “Hey.”
“Do you have a client at the moment?”
Shaking my head, I finish cleaning the treadmill in front of me. “Nah. Not for fifteen. You just get here?”
“Yeah. I have an hour lunch break so I figured I’d sneak in a workout.”
I frown at the idea of him skipping a meal. “What about lunch?”
Ryan pats his bag. “I’ll eat it after. You know I only work down the road.”
“True.” I smile and tell him to have a good session. Hopefully this time I’ll focus more on my client and less on him. The man is way too distracting.
“Uh, Henry?”
I pause and turn. “Yeah?”
He rubs his arm and looks down. He’s unsure of himself. “Do you um…. I mean, how’re your dates going?”
I chuckle. “Terrible.”
Ryan’s head snaps back up and he beams at me. “That’s great!” My eyes widen and he looks horrified. “I mean. Shit. Not great. Just. Okay. Um…” He fiddles with his bottle. “I just… I was just wondering if you’d like to…. Maybe we could… hang out sometime?”
Inside my chest, a spark of hope ignites. “Hang out?”
He nods enthusiastically. “Yeah. Like, grab some pizza? Watch the footy?”
I swear my heart skips a beat. He’s making a move. “Sounds great,” I say, giving him an encouraging smile. “There’s a game on Friday night, and the Eagles are playing. I usually watch it with my brothers, but we can watch it together. Did you want to come to mine, or we could go out?” I’m unsure if he just wants us to hang out as friends, or if he wants more.
“You could come to my place if you’d like?” Although he seems confident, he’s throwing off some nervous vibes. It’s like his body and mind are torn between wanting me to say yes and wanting me to say no. I think he honestly wants me to come over, for possibly more than a friendly get-together, but he’s shy about it. He’s nervous to have me over, but he wants the privacy his place offers.
“All right,” I say. “Well, you’ve got me on Facebook. Message me your address and I can swing by at like five? I’ll bring the pizza, you get the booze.”
He grins. “Okay, awesome.” Ryan pulls his phone out and hands it over. “How about you put your number in, and I’ll text my address to you.”
I do as he says and offer him a smile. We have each other on Facebook, but he wants my number anyway. The more time I spend with Ryan, it’s clear the man’s conflicted. He wants me, but he doesn’t like it. Maybe he’s even scared to like me. But he’s reaching out now. The part that wants me is winning out.
“I’ll see you Friday then.”
He nods determinedly. “Friday.”