Brynn
I can feel Jasper pulling away a little more each day, and I’m not sure why. It started the night after he had dinner with his mom. His texts were short, but the next day, he was just cold. It was like he was going through the motions of what he had to do.
He smiled, when he should. Hugged me, kissed me, but the spark wasn’t there. When I’d ask him about it, he’d shake his head and say he was fine.
He stopped staying in my room. He’s been staying with his mom every night, since that dinner. I want to know what happened, but I want him to know I trust him, too.
I’m sitting at my desk and thinking of Jasper and trying to figure out what caused this. I’m tapping a pencil on my desk, lost in thought. Was it giving him the key? Was it too much? I didn’t think it would be. He was saying ‘I love you,’ while I couldn’t say it, but I was showing him. This is the guy who says how much he loves me and is okay with me not saying it back. I thought a key would show him what he means to me. He hasn’t used it once.
The pencil flips out of my hand and lands by my calendar at the corner of the desk. That’s when I notice the day. His dad’s one year anniversary of the day he died is coming up. I bet his mom brought it up, because she wanted to do something. Lin and I still do something each year, and this year will make six years.
I make my way into the kitchen and watch him work. He looks at me, and while his eyes meet mine, they are emotionless. A week ago, his whole face would light up, when he saw me, and he’d come over and hug me. He’d ask if I ate, and then try to feed me, even if I had. Today? Nothing. He just goes right back to work.
So, I call over to him. “Can we go for a walk?” I ask him.
“Not now, Brynn, I’m getting ready for the dinner service.” He says, his voice flat.
That’s another thing. He’s stopped using my nickname and calls me Brynn all the time. I kind of hate it more and more each day.
“That wasn’t a request. It was more of an employer to employee demand,” I say.
I will play dirty to get him alone for just a few minutes to talk. Thankfully, it works. He stops what he’s doing, washes his hands, and takes off his apron.
“You have a choice. We can walk on the beach, or we can talk in my office.” I offer him.
“Your office.” He says, almost sounding annoyed.
Once in my office, I close the door and sit next to him on the couch, but I don’t touch him.
“What’s going on with you?” I ask.
“Nothing.” He says.
“Well, your mood sucks. You’re draining the kitchen staff. My staff who was all smiles and laughter a week ago is afraid to even talk in the kitchen. The dining room staff is picking up on, and it has to stop. So, I’m going to ask you again, what’s wrong?”
He sighs but looks out of the window, instead of at me and says nothing. Okay, time to rip the Band-Aid off.
“Is all this because your dad’s anniversary is coming up?” I ask.
The tick in his jaw tells me I’m right.
“Okay, well, you have trained the kitchen staff well. We can do without you for a bit. Heck, I have a stack of applications I can still go through. You don’t need to be here, Jasper. Go where you are needed. Where you want to be, because you sure don’t want to be here.” I tell him, even though, I hate the idea of not seeing him every day.
“I want to be here.” He says still looking out of the window.
“No, you don’t. I don’t know what is going on. I have an idea, but you can’t keep draining the mood from my kitchen. You keep pushing me away; putting up more walls than I had. Fine, take your time, and we’ll deal with this in a few weeks. But I can’t wait a few weeks to get my kitchen back in order. If you want to be here, then be here. Or tell me to go through the applications and find someone. Why don’t you go home and spend some time with your mom?” I say.
His jaw ticks again, before he stands.
“Fine.” He grits out and walks out of the door without looking back.
I collapse against the back of the couch and fight the tears that flood my eyes.
I shoot off a quick text to his mom, saying Jasper is in a bad mood, and I sent him home. I figure I owe her a heads-up at least. I toss my phone on my desk, before going into the kitchen.
“Hey, guys. I told Jasper to head home. He has some personal stuff going on. So, we need to pull together without him. Can we do that?” I ask.
“Don’t worry, Miss Brynn, we got this,” Tony says. He’s the sous chef and has been Jasper’s right-hand guy, since he’s been here.
“Okay, any problems call me,” I say, before walking out.
I go to find Lin and Kade. Lin is talking to someone at the front desk. I make eye contact with her and tilt my head towards her room, and she nods. So, I head over there. Before she was married, I’d have used my key and just wait on her, but now, I knock.
Kade opens the door, takes one look at me, and steps back to let me in.
“Lin will be here in a few minutes. She’s talking to someone in the lobby,” I tell him, while taking a seat on the couch and throwing my head back to look at the ceiling.
“Jasper?” He says.
“Yep,” I say, popping the p.
“Okay, I’m here,” Lin says, a bit breathless.
“Boy issues. I think I’ll head out.” Kade says.
“No, stay you need to hear this. Maybe, you can help him.” I say.
Lin and Kade sit down on the love seat and turn to face me.
“The anniversary of his dad’s death is coming up next week, and he’s in a bad place. He’s pushing me away, he’s shut down, and he’s emotionless. I sent him home, because he was scaring the kitchen staff. He has been ignoring me ever since that dinner with his mom. I’m losing him, and I feel it. I just don’t know why. If it’s the stuff with his dad, I can wait it out, but I think it’s more than that.” I say.
“He needs time. You remember that first year it was really hard. Hell, last year, was hard, and it’s been five years. I don’t think he completely dealt with it, before coming home. I think he got involved with you and forgot, and now, he’s mad he forgot to be upset.” Lin says.
“I know it was hard for us, but I guess, I don’t remember shutting down like he is,” I say.
“We weren’t able, too. We were trying to learn a business and get on track. When we got too low, we had each other pointing it out. Nor did we have another parent to take care of. We didn’t have anyone but each other, and we knew exactly what the other was going through. Give him time and be there for him, even when he pushes you away.” Lin says.
“From a guy’s point of view, we don’t want our girl to see us weak. We are supposed to be the protector, and the strong one, when things go bad. So, it’s probably just as hard on him. He doesn’t want to need you, but he does. He won’t admit it, because he wants to look strong to you.” Kade says.
“Then what do I do?” I ask.
“Wait it out. More than likely, after the anniversary passes, things will get easier.” Kade says.
“If it doesn’t?” I ask.
“Then, the three of us get with his mom and push him,” Lin says.
“I’ve never been good at waiting,” I say.
“Oh, I know.” Lin laughs.
“Great, so let’s wait.” I sigh.
My gut is screaming at me that there’s more and waiting is a bad idea. I should have listened.