‘YOU DIDN’T CRY. There I was, with tissues at the ready—’
‘Oh, I nearly did, but only for the right reasons, and it was a lovely wedding.’
He laughed softly. ‘I suppose it was, as weddings go.’
They were sitting at one of the round tables in the marquee that had housed the reception, alone now because the others had gone off to mingle, and he absently unwrapped another of the heart-shaped chocolates covered in red foil and offered it to her.
She reached over and took it out of his fingers and put it in her mouth. ‘Thank you for coming with me. I know you didn’t want to.’
He unwrapped another chocolate, balled up the foil and flicked it idly into the middle of the table. ‘No, I didn’t, but hey. We’ve survived, and the band’s starting up, judging by the sound of it. Fancy a dance?’
‘Really? You want to dance?’
‘Not really, I’d rather sit here and eat chocolates, but if it’ll keep you out of mischief and stop you crawling off into the bushes with the best man, then I guess I probably should.’
‘Why would I do that?’ she asked, half laughing, half shocked, and he just rolled his eyes and smiled.
‘I was joking—but he is tall and blond and vaguely Nordic.’
‘And happily married to a very pregnant woman, in case you hadn’t noticed. Anyway, I wouldn’t do that!’
‘Good. One less thing for me to worry about,’ he teased.
Iona stood up, wobbled slightly and grabbed his hand, hauling him to his feet. ‘You’re very rude. I’m beginning to regret inviting you. Come on, Johnnie and Kate are going to have the first dance, and then, since you’re so keen, you can dance with me, but you’d better not tread on my toes.’
‘I wouldn’t dream of it.’ He looked down into her eyes, soft and almost luminous, touched with stardust from the thousands of tiny fairy lights strung around the marquee, and had a sudden, burning urge to kiss her.
Which he was not going to do.
Then she took a step and saved herself by grabbing him. ‘Oh, these stupid shoes. I knew they were too high, they keep catching on the matting.’
She kicked them off under the table, and he slung an arm round her waist, steered her to the dance floor and then endured watching her loved-up brother and his new bride dancing a shamelessly sentimental waltz. Then it was over, and Iona stepped onto the dance floor and started to move, and his heart revved up a gear.
Oh, this was not good. His tongue glued itself to the roof of his mouth, his body roared to life and he kicked himself for agreeing to come with her. Because she was incredibly sexy, in a quietly sensual way that he hadn’t really registered before, and he wanted her. Right here, right now. She moved with sinuous grace, her body seeming to flow as she swayed to the beat of the music, and when she reached out and grabbed his hands and drew him in he didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
Or kiss her...
But in the end he did none of them, he just danced, and to his surprise he enjoyed it, despite the cheesy wedding music and the spotlight that was circulating round the dancers and picking the couples out one by one. Including them, of course, and she played up to it, twirling and twisting like a candle flame, her face alight with laughter as she whirled into his arms and kissed him.
For show, to prove to everyone that she was so over her feckless ex? Either that or she was tipsy, and he didn’t think she was. Not that he would have blamed her, he would have been in her shoes, but then the light moved on and she was still pressed against him, her body warm and soft and lithe, tantalising him.
Not good. He still wanted to kiss her—needed to kiss her, properly this time and definitely not in public—but then to his relief the band launched into ‘YMCA’ and she straightened up and started to sing along with everyone else, trying and failing to get the actions right.
‘You’re hopeless,’ he said, laughing at her, and spent the next few minutes face to face with her, reminding her of the actions and singing at the top of his voice along with all the others. Not that he wanted to, but it knocked spots off watching her with his tongue hanging out and his libido running riot.
* * *
He was a good dancer. An amazing dancer, actually. And you could tell a lot about what kind of lover a man was by the way he danced.
And she couldn’t believe she was thinking that.
‘Come on,’ she said, grabbing his hand and towing him off the dance floor before she did something inappropriate. ‘I need air and water. Or maybe coffee.’
They went back to their table, she recovered her shoes and took one step before she kicked them off again.
‘Right, grab that bottle of wine off the table and follow me,’ she said, scooping up the shoes and a handful of the chocolate hearts that still littered the table.
He followed her out of the marquee and into the house via the front door, and she threw her shoes onto the stairs and headed down the hall to the kitchen.
‘Are you all right with dogs?’ she asked over her shoulder, but it was too late to worry because the dogs had sneaked past her and were already mugging him.
‘Hello, dogs, did you think you’d been forgotten?’ he said softly, and to her amazement he was fondling their ears and rubbing their tummies.
‘Come on, you two hussies, back in here.’ She ushered them all—him and the dogs—into the kitchen, filled the kettle and put it on, then plonked herself down at the kitchen table and put her feet up on the edge. ‘I hate those shoes,’ she grumbled, inspecting her feet, and she heard a dry chuckle from Joe.
‘What? Why are you laughing?’
‘Well, it isn’t rocket science to know that putting your feet into instruments of torture is going to hurt. Is there any chance of a proper coffee?’ he asked, dumping his jacket and undoing his bow tie.
How could he possibly look even sexier?
‘A proper coffee?’ she croaked.
‘Yeah, as in a mug, rather than a delicate little bone china thimble? I’m guessing it’s going to be a long night.’
‘Oh, I don’t doubt it, but Kate and Johnnie aren’t leaving, they’re staying here, so we can quit when we like. I need to find out where we’re sleeping, though—Ah, Mum. Perfect timing. Can we find a bed for Joe, please?’
‘Not until I get these shoes off.’ Her mother plonked herself down and winced. ‘Ooh, that’s better. Right. Bedrooms. I’ve put you in the little single room, darling, I hope you don’t mind, because Kate’s parents are in your room. Mike, where are we going to put Joe? The study?’
‘Could do. It’s got the sofa bed. It’s that or in here with the dogs unless you want to bunk up with Iona. Oh, well done, you picked up some of the chocolates. I’m Mike, by the way, Iona’s father. I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced.’
Joe got to his feet and shook hands. ‘Joe Baker. I’m a colleague of Iona’s.’
Her father searched his eyes. ‘Just a colleague? That’s a shame.’
‘Dad! Joe, I’m so sorry, just ignore him.’
But Joe was laughing, and he sent her a tiny, almost unnoticeable wink as he sat down again.
‘So, what do you do?’ her father asked, like a dog with a bone. ‘Are you in the ED with Iona?’
‘No. No, we have worked together,’ he said, stretching the point so far she nearly laughed out loud, ‘but I’m an interventional radiologist.’
‘What in the heck is that?’ her father asked, and so Joe blessedly launched into a long-winded explanation that kept them all neatly off the subject of how long they’d known each other and exactly what their relationship was.
She could have kissed him. Maybe it was just as well she really, really couldn’t...
* * *
They left the following morning after an early brunch, and as they drove away she rested her head back with a sigh and shut her eyes.
He glanced across at her. She looked tired. Maybe she needed to go home to bed.
With him? He felt his mouth tip into a rueful smile. No. Too soon—although it didn’t feel it, not after dancing with her last night...
‘Hangover?’ he asked, glancing across at her again, and she shook her head.
‘No, just a relieved-it’s-all-over-over. And, actually, it wasn’t nearly as bad as it could have been.’ She rolled her head towards him and rested a hand lightly on his shoulder. ‘Thank you so much for doing this, Joe. I know it can’t have been easy, but it made so much difference to me having you there. It just deflected all that sympathy I was expecting, so thank you.’
‘You’re welcome,’ he said, and realised he meant it. ‘As you said, it wasn’t as bad as it could have been, and some of it was quite fun. So how come it was at your parents’ house and not Kate’s parents’?’
‘They live abroad, so it was easier and cheaper to do it here. They all split the cost, I think, and let’s face it, it had already been planned for me so they all knew what was involved and it made it fairly simple. They all liked you, by the way. My father’s desperately match-making, and Isla even asked how well I knew you and if there was any way I could persuade you to be the sperm donor.’
What? ‘Tell me you didn’t tell her?’
‘Well, no, of course I didn’t. I promised I wouldn’t. I don’t think she was serious, but I put her off, anyway. I told her there was no way I could ask you, I didn’t know you nearly well enough, and she said that was a shame because you’d be perfect. Which you’re not, because A, you don’t want to do it, and, B, you don’t look like a Viking.’
All of which sounded reasonably plausible, but he had still a gut feeling he’d been played. Thank God he hadn’t given in to his instincts and found a way to sleep with her last night.
‘So why on earth would she ask? I thought the Viking thing was set in stone?’
‘No, not any more, apparently. Since the law changed there are far fewer donors, so they’ve realised that they have to compromise because other things are much more important. And, anyway, the baby stands a fair chance of looking like me and Isla, so it’s not really that big an issue.’
‘So is this why you really asked me to the wedding?’ he asked bluntly. ‘So she could size me up as a sperm donor now they’ve changed their criteria?’
She stared at him open-mouthed. ‘No! Absolutely not! It hadn’t even occurred to me to ask you. Well, no, that’s not strictly true, it had occurred to me, but that was before you told me how you felt about it and I realised it would be pointless asking you anyway, so I dismissed it. I certainly didn’t ask you to the wedding with that in mind, because apart from anything else she’s only just told me about their changed priorities. I just wanted someone with me to deflect all the sympathy, and it was a way for you to meet them and realise how nice they are so you could maybe understand why I want to do it, and get off my case a bit.’
‘They are nice,’ he agreed, still not quite convinced of her motive for inviting him. ‘They’re lovely. I’m sure they’ll be great parents. But it doesn’t change how I feel, Iona—either about me doing it again, which I never will so please don’t ask me, or about what it’ll do to you to give up your child, which you can’t know until the time comes. And it doesn’t matter how worthy the intended parents might be, that’s irrelevant to me because I’m not worried about them, I’m worried about you. I have huge sympathy for their situation, but you’re my concern, not them.’
‘I realise that, but they are mine, and it’s in my power to make them happy, and I don’t see why I shouldn’t do that—and, anyway, when did I ask you to worry about me?’
‘You haven’t—’
‘No, I haven’t. And how you could even think I’d trick you into coming to the wedding so they could assess your donor potential, for goodness’ sake? I’d never do that without discussing it with you first. It just shows how little you know about me if you think I could possibly be that devious. I wish I’d never told you...’
She turned her face away and he let his breath out on a long, quiet sigh, pulled over into a handy layby behind a lorry and switched off the engine.
The driver got out and walked past them, heading no doubt for the tea hut behind them, and Joe reached for her with a sigh.
‘Come here.’
‘Why?’ she asked, her voice choked.
‘So I can give you a hug,’ he said, his voice softer now, but she shrugged off his hands and he dropped them back in his lap with another sigh. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you, it was just a knee-jerk reaction, and you’re right, I don’t really know you, Iona, but it doesn’t stop me caring deeply about what happens to you or worrying that you’re going to do something that could hurt you so badly. I just didn’t want you sleepwalking into it.’
‘I know, you keep saying that,’ she said, her voice sounding clogged with tears, ‘but you don’t have to worry about me. I’m a big girl, Joe. I can do this. I don’t need counselling, and certainly not from someone who doubts my motives about everything!’
She straightened up, swiping her cheeks with the backs of her hands, and he reached into his pocket and pulled out a tissue.
‘Here.’
She took it with a little hiccupping laugh. ‘You always knew you were going to end up doing this, didn’t you?’
‘Not like this. I’m sorry, I truly am. I don’t want to fight with you, but I just had a horrible sinking feeling you might have engineered the whole situation.’
She looked up at him, yesterday’s mascara smudging onto the fine skin beneath her wounded eyes. ‘How could I have done that? Even if I was that kind of person, how could I have done it? I only met you on Friday!’
‘May I remind you that you told me in words of one syllable that you were on the look-out for a sperm donor, so it’s not like it’s a huge leap.’
She glared at him, her eyes red-rimmed and filled with disgust. ‘I so shouldn’t have told you. It’s got nothing to do with you anyway, and just because you’ve been a sperm donor doesn’t give you the right to tell me what to do, but trust me, if I’d seriously considered you or anyone else as a potential donor, I would have asked openly, not resorted to subterfuge.’
‘So if it had been some other wedding and they were going to be there, you wouldn’t have asked me to go with you?’
‘No. Why would I? I wouldn’t have needed you there, but it wasn’t, it was Johnnie’s wedding and I had to go, I had no choice. He’s my baby brother, and with Kate pregnant and rubbing salt into the wound, I had to be there for Isla and Steve, too. And it was a chance for you to meet them.’
‘Are you absolutely sure that wasn’t my real role, even subconsciously? To be dangled in front of them to make them think there was some hope you’d found a suitable victim?’ he asked, hating himself but feeling gutted at the same time that yet again, he might have been used, not for himself but for what he could offer. ‘Because you seemed to me to be fine at the wedding, and I’m not convinced you needed my support at all.’
She glared at him, her face a riot of emotions, none of them good. ‘Of course I did, I was hanging by a thread! For heaven’s sake, listen to me, you’re not hearing what I’m saying! You were just my plus one. No ulterior motive. And what do you mean, victim? You make me sound like a black widow spider—’
‘OK, victim was a bad choice of word—’
‘Tell me about it!’
‘But if you knew you didn’t want to go alone, why not ask someone else to go with you? You surely have friends you could have asked, and you must have known about it for months.’
‘Of course I have, but I’ve been putting it out of my mind, refusing to face up to it, trying not to think about it. And suddenly it was Friday night and there it was, right in front of my nose, and I realised I couldn’t do it. And then there you were, and I thought maybe, if I could twist your arm—’
‘I don’t buy it. It just all seems too convenient when you’ve only just met me and you’re looking for—’
‘How big is your ego? For the last time, Joe, I don’t want your bloody sperm!’ she yelled, and the truck driver on his way back to his cab jerked to a halt and slopped coffee on his hand, his mouth open.
‘Well, that’s me told,’ he said mildly. ‘Shall I wind the windows down so you can repeat it, just in case there was anyone else who didn’t hear?’
‘No! Just take me home,’ she mumbled, sliding down into her seat, and he fired up the engine and dropped the window.
‘Don’t worry, mate, she wasn’t talking to you,’ he said grimly to the wary truck driver, and gunning the engine he pulled back out onto the road and shot her a glance.
She was staring straight ahead, her face a mask, and he turned the radio on and drove the rest of the way without another word, furious with himself for allowing her to dupe him. And to think he’d been contemplating taking her to bed!
But his thoughts were in turmoil, and by the time they’d reached Yoxburgh and he’d dropped her off and driven halfway home, he’d got his battered ego back in its box where it belonged and had the sickening realisation that he’d made a dreadful mistake, and that somewhere along the way he’d lost something infinitely precious that he hadn’t even known he’d had.
* * *
He was on a course all week, he’d told her, so at least she’d be spared the agony of bumping into him again after that humiliating fiasco in the layby.
Not that it was all her fault, not at all. How could he possibly have thought she was that conniving? But he’d dropped her off, leaving the engine running as he’d lifted her bag out of the back, and she’d taken it from him and gone inside without a word, and now the next time she saw him it would be unbearably awkward.
She shouldn’t have yelled at him like that, even if he’d deserved it, but she’d been so hurt, so distraught that he could have thought so little of her that she’d just lashed out.
Frankly she never wanted to speak to him again as long as she lived, but hospitals were too small to get away with that, and he’d already proved his worth in the ED so he was bound to be back. She had to clear the air, but how?
She didn’t have his mobile number so she couldn’t even text him. But she did know where he lived. She’d write a card and put it through his letterbox so he’d get it when he came back. Better late than never, and there was no way she wanted to bump into him in the hospital with a cloud like that hanging over them. She just hoped she could find his house in daylight—but not today. Not until he was out of the way because she wasn’t sure she could trust herself not to say something awful.
As if she hadn’t already.
Damn...
* * *
Damn.
Why had he said that? Any of it? Why had he believed even for a second that she could have tricked him into going to the wedding?
And she hadn’t been all right. She’d been silent and withdrawn until they’d got to the church, then she’d plastered on a brave smile and dazzled him and everyone else. Except during the vows, and because they’d been packed closely together in the pews, he’d felt a shudder run through her when the priest had said the words, ‘and forsaking all others’.
Not surprising, under the circumstances. The image of Natalie and her lover locked together on the tangled bedding was burned on his memory for all time.
It was all he’d been able to see for the rest of the service, so wrapped up in his own bitterness and regret he’d been oblivious to Iona. How had she taken it? She hadn’t cried, he knew that, but he’d seen nothing of the inner turmoil that she’d undoubtedly been feeling. He’d been too preoccupied with his own.
He swore and pulled over to the side of the road. He had to go back, to do something to repair the damage he’d caused, because he had to leave shortly and head for Manchester for the course he was booked on, and then he’d have no way of contacting her until he was back.
He’d be gone for days, and he couldn’t leave it that long without apologising. Not even he was that much of an egotistical bastard.
So he swung the car round, headed back and pulled up outside her house and rang the doorbell.
Nothing. Not a sound, not a flicker of movement through the frosted glass in the door—nothing. He rang it again, and then again, but she didn’t come to the door, so he stepped back to the edge of the pavement and looked up, but there was no sign of her at the windows, and he had no idea where her flat was in the house.
He could leave her a note—except he had nothing with him to write with or on, so that wouldn’t work. One last try?
No. If she was going to answer, she would have done it. He let out a heavy sigh, turned on his heel and went back to the car, slammed the door and rested his head on the steering wheel.
Idiot. Stupid, stupid idiot. How could he ever have considered that she’d use that kind of subterfuge? She couldn’t lie to save her life, and when he’d asked her why she was at the speed-dating event, she’d told him the truth. Not the whole truth, not until later, but probably nothing but the truth.
It was him who’d brought up the sperm donor thing, him who’d taken her back to his house, given her coffee and spilled his guts about his marriage. Why, he had no idea. It was so unlike him he still couldn’t understand why he’d done it, but there was just something about Iona that seemed to drag the truth out of him, whether he wanted it out or not.
Oh, well. She didn’t want it now. Didn’t want anything from him, if she wasn’t answering the door. Maybe it was as well. He had things to do before he left, like more research into the topic of the course, and a quick visit to his aunt. And it wouldn’t hurt to muck out the fridge and get rid of the things that were past their use-by date so the house didn’t reek when he got home after the course.
Angry, dispirited and utterly disgusted at himself, he straightened up, reached for the key and saw her there, standing by the car with her arms wrapped defensively round her and her eyes red-rimmed and wary.
He got out, shut the car door and stood there in silence facing her. What the hell had he done?
‘I don’t know where to start,’ he said eventually. ‘There’s nothing I can say to make it better, except to say I’m sorry. So sorry. You didn’t deserve that. You didn’t deserve any of it.’
Her arms tightened round her waist but her eyes didn’t leave his. ‘No, I didn’t. She did a real number on you, didn’t she? Your ex?’
‘Yes.’ He nodded slowly. ‘Yes, she did. But you know what? I’m a grown man, I shouldn’t be letting the actions of someone in the past affect the way I interact with people now, but sometimes I think I can’t trust my own judgement, and then if I think I’ve been lied to I lash out, but I shouldn’t have done that, I shouldn’t have said the things I said and hurt you like that. I never meant to, and if I’d stopped to think about it for a second, I would have known you weren’t lying to me.’
She nodded. ‘I know. But I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that, either. That poor lorry driver.’ Her mouth twitched, and she gave a tiny ripple of laughter that was verging on tears and pressed her fingers to her lips. ‘I don’t know what he thought was going on.’
Joe felt a reluctant smile tug at his mouth. ‘I have no idea, but I’d love to know what he told his mates.’
He saw her eyes soften, and he took a step forward and wrapped his arms gently round her and hugged her, resting his head against hers. ‘I’m so, so sorry I hurt you.’
‘Me, too. Can we start again? Forget any of these conversations happened and just be nice to each other?’
He lifted his head and looked down into her eyes.
‘I don’t know if I can forget that easily. You’ve told me too much, and whatever you say I’m going to worry about you now.’
‘Don’t. I’m not going to do anything rash, I’m honestly not that stupid, and I’ll think really seriously about what you’ve said before I go any further, I promise. And I’ll have another look at the donor sites.’
‘No fjord cruises?’ he teased, and she laughed and shook her head.
‘No fjord cruises. No random one-nighters with tall blond strangers or sneaking off into the bushes with the best man.’ Her eyes were smiling now, teasing him back, and he felt himself relax. At least she wasn’t still furious with him, even if the hurt he’d caused would take a while to fade.
‘Good. Right, I need to go, I’ve got things to do before I leave.’ He hesitated, then threw out his reservations and bent his head and kissed her.
Just a fleeting kiss, or it was meant to be, but then she kissed him back, her lips soft but supple, their warmth melting something deep inside him that he’d long forgotten. And so he lingered, not heating it up, but not letting her go, either. Not yet. Not for a moment...
With a mammoth effort he lifted his head, brushed his knuckles slowly over her cheek and stepped away before it was too late. ‘Take care, Iona. Stay safe.’
‘I will. You, too. I’ll see you next week.’
He nodded, turned away, then turned back again. ‘Have you got your phone on you?’
‘Yes.’
‘Take my number. I know what it’s like when there’s nobody to bounce stuff off, and if I know nothing else, I know about sperm donation.’
She nodded, gave him a fleeting smile and keyed in his number. ‘Thank you.’
‘Don’t thank me. Just call me if you need to.’
And with that he got back into his car, started the engine and drove away, watching her in the rear view mirror. As he got to the junction, he glanced back and she was still there, her hand raised in a little gesture of farewell.
He lifted his hand and pulled away reluctantly.
* * *
‘What’s happened? You look different.’
‘Different?’
He bent and kissed his aunt’s cheek, and she reached up and took his hand.
‘Yes, different,’ she said thoughtfully. ‘And you didn’t come yesterday.’
‘I know, I’m sorry. I did let you know.’
‘I know that, I got your cryptic message, but you never change your plans unless it’s for work, and I knew you weren’t working.’
He chuckled and sat down beside her. ‘You don’t miss a trick, do you?’
‘No, I don’t, so don’t try and pull the wool over my eyes. What’s going on?’
He smiled wryly and gave up. ‘I’ve had a rather interesting weekend, what with one thing and another.’
‘Have you?’ she asked thoughtfully.
‘Yes. I met someone on Friday. At work. A very junior registrar. She—um—she challenged my ability to do a REBOA.’
‘Oh, dear—I can’t imagine that went down well,’ she said with a chuckle, and he gave a wry smile.
‘No, not exactly. But then I borrowed her stethoscope and forgot to give it back, and when I returned it to her—well, we got talking, and to cut a long story short she’s thinking about being a surrogate for her identical twin sister.’
‘What—having a baby for her? Well, bless her heart. What a very brave thing to do.’ She dabbed her eyes with a tissue, then tucked it back up her sleeve. ‘Goodness. I can’t imagine how she’ll be able to do that. She must really love her sister. I could never have done anything as brave or selfless as that, even if I’d been able to.’
‘No, nor me,’ he said, still unconvinced she could do it without being destroyed. ‘Anyway, it was her brother’s wedding yesterday, and she talked me into going with her, and her sister was there and—well, basically the sister asked her if there was any way she could convince me to be their sperm donor.’
Elizabeth’s eyes widened. ‘Oh! What did you say?’
He gave a wry laugh. ‘All the wrong things? I accused her of inviting me to the wedding just to meet her sister—’
‘Why did she invite you?’
‘Because she found out three days before her own wedding that her fiancé was sleeping with the stripper from his stag weekend, so weddings aren’t really her thing. And it was in the same church as her wedding would have been, with a lot of the same people, and she wanted me with her to deflect the sympathy. She really didn’t want to go.’
She sucked in a breath and put her hand over her chest. ‘Oh, the poor girl. No, I should think not. No wonder she didn’t want to go alone. I’m also surprised you went.’
He laughed without humour. ‘So was I.’
She plucked an imaginary bit of fluff off her sleeve, and rearranged her cardigan. ‘So—are you going to do it?’
‘Do what?’
‘Be their sperm donor?’
‘No! Elizabeth, you know how I feel about it.’
‘Yes, I do, but—that’s because you had no idea who the parents would be. This way, you’d know, because you’ve met them, so it would be different.’
‘No, it wouldn’t. And anyway I don’t care about them. I care about Iona, and I know she thinks she’s thought it through, but I’m so worried that’s she’s not grasped the enormity of what she’s doing, that her love for Isla is blinding her to what she herself stands to lose. What if it destroys her?’
‘Maybe it won’t. If her sister’s an identical twin, they share exactly the same genes, so it would make sense, wouldn’t it, for her to be the one to carry the baby if her sister can’t? Then the sister will have a child who could have been her own, and Iona will have a child she’ll have a lifelong relationship with, without running the risk of another potentially messy relationship before she’s ready. I can see why she’s thinking like that, and it’s quite unlike your situation.
‘I know what you feel about your children—and, yes, before you say it, I know they’re not your children, but you know what I mean. She would know the answers to all the questions you constantly ask yourself. And there’s nothing to stop her further down the line meeting someone and falling in love with them and having a family of her own—someone like you, maybe?’
His aunt had the most eloquent eyes in the universe, he thought, and wouldn’t hesitate to give him her opinion if she felt he’d invited it. Which he had, just by telling her. Didn’t mean he liked it, especially when her eyes were saying what they were saying.
‘Elizabeth, we’ve barely met! She’s not in love with me, and I’m certainly not in love with her, and I’m not going to be.’
‘No, I don’t suppose you are, not after such a short time, you’re much too wary. But I knew about Owen the moment I met him. It was love at first sight—’
‘That doesn’t exist.’
‘Says the boy who couldn’t work out why a woman like Natalie would be unfaithful if she was left alone for long enough.’
‘I’m not a boy, Elizabeth.’
‘No, you’re not. You’re a man, and it’s high time you stopped running away from it and having meaningless affairs and allowed yourself to be happy.’
He sighed. ‘I’m not in the market for it. I’m too busy, I’m not ready for it yet, not until I’ve got a consultancy, if then. I’m not going to risk trashing another relationship like I did the last one.’
‘Well, hopefully it wouldn’t be like the last one. Hopefully she’d be rather more level headed and less egocentric, and if Iona’s prepared to have a baby for her sister, I think that qualifies her quite nicely. I’d like to meet her.’
He laughed. ‘Over my dead body. You know way too much about me.’
‘Not if she’s going to be carrying your child. She should know the kind of man you are.’
‘She’s not going to be carrying my child, either! And if we were in love, which we aren’t, not by a country mile because we know next to nothing about each other, why would we have a baby and give it away?’
She smiled gently at him, her eyes softening. ‘I wasn’t suggesting that. It was a sort of either/or. I know how hurt you are, how much Natalie destroyed your faith in women, and because of that, because I know you can’t trust easily and don’t want another relationship, it might be the only chance you have to bring a child into the world that you could have a relationship with.’
‘No! I’m not going to do it!’ And especially not now, after their row. She’d made that quite clear, and it was a miracle she’d even spoken to him again.
‘Never say never. Tell me about her. What’s she like?’
‘Lovely. She’s gorgeous,’ he said honestly. ‘Almost too good to be true. She’s caring, very fond of all her family, but she’s also spontaneous and emotional. That’s why I’m worried for her, in case she’s suggested this out of pity and now doesn’t quite know how to retract it.’
‘Maybe she doesn’t want to. Maybe she’d be happy doing it. And you used to be spontaneous and emotional.’
‘I know. And I learned by my mistake, and I don’t want Iona to have to do the same, because as well as spontaneous and emotional, she’s also either immensely brave or she’s totally missed the point of what it could do to her.’
‘Don’t underestimate her. Women are strong, Joseph. Yes, it could hurt her, but so would not giving her sister the joy of being a mother if it’s in her power. Maybe she really is that selfless. Oh, and that’s the gong for tea. Lucky you, you get to run away,’ she said with a twinkle in her eye that made him laugh in spite of himself.
‘I need to go anyway. I’ve got a lot to do, I’m leaving for Manchester shortly, for this course. Would you like me to walk you along to the dining room on my way out?’
‘That would be lovely, my darling. And you drive carefully, now. That car of yours has got far too much power.’
She kissed him goodbye at the dining room door, but she couldn’t resist a parting shot as he walked away.
‘Bring her to see me!’
He laughed. As he’d already said, over his dead body...