Annoyed with the circumstance that had him spending more time with Annie than he’d bargained for, Ian put his car in gear and backed out of his parents’ driveway. Time spent with Annie had him thinking about reconciliation. Was that wise?
He glanced over at her, sitting statuelike in the front passenger seat as he drove toward the main highway. “Did you enjoy your celebration?”
“Your parents were very gracious to host a party for me. You and your family have done so much for me. I can’t thank you enough.”
“They were glad to do it.” Ian believed the sincerity of her statement, but he recognized her discomfort with the whole situation—the same discomfort he was feeling. Should he mention it or keep quiet? His mom had occupied a lot of Annie’s time this afternoon. What did they discuss? Cooking? Kids? Him? Was he being paranoid? He had to quit thinking about it.
“Despite what you think, I’m really glad your mom is going to teach me to cook. I want to fix good things for Kara and Spencer. I want to be a mother they can count on. They have a worthless father. They should have at least one good parent.”
Annie’s statement came out of nowhere, but he understood that she probably hadn’t appreciated his comment about her lack of culinary skills. And her statement about the worthless father told him what he’d wanted to know about her relationship with her former boyfriend. She no longer had amorous feelings for another man. Maybe that wasn’t such a good thing. The knowledge could have him contemplating another chance with Annie, but wasn’t he already thinking that? “I didn’t mean to make light of your interest in cooking. It just surprised me. I know you want to do what’s best for your kids.”
Looking over at him, she gave him a tentative smile, then turned away in silence. He had to concentrate on the road, not on her sweet little smile. She seemed so uncertain around him, not the vibrant young woman he’d seen talking with his parents. She would obviously rather be anywhere but with him. Her reaction to him ought to make it clear that she didn’t have any thoughts of rekindling their relationship. So why did he?
While he took the entrance to the freeway, he thought about how he’d almost kissed her when they were on the deck together. Thankfully, his common sense had returned before he’d let the attraction take over his brain and tempt him to do something that would have been a disaster.
“I’m a little nervous about Kara and Spencer coming to live with me. They’ve only seen me a few times in the past year. Do you think they even know I’m their mother?”
Thankful for something to steer his thoughts in another direction, Ian shook his head. “I don’t know what to tell you. Hopefully the transitional meeting will help with that. I’m sure there will be a period of adjustment, but everyone at The Village is there to help you and the kids adapt.”
“You, too?”
Why was she asking him that? One minute she seemed to be pushing him away with her uneasiness and the next she was trying to involve him in her life. “If you want, but I’m not sure what help I can be. I don’t know much about kids. Melody and the ladies in your Bible study group and even the senior ladies will be more help than I would be.”
“But you’ll be there if I need your help?”
Ian’s pulse rocketed even as his heart melted. “I can try.”
“Thank you.”
That tender spot for Annie grew a little bigger. He gripped the steering wheel tighter. Did he want to get that enmeshed in Annie’s life? After all, he’d spent the past few years trying to forget her and the past few weeks trying to figure out how to deal with her presence at The Village. Could he help her and still maintain enough distance to keep himself from falling for her all over again? Was God changing his heart, or was he being a fool to honor her request?
So many questions. They’d haunted him over and over again since Annie’s reappearance. As he neared their exit, he longed for another change of subject. “When we get back to campus, I think we should stop by the assisted-living facility and tell Cora and the group your news.”
Annie smiled. “That’s a fantastic idea.”
Trying to tamp down his reaction to her praise, Ian parked near the assisted-living center. Annie popped out of the car as soon as he stopped. She headed to the center without waiting for him. He quickened his pace and joined her as she signed in. When they reached Cora’s apartment, Ian knocked. They waited for a few moments. Then Ian turned to Annie. “Do you suppose she isn’t in her apartment?”
“Is there someone we can ask?”
“I’ll see if I can find one of the staff. Maybe they can tell us. Wait here in case she comes to the door.”
Ian returned in a minute. “Cora’s been moved to the nursing facility.”
“Has something happened?”
“She’s okay, but she had a fall late this morning and was taken to the hospital emergency room.”
“Did she break something?”
Ian shrugged. “They didn’t give me details. You know the privacy thing, but they released her to the nursing facilities here. They’re keeping her there at least overnight just to be sure she’s good to go back to her apartment. She can have visitors. Do you want to see her?”
“Absolutely.” Annie didn’t wait for him as she headed for the door.
When they reached Cora’s room, the door was ajar and a nurse’s aide had just delivered pitchers of ice-cold water to Cora and her roommate. Ian lightly rapped his knuckles on the door.
Sitting in the chair next to her bed, Cora looked their way. “Come in. Maybe you can talk these people into letting me go home. I’m fit as a fiddle. I took a little tumble this morning, and now they’ve got me in here.”
Ian stood next to her chair and patted her shoulder. “You’ll probably be out of here tomorrow.”
“I’d better be. We’ve got dominoes tomorrow night, young man. You missed last week. Are you afraid I’ll beat you this time?”
Ian saluted. “Yes, ma’am, I’ll be there. I’m not afraid you can beat me.”
“You’d better be there, or I’ll come and get you.” Cora waved her cane in Ian’s direction, then looked at Annie. “Come here, sweet girl. I want to give you a congratulatory hug. Melody stopped by and told me your good news. Ruby and Liz were here, too. So they know. We’re so excited to meet your children.”
“Thank you.” Annie stepped closer and gave Cora a hug. “Now you take care of yourself so you can go back to your apartment.”
Cora waved a hand in the air. “Ever since I had that little stroke a year ago, they overreact to everything. But if I have to be somewhere other than home, I’d rather be here than in the hospital. The nurses here are super.”
“Did I hear a compliment?”
Ian turned toward the door. Kirsten Bailey, one of the R.N.s at the extended-care facility, carried two small cups.
“You weren’t supposed to hear that.” Cora chuckled. “I need to keep you on your toes.”
“Oh, you keep us on our toes.” Kirsten handed Cora one of the little cups. “Time to take your meds.”
“Pills, pills, pills. What would I do without them?”
“We don’t want to find out.” Kirsten waggled a finger at Cora. “They keep you in good shape.”
“That’s what you doctors and nurses keep telling me.”
Kirsten grinned. “And we know what we’re talking about.”
Ian motioned toward Annie. “I’d like you to meet Kirsten Bailey. She’s Adam’s daughter and has recently come to work here after spending several years as a missionary nurse in Brazil.”
Annie shook Kirsten’s hand. “I’m glad to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you, too. I hear congratulations are in order.”
Annie nodded with that little smile curving her mouth. “It seems that news travels fast around here.”
Kirsten laughed. “Yeah. It’s like a small town. Everyone knows everyone else’s business.”
“That means we care about each other.” Ian wondered how many people knew about his marriage to Annie. Probably more than he thought. Someone somewhere had probably figured it out or heard from some outside source about it. He had thought his secret was safe when she’d first arrived, but now he wasn’t so sure.
Cora took her meds and handed Kirsten the empty cup. “That’s for sure. I trip over my own two feet, and I barely arrived at the hospital before the prayer team.”
“I’d say that’s a good thing.” Annie hugged Cora again. “I know your prayers helped me. And I’m going to need them even more once Kara and Spencer get here.”
“You can count on the seniors to pray for you.” Cora pointed to the small chest next to the bed. “There’s a photo album in the top drawer. I had Ruby and Liz bring that over for me because I was hoping you’d stop by today. I’ve got something to show you.”
Ian went to the drawer and pulled out an album with a battered brown cover. “Is this it?”
Cora reached for it. “That’s the one.”
Annie looked over Cora’s shoulder as she opened the album. “What do you want to show me?”
Cora thumbed through it. She stopped and patted her gnarled hand on one of the pages. “Remember me talking about my grandson? Here he is. Handsome, isn’t he? His name’s Brady Hewitt.”
Annie nodded, and Ian leaned closer to get a look. Was Cora trying to fix Annie up with her grandson? Ian didn’t like the idea much. He wasn’t sure he wanted to work things out with Annie, but he didn’t want anyone else to have an interest in her, either. Maybe it was time to decide what he wanted. Though the thought of making a decision gave him a headache.
“I raised Brady after my daughter was killed in a car accident and my son-in-law became so depressed he didn’t take care of himself or Brady. I was a widow myself, so it wasn’t easy trying to deal with my grandson, who was suffering from the loss of his parents, especially when he became a teenager.”
“I’m so sorry to hear about your daughter. It must’ve been very difficult for both you and your grandson.” Annie sat on the edge of Cora’s bed as the older woman continued to talk.
“That boy took apart a motorcycle in my living room and ruined my carpet. I could’ve shot him, but I didn’t want to serve time.” Cora chuckled.
“I remember you said he was a good mechanic.” Annie patted Cora’s shoulder.
“Yeah, and I made him buy me a new carpet. That was the only thing good that came of it.” Cora’s expression saddened. “After that he left and dropped out of high school. I feel like I failed him, but I guess he’s getting along okay. I haven’t seen much of him in recent years. He calls every couple of months. Maybe I shouldn’t have been so hard on him.”
“You never know what’s going to happen with kids. You do your best and pray.” Ian thought about his own misguided youth. He’d had two parents who provided for his every need, but he’d chosen to rebel against their beliefs because he’d hated being a preacher’s kid, expected to do the right thing all the time.
“I pray every day for him.” Cora turned a page. “I didn’t bring the album out to talk about my grandson, but when I turned to his photo, I couldn’t help myself. Anyway, I want you to look at this.”
Ian leaned closer. “That’s a nice-looking car. Is it yours?”
“Yes. I asked Brady if he wanted it, and he said no. My neighbor drives the car about once a week so the engine won’t gum up. My house, which has been for sale since I moved here, finally sold. So that means I won’t have a place to keep my car. I was going to sell it, too, but then I thought of you.” Cora looked up at Annie. “I want you to have the car, so you have transportation to job interviews.”
Annie shook her head. “But I can’t afford to buy your car.”
“Oh, I’m not asking you to buy it. I’m giving it to you.”
Annie looked at Ian, then back at Cora. “That’s too generous. I have to pay you something.”
“No need. You’ll be doing me a favor. I can’t drive it anymore. If you take it, I won’t have to pay for insurance or tags.”
“But I will.” Annie grimaced. “I’m sorry to be ungrateful, but I won’t have any money until I find a more permanent job.”
Ian wanted to help Annie, but he didn’t want to discuss anything in front of Cora. “Annie, you should consider your options, then let Cora know what you want to do. You need a car, so you don’t have to depend on others for a ride.”
“You’re right.” Annie took a deep breath. “I’ll let you know what I decide in a few days.”
“Good.” Cora nodded. “You’re the perfect person for that car.”
“Thanks for thinking of me.”
“Now they better let me out of here in the morning.”
“Let’s pray about it.” Ian reached for Cora’s hand.
“Good idea.” Cora took hold of his hand, a shimmer of tears in her eyes.
As he bowed his head, Annie held hands with Cora and slipped her other hand into his. He had to concentrate on the prayer not on his ex-wife or the way his heart skipped a beat as he held her hand. Ian swallowed hard, then gave thanks for all the good news of the day and prayed for Cora’s quick recovery and wisdom for Annie. He silently prayed for wisdom of his own. He had to figure out what he wanted in regard to Annie.
When he said amen, Cora squeezed his hand. “Thanks so much.”
“I’m glad we could visit, but we have to go.” Ian wanted to talk to Annie alone so he could convince her to take the car and his help.
“Thanks for stopping by, and congratulations again, Annie. Let me know about that car.” Cora waved her cane at Ian. “And don’t you forget about dominoes.”
“I’ll be there.” Ian waved as he escorted Annie from the room. When they were out in the hallway, he stopped. “It’s nearly dinnertime. Let me take you out to eat?”
“Are you sure?” She gave him an impish smile.
If he hadn’t counted to ten, the word no would have popped out of his mouth before he could think. But he had to convince her to take his help with the car expenses until she had some spare money. “Let’s not analyze. I’m hungry, but if you’d rather not go, I’ll walk you back to your apartment.”
“Now that’s what I call an enthusiastic invitation.” She crossed her arms over her waist.
Her sarcasm wasn’t lost on him. He didn’t want to blow this opportunity. “I’d like to talk to you. Will you go out to eat with me?”
She smiled and slipped her arm through his. “I’d love to.”
As Ian walked to his car with Annie clinging to his arm, he prayed. This was one of those times the book of Romans mentioned when the Spirit was making intercession by groaning because Ian had no idea how to pray.
The time he’d spent with Annie in recent weeks served to show him the changes she’d made in her life. She wasn’t the same young woman who had tried to party her way to happiness. She had found delight in the Lord and helping here at The Village. Now she found joy at the prospect of having custody of her children again. What should be his part in all of this? And how would she feel if she ever learned the whole truth? The role he’d played in her and her children’s lives, before Annie had shown up at The Village.
Ever since she’d presented him with her case, he’d been avoiding even thinking of the other reason he hadn’t wanted to represent her. Guilt inundated him when he thought of Annie’s battle for her children. No. He shouldn’t have guilt over protecting those sweet little kids. He was right to have reported her to the Division of Family and Children Services after she had used the money he had given her for drugs instead her children.
What would Annie think if she knew?
* * *
Annie couldn’t believe he was asking her to eat with him. They’d been together most of the day. All this closeness was making her want something she probably couldn’t have—a do-over with Ian. He’d told her he wasn’t even sure they could be friends. Had he changed his mind? Is that what he wanted to talk about? Did she dare ask him, or should she wait? Patience. She needed to practice patience.
“Where are we going?” She tried not to speculate about what he wanted to say.
“Your choice.” He opened the car door for her. Her heart fluttered as she scooted into the front passenger seat.
He drove toward the exit at the main gate of The Village. “Where to?”
She looked over at him as he waited to pull onto the main road. He was silhouetted against the sun that beamed through the tall pines on one side of the gate. Her heart fluttered again. Was she hoping for too much out of this dinner invitation? “Let’s go to that place where we used to go when we were in high school.”
“You mean McGurdy’s Pizza?”
She smiled. “Yeah. That’s the place.”
Ian turned right, maneuvering into early-evening traffic. “It’s still there, but I have no idea whether the pizza’s still good or not.” He glanced her way. “You do remember we’re going to have pizza on Saturday night at my parents’ house?”
“You used to say no one can have too much pizza.” Annie wasn’t sure what this trip down memory lane would bring, but she wanted to find out.
“You’re right.” Ian chuckled.
After Ian parked, Annie quickly exited the car. She wondered if he remembered that they’d gone here on their first date. Was it still a teenage hangout?
As they entered the restaurant, Annie noticed that little had changed. Wooden plank tables and benches comprised the booths that lined the walls. Smaller square tables surrounded by ladder-back chairs sat in the center of the large room. A hostess led them to a booth and left them with menus. Annie wondered whether Ian still like sausage and pepperoni pizza. She preferred a veggie pizza, so they’d often compromised with pepperoni and mushroom toppings.
He looked up from the menu. “Should we order our old compromise?”
“I’d like that.” He remembered. Was that a good thing? Did it mean his thoughts were also on their failed relationship?
When the waitress appeared, they ordered their drinks and pizza. After she returned with their drinks, plates and utensils, Annie looked at Ian. “What did you want to talk about?”
“Cora’s car. Annie, you shouldn’t worry about those expenses. You need that car.”
“Yes, I should. I can’t spend money I don’t have.”
“But you’ll have it. I can lend you money, and you can pay me back when you can.”
She took a deep breath, not sure this was a good idea. She kept thinking about how she’d asked him for money for the kids, then used it to buy drugs. Who could forgive something like that? “I have lots of other expenses to deal with before I get a job. I have things to buy for Kara and Spencer. Like car seats.”
“What good are car seats if you don’t have a car?” Ian frowned. “I’m in no hurry for you to pay me back.”
“They’ll need car seats for any time I have to transport them in a car, no matter whose car it is. Like on Sunday when you’re supposed to drive me to church and out to dinner with your parents. The kids will need car seats, and you don’t have them in your car.”
Ian nodded. “Shows you I don’t know much about taking care of kids.”
Before Annie could comment, the waitress brought their food. The aroma of the freshly made pizza made Annie’s stomach growl. “Guess I’m as hungry as you are.”
Ian chuckled. “Let’s pray.”
Annie bowed her head and listened to Ian’s deep voice as he gave thanks for their meal. If they’d been in tune with God when they’d first started dating would things have turned out differently for them? She had to quit thinking about the past, because nothing could change it. But this place was all about the past. Why had she come here?
Ian picked up the server. “Hold up your plate, and I’ll give you a slice.”
“Thanks.” More memories overloaded Annie’s mind. They were reliving a small piece of the past. Thankfully, they wouldn’t relive the whole awful thing.
As they ate in silence for a few moments, Annie tried to think about the future—the future with her kids. She was excited for them to see their room and play with the toys Doreen had given them. She prayed they wouldn’t look at her as a stranger.
Ian polished off a slice of pizza in no time and helped himself to another one. “Now that you’ve been through rehab, have you ever thought of contacting your parents?”
The pizza curdled in Annie’s stomach. She gritted her teeth, suppressing her hurt and anger. “Why should I do that? They didn’t care about me when I was growing up. They didn’t care when I messed up my life. They didn’t care when I had kids or when they were taken away. They didn’t care about the time I spent in rehab. Why would they care about me now?”
Ian didn’t say anything for a few moments, his expression sympathetic. “I know you haven’t been close with your parents, but it’s still something to think about. They might like to get to know their grandchildren.”
“I doubt it.” Tears threatening, Annie didn’t want to talk about her parents. “Your parents care about me more than mine ever did.”
“To be honest, I had no idea how much my parents cared about you.”
Closing her eyes to keep the tears at bay, Annie nodded. She took a shaky breath before looking at Ian. “Me, neither. Your mom’s been wonderful to me.”
“That’s why you need to try to talk to your parents. You never know what might happen.”
“Don’t preach to me, Ian. You weren’t exactly on great terms with your parents when you were younger.”
“That’s true, but I see how wrong that was. Ever since you’ve been back in my life, I’ve become closer to my parents, especially my dad.”
“See. Being around me hasn’t been all bad.”
“Did I ever say it was?”
“You didn’t have to. I could see it in your eyes.”
“Annie, I don’t know what I’m going to do with you.”
Love me. The words sat on the tip of her tongue. She grabbed her slice of pizza and took a big bite in order to keep from saying them.
When Annie didn’t say anything, Ian gave her a wry smile. “I don’t know why I said that. Guess I never had lessons in how to deal with an ex-wife, but I’m here to help you. If you need help with your kids, I’ll try to do whatever I can.”
“Thanks. You’re going above and beyond your duty.”
“I’m part of The Village of Hope. The Village is here to support you.”
“I appreciate the support.” So he looked at it as part of his job. It was nothing personal. She should’ve known.
What had she done—asking Ian to help with children who weren’t his? How could she ask that of the man she’d betrayed? Was she hoping against hope that Ian could accept another man’s children—that he could accept her back into his life? Why had Doreen bolstered the thoughts that Annie had been kicking around for days? He said he would help. She should be grateful.
“I also want to talk about reuniting you with Kara and Spencer. We haven’t discussed the caseworker’s plan.”
“What is it? I have a hard time thinking positive things about that woman.” Grimacing, Annie shrugged. “Guess she feels the same way about me.”
“Don’t worry. You’re going to show her that you deserve to have your children. We’ll be meeting in my office day after tomorrow. Would you like Melody to be there, too?”
Annie nodded. “If she could, that would be great.”
“If you ask, I’m sure she will.” Ian took another bite of his pizza.
Annie’s appetite fled at the thought of facing that caseworker. Even though the woman wasn’t anywhere near here, just the thought of her intimidating demeanor had Annie on edge. “I wish that caseworker didn’t have to be there.”
“Yeah, she seems a little stern, but she’s only there to observe. She’s not going to get involved in the transition.”
“I hope you’re right. If anything goes wrong, she’ll be sure to make a note of it.” Annie couldn’t keep the bitterness out of her voice.
“That’s okay. She can take all the notes she wants because I have confidence that most of them will be good.”
“Just most?”
Ian stared at her. “Don’t you think that’s an accurate estimation?”
“Yeah. I’m sure the kids will have some anxiety and fears. I hope they don’t cry.” Annie didn’t want to think about what might go wrong, but she had to face facts. Her children would probably look at her more as a stranger than their mother. She hadn’t seen them much in the past year, but that’s the way it had to be. The short-term rehabilitation programs hadn’t worked for her. She always relapsed. She’d needed Pastor John’s long-term program, and that meant limited contact with her kids. It was a trade-off she hoped would be for the best in the end.
“I still want you to take a loan for Cora’s car. I expect you to say yes, but I’ll give you a couple of days to realize you need to do this. And everything is going to be okay. You have a whole lot of people rooting for you, and with God on your side, who can be against you?”
“No one.” Annie needed to remember that. Look forward, not back. She wished she could stamp that on her brain because she’d been doing too much looking back. Even tonight with Ian had been a look back. Starting tomorrow, her focus was going to be on the future.