HANDY HINTS—PARENTS AND TEACHERS

Some may feel that questioning children using these methods is not a fair activity—that it invades their privacy. However, I believe that in the correct circumstances, knowing the truth is essential for a child’s welfare and is a value that should be taught by parents and teachers. I don’t advocate always testing children for the truth, just when it really matters. Remember to always apply the MAGIC Model. Here are some helpful precautions to take before questioning a child to determine lies:

Question Commensurate to the child’s age: How intensely you go about questioning a child should be strictly governed by the age of the child. For example, your questioning may be quite vigorous with a seventeen-year-old, but gentle with an eight-year-old. Also, remember that young children around five years of age may not yet have developed the capacity to lie and may not be lying; they may be simply just telling you about their imagination. When she was four, one of my daughters told me “honestly” that a spider broke our sprinkler. Factually, it was a lie, but she truly she believed what she had said. You can’t chastise a child for this, so be careful not to punish a genuine imagination. Additionally, if you push a child too hard during questioning, they’ll admit to most things regardless of whether they are guilty or not, or along the same lines, they will just tell you what they think you want to hear. This is exacerbated where there is a clear difference in the power dynamics of the relationship, as would be the case where a school principal questions a child, compared to a young student teacher questioning the same child. Accurate lie detection is about identifying the truth—not coercing an innocent. It’s more accurate and more fair to question carefully and appropriately to the child’s age.

Beware of Overconfidence and Remain Objective: For parents, questioning your own children is always a tricky endeavor, as parents are naturally biased by our closeness with and confidence in them, as discussed earlier in the book. Depending on how much you love the little terror and your natural presumption of knowledge, you may miss deceit clues. Deciding whether they are lying or telling the truth before making a proper assessment (using MAGIC) will only lead to an inaccurate conclusion. In the case of teachers, it’s equally important not to base your lie detection upon a student’s history. A student that has lied often in the past may not do so on all occasions. Conversely, the ideal “butter wouldn’t melt in my mouth” student will, on occasion, lie. It’s not easy to remain impartial, particularly if you already suspect a child of some misbehavior or presume a child is innocent. To increase your accuracy on each occasion, the approach needs to be judicious and one where you question carefully and impartially applying the MAGIC Model.

The Body of a Child Yells: For the tricky child subject, I recommend asking your questions while the child is standing. The reason for this is that children have less muscular control in the face and body than adults do. So, when using the MAGIC Model and then changing from Control Questions to Guilt Questions, the guilty child will move incongruently with previous movements when answering truthfully. Children’s movements are vastly exaggerated in these circumstances, so you can use that to your advantage.

Pros and Cons of Bluffing: Some parents and teachers may try to convince children they are questioning that they can always tell when they are lying. This method works quite effectively, until you get it wrong, in which case the child has found you out and therefore you simply will lose credibility and their respect. Remember that without training, lie detection accuracy is around 50 percent, and that even with training and knowledge, the highest accuracy most people can expect to reach is about 80 percent. The MAGIC Model is not infallible, so if you catch a child lying once, don’t claim that you can do it every time, because you can’t (I can’t either)—you can let them think it, though. Implicit bluffing is more effective and has a longer effective time range.

EXAMPLE: I distinctly remember breaking my younger brother’s bike when I was about seven, and thought no one knew—but Dad did, and I got into trouble fair and square. “How did you know?” I asked (not knowing the neighbor had told him), and all he said was, “Sometimes, dads know these things.” From that answer, I remember thinking that Dad could read my mind, so in future I very rarely told him lies. If Dad had called me out every time he thought I was lying, eventually he would have been wrong and I would have discovered his lie, and this discovery would have freed me up to lie again at will. However, not knowing when he knew and when he didn’t was a somewhat tortuous way of ensuring I would tell the truth always. I suggest that you apply a similar strategy with your children or students. If you catch the child lying, saying, “Moms sometimes know these types of things” is far better than saying, “I can always tell when you lie” or, “a little bird told me.” That will just make the child hate birds!

Learn from Their Lying: For parents, one of the best ways to learn your child’s deceit clues is to be patient and study their behavior. Don’t wait until there is a critical issue at hand and then try to use your skills—this won’t be reliable. My advice is to wait until there is an opportunity to learn something about your child’s misbehavior through another means, other than MAGIC. It must be reliable information, the child is confident you don’t know. For example, if another parent or a teacher informs you that your pride and joy was caught cheating on a test at school, use that accurate information, and then apply the MAGIC Model. When you ask the Guilt Questions, observe the child’s deceit clues—they will definitely be there. Store these in your mind for future reference. Don’t reveal that you know she/he lied. If the child believes he or she got away with it on that occasion, the child will naturally revert to the same method next time. When there is a critical issue, you can again apply MAGIC and see if the same or similar signs manifest. This will be more reliable.

A Final Note: Parents, remember lie detection of your own child, particularly when they are older, is one of the hardest things to do correctly. Getting it wrong can be very hurtful, so please tread carefully. Teachers, having so many children to deal with makes your task particularly hard; you simply cannot and should not try to learn all of your students’ deceit clues. Remember, a student’s antecedence (positive or negative) is the greatest threat to your accuracy, so only turn your “Liedar” on when you really need to, and approach each situation impartially.

Most obvious deceit clues from children:

Eyes: Observe the eyes: these will flit around the room and look everywhere except where your eyes are; this is more obvious in younger children. Also observe the eye movement; is the child actually recalling something or searching the mind for ideas to invent answers? (See the section in the book on Eye Movements on page 62.)

Fidgeting or Playing with an Object: This habit tends to be more prominent in children over seven years of age and is a natural distraction tool. Children do this so they don’t have to look at you; it’s as if they are too busy. It’s a step up in sophistication from younger children who simply look about the room anywhere except where the parent is.

Hand to Mouth: The younger the child, the more obvious this gesture will be. A young child may place the entire hand over the mouth—trying to cover where the lie came from. Older children will be more subtle, but may still raise their hands to their faces or attempt to hide their faces from you momentarily by getting a glass of water (averting your gaze while doing so) and then using the glass to hide their mouth as they drink.

Speech Pattern: This sign is more prominent in younger children—their speech will slow right down while they think of something to fabricate (due to an increase in cognitive load), and then speed up as they deliver the fabricated reply (to make up for the “guilty” time delay). Teenagers also do this, but more subtly. Teenagers will also use verbal distraction, such as changing the subject abruptly, asking you a question without answering yours, or pointing out something totally irrelevant to the subject at hand. An overly detailed or elaborate answer is a dead surefire deceit giveaway, especially if the teenager is usually very brief in their truthful responses.

Use the Silent Treatment: If the child answers you, and you’re not sure if it is the truth or not, pause—wait, look, and fix your eyes on him or her. Don’t show any expression; the latter is the most important as the guilty child will either be looking at other things constantly, unwilling to look back at you, or, if the child is older, glance briefly at you to see if the lie was believed. In both cases, the child will be desperate for information from you on whether you were deceived or not. No answer and no expression increases pressure on the guilty mind. The child will most likely say, “What?” seeking any sort of feedback possible, or may rephrase the answer, making it more detailed and more convincing. Guilty, your honor.