“A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history.”
—Mahatma Gandhi
I didn’t start out as the world’s most trusted intimacy expert—far from it. I used to be just another unhappy wife on her way to a painful divorce. But a divorce wasn’t what I wanted, and it certainly wasn’t the best thing for me. If I had divorced, I would have missed out on having the relationship of my dreams. It’s sobering and heartbreaking to think about where I would be now if I had given in to the illusion that my husband was the wrong guy, when he’s actually the perfect man for me. I suffered needlessly because I didn’t have the right skills, and I’m not the only one. There are millions of women in the same predicament.
Now that you know my story, you can see why I’m so passionate about getting every woman the skills to have the kind of relationship she dreams of. I have made it my mission to end divorce all over the world, but I can’t do it by myself. I’m inviting as many women as I can to be part of it.
For a long time I resisted stepping out in such a big way, because so many people are offended by what I say. I’ve wondered, “Who am I to try to change the world anyway?” But having found the courage to save my own marriage, to write very personal books about it, to talk about it on TV, and to travel abroad speaking about it in front of big audiences, I’ve learned that life begins where my comfort zone ends. I’m afraid every day, but so what? I’m doing what I know I’m supposed to do, and it’s a thrill and an honor.
So far we’re serving women in sixteen languages and twenty-seven countries. I have certified relationship coaches in the United States, the United Kingdom, Spain, the Netherlands, Malaysia, Hong Kong, and Mexico. My coaches work with me because they too now have the kind of relationship they always dreamed of, and they want to be a part of helping other women have the same thing. They tell me, “I believe in this. I want to do it too.” I’m not alone in this mission, and knowing that keeps me going. Let the critics criticize. They’re just doing their job. I’ve got a job to do too.
Every time a woman learns the Six Intimacy Skills and transforms her marriage and her family, that’s cause for celebration. Getting to be a midwife to that process is the most gratifying work I’ve ever experienced. My team of relationship coaches and I feel it’s a sacred, miraculous process that we have the joy and privilege of witnessing.
The women who train with me to learn intimacy skills are from all walks of life, from attorneys and psychologists to stay-at-home moms and hairdressers. They are women of deep faith or no particular faith. Some are former marriage counselors who want to do something more effective. Women find their way to me through my books, blogs, web-site, and other women who share their own experiences with the Six Intimacy Skills.
One of my senior coaches, Kathy, was fed up with her husband and ready to get divorced for the second time after seeing a marriage counselor for almost a year. When she discovered the Six Intimacy Skills fourteen years ago through my first book, The Surrendered Wife, she fired the marriage counselor. She was one of the first women I ever coached, and she still gets tears in her eyes when she talks about how wonderful her marriage is now. Kathy and her husband just celebrated their twenty-third anniversary.
Ending world divorce always starts at home, as it did for Sheri. After nearly twenty years of marriage and two kids, her husband told her he wanted a divorce. They tried marriage counseling, but Sheri’s husband said he felt attacked in every session, so they stopped going. Sheri didn’t want to lose her husband and break up her family. As unhappy as she’d been, she loved her husband and wanted to save her marriage. She worked with one of my relationship coaches, practicing the Six Intimacy Skills. Eleven months later her husband gave her a passionate kiss and she knew the crisis was over. Today, their marriage is full of affection and fun.
Michelle was on the other side of the looking glass, eager to get rid of her husband and the father of her five children. He just seemed more like a frog than her prince. Michelle and her husband separated, and she took steps to get a divorce. That was when her marriage counselor suggested she read The Surrendered Wife, which changed everything. Michelle got coaching on the Six Intimacy Skills that helped her recover her marriage and create the connection she had always wanted.
Those are just a few examples of the transformations that we see every day. There are many more stories of transformation and redemption on skillsforlove.com. Yours could be next.
Each of these women made a giant step toward ending world divorce by creating intimacy, passion, and peace in her own marriage. That’s step one, and it’s a big one. If your relationship is currently in crisis—you’re separated, one of you has threatened divorce, there’s been a recent affair, or you’re just plain unhappy—then the first step is to revitalize the intimacy in your home.
Practicing the Six Intimacy Skills in this book and on skillsforlove.com is a start, but if you’re ready to take your relationship to the next level, consider working with one of my coaches or joining us at a “Cherished for Life” retreat. We find many of our best success stories come from those who have joined our community of like-minded women with a shared vision for having an amazing marriage.
When you spend time with other women who support each other in feeling desired, cherished, and adored every day, you give yourself a better chance of succeeding with these new skills and getting what you’ve always wanted in your marriage. If you don’t know anyone in your life who can support you that way, you’ll feel like you’ve found a tall, cool drink of water in the desert when you join us.
So much of the magic, joy, and celebration happens in the tribe of women who bear witness to and identify with your challenges and victories. There’s no need to go it alone.
A client who was working with one of the coaches on my team called recently to say, “I just had to tell you what a difference this is making in my life. The one-to-one coaching is so powerful and amazing! I just had to thank you.” That was the whole purpose of her call.
I look forward to hearing your success stories too.
Spending time and energy practicing these new habits is going to lead to a much stronger connection with your husband. But that’s not all! Here are some additional ways women have said that the Six Intimacy Skills improved their lives:
• I became my best self and feel that I’m more authentic than ever before.
• I regained my dignity.
• I made friendships with other women like I’ve never had before. I’ve been a loner, but now I have the deep bonds with others that I’ve always craved.
• I stopped hiding. I left a prestigious job and paycheck that didn’t feed my soul. It wasn’t what I’m called to do, and through this training, I got the courage to let it go.
• I’m more confident because I now have such a stable marriage. I have a lot more energy and a lot less stress.
• I get an absolute thrill and feeling of being in the flow when I make a difference in someone else’s life by sharing what I’ve learned. It’s a powerful natural high for me.
• I found that we have more prosperity.
• I get more help from my husband and have more time for things I enjoy.
Before I discovered the Six Intimacy Skills, I couldn’t do most of the things that I wanted to do. I felt really trapped. I had to work hard at a job I didn’t enjoy, and I was also responsible for everything at home.
Since I’ve mastered the Six Intimacy Skills, it’s just the opposite: I get everything I want and more. I get to do inspiring work. I have a romantic, thoughtful husband. I have better, closer relationships with my family and my friends. I live by the beach and play a lot of volleyball. I have better self-care, and I’m happier all the time.
I want all of that for you too.
I’m so committed to this work and so excited about what we do that I get sad when I see a woman not following her heart and not getting support. I grieve when I know I’m not going to have the chance to serve a woman who really wants to be cherished but just can’t bring herself to go forward with the next step. I want you to be one of the women who gets the full benefit—every drop of it. If I can adopt these habits and get the marriage I have now—along with more than 150,000 women worldwide—then so can you. I’m here to support you.
Even if we’ve never met and this is the first you’ve heard about the Six Intimacy Skills, I see a world of possibility for you. It takes more courage to get help than to do nothing and continue to limp along, but I don’t think you’d be reading this book if you weren’t courageous and ready to honor your desire to improve your relationship.
So much is possible for you. I’m standing in that possibility for you right now, and I won’t give up until you have the relationship of your dreams. I know you can be great, and I want to celebrate that with you.
If this is not the first time our paths have crossed, I want to thank you for your incredible support. I’m elated that you’ve enjoyed my books, videos, and courses and shared them with so many women around the world. I don’t take it for granted how powerful you all have been in supporting me and this message. You’ve made it possible for me to do the work that I do, and I couldn’t be more grateful.
Here’s to an intimate, passionate, peaceful marriage for you and every woman. You deserve it!