Gratitude has magical powers. It turns an ordinary meal into a feast, an ordinary man into your hero, and an average relationship into a lifelong romance.
Refocusing your view with gratitude may be the most powerful intimacy skill of all because it does double duty. First, it shifts your focus from what you don’t like to what you do like, and since what you focus on increases, just doing that makes a dramatic, positive, immediate change in your relationship.
Second, by expressing gratitude, you’re actually causing people to respond to you differently. If you make someone who has done you a small favor feel like he did you a big one, he’s more likely to want to do things to please you in the future.
When you can’t please someone, it’s human nature to get discouraged and give up. Expressing gratitude will make your husband feel appreciated and inspired to want to do more to please you.
Prescription: Express gratitude to your husband three times day. It can be for ordinary things like taking out the trash, making coffee, or stopping at the store to get milk. Or it could be for big things like working hard to support the family, moving where you want to live, or giving you three great kids.
If you find yourself focused on or complaining about something your husband does that gets on your nerves, consider creating a spouse-fulfilling prophecy to affirm what you want to experience instead. For example, instead of saying “You’re always grumpy,” come up with an affirmation that feels like a stretch but comes from your faith instead of your fear, such as “You’re usually in a good mood.”