Joan woke up having dreamt she was Angelina Jolie with luscious, bee-stung lips, a back tattoo, a variety of cute adopted children, and a permanent pillow next to Brad Pitt. She knew realistically her lips would have to be the first thing she tried to achieve on her wish list in order to look better. But sadly, one look in the mirror confirmed that her own lips were thinner than the Earth’s ozone layer. Joan was determined, however, to get a big fat pucker without cosmetic or surgical enhancement.
Since she wasn’t personally acquainted with any beekeepers, she went straight to the grocery store and launched Plan B. Nestled between the kumquats and Minneola tangelos, Joan proceeded to suck the juice out of every lemon in the produce section, hoping her lips would plump up and men would line up from as far away as aisle seven to kiss them.
It didn’t happen, and Joan came to the conclusion quickly that the only way to make lemonade out of her lemon lips was going to be with the help of a dermatologist (plus the money from her mother’s bosom). The next day she went in for her very first lip injections.
Pink, soft, smooth, plump, and juicy Do I have your attention?
I’m not talking about strawberries. I’m talking about lips. The pair on your face. The kissers. Men are transfixed by sexy lips. If he could, a man would stare at a woman’s luscious lips all day long, with only short breaks to divert his attention to her boobs. If you have succulent, tantalizing lips, a man will gladly watch you talk for hours on a first date, without falling asleep in his pasta.
By the way, no matter how sexy your lips are, a first date is not the best time to tell a man about your deep-seated fear of snakes. Or hot dogs. Or cigars. Or garden hoses. Or anything tubular.
Save that for your wedding night.
And we all know why men love to gaze longingly at a woman’s mouth. If you can’t imagine why, read my lips: Vagina!
That’s why most women try never to go without makeup on their lips. It’s also why some men like women with mustaches. The lips on your face give him something to fantasize about as a substitute for other ones. You can’t very well enjoy a dinner date while standing on your head, naked from the waist down (or should I say “up”?).
However, in a highly unscientific study I conducted among the straight men I know, 90 percent of them admitted that if they could, they’d be thrilled to engage in dinner conversation with their wives’ and girlfriends’ vulvas, as a refreshing change.
The ancient Egyptians were aware of the upper lips/lower lips connection. They created the world’s first version of lipstick and painted their mouths to look red and succulent, to resemble other parts. Cleopatra’s own blend of lip enhancement was a deep-red mash of crushed beetles and ants.
Her lips were crawling with color.
And, as history confirms, the leaders of the Roman Empire, Julius Caesar and Mark Antony, men who could have had any woman— including those with smaller, more feminine noses—chose Cleopatra and her bugged-out lips.
Modern-day Cleo wannabes, the models and actresses who appear in ads, movies, and TV shows, are constantly photographed sucking lollipops, eating strawberries and bananas. A lot of candy and fruit looks phallic. It’s Seduction 101. A woman with sexy lips can put anything in her mouth, and men swoon with desire.
Men are dumbstruck by the sight of beautiful lips. We all know the legend of Cupid, the son of Aphrodite, who would shoot an arrow with his bow into the heart of a man, making him fall madly in love with the first woman he saw. Here’s what you might not know: The top lip, with its double-arch shape, is called “Cupid’s bow.” Beautiful lips are a woman’s love-striking weapon. Smile and pierce the heart.
Your lips can say “sexy” without moving. They can say “tomato” and still be saying “sexy.” Not that a man is actually listening to the words. He’s staring at your pucker. Having fully articulated lips not only makes you attractive to men, it makes the woman feel sexy, too. Even Grandma knew it. That’s why she always said, “Go put on some lipstick, honey. You’ll feel better.”
One of the added benefits of having big beautiful lips is that they’re a constant reminder of how good you look. You feel their plumpness wrapped around every word. You wouldn’t be able to forget them if you tried. And all that mental focus on one body part—how good they look, how soft they feel, how nice it’d be to use them—can be a huge turn-on for you, too.
When you look in the mirror, do you feel that your lips are on the thin side? Are they kissers that lack enough cushion to absorb a juicy smooch from the man you love or admire? All of our features send subconscious messages to the world, and lips are important communicators—even if we don’t say a word. Thin lips on a woman give the wrong impression, of shrewishness and prudishness, and probably other “ishnesses” that are the opposite of alluring and desirable.
It’s unfair to be thought of as frigid or sexless just because you have thin lips. Your lips have just as many nerve endings as Angelina “Pelican Mouth” Jolie’s. Kissing feels as good to you as it does to Paris “Trout Pout” Hilton.
Regardless, when a man sees swollen lips, he believes the owner is sexual and passionate.
And useful, too! In a car crash, you’ve got built-in air bags on your face.
The chubbiness of lips is determined by both your genes and your age. Either you have a thin-lipped legacy, or you suffer from age-related loss of lip volume.* As we get older, a lot of areas in the face lose their cushy fat pads of youth: the cheeks, the space under the eye—and the lips. It’s a process called lipoatrophy.
Now here’s a sad fact: People, as they age, actually lose weight in their lips! The one place you want more of it. Other factors that thin lips over time are:
1. Sun exposure saps the collagen and elastin fibers that make lips firm and pliant. Go find an SPF 344 sunblock lipstick today!
2. Smoking! Every time you put a cigarette to your lips, the smoke and sucking movement carve lines around your mouth, and saps the springiness out of your skin.
Therefore, if you wanted to prematurely age your lips, smoking cigarettes in the sun is the fastest way to do it.
To plump up lips, you’ve got several options. None of them is hard to handle, as you’ll see below. Whichever option you consider, they’re all good for feeling sexier, more confident, and eager to get more mileage out of your mouth.
What are they made of and how do they work? A biocompatible substance (meaning that it will be accepted by your body without a fight) is inserted into your lips to add volume. There are a few ways to do this.
The first is the synthetic implant category. We have Gore-Tex® (yes, it is the same stuff your ski parka is made of) and SoftForm, both of which are porous versions of Teflon. Their Swiss-cheese structure allows the right kind of scar tissue to form in the holes, holding the implant in place, but not deforming the shape of your lips.
The second is the natural category. We have AlloDerm®, purified collagen made from human cadavers (all screened exhaustively for diseases). The collagen is rolled into a sheet and shaped according to need. It can be—and is—used on any body part, including gums in dental surgery, and it’s the implant of choice for phalloplasty, more commonly known as penis enlargement surgery.
And though it may not be appropriate here, I always think that when her Alloderm lips meet his Alloderm penis, it’s like a family reunion.
Last, the recently FDA-approved Artefill® is both part implant and part filler. Artefill is made of microscopic plastic beads suspended in purified cow collagen. Once injected into the lips, the cow collagen is slowly absorbed by the body, while the micro-beads stimulate natural collagen to form around them.
Here’s the 411 on synthetic and natural lip implants:
How does the implant get in there? The doctor injects the implant into the corner of the lips with a needle and then shapes the material with his fingers. The procedure is quick. Less than an hour. A local anesthetic that numbs the lips is given before the implant goes in, so it’s relatively painless as it’s being done.
Does it last? Implants, like diamonds and pre-nups, are forever.
Pain? Any pain, swelling, and discomfort should be gone within a week.
Drawbacks? Every procedure has risks. The risks of lip implants are lumps, numbness, an asymmetrical pout, infection (the implant might have to come out), and/or migration (the implant will have to be repositioned).
Benefits? Implants are not going to leave you one day for a younger mouth. It’s a one-time expense.
$$$? It’ll cost between $2,000 and $5,000.
What if I hate it? No worries! Implants are made of material that is as easy to remove as it is to put in. Should you decide that the implants make you look like you’ve been sucking on a vacuum, or that so much new attention from men is a terrible burden, then make an appointment with your doctor. He’ll get them out without too much hassle.
Aftercare? There is none, so relax and go lipstick shopping. Implants are permanent. You won’t need to do anything but lap up the attention and kiss as many men as possible until you’re too pooped to pucker.
What is it? Fat is removed from a place you don’t need it (butt, hips, belly, thighs), and injected into the lips.
How’s it done? Robert Singer, M.D., veteran plastic surgeon of San Diego, explained it to me: “I start by taking available fat from the buttock, hip, or belly with a syringe or a small cannula,” he said. “For the lips, only a small amount is needed—five ccs per lip—but I take about four times more because the fat has a lot of fluid. Before injecting the fat into the lips, doctors treat it first. Some wash it with saline to get rid of any liquefied fat, broken cells, and impurities. Some doctors put the fat in a centrifuge to separate it into three layers. On top, it’s liquefied fat. On the bottom, it’s saline. In the middle are usable dense fat cells. The doctor puts them in a needle and injects pinpoint amounts into the lip at different places in multiple layers.
“There’s an artistry to it. You don’t want to inject a glob or get too much volume,” he said. Of all the fat injected, 30 to 50 percent will stick. The rest is absorbed by the body. Your lips will look progressively smaller, until they level off. Because of shrinkage, your doctor will overfill at first.
Does it last? Fat transfers are considered semi-permanent. * Fat cells that survive the transfer hook up with vessels to create a blood supply and aren’t going anywhere in a hurry—years, if ever.
Pain? Minilipo of the butt? Then lots of needle pricks in the lips? Yeah, it hurts, but you’ll get local numbing.
Drawbacks? The big problem with fat transfer is the unpredictability of it. You might be one of those people to get adequate fat shots into your lips, but at least thirty percent of it just won’t take. It’ll be absorbed back into the body, and your lips won’t look significantly different than before.
Benefits? There’s a nice organic aspect to fat transfer. I like the idea of using your own material, recycling your own fat.
Al Gore would approve.
Plus, there is no chance of your body having an allergic reaction or rejecting its own cells. It’s just a question of whether they can tolerate the move.
$$$$? A bit pricey because it’s a multi-step process, with local anesthesia in two places. Expect a bill of $3,000 to $5,000. Also, if the fat doesn’t take, you’ll either have to do it again (and pay again), or try something else (which won’t be free either).
What if I hate it? Since you’ll be over-stuffed, assuming that at least a third of the fat will be absorbed, your lips will feel too full for a short time. Give it a week; let nature take its course. On the off chance that you are the one person in the world who retains all of your transferred fat, you can always have lip liposuction to take it down a notch.
Aftercare? Smile with your new, full mouth. In six months or so, according to Dr. Singer, you’ll have lost some of the weight, and might want a booster transfer.
What are they? Fillers are natural or synthetic injectable substances that will plump your lips for up to six months.
We’ll start with your basic human-derived collagen. Collagen is a protein that is already in our skin, giving it firmness. By injecting a manufactured needleful of it into your lips, it’s just putting back what the sun, smoking, and age have taken away. Brand names include Cosmoderm® and Cosmoplast™.
Bovine-derived collagen is a collagen that comes from cows. Unlike the human-derived type, you might have an allergic reaction to the cow collagen, and it should be tested before it’s shot into your lips. Brand names include Zyderm® and Zyplast®.
Last, we have hyaluronic acid fillers. Hyaluronic acid, like collagen, is produced by your body, but as we age, we produce less. This molecule is a sponge-like carbohydrate that naturally binds to water. So, when a hyaluronic acid filler is injected under your skin, the area inflates with fluid. It’s like retaining water, but just on the lips. Have no fear. You won’t slosh when you talk, but you will have fuller lips, with a well-defined Cupid’s bow, aka the double-curved upper lip. Two popular brand names are Restylane® and Juvéderm™ Ultra.
Here are the basics on lip fillers:
How’s it done? Depending on the filler you and your doctor choose, you might get a numbing shot or a topical anesthetic. I can say from personal experience, collagen injections hurt. By all means, ask for an anesthetic!
Then the doctor injects the filler at strategic points for uniform plumping. He’ll massage a bit, to distribute the filler. Then you’ll be cleaned at the injection sites. And that’s it. Be warned: Doctors have to overfill lips with collagen because a lot of it dissipates. When I do it, my lips look amazing for a week. After that, they look better, but not as full. From start to finish, the procedure takes less than half an hour.
Does it last? Collagen, sadly, only turns up the lip volume for several months. Hyaluronic acid fillers can last longer, but don’t hold your breath (even with those puffy lips) for them to last beyond six months.
Pain? Collagen injections usually contain lidocaine, a painkilling agent. Even with that, as I’ve said, try to get extra numbing! You’ll be glad you did. Hyaluronic acid fillers don’t have painkiller mixed in. You’ll want something for numbing before the injections of Restylane and Hylaform.
Drawbacks? With the cow products, you’ll need allergy testing a month before the injections. With any filler, you’ll have some redness, swelling, and maybe bruising, itching, and tenderness.
Benefits? Perhaps the words “inexpensive” and “easy” ring a bell for you? Also, how about “instant” and “sexy”?
$$? Collagen fillers will run you about $500 per syringe. Hyaluronic acid fillers shots are $600 a syringe.
What if I hate it? Wait several months.
Aftercare? Schedule your lip job appointments twice a year. Or, if you really, really love it, think about the long term. Spending $600 every six months for Restylane might not be as cost-effective as dropping $5,000 once for implants. A lot of women use fillers to sample a taste of red-hot juicy lips. Before long, a taste isn’t enough, and they upgrade to implants.
Lindsay Lohan: She’s a messed-up kid, but she’s got gorgeous lips.
Keira Knightley: Painfully thin, everywhere, except her luscious mouth.
Courteney Cox: Gets better-looking as she ages by adding volume where she needs it; in this case, her lips.
Dyan Cannon: Living proof that big lips should stop at fifty. Cannon is too old for an inner-tube mouth. Now she looks like a Chinese frog. You want to put a coin between her lips.
Lisa Rinna: She’s making a career now out of being a Cougar, with the plumped-up lips to rival younger women.
Angelina Jolie: Poster girl for exploding lips. In the final scenes of Girl, Interrupted, her lips looked painful! I recently saw her on the red carpet, and her lips were as big as a pelican’s. I wanted to throw fish at her.
Paris Hilton: Maybe her huge mouth will distract people from all of the stupid things that come out of it.*
Meg Ryan: There was adorable Meg before lip implants and desperate Meg after. The bigger her lips, the smaller her box office. Too much of a good thing? Yup.
Jenna Jameson: With lips like that, who needs air bags?