Misery poured through every bone in Toni’s body. She felt like she was on the verge of a screaming, hissy fit. Every time she observed Sam walking with the beautiful Indian girl, or accepting food from her hands, her throat closed up and all she wanted to do was yell, cry, throw a big rock, and get Sam’s attention. He’d barely spoken two words to her in the week since they’d left Independence Rock, despite the fact that he’d insisted upon adding guards to her wagon.
Now they were headed through South Pass, and during a time when she should be starting to get excited about passing from the eastern part of the country into the western, she could only think about Sam and wish that Indian girl had stayed with the trader. Though it made her feel guilty to think such a thing. Still…
Walking next to Fannie, she felt a little better, but not much. “Listen,” her friend said. “You have to stop worrying about Sam and Yellow Bird. There is nothing between them.”
Toni gave a snort and nodded toward the young Indian girl who was stirring a pot over Sam’s campfire. She looked awfully comfortable. “Are you sure she knows?”
Fannie followed her gaze. “Well, maybe she doesn’t, but Sam isn’t one little bit interested in her.”
“Any man is flattered by such obvious attention from a woman. Believe me, I know.”
“Blake says that’s just her way of showing her gratitude because Sam rescued her from that trader.”
“You mean acting like a wife? Cooking for him? She even takes care of his horse, for mercy’s sake. His horse! He saved me too, but I don’t clean up after his animal. Maybe that’s the problem. Perhaps if I do those things he’d notice I’m still alive.”
Fannie gave a short laugh.
Toni turned on her, scowling. “What’s so funny?”
“You. You’re jealous, aren’t you?”
“Don’t be ridiculous. Of course I’m not jealous.” Toni drew in a sharp, cool breath. “Do you think I am?”
“I’d bet on it.”
“No wonder love can drive a person crazy.” Toni pressed her palm to her stomach. “I suppose I must love him.”
Fannie’s jaw dropped. “Are you telling me you didn’t know that already? Truly?”
“I suppose not. What do I know about love?”
“Oh, Toni. Toni. Love is wonderful.”
Affection rose in Toni for her friend. She knew Fannie truly meant what she said, but the truth of the matter was this: Love was only wonderful when the person you loved returned your affection. Sam would never belong to her. And staring at him now, as Yellow Bird stood over a campfire stirring a pot of something that was surely supper for Sam, it was clear to see the two made an equally lovely couple. A woman about to give birth, a man waiting for his meal. What could be more fitting for Sam?
Sam knew Toni deserved an explanation. Especially after the way he’d kissed her the night before he left. But somehow it was too difficult to explain that he owed something to Yellow Bird as well. After all, he’d taken her from her home—granted she had begged him to do so, but they were the only two Indians on the wagon train and he felt a responsibility to watch over her. Plus, she would need help once the child was delivered. And that would happen very soon.
That didn’t mean he cared for her in the way he cared for Toni. Nor could he ever. Still, the fact remained Yellow Bird seemed like a good match for him. And he was willing to be a father for her child if that’s what God was asking of him. He couldn’t just turn his back until he knew for certain.
Others in the wagon train had noticed it. Women who never gave him a second glance before Yellow Bird’s arrival now sent him amused grins and knowing glances. He supposed it wouldn’t matter who the Indian woman might be. As long as she was Indian, folks assumed her to be a suitable match for the only man around with Indian blood flowing through his veins. Did they even know or care that they weren’t of the same tribe? Did it really matter?
Probably not. Red skin was red skin. His bitterness surprised him, though. Anger, really. Resentment that the one woman he loved more than life itself was off limits to him, but the one everyone found suitable didn’t make his heart sing the way Toni did.
Yellow Bird handed him a bowl of good-smelling buffalo stew and corn cakes to sop it up with. Guilt bit through him even as his mouth watered from the delicious aroma. Here she was heavy with child and serving him. He reached out and took her wrist. “Sit down next to me and have some.”
She shook her head and backed away. “I will eat after you have had your fill.”
It was clear that even though she’d lived with a white man and clearly knew a white man’s ways, Yellow Bird insisted on behaving as though that part of her life had never existed. “That isn’t the way of things here, Yellow Bird.”
“It is the way of our people.” Her quiet admonishment sent irritation scrambling through him.
“I’m half white too.” Why couldn’t anyone seem to remember that? It wasn’t that he discounted his Sioux heritage. But neither did he discount his white blood. “Sit down and eat your supper with me or I will dump mine out and go hungry.”
“I will eat as well, Two-Feathers.” Yellow Bird dipped a ladle full of stew into a tin bowl and sat on the ground next to the campfire.
Wolfie’s bark captured Sam’s attention and he turned toward the sound. Charles Harrison and his two children were having dinner with Toni, Amanda, and Ginger. Jealousy nearly ripped a hole in Sam’s heart at the sight of Toni smiling at Charles as he pulled off a hunk of meat and tossed it to the ornery dog.
No wonder the animal stole food and refused to learn obedience if his owner insisted upon allowing such poor manners. Wolfie gobbled up his treat and begged for more. Toni’s laughter carried on the wind, clutching at Sam with a longing to be the recipient of that smile and gaiety. But no, some widower was edging him out. He scowled.
“You…care for the white woman. Yes?”
He jerked his head back to Yellow Bird, ready to deny her observation. But the solemn look in her dark eyes told him plainly there was no point in denials. “Yes.”
“Then you will marry her?”
He gave a short laugh. “Not hardly.”
“I do not understand.”
“A white woman does not marry an Indian in the white world.”
She cocked her head to the side, confusion still clouding her eyes. “You will not marry the woman you love?”
Had she not heard a word of what he just spoke?
“I can’t.”
A shrug lifted slender shoulders. “Then perhaps she would be better off joining Swooping Eagle’s tribe.”
The very thought sent knives of fear through his entire body. “Yellow Bird. Toni does not want to go with Swooping Eagle.”
“Even if it means she could free the two hostages who have family here, and another child? She will not even consider this?”
Sam didn’t know if she’d consider it or not, but there would be no discussion about that scenario while he had breath in his body. Besides, Toni had no idea that Swooping Eagle had even made the offer. Only five people knew…Sam, Blake, Timothy, Brian, and Yellow Bird. Sam had threatened Tim and Brian should they reveal the bargain to her, and of course Blake wouldn’t breathe a word of it. Not even to his own wife.
Yellow Bird gave a jerky incline of her head. “You have not spoken of this with the one you call To-ni.”
Sam made no apologies. “I have not. Nor will I.”
“But perhaps she will choose to accept Swooping Eagle’s offer. A Sioux woman has the right to refuse. Why should this woman not be given the same choice that your own mother was given to choose your father?”
“She has already refused him once.” Granted, there were no other captives involved at the time, but Sam couldn’t imagine Toni agreeing to such a bargain anyway. Nor would he allow her to do so.
Yellow Bird remained silent after that. She stood, her food untouched, and began to clean up. Despite her cumbersome burden, she moved with the same grace he remembered his own mother possessing. His long desire was to return to the Sioux nation and bring the gospel to his mother’s people. Now that Yellow Bird had entered his life, he was beginning to question God. Was she the helpmeet he’d been waiting for? If so, he had no choice but to put thoughts of Toni from his mind and concentrate on getting to know the Indian woman.
She turned to find him staring. Her lips turned upward in a tentative smile.
Jerking to his feet, Sam handed her the empty bowl. “Thank you, Yellow Bird. The meal was tasty.”
He turned his footsteps toward Miss Sadie’s wagon. If anyone had the answers he was looking for, it would be the widow.
The creek rippled along a rocky bed as Brian and Tim stood side by side under the light of a half moon. The wind coming down from the Rockies caused a chill in the air, but Tim didn’t feel a thing. The only thought he could concentrate on was that Indian woman with her dirty hands on his little girl while she screamed for her pa.
“We both know what we gotta do,” he said.
“I don’t know.” Brian’s tone was hesitant, which infuriated Tim. Now wasn’t the time to get soft on the subject and change their minds.
“You want your sister to become a whore for some Cheyenne buck?”
Tim didn’t even see the blow coming until he was on the ground staring up at the enraged young farmer.
“Don’t ever talk about my sister that way again, you hear me?”
“Now you listen to me, Brian. I don’t mean to be disrespectful of her. It ain’t her fault she was taken by them savages any more than it was my Janey’s fault. But you got to be realistic.” At the risk of another punch hitting its mark, Tim continued, despite the warning in Brian’s eyes. “That sister of yours is a right handsome woman. If we don’t get her back soon, some Indian man is going to see the same thing and want her for his squaw.”
“All right. You got a point. But don’t ever call her a whore again. Is that clear?”
“I was out of line with that,” Tim said, feigning contrition. “Now, let’s figure out how we’re gonna get this done.”
Amanda had remained silent through most of the meal, her few smiles reserved for Alfred or Wolf. As much as Toni hated to admit it, the woman seemed to be descending into a darkness that Toni couldn’t pull her out of. Despicable as he’d been, Mr. Kane had obviously known how fragile his wife had become. Toni had no doubt that losing that puppy back then might have sent her into insanity. As it was, the betrayal found in the pages of Lucille Adams’s diary seemed to be more than poor Amanda could reconcile in her mind. The look in her eyes seemed almost vacant at times, as though she couldn’t quite comprehend the sights, sounds, and smells going on about her.
Toni tried to draw her out as much as possible, but the past few days had been challenging. She barely spoke, barely ate. Toni felt helpless. Useless.
Father, what good am I to anyone if I can’t even help my friend through this pain?
Toni slipped her hands into the dishwater and began scrubbing. Behind her Amanda moved and Toni turned to find her friend on her feet, heading away from the wagon. “Amanda, wait,” she called. “Where are you going?”
“To the creek.”
“You can’t go alone.”
“I’m not. I’m meeting Ginger.”
Irritated, but relieved that she wouldn’t be alone, Toni nodded. “All right. But it’s chilly tonight. I wouldn’t try to swim.”
Amanda waved her away, leaving Toni feeling sheepishly like a mother hen. But truly, they could catch their deaths of cold if they tried to swim in the chilly waters this time of night.
Though it was barely August, the higher the travelers climbed in elevation, the cooler the nights were becoming. Just this morning, they had awakened to find frost on the ground. And the snow-capped peaks were all around them on the horizon. So despite the rugged terrain and craggy slopes, at least there was less heat to contend with.
Toni finished the dishes in just a few minutes and sat on the wagon tongue to enjoy a cup of coffee before retiring for the evening. As she replayed Amanda’s words and actions in her mind she became more suspicious. At the precise moment she planned to go after her friend, Ginger walked into their camp.
“Where’s Amanda?” Toni asked.
“Ain’t she here?” Ginger poured a cup of coffee. “I can’t be looking out for her all the time.”
“Where have you been?”
“Playing poker with a couple of the hands.”
The hands were unmarried men headed out west to work on ranches. And Ginger liked to sit around with them spinning tales and playing cards. Toni had warned her against getting a bad reputation, but the young woman didn’t seem to care what folks thought about her.
“Where’s Amanda?”
“That’s the second time you asked me that.” Ginger gave a huff. “How’m I supposed to know where she’s at?”
Knots formed in Toni’s gut. She snatched her shawl from the wagon and yanked Ginger along with her. “We have to go find her.”
“Yow! Don’t pull my arm off.” She stopped short. “Wait a minute. You tellin’ me Amanda’s missing?”
“I’m not sure. All I know is that she said she was meeting you and the two of you were going to the creek.”
“Do you know how dadblamed cold it is in that water?” she asked with incredulity. “Why would I be that dumb?”
Toni shrugged. “She caught me off guard while I was working on the dishes. Said the two of you were going.”
“You think she lied to you?”
Now she was starting to understand. “It would appear so.”
“Well, I best go find her before she wanders into the creek and gets herself drowned.”
“I’m coming with you.”
“No, you ain’t. You can just stay right here where you won’t get kidnapped by that Indian.”
Toni couldn’t help a little laugh. “Oh, Ginger, for mercy’s sake. You know Swooping Eagle isn’t anywhere near this place.”
“I don’t know anything of the kind, and neither do you.”
That much was true. Still, Toni had to believe that since the Indians hadn’t returned after all this time, that had to be a good sign of something. At any rate, she fervently prayed so.
“You stay here and wait for me,” Ginger said again. “I’ll go find Amanda.”
But Toni was firm. “If she felt the need to lie to me in order to go off alone, there must be something wrong with her.”
“You just figuring that out?”
Toni hated the coldness in Ginger’s tone. “No. But I’d hoped she’d start to pull out of it instead of going deeper.”
“Well, let’s go, if you’re determined to come along.”
They found her at the creek.
“Toni, are you seein’ what I’m seein’?”
Bewilderment washed over Toni and she couldn’t seem to move. Amanda’s clothes were on the ground. She stood naked in the moonlight, her arms in the air as she spun around and around.
“What in tarnation does she think she’s doing?”
“Obviously she doesn’t know what she’s doing.” Heartsick, Toni shook her head and fought back tears. “Oh, Ginger, she must be going mad.”
“Maybe we oughtta go get her before she hurts herself,” Ginger said. “I knew a man once lost his mind grievin’ over his dead wife and son when cholera got ’em. He ran off into the river and drowned hisself just like that.”
“Let’s go.” Toni moved with caution. “Be careful not to startle her. We don’t know what she might do if we come up on her too quickly.”
Moving with care, they reached the woman. “Amanda,” Toni called softly. “It’s Ginger and Toni. We’re here to help you.”
Amanda burst into tears at the sight of them. She fell into Toni’s arms. “Help me.”
Toni’s heart twisted with compassion at the slurred cry for help. She stroked the woman’s hair and prayed.
“Come on,” she finally said, “let’s get you out of this cold air.” Amanda didn’t even fight when the two women grabbed her clothes, helped her dress, and led her back to camp where they put her to bed. They slipped back outside the wagon and sat together on the ground against a wagon wheel.
“Should we tell anyone?” Ginger asked.
Bewildered by the whole thing, Toni shook her head. “I don’t know.” If Amanda came to her senses soon, she would be humiliated. But if there was any chance she might be a danger to herself or anyone else, didn’t they have a responsibility to let others know?