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“STOP MESSING WITH THAT,” Kumiko scolds.
I push on the switch again with my finger and the glass goes up. I pull back and the window glass goes down. “Is there a rope inside the door? Or a leprechaun perhaps?”
Kumiko laughs. It’s a bright, beautiful laugh and I’m happy to make her smile because, although she won’t admit it back to me when I tell her I love her, all I have to do is look at my legs and I know that she does.
“No, its all machinery,” she says, “and you need to stop messing around before you break something. This is Shelley’s car.”
A car. My brothers and I, the three mermen and sons of Poseidon, once talked about how we always wanted to ride in a car. It must be fine to steer one as well. “May I switch places with you and take the helm?”
“Helm?” Kumiko laughs again. “This isn’t a boat. You need a driver’s license or you could go to jail. You’re not allowed to drive without one.”
Driver’s license? I don’t know what that is. But jail? I know that term. Surely, the gallows are much worse in these times than they were during my time when I served as a Master at Arms. I sent many lawbreakers to the gallows for their crimes to live in their own shit and piss until they rotted with boils and maggots as their flesh oozed ripe with punishment for their injustices. Or at least most of them did. A few scoundrels I had hanged by their necks usually when shipmates got bored and needed a bit of entertainment.
I look to Kumiko. She is very entertaining as her long hair flies about and I’m thankful she does not have to wear a mask or robes to remain hidden as she did in her former life. In truth, she hardly wears anything at all. She wears the same style of trousers consisting of a thick blue fabric that I’m wearing, except my trousers, which I’ve borrowed from Henry, go down to my ankles. Her trousers are cut right under her arse.
I know we are on a rescue mission, but her skin—exposed and sunlit, makes me want her. I want to touch her, fondle her, and lick her.
I lean towards her, but I’m stopped! The safety device she has strapped me in will not allow me to get close to her. I tug at the strap.
“Baby,” she says. “Keep your seat belt on.”
“Baby?” I huff. “Is that what you think of me? I’m not a child? Is that why you’ve strapped me under this belt? I’ll have you know I’m centuries old.”
She laughs again. “Wearing a seat belt while riding in a car is also the law. Everyone has to wear a seatbelt.”
“There are too many laws of this land and in this time,” I growl.
“Maybe,” she smiles. “And just so you know, baby is a term of endearment we all use in these days.”
I manage to loosen the belt and slip it over my head and behind me. I lean over, sliding my hand over Kumiko’s inner thigh and pulling her head towards me with the other. She keeps looking forward—so intense, so focused on the road ahead, as I kiss her.
She trembles. “You really shouldn’t distract the driver.”
I lift up her shirt and brazier in the front to expose her breast and tuck my head under her outstretched arm with her hand clinging to the wheel.
“You shouldn’t call me a baby.” I take her nipple between my teeth and lick the tip of my tongue over it until it becomes erect; then I take the whole areola into my mouth, sucking on it as an infant would.
My entire body swerves as her breast comes popping out of my mouth and I bang my head on the steering wheel as our bodies go flying forward with such a force as if the car was just struck by a tidal wave. We both sink back into the seats as the car comes to an abrupt halt.
“Oh my God! I’m so sorry,” she cries and grabs a hold of my head to rub it. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” I smile. My head is throbbing. “Seatbelt. No distractions. I’m a quick learner, baby.”
“Oh,” she snivels with wet eyes. I think she’s about to bawl and now I’m thankful I took the risk because she’s cupping my face as she kisses me. Abruptly, a strange noise, like the wailing of a sea siren about to lure a sailor to his death, resounds.
“Ah fuck,” she says, fixing her clothes to cover her breast.
“What is it?” I look around and realize she’s nearly hit a welcome sign directly in front of us. I read it: WELCOME TO PORTERMAN’S BLUFF.
Porterman? Motherfucker. I became a keeper of the sea while he became a lord to the land.
“Fix your seatbelt so it’s in front of you,” Kumiko whispers and I do as she says.
Through the side mirror, I see my reflection. I can see why Kumiko wanted to cut my hair short and shave me. I’d like to admire myself—this rather clean look while remembering how good it felt to be groomed by my lover, but I am distracted by the lights flashing atop another car that has pulled up behind us and a tall, dark-haired, also well-groomed gentleman gets out.
I turn my head to watch him approach. He moves cautiously, but with confidence; I can recognize another lawman when I see one. I look to his hip—no sword there, but he does have what looks like a gun. I know guns. I know what they can do and I think about Henry. Poor lad. I debate whether I should take vengeance against this sheriff for what he’s done to my fellow seaman, my brother, but then again, I have no powers anymore. The sea witch has them now.
“Where you headed?” asks the sheriff tipping his head to look at us through his large dark glasses.
I lean over. “A dolphin pup has been taken from its mother—”
“Shhh!” shushes Kumiko, gripping my leg and digging her fingers into my thigh. The feeling is painful yet absolutely incredible and wonderful because I have legs and I want to cheer! But I understand Kumiko wants me to be quiet.
“What’s this about a dolphin?”
“Nothing,” Kumiko fibs. “He’s from out of town—from the city! He’s just excited to be on the coast.”
“You folks got some ID?”
I watch Kumiko pull out a card with her image from her little bag and hand it to the sheriff.
“You’re Shelley’s friend, aren’t you?”
I can hear Kumiko gulp. “Yeah,” she sings loosely.
“You know, I used to like that girl, Shelley. Turns out she’s a lot more trouble than her aunt and her parents were. You’re not going to give me any trouble, are you?”
“No, sir,” smiles Kumiko.
The sheriff cocks his head to look at me. “How about you, stranger? How long you plannin’ on staying?”
I’d like to say permanently, but I get the feeling the sheriff is as uncomfortable about me as I am about him. “I’m not sure, sheriff.”
“You remind me of Shelley’s boyfriend. What’s his name?”
“Henry?” I blurt and Kumiko sends me a look of chastisement.
“Yeah, Henry,” the sheriff smiles and leans his forearms on the window allowing him to lean in. “Interesting fella that Henry, although I admit I still don’t know that much about him. First time I met him, he didn’t have any ID. How about you? You got some identification?”
“You mean ID?” I question.
“Driver’s license. I need to see your driver’s license,” demands the sheriff.
“I’m sorry, sheriff, I don’t have one.”
The sheriff groans. “No ID? What’s your name then, stranger?”
I clear my throat. “I’m Orphelius Mayhem.”
“And how did you arrive in our town, Mr. Mayhem? You come by boat? Because I know you didn’t drive or fly in. You’d need an ID to do those things. Unless you swam in?” He chuckles.
“He totally swam in,” smirks Kumiko and I can’t believe she’d just tell the sheriff like that, but the sheriff laughs.
Bird shit splats on the sheriff’s shoulder and we all hear a screech stemming from a seagull that lands on the car front.
“What the hell?” cries the sheriff pulling at his sleeve to look at the white and gray loose dung dripping off his shoulder. “Fucking birds,” he curses with a sour face. “They’ve been a big problem as of late. A tourist says he was attacked by a swarm of seagulls at Cora Morae’s property. You two wouldn’t happen to know anything about that would you?”
Kumiko’s big brown eyes flash at me. “No.”
The sheriff takes a few swipes at the seagull on the front hood, but the bird just teases him with feathery acrobatics. I hide a laugh as the sheriff becomes frustrated and ceases before leaning back into the window.
“Listen, when Shelley gets back I need to have a talk with her and her boyfriend. Will you give her the message?”
“I’ll tell her,” replies Kumiko.
“And no swimming.”
“Excuse me?”
“The university says there’s been some unusual animal behavior along the shoreline. The seagull attack seemed to be the first of several animal attacks—sharks, jellyfish, piranhas. I didn’t even know we had piranhas in these parts. But I’m also having a problem with poachers. We got some rare breeds of animals in these parts and the biology students are reporting poachers in the area reeling in critters that are on the endangered species list.”
“What about the dolphin?” asks Kumiko. “The baby pup in the marina. Are you going to help that poor creature?”
“Sorry, but that’s not an endangered species and there’s no restriction in these parts for the capture or containment of such an animal. That was up to the town to decide last night, but all they did was schedule a second town hall meeting so I’m leaving the animal where it is for now.” The sheriff sighs. “I’ve been checking in on the poor thing. I don’t know much about science, but I don’t believe the wet critter is going to make it another day.”
Interesting—this lawman. I painted him the devil after shooting Henry in the back, but he seems decent.
The bird on the hood screeches and the sheriff steps back with a startle, putting his hand on the handle of his gun. “Damn this town. I swear it’s cursed.” The sheriff nods, “You two have a good day and try to avoid distractions. I noticed the two of you, like a couple of lovebirds, before you went off-road. If you had hit the sign, I’d be taking you back to the station right now instead of letting you go.”
“Thank you, Sheriff. We’ll be more careful,” Kumiko coos.
“Mhmm,” he says and the seagull flaps its wings wide as it screeches once more, sending the sheriff back into his car to drive away.
Kumiko turns the key behind the wheel and a rumble resumes under my bottom. “You can tell the bird to get off the car now,” she says to me.
“I can’t tell the bird to do that. What makes you think it will listen to me?”
“I thought you have the power to control certain creatures, like the seagulls.”
“Not anymore. I lost that the moment I...uh—”
“Slept with me? You gave that up for me?”
“It was part of the deal I made to bring you back, remember?”
Kumiko reaches over and kisses me and I swear everything—the drowning, the dying, the transformation, the waiting. Oh, the fucking waiting! Everything we’ve been through seems as if it’s been worth it, until the bird taps at the window.
“What do you think he wants?” Kumiko asks. “I would think once you stopped controlling him—”
“I’ve never taken control of him.”
“But he’s been at my window every day since I got here.”
“I would’ve been at your window every day, too, if I had had wings.”
A suspicious and mysterious grin spreads across Kumiko’s face as she reverses the car. “I never thought I’d say I think I like tentacles better than feathers.”
I rub her thigh. “We could always go for a dip later.”
“But the sheriff said no swimming.”
“Baby, you know we won’t be swimming.”
