Chapter Eighteen

Nicole glanced down at her watch Tuesday morning as fifteen preschoolers put away their backpacks and sat down on the braided rug. It was almost nine o’clock and Sam hadn’t arrived, nor had he shown up the day before. The sky outside was overcast, with low dark clouds adding to her melancholy. Yes, he said he was helping Alistair, but she couldn’t tamp down the niggling feeling that their conversation Sunday night about her not leaving Golden Ridge had put Sam off. Her gaze slipped over to where Joshua had taken his seat next to his other classmates. He’d been exceptionally quiet that morning. She noticed him sitting by the parlor window yesterday afternoon, waiting for Sam, even after she explained what happened.

Sam could have come after the office closed, but he hadn’t. She took a deep breath filled with frustration and anger. How could he disappoint a little boy like Joshua? How could he disappoint her? That startling truth acted like a release valve and her frustration seeped away. How and when had she made the situation about her? Was she that selfish or was she really jealous about Joshua’s affection for Sam and her fear he would leave with the young child she’d come to love?

A loud boom of thunder caused some of the children to clasp their hands over their ears. Cindy Stapleton started to whimper. Joshua put his arm around her shoulder. “It’s okay, Cindy. God’s just sneezing.”

His words tugged at Nicole’s heart. Grandma James used to say the angels were bowling. She wondered where Joshua had come up with his soothing story. She wished Sam was there to see this tender scene. Her gaze drifted to the window once more. Large droplets of water fell from the heavy clouds and a deep depression settled over her as well. Where was Sam? She closed her eyes. Please God, don’t let Sam give up. Let him realize that his son needs him. Please bring him back to You and to Joshua.

Just as she was getting ready to say amen another thought rocketed through her. And what about you, Nicole? Don’t you want him to come back to you? Her eyes flew open and a small gasp left her lips as a warm hand was placed on her shoulder.

“There’s no use waiting for him. He’ll come when he’s ready.”

Nicole turned and looked into Regina’s dark eyes. She had to be right. The alternative was unacceptable, plus way too painful for Joshua. Even though he hadn’t figured it all out yet, Joshua was beginning to remember and accept his father—and to lose him again, as he had his mother, would be a disaster.

Horror raced through Nicole. Had she driven Sam away? Had she made it too hard for him to be with his son? Had she interfered in their lives in a way that had hurt them both? What had she been thinking? What had she done? By forcing Sam to stay against his will, had she destroyed the potential they had for a family? Sam wouldn’t leave and return to Guatemala without his son, would he?

Regina’s face darkened with concern. “What’s a matter, child?”

“What if Sam doesn’t come back? What if he picks up his gear and heads off to Guatemala, leaving Joshua behind? What have I done to their family?”

The older woman reached out and put her comforting hands on Nicole’s shoulders. “My, My. Your mind sure is racing with some wild ideas. Don’t worry, he’ll show up.”

Nicole’s nose clogged as she fought to hold back her tears. “I don’t know. I really made a mess of this whole situation. I should have told Sam he could take Joshua when he wanted to, but I didn’t. A lone tear rolled down her face. She shook her head.

Regina pulled Nicole into her arms and gave her a tight hug. “Child, you have to trust the Lord a little more.”

“I know; I know. Sometimes it’s just hard.”

“Sure it is. Nobody said life was going to be like eating cupcakes all day. Now dry your face. You got all these young ones worried about you.”

Nicole looked past Regina and, sure enough, the room was no longer filled with active voices. Every one of her young students had wide eyes and Eddie Sanchez looked like he was going to start bawling at any moment.

She wiped away her tears, plastered a huge smile on her face and walked to the front of the room.

“And how is everybody this fine rainy day? Don’t you just love the smell of rain? So fresh and crisp. It reminds me of taking walks in the northern woods of Wisconsin at my Grandma James’ house during the springtime.”

“It reminds me of my Nana’s wash before she puts it into the dryer,” piped in Michael.

“It reminds me of fresh daisies,” chimed Cindy.

“And my dog, Scooter, when he’s all wet,” shouted Eddie.

All the children started laughing and giving examples. Joshua jumped to his feet. “It reminds me of the water my dad and I used when we washed my bike.”

Nicole clasped her hands against her chest. Where was Sam? “These are all wonderful thoughts. I think we should all bow our heads and thank God for our beautiful rainy day.” All the tykes complied and folded their hands in front of them.”

As soon as the prayer was done Joshua’s hand shot up in the air.

“Yes Joshua, you have a question?”

“I want to pray for my dad.”

Nicole’s heart fluttered in her chest. “What do you want to say?”

“I want Jesus to help him at work.”

“At work?”

“Yeah. He worked so hard yesterday, he’s sick today.”

Her heart twisted and those tears returned to her eyes. Wonderful, precious Joshua had come up with the only possible explanation why his father wasn’t there. Oh, she hoped the boy was right. Though deep down she knew if Sam didn’t show up fairly soon, eventually Joshua would figure out the ugly truth. And then he would slowly become jaded with the truth. Oh, how she prayed that wouldn’t happen.

She regained her composure. “All right Joshua, would you like to lead us in that prayer?”

“Yes, but everybody needs to close their eyes. So Jesus will answer.”

“All right, we’ll all close our eyes,” she said tenderly.

“Eddie Sanchez, too,” Joshua ordered, pointing toward the boy.

A frown crossed Eddie’s face. “I always close my eyes.”

“Do not,” Joshua challenged.

Eddie jumped to his feet and crossed his arms over his chest. “I do too.”

Cindy started talking before she raised her hand. “He’s not telling the truth, Miss Nicole. When we prayed for Rachel’s grandpa he was looking around the room.”

“You’d only know that if you were looking, too,” Eddie charged.

Cindy’s face fell and her bottom lip started to tremble. Nicole quickly stepped in. “I think everybody should sit down and take a deep cleansing breath.” She breathed in deeply and let the air out through her mouth. Over and over again she repeated the process. Eddie and Joshua sat down and joined the other kids in the breathing exercise. “All right, if everyone is calm, we’ll have Joshua come up to the front of the room and lead us in a prayer for his father.”

Joshua zigzagged around his classmates until he stood next to Nicole. He folded his hands and the other children followed suit.

“Now, close your eyes,” Nicole said. They all complied, even Eddie. “And bow your heads.” She turned to Joshua. “Okay, you can say your prayer now.”

“You too, Miss ’Cole,” Joshua added. “Close your eyes.” She smiled then bowed her head and closed her eyes.

The room was silent for a few seconds then in a tender voice Joshua began. “Dear Jesus.”

“Dear Jesus.” They all repeated.

“Make my dad better,” Joshua said.

“Make Joshua’s dad better.”

“Amen.”

“Amen,” they all pronounced.

Nicole opened her eyes and standing there in a soaked green raincoat was Sam. “Yippee!” Joshua shouted. “Jesus answered my prayer.”

Her eyes got misty as she looked at a soggy Sam. Amen to that. Nicole folded her hands under her throat as Joshua raced to his father’s side and wrapped his arms around Sam’s legs.

“I knew you would come. Are you better?” the boy cried.

Sam looked at her in puzzlement. “Better?”

“Joshua thought you were sick when you didn’t show up earlier.”

Color crept up his neck. “Oh, I…”

She wove her way through the children until she was at his side. “It doesn’t matter. You’re here now and that’s what’s important. Can I take your coat?”

A warm smile lit up his face and danced in his eyes. “Sure.” He tore off the wet overcoat and handed it to her.

She draped the garment over a wooden chair in the back of the classroom. “Are you joining us for Bible Time today?”

“Yes I am,” he said firmly.

She grabbed his chilly fingers. “Why don’t you take your usual seat and warm up a bit?”

He gave her hand a squeeze. “I’d be delighted.”

The children shouted out their greetings as he made his way to the only other large chair in the room. After Sam sat down, Joshua scooted in front of him and leaned against Sam’s legs. The tender gesture erased any pangs of doubt that lingered in Nicole’s heart. Elation filled every ounce of her being. She settled back down in her chair and folded her hands in her lap, thinking it was right that the father and son were together.

“We have another rainy day today, but I want you to close your eyes and think about a sunny day. That shouldn’t be too hard, should it?” All the children shook their heads. “Good. So let’s give it a try.”

To lead by example, Nicole closed her eyes. She wondered if Sam had closed his too. She felt her skin heat at the thought of Sam staring at her without her knowing it. Foolish, really.

“Miss Nicole,” Cindy whispered. “Eddie is peeking.”

Nicole’s lips twitched, but she didn’t open her eyes. “Cindy, you won’t see him peeking if you close your eyes.”

Cindy gave out a gasp and then the room grew quiet except of the sound of heavy rain hitting the window panes.

“I want you to picture a sunny day where you’re playing outside. Perhaps you’re swinging on a swing or making castles in the sand.”

“I’m skipping,” blurted out Michael.

“Shh,” the others said in unison.

“Good. Do you all have your picture?” She suspected that the children were nodding. “Okay then, open your eyes, but hold on to that sunny thought.”

She opened her eyes. Heat rose when her gaze met Sam’s. She had a feeling he’d been peeking too. Quickly she scanned the room and saw all the smiling faces were intently watching her. She paused to gain her composure.

“When I was your age, I loved to go outside and watch all the big kids in the neighborhood ride their bikes up and down the street. My mama must have noticed because on my fifth birthday she bought me a pink, two-wheeler bike.”

“Woo,” all the children went.

“I like pink,” Cindy added.

“I like red,” Joshua countered.

Nicole waited until every child gave their preference. “But as wonderful as my new bike was, I was very afraid of it.”

Michael scrunched up his face. “Why, Miss Nicole? I’m not afraid of my bike.”

She chuckled. “Well I didn’t know how to ride a two-wheeler and this bike didn’t have any training wheels on it.”

Cindy gasped again. “Oh, no. No training wheels. That’s terrible.”

Nicole watched Sam’s lips split into a full grin and she had to work to keep a serious face. “Yes. I thought it was awful too. When my mother showed me the bike I ran up to my room and hid in my closet.”

The children nodded in understanding.

“But then my mother found me, and do you know what she did? She took me back downstairs and she said she would teach me how to ride. But I didn’t believe her.”

“Why?” Eddie said. “I always believe my mom.” Some of the other children voiced their agreement.

Nicole put up a palm; the room grew quiet again. “I know, I should have, but I didn’t. So the bike sat in the garage a long time. Then one day I took it out by myself and tried to ride it, but I fell.

“Oh no,” the kids cried out.

“Did you get hurt?” Joshua asked softly, inching away from Sam and closer to her.

“Yes I did. I broke my arm.”

The children’s eyes grew wide and the room filled with gasps.

“I never broke a bone,” Cindy added. “My dad says Stapleton’s have big strong bones.”

Sam’s shoulders shook as if he was going to lose it.

“That’s wonderful, Cindy. But because I didn’t trust that my mother could teach me, I spent the next six weeks with a cast on my arm and my bike grew dusty in the garage. Finally when my arm healed, my mother asked me again if I would like her help. This time I said yes. So she held on to the bike until I got on and when I started to pedal she ran along next to me. In fact, she never left my side until I was ready to ride solo.”

“What’s that? So-lo?” asked Cindy.

“It means you run around lo.” Eddie crouched down and began waddling like a duck. The kids started laughing again.

“No it’s not,” chirped Joshua. “It means to be alone.”

“Good job, buddy.” Sam leaned forward and patted Joshua on the shoulder. The boy turned and grinned up at his father.

Nicole’s heart swelled. “Yes. It means to be alone. My mother didn’t let go of the bike until I could ride it by myself. Sometimes we act the same way. We worry and don’t ask for Jesus’ help. Sometimes we do something without faith and make things worse.”

“Like breaking your arm!” Michael added.

“Yes, like breaking my arm. But when we let God help us, we can do anything. He won’t leave us when we’re afraid or sad. Instead, He stands by our side through every problem we have. But unlike my mother, who stepped aside when I could ride on my own, Jesus will stay with us because He loves us and He wants us to be happy. So remember, when your day isn’t always sunny and you’re afraid of the rain, Jesus is always there with you.”

“Do I have to share my lunch with him?” piped in Michael.

Eddie rolled on the floor laughing. “Jesus doesn’t eat peanut butter sandwiches.”

Michael raised his chin. “He might.”

“I think He likes radish sandwiches,” Joshua added.

“You like those. Not Jesus,” Cindy chided. “So does Betsy.”

Betsy, who usually never said a word, stood up and put her hands on her skinny hips. “No. I eat boloney.” This produced a round of yucks from the other children.

Nicole rose from the chair. “Okay children, go and get your pencil boxes, we’re going to practice our letters now.”

While the preschoolers scrambled to grab their boxes, Sam rose and made his way to the back of the room. Nicole followed. She wanted to grab his arm and tell him how relieved she was that he showed up, but she wasn’t sure he would understand. As a matter of fact, she wasn’t sure she understood. Before she could say anything, he started talking.

“Since it’s raining, I can’t work on the lawnmower, so I’ll take a look at the garbage disposal. Regina said it’s not working right.”

Disappointment rushed in when he didn’t ask her how she was doing. Suddenly, she wanted to take him by the hand to the parlor, sit next to him on the couch and talk about their day apart yesterday. Instead she nodded. “Sounds great. Will you be here all day?”

He looked at her oddly. “I usually am.” He opened his mouth as if to say more, but squeezed her arm instead. “We’ll talk later.”

She nodded, unable to get a word out as she fought with the tears burning behind her eyes as she tried to sort out her feelings for Sam.

Sam headed for the kitchen. She knew something wasn’t right. The anxiety she felt earlier, returned. As much as she tried to shake it, she couldn’t. Dear God, take this worry from my soul and please help Sam with whatever he is struggling with…

After lunch, the children pulled out their sleep mats for nap time. Regina offered to watch over the children, giving Nicole the chance to get some paperwork done in her office. She wasn’t in there long before Sam strolled in.

“Can I have a word with you?” His penetrating stare put her on edge again.

She motioned to the chair on the other side of her desk. “Sure. What’s on your mind?”

“I want to look at your files on the kids. There might be an angry parent tipping Pendleton off about the needed repairs around this place. I had a visit from Bill Pendleton Sunday night and he knew more than he should.”

Casting her worries on the Lord just became a little harder at the mention of that man. Nicole tried to appear nonchalant, but deep down she knew she wasn’t fooling anybody. “You know personal information is confidential. I don’t have the right to show you the files.” Some of her fear started to seep away. “It’s not a secret what’s been going on. Regina has been boasting all around the neighborhood about how you’re fixing up the place.”

He leaned forward. “Does she have the habit of giving specific details? Because Pendleton had all of them. He knew about the plastered walls, the plumbing work and more.”

“So? What’s so bad about that?”

“Nicole, he asked me to take pictures of this place. I refused, but maybe someone else is doing what he asked. You know as well as I do, parents show up here at different times, all day long. How often have you found a parent waiting in the parlor while we’ve been out back with the kids? They could be taking pictures of things that need major repairs. Things neither you nor I are aware of. I just think we should be a little protective here.”

His words were starting to bring back her old fears. Could he be right? Could one of the preschoolers’ parents want to see Grace House closed? She made a mental list in her head. Ridiculous. Five of the parents were former residents at Grace House. They would never turn against her. But what about the others?

She wasn’t going to go there. “Didn’t you hear a word I said during Bible Time this morning? If one of the parents wants to help William Pendleton close down Grace House, then let him try. I can’t go paranoid about this. I’m going to let God handle this worry.”

He rose and gave her a skeptic smile. “Sure. You mean you’re turning this totally over to the Big Man Upstairs?”

“Yep.” She stood and leaned against her file cabinet.

“And the minute I walk out of this office you’re not going to comb those files just to make sure I’m wrong.”

He knew her better than she knew herself. “I’m not showing them to you.”

Sam held up his hands and backed out the door. “Fine. But you’ll let me know if you find something that might point to a connection to Pendleton?”

“I’ll think about it.”

He stopped at the doorway. “You’re still trying to pedal that bike by yourself, you know.”

Why was he trying to use her words against her? She wasn’t going to let him break down her defenses. “No I’m not.”

“Yes, you are. What’s it going to take for you to realize that maybe God put me here to help you?”

This was a switch. She folded her arms across her chest and narrowed her eyes. “I thought you didn’t believe in God.”

He snapped his fingers. “You caught me. But truthfully, you’re a real control freak. When are you going to start practicing what you preach and do a little trusting?”

It was on the tip of her tongue to say, when you do, but she never got the chance because a loud wail came from the hallway.