Chapter Twenty-nine

Nicole walked over to the bedroom window and gazed out at the morning sun—a new habit she had acquired since Sam and Joshua left four weeks ago. As crazy as it was, she found solace in the knowledge that the same sun that greeted her each morning, greeted Sam and Joshua, too. And before she went to bed she would search the stars for the constellation Draco, hoping Sam was doing the same. She shook her head. How cliché, like something out of a romance novel, yet she couldn’t stop her new routine.

The chatter in the hallway intruded on her thoughts. A blond girl with saucer-shaped, blue eyes popped her head into the bedroom. “Miss Nicole, is it okay if I take the pink pillow case out of the linen closet?” Joy Easton asked.

Things had become quite busy at Grace House with the arrival of Pam Easton and her daughter. At six, Joy was the spitting image of her mother and would have been the perfect playmate for Joshua… Nicole took a deep breath. She had to stop this. Joshua and Sam were gone. Forever. She had to focus her thoughts on the present and the little girl who patiently waited for her answer.

“Sure you can.” Before Nicole could say anything else, Joy skipped out of the room. Nicole followed the child, but stopped at the doorway. Joy stood next to Regina who was putting fresh linens in the closet.

“Miss Nicole said I can have the pink ones.” Joy jumped up and down.

“Well of course you can, lamb.” Regina handed the pillowcases over to Joy. “You think you can put those on all by yourself?”

“Uh-huh.” Joy took the linens from Regina.

When Nicole watched the girl hop down to her room just like Joshua would have done, her heart took a tumble. She rubbed her forehead. This had to stop or she would go insane. They were gone, gone, gone—for good.

With determined strides she followed Regina down the stairs. “Do you need help with breakfast?”

Regina nodded. “Why that would be nice. You can crack the eggs while I start frying up some sausages.”

Without answering, Nicole entered the kitchen and immediately went to the refrigerator and took out a dozen eggs, then pulled out a bowl from the cupboard. One by one she hit the eggs on the side of the bowl, watching the yellow yolks slip inside. Suddenly she looked up and found Regina staring at her. “What?”

“You planning on feeding an army today? You know it’s Saturday.” Regina motioned to the dish. “All we have is Pam, you, me and little Joy.”

Nicole looked down. Twelve eggs floated in the bowl. She dropped the last shell into the empty carton. “I’m sorry. I guess I wasn’t thinking.”

“You were thinking all right, just not about breakfast.” Regina took the bowl from the counter and dumped the eggs into a frying pan. “Don’t worry about it. We’ll have egg sandwiches for lunch later. I’m sure Pam and Joy won’t mind a bit.”

Egg sandwiches. Joshua liked egg sandwiches. A tear stung the corner of her eye. She turned away, hoping Regina wouldn’t see. “I’ll just put some bread in the toaster.”

Regina mixed the eggs in the pan. “Sounds good and while we’re waiting for everyone else, maybe you and I should have a little talk.”

Nicole gazed at the toaster, watching the heat rise from each small compartment. She didn’t want anybody to know how much she was hurting.

Large hands rested on her shoulders. “You don’t have to go through this alone. I know you miss them. I miss them too.”

That was it. The flood gates had been opened and Nicole couldn’t prevent the tears from streaming down her face any more than she could stop her heart from beating. She turned into the wise woman’s arms. “I’m sorry. There isn’t a day, an hour, or a minute that doesn’t go by that I don’t think of the two of them. I love them both so much.”

Regina quickly took the eggs off the burner, then led Nicole to a chair. “You did the right thing letting them go.”

“I know, but the pain in here”—Nicole tapped her chest—“is so great. I’ve asked God to take it away, but it won’t leave. I know in time it will fade, but…” She gave out a heavy sigh and shook her head.

Sliding into the chair across from her, Regina gently grasped her hands. “Do you ever think that the Lord doesn’t want you to feel better?”

Was she joking? Nicole searched the older woman’s eyes, but found no jest. “You can’t mean that?”

“Yes. Yes I do. You wanted Sam to stay for you, but you never gave a thought to what you were asking.”

“That’s not true. I wanted Sam to stay to give Joshua stability.”

“Uh-huh. If you really believed that you wouldn’t have let the boy go. Stability can be found anywhere as long as you are with the ones you love.”

‘A building doesn’t make a home, people do.’ Sam’s past words rattled in her mind. Nicole tried to pull her hands away, but Regina held on fast.

“I’m not done talking to you. Sam couldn’t stay here. He spent most of his life watching his mother plaster pictures of different continents on a refrigerator door and telling enchanting stories about far away places. His parents never got to fulfill her dream of visiting those places. They died before they could. Golden Ridge reminds him of all they never got to do, and with the loss of his wife and family, this place is nothing but a place of sorrow for him. Then his son is born different and his wife dies. Asking him to stay was—”

“Selfish,” Nicole whispered.

“Well that wasn’t the word I was going to use, but I think you understand and probably always did. That’s why you let the two of them go.” She squeezed Nicole’s hands. “You just got one more thing to do.”

Nicole looked into the weathered face that had been her anchor through many storms. At Regina, the person who had picked her up when she was shattered and broken, who gave her a home when she had none.

“I can’t.”

“Yes you can. And stop using me as your crutch for staying. I took care of myself before you came into my life and I’ll take care of myself after you leave.”

“But what about Grace House? And the school?”

“The school will be fine. Jane Martin is a smart girl and an excellent teacher. As far as Grace House goes, I was running a house like this one long before you walked through my front door.” Regina’s face softened. “You’ve done wonderful things here, and become a dear friend, but it’s time to leave old hurts and the past behind. The Lord has other plans for you. No matter how frightening it is for you, you need to spread your wings and fly.”

Nicole fell into Regina’s arms and wept. “Where will I go if I need advice?”

“Why, to your husband.”

“I don’t even know if he cares for me that way.”

Regina leaned back. “Trust me. He does. Now you go get your man and boy.”

Joy skipped into the kitchen and sniffed the air. “Don’t cry. It’s only toast.”

Nicole sniffed the air then followed the child’s gaze to the toaster. She wiped her eyes and laughed. “You’re right. What are a few pieces of burnt toast when you have a whole fresh loaf left?” She looked back at Regina. “If it’s okay with you, I won’t leave until after the church picnic.”

“Why that sounds marvelous.” Regina stood. “Now we better get these eggs done ’cause I can see our little lamb is mighty hungry.”

Joy took out a few pieces of fresh bread and placed them in the toaster. “I’ll watch the toast.”

Nicole rose and got out of the way of the energetic six-year-old. Yes. It was time for her to leave.

* * *

The soft laughter of children drifted on the wind to Sam when he left the small but serviceable hospital in Guatemala. Hard to believe he and Joshua had been there over four weeks. The man who needed the emergency surgery was doing fantastic. His cracked jawbone was healing nicely and he sported a whole set of new teeth that would make even the Hollywood crowd jealous. Sam inhaled the moist air and gazed at the rolling hills, their peaks covered with a sheet of thin clouds. Despite all the good things, something important was missing. He wished Nicole was here to see this.

“Dad, look at me! I’m kicking the ball,” Joshua shouted from the center of the compound. With a large grin he kicked the soccer ball to a young Guatemalan boy. Leaving Golden Ridge and Nicole had been tough for Joshua, but he seemed to be adjusting to his new life.

Sam waved his hand. “Nice job, buddy.” When another boy joined their group, Joshua scurried away without looking back.

“The child seems happy here,” Jario said, sitting on a bench next to the hospital door, whittling a piece of tigerwood. The old Guatemalan with the leathery face and strong sturdy hands managed to shape the wood at the same time he watched the children race across the compound. Jario made his living by being a hospital orderly. When time allowed, he fell back on the trade handed down to him by his father—the making of wooden flutes and wooden tools. He was intelligent and well respected and people listened when Jario spoke.

“Yes. Yes, he is.” Sam took off his lab coat and threw it over his shoulder.

Jario cocked his head to the side. “Better than his father.”

“Is it that obvious?”

“Your body is here,” Jario tapped his temple, “but your mind is elsewhere.”

Sam slumped down on the bench next to the gifted man. “The work I do here is as fulfilling as ever, but I find myself wanting to go home at night to talk with…someone in addition to a five-year-old.”

Jario lifted a brown brow. “A someone or a special one?”

Nothing got past Jario. “Her name is Nicole and I left her behind in Golden Ridge.”

“Ah, the town where you used to live.”

Sam placed his lab coat over his lap then dropped his elbows to his knees. “The town I have been trying to get away from since I graduated from med school. Only I didn’t realize all that until I came here.

“It’s the town she won’t leave. When I was a boy, I enjoyed hearing about the missions at church. I thought, wouldn’t it be wonderful to go to one. Then when I was in high school, a mission in Brazil was looking for a dentist. My parents were dentists. My mother talked about visiting exotic places all the time. I thought, here it is! A perfect fit. I confronted them, wanting them to volunteer. They looked at me like I had come from another planet. They gave so many sad excuses, the biggest being they couldn’t leave the people of Golden Ridge without any dentists. They spent their whole lives in that small town until they retired. And then they were gone…”

“And you were still there.”

“Yeah. It was almost like I was reliving their lives. When I went to med school I had no plans of ever living in that town again. But one Christmas, I came home. I met Vicky and well…the rest is history. I threw myself into my work because I really didn’t want to be there. I made a selfish mistake once. I hurt my wife. I hurt my son. I won’t risk that again.”

“But now your dream is not the same, is it?”

“No. It is the same. I still love this work, but without Nicole something really important is missing.”

Jario rose from his seat. “You have been searching for something that has always been before you. Open your mind. God is trying to speak to you.” With that, the older man strolled away.

Sam stood there, stunned. Slowly his childhood unfolded before him. The Fourth of July parades, the picnics, the fishing trips, the Scrabble and card games he played with his parents. The nights he’d sat at the kitchen table while both of them helped him with his homework. They had been a happy family. Somewhere along the way he had changed history to give him a reason to leave.

His parents loved their work and their service to the community. They may have talked about traveling someday, but now he knew that no matter where they went their hearts would always be in Golden Ridge. His parents had never left that town, but they had touched just as many lives as he would circling the world. In the same way, Nicole was doing right now. With a good family behind you, Sam saw that anything is possible.

That settled it. Sam turned and walked back into the small hospital and made his way to the director’s office. Finally, he knew what to do.