“Bicycle!” yelled Sister Wanda, who had stopped for a drink at the top of the climb herself. “Can you hear me? What’s wrong?” She dropped her pink bike at the edge of the road and ran to Bicycle’s side. She felt Bicycle’s head and neck. Bicycle’s pulse was rapid and her skin was dry. “Oh goodness, talk to me, Bicycle, say something,” she murmured.
Dr. Alvarado was quite a bit farther behind. Sister Wanda called over her shoulder, “Doctor, it’s time to stop messing around on that thing and ride!”
He stood up in the pedals and rode as fast as he could to the top, gasping when he arrived. He fell off his bike and tumbled like a gymnast in his hurry to get to them.
He checked Bicycle’s vital signs, noting her pale, dry, hot skin. “She is experiencing the early signs of heat stroke. We have got to get her out of the sun.” There wasn’t a scrap of shade in sight. Dr. Alvarado turned to Bicycle’s Fortune and anxiously tried to recall which button to push to get the tent out of the bike frame.
The Fortune 713-J flashed a question. Is she all right?
Dr. Alvarado answered, “In fact, no, she is not. Her body has gotten overheated and is unable to cool itself down. She needs to get into some shade and get some cool water on her skin to help lower her core temperature, right away.”
Understood, the Fortune responded. Get her inside, I will do the rest.
“You’ll do the rest of what?” Dr. Alvarado asked.
The Fortune didn’t answer but immediately released and inflated the tent as Dr. Alvarado stepped back. He and Sister Wanda carefully scooped up Bicycle’s unconscious form and carried her into the tent, kneeling on either side of her.
Stay inside, but zip the tent closed, the Fortune blinked.
Dr. Alvarado did so, and the temperature in the tent dropped ten degrees. A small jet started spraying a mist of cool water on Bicycle. The temperature kept going down until it was a very comfortable 72°F inside the shady tent, as opposed to the blistering 106°F it was outside.
“How did you learn to control the temperature inside the tent?” Dr. Alvarado asked, flabbergasted.
The Fortune blinked its own question. Is there more that she needs? Or just time to rest?
Dr. Alvarado stared at the screen for a moment. “Just…just time to rest, thank you,” he managed to say.
The Fortune sat in silence for a moment, then started playing Stephen Foster songs.
Bicycle stirred a little and mumbled, “No more desert. No more brown hot dry yuck desert. Need dessert instead of desert.” She opened her eyes a crack. “Ice cream sandwiches? Don’t mind if I do.” Then she passed out again.
Dr. Alvarado took her pulse.
Are ice cream sandwiches required for her optimal health? the Fortune blinked. I have no such capabilities. You have failed as an inventor for not having included ice cream sandwiches in my programming.
Dr. Alvarado looked flummoxed. He had no response.
Sister Wanda said, “Thank heavens, she’s cooling off. I do believe we got her out of the heat in time.” She sighed in relief. “We’re most certainly done riding for today. Dr. Alvarado, why don’t you go outside and see if you can flag down a car? Have them take you to the nearest store and get supplies for us, some cold water and real food.”
And get the ice cream sandwiches. Go like the wind. Make her well. I will maintain her temperature until you return. The Fortune started beeping, and when Dr. Alvarado didn’t start moving fast enough, it started playing a military march at full volume until he vacated the tent.
He hitchhiked back a few hours later with juice, water, sandwiches, and a box of slightly melted ice cream sandwiches in an insulated bag. Bicycle had awakened and was feeling much more normal. She downed nearly a half gallon of water and three ice cream sandwiches before coming up for air. Dr. Alvarado’s ice cream sandwich dripped on his tie, and the Fortune spit out a napkin for him.
He gave a little bark of laughter. “This is much more improbable than anything that has happened to me in years,” he said as he wiped his tie. “Thank you. Thank you for reminding me why I should get out of the workshop more often.”
“What happened?” Bicycle said. “I remember climbing a hill, and then feeling like I was in a nice cool shower for the first time in way too long.”
Dr. Alvarado tried to explain. “You became ill, and what happened next is an unusual illumination of the Heisenberg uncertainty principle. As far as I can deduce, the Fortune 713-J appears to have generated its own system of machine learning…” When he saw Bicycle’s baffled expression he stopped talking and stroked his chin. “Hmmm. How to explain it to a layperson? Bicycle, when you got sick, the Fortune 713-J did everything it could to make you better. I think it likes you and considers you its friend. Attracting metal friends…Clearly, you have a magnetic personality.”
Sister Wanda looked amused at the bad pun and turned her attention back to Bicycle, smoothing Bicycle’s hair off her forehead. “You rest now. We’re not going anywhere until you are one hundred percent yourself again.”
Bicycle closed her eyes as Sister Wanda smoothed her hair back once more. She fell into a moist, cool, restful sleep.
When dawn lit the next day, Bicycle woke up and stretched. “How long was I sleeping?” she asked Sister Wanda, who was already awake and puttering around in the tent.
“A good long while. Dr. Alvarado and I turned in early ourselves, but spent some time talking first. I learned these bikes are miracles of engineering,” Sister Wanda said. “Did you know they come equipped with board games? I beat the doctor in a spirited game of Battleship before bed.”
Bicycle slipped on her shoes and they climbed out of the tent. The Fortune 713-K’s tent was inflated a few feet away, and Bicycle could hear Dr. Alvarado rustling around inside.
“Please put the tent back in the seat post,” Sister Wanda asked the Fortune, and after it did so, Sister Wanda gave it a pat. “Miracles, I tell you. Also, Doctor Alvarado remembered after his hitchhiking experience that there is a satellite phone located in each bicycle’s left pedal, so I called the Calamity Cab Company last night and arranged for them to send us a taxi this morning. No more bicycling for you, young lady. I’m getting you out of this desert posthaste and checking you into your room at the Friendship Factory as soon as possible.”
Bicycle felt it was much too early in the morning for such unspeakable words to be spoken. There hadn’t even been a mention of breakfast yet.
“We’re going now? Can’t we talk about this at all?” Bicycle asked Sister Wanda, panic rising in her voice.
“I told you, there is nothing more to be said,” the nun answered. “We’ll bid farewell to Dr. Alvarado, pack our bikes in the trunk of the taxi, and get you to the Factory. As soon as you’re settled there, the taxi can get our bikes and me to the nearest train station for my trip back to D.C. I’ll ship my bike to the Nearly Silent Nunnery in Kentucky once I’m home.” A small cloud of dust appeared on the horizon and began moving closer. Sister Wanda put her hand over her eyes and squinted at the dust cloud. “That must be the taxi now.”
Bicycle pleaded, “Maybe there is nothing more to be said for you, but there is a lot more to be said for me! Won’t you take a minute to listen?” The nun calmly bent down to tie her sneaker. Bicycle’s voice rose. “Don’t you remember how to listen?”
Sister Wanda straightened up and gave Bicycle a blazing blue stare.
Bicycle swallowed and very quietly added, “Please?”
Never taking her eyes off Bicycle’s face, the nun sank slowly into a no-nonsense cross-legged position. “I am listening,” she said.
Bicycle took a deep, deep breath. “I know you think you are doing the best thing for me, commanding me to make friends. I don’t want to break your rules, believe me! That’s why I took off biking—I was trying to do what you want but in the way that I want. I swear I made a friend already. Let me tell you about Griffin, the ghost. I know you think he’s imaginary, but he isn’t, and I don’t know exactly how we became friends, but I’m sure we did. And Dr. Alvarado said yesterday that the Fortune was acting like a friend to me, too. I don’t need to get changed or fixed by the Friendship Factory. I can do this. Can you give me just one more chance to make a regular human friend my way before you lock me up at the Factory? Please?” Her eyes wide, she put every ounce of agonized hope she had into the last word.
Dr. Alvarado emerged from his tent, rubbing his face. “Anyone thinking about breakfast yet?”
The Fortune beeped at him and he came over to read its display. Hush. My sensors indicate this is not the optimal time to interrupt.
Sister Wanda’s face was unreadable. “Are you finished?” she asked.
Bicycle nodded.
Sister Wanda stood up. She took her own deep breath. She let it out in a noisy sigh so big it seemed to come up from her toes. “No.”
Dr. Alvarado was watching the approaching dust cloud. “Is that the taxi you called coming our way?” he asked.
Bicycle could not believe her ears. “No?” She thought she’d come up with a pretty good speech, especially on an empty stomach.
The Fortune beeped. No?
“That doesn’t look like a taxi,” Dr. Alvarado said. “All black. But it is parking right over there. Looks like whoever is driving is coming to have a chat with us.”
Sister Wanda picked up Bicycle’s backpack and helmet and handed them to her. Bicycle took them automatically, noticing the figure getting out of the car behind Sister Wanda. She squeezed her backpack in shock and shouted, “No!”
Sister Wanda put her hands on her hips. “There’s no need to start shouting, young lady.”
“No, not no to you, no to her.” Bicycle pointed at the bony woman striding menacingly toward them. “That’s the lady in black from the auction! The one I thought you were when we hit you with the tomatoes. The bike thief!”
Two burly men in black T-shirts and slacks also emerged from the car, and the bony woman said something to the men over her shoulder, stabbing her finger toward Bicycle and the Fortune.
“And she brought more thieves to help her!” Any thoughts of Friendship Factories were now secondary.
Dr. Alvarado clapped his hands together. “Bike thieves before breakfast? I really do need to get out of the lab more often. Can I be of some assistance?”
Sister Wanda faced the oncoming trio and squared her shoulders. “Oh, bike thieves, is it?” she asked. “We’ll see about that.”
The Calamity Cab Company taxi chose that moment to crest the hill and pull over.
Sister Wanda turned to Bicycle, putting a firm hand on her shoulder and propelling her toward the taxi. The nun opened the rear door and guided Bicycle and her backpack onto the seat. “Go on ahead now and wait for us at the Friendship Factory in Calamity. The doctor and I will take care of these bike thieves.”
The way she said the last two words left Bicycle in no doubt that the bony lady in black had met her match.
She didn’t hesitate to obey Sister Wanda this time. She shut the cab door while Sister Wanda handed the driver some bills and instructed him to leave her at the Calamity Friendship Factory. In moments she was watching Sister Wanda, Dr. Alvarado, and the group of menacing people in black grow smaller in the taxi’s back window until she lost sight of them completely.
The taxi ate up the miles with no effort at all. Far too soon, they reached Calamity. Its cozy main street was lined with low brick buildings. The taxi cruised past an elementary school, a playground, an all-day-breakfast restaurant, and a neighborhood of small houses. The taxi driver slowed and stopped next to the sidewalk outside a windowless two-story concrete structure.
“Friendship Factory, here you go,” the driver said.
Bicycle climbed out mechanically, dragging her backpack and helmet behind her. She stood stoop-shouldered in front of the glass door with the letters FF painted on it. It looked nothing like a camp. It looked like a factory. One where hard and unpleasant labor was done. Bicycle stared at the door and wasn’t even surprised that the building looked practical and ugly and un-camp-like. Camps were supposed to be fun. Forced friendmaking was going to be work.
The taxi pulled away, and Bicycle wondered what the Friendship Factory did with you if you couldn’t make the three guaranteed friendships. Would you have to stay forever? She was about to ask the Fortune what the odds were of her being imprisoned for the rest of her life at the Calamity Friendship Factory when she slapped her forehead.
“Wait! Sister Wanda forgot to put my bike in the trunk!” she yelled too late as the taxi turned a corner and was gone. Bicycle took another look at the concrete building and decided she wasn’t going in there until Sister Wanda dragged her in.
Before anyone could come through the glass door and ask what she wanted, she hurried back toward the center of town. She sat on a swing in the playground and wondered how the Fortune 713-J would get down the hill without her pedaling it. Did it have some autopilot feature that Dr. Alvarado could activate? Then she wondered what Sister Wanda was doing to Miss Monet-Grubbink. Sister Wanda could be both an irresistible force and an immovable object, but no matter how much that frustrated Bicycle, she had to admit the nun took her job as a guardian very seriously.
The road back to what she was thinking of as “The Lady in Black’s Last Stand” stayed empty for quite some time. The sun moved upward in the sky until it shone right in Bicycle’s eyes, so she went to sit in the shadow of the schoolhouse, where she still had a good view of the road. She nibbled a snack from her backpack and finally saw a cloud of dust moving along the road toward the town. She squinted to see better. And whimpered.
It wasn’t Sister Wanda and Dr. Alvarado coasting down the hill with the Fortune 713-J in tow. It was the bike thieves’ black sedan. As it came closer, she could see the front wheels of both of the Fortunes and Sister Wanda’s pink cruiser poking out of the half-closed trunk.
“Holy spokes! They stole all three bikes?” Bicycle blurted out, and then immediately cast around for somewhere to hide. She squeezed into the playground’s miniature wooden playhouse. She peeked out the little window as the car pulled up and parked in front of the all-day-breakfast restaurant. Bicycle was confused when she saw Sister Wanda and Dr. Alvarado get out of the backseat, and became even more confused when the lady in black and the two hulking men emerged to walk at their side. They all looked…friendly with each other. Bicycle shrank back from the window and listened to them talking in the still morning air.
“I told the taxi to drop her off at the Friendship Factory,” said Sister Wanda. “This town isn’t big, so I’m sure it’s close. I’ll ask for directions from the folks in this restaurant. We haven’t had a chance to eat yet. After I go over and get my girl settled, would you like to join us here for breakfast?”
The lady in black nodded. “Allow us to buy forrr you.” She rolled her r’s so they sounded like a cat’s purr. “It’s the least we can do to seal the deal.” She smiled a crocodilian smile. “We’ll wait forrr you inside while you rrrun yourrr errrand.”
She’s inviting the bike thieves to breakfast? Seal what deal? Did Sister Wanda get brainwashed? Bicycle thought. Drugged? She narrowed her eyes as a nasty thought occurred to her. Did Sister Wanda agree to give them the Fortune to teach me some kind of lesson? Did she decide that is what’s “best” for me? She watched them file into the restaurant.
Bicycle could not be separated from the Fortune like this. Directly disobeying Sister Wanda a second time was something Bicycle could hardly bear to do, but the thought of losing her freedom and another bike—another new friend!—at the same time was even more unbearable. She ran to the black sedan and wrestled the Fortune out of the trunk and onto the road.
“I’m stealing you back,” she whispered. “We’re going to get each other out of here.”