The reunion is in the large panelled room at the front of Oaklands House. It was our common room when we were students there, but now the battered chairs and ring-marked coffee tables are gone, replaced by nice carpet and waiters with trays of wine glasses. The powers that be have obviously decided it’s too nice to let the students loose in any more.
Becca, predictably, wasn’t waiting for us in the car park as we’d arranged. She’s running late, she said, and she’s got a surprise for us and that we should go ahead without her. So that’s what Dan and I do.
There’s a group of people I recognise instantly as I walk through the door, art-course friends, and they squeal when they see me. Dan spots his old flatmate, Rick. We nod to each other and split up and go separate directions.
‘Oh, my God!’ Francesca Withers says. ‘Is that Dan? You’re still with him?’
I nod. ‘Yes.’
I’m still with him. For richer, for poorer. For better, for worse. Although I’m hoping we’ve had enough of ‘worse’ and we can tip the scale in the other direction. I look over to where he’s standing with Rick. They’re laughing stupidly at something Rick has just said and they both look as goofy as they did at nineteen, except Rick has hardly any hair now.
I know it’s not going to be easy. I know Dan and I are going to have tough times ahead, but I have something now that I didn’t have when I was here last. Hope. We’ve turned it around once before. I know we’ve got it in us.
There’s a commotion near the door and without even looking I know it’s Becca making an entrance. I turn and smile, and then I smile harder, because she’s not alone. She’s got a rather nice-looking man in tow, and he’s ‘glowing’ just as hard as she is.
‘I want you to meet Sy,’ she says as she sweeps up to the group I’m with.
I smile at Mystery Man and kiss his cheek. ‘I thought you couldn’t make it?’
He shrugs. ‘Shuffled a few things around.’ He gazes adoringly at Becca. ‘She’s a special lady. I wanted to be here for her because I knew she was nervous.’
‘Yes, she is special,’ I reply. ‘And I’m glad you’re taking care of her, because if you don’t, I may have to track you down and hurt you.’
Sy laughs, but he nods good-naturedly. Warning received and understood. However, I have a feeling she’s hit gold this time. I don’t get a chance to tell her that yet, though, because she spots someone she knows across the room and screams, ‘Danny Fierro! How are you, you old tart?’ and rushes over to him and they air kiss loudly and begin trying to catch up on the last twenty-five years in fifteen seconds. I always did think drama students had a volume that was one notch louder than everyone else’s.
I work my way round the room, saying hello to people, even making new acquaintances – people I think I will get on with now, even if we had nothing in common back when we were twenty – and I don’t want to go and hide in the corner once.
That’s the one legacy from my life with Jude that I will guard closely. I may not have done anything remarkable in this life. Yet. But I know I have potential, and for now that seems to be enough for me.
Eventually, I find my way back to Dan, who has been cornered by Becca and Sy as they were doing the rounds.
‘So what do you do?’ Sy is asking Dan.
‘I’m an English teacher,’ Dan says. ‘Very boring, really. Lots of Shakespeare, kids sleeping through my classes …’
Everyone laughs, as they’re supposed to.
‘But he’s a writer too,’ I say, as I turn to look at my husband. ‘Aren’t you?’
Dan looks paralysed, as if he’s trying to work out if this is just a lucky guess.
‘Don’t tell me you haven’t been secretly working on a novel for the last year or so,’ I tell him. ‘Because I won’t believe you.’
‘A novel!’ Becca squeals. ‘You dark horse, you! What’s it about?’
I jump in before he can answer. ‘Don’t disrupt the creative process by making him spill the beans yet. He’ll tell us when he’s ready, won’t you, Dan?’
Dan is looking at me as if he can’t quite believe what he’s hearing, but he nods. I hail a passing waiter and grab a couple of wine glasses. I hand one to Dan and we wait while Becca and Sy get refills too, then we all clink glasses. ‘Whatever it is, it’s going to be brilliant,’ I say, ‘and when Dan hits the bestseller lists, I’m having full body liposuction and that’s that!’
We all laugh, but Dan slides his arm around my waist and leans in. ‘Thank you,’ he whispers into my ear. ‘How did you find out?’
I smile sweetly at him. ‘I have my ways and means.’
‘And you don’t mind?’
I shake my head. ‘Not if it makes you happy.’ My face crumples slightly as I discover unexpected tears springing to my eyes and I hold them back.
For the first time today, maybe even for years, my husband looks me in the eye, no barriers, no filters. ‘I love you,’ he says simply.
‘Me too,’ I say and lace my fingers with his. ‘I don’t know about you, but I think I’m ready to leave now.’
‘Whatever you want …’
Those words, said so differently, in a different voice, don’t wound as they once did, but they seem to have power to conjure up more than just bad memories, because, as we say our goodbyes, Dan stops and frowns at something on the other side of the room.
I turn my head and it seems to happen in slow motion.
Jude.
He looks just as I left him about twenty-four hours ago but at the same time he’s a stranger. A slim woman is on his arm, literally hanging onto him and not just his words. Another version of me. Although she’s blonde and taller, but I see the same look in her eyes, the same fear that he’s not quite hers and might never be. Good luck, I whisper silently in her direction. You’re going to need it.
Dan’s gruff voice cuts in beside me. ‘I suppose you want to go over and say hello?’
I take a long moment looking over at Jude. He lifts his head and spots me. I see recognition in his eyes, maybe even a glint of interest, but I turn away.
‘No,’ I say as I take my husband’s hand. ‘Let’s go home.’