Erlene Markham
1
I pretended to be sleeping as Randy the orderly collected my dirty dishes into a dingy gray bus pan. Surveilling through splayed fingers, I watched him closely as he went about his business. I’d been secretly gathering intel for weeks on these Ackerman hacks. One of these punks had been getting into my stuff, and I needed hard evidence before I lowered the holy hammer onto his puny head.
Randy chuckled. “I can feel your eyes on the back of my head, Miss Erlene.”
I let out a sigh. “Busted again. Y’know, Randy, you’re smarter than most of the other grunts around here. How’d you ever end up working in a dump like this?”
Randy—a tall, handsome, twenty-something African American—sat down his bus pan and pointed to the corner of my bed. “Do you mind?”
“Of course not, have a seat.”
“Miss Erlene, I’m in training to be a geriatric physician, and I figured a summer working in an assisted living facility would provide me some valuable additional experience.”
I was taken aback. “Well, spank-a-rooney. Color me impressed.” I paused and lowered my voice to a whisper. “Is it offensive for me to use the phrase ‘color me’? I’m a bit of an old school toot, and I’m forever offending folks without even knowing it.”
He laughed out loud. “Offensive? Not as far as I’m concerned. I don’t give much thought to all that PC jive. I’ve got bigger fish to fry.”
“Good for you. Where’re you schoolin’?”
“I’m in my last year of pre-med at Johns Hopkins.”
“Well, color me—scratch that. Very impressive!” I slapped him on the shoulder. “Son, you can come bus my dirty dishes any day.”
Randy let out a nervous cough. “Miss Erlene you sure have a unique way with the compliments.” He paused as his warm smile returned. “I guess you do know you’re considered ‘high maintenance’ by the people around here in authority.”
I snickered. “That’s because I’m one of the few warm bodies in this joint who can still formulate a cogent sentence. My ‘reputation’ you alluded to, has been hard earned. You see, I moved here voluntarily, not because I was dumped off by some self-absorbed son or daughter. I’ve been in ministry my whole adult life, and I see my stay here as just another chapter in that book.”
His eyebrows went up. “Now I’m the one who’s impressed.”
“Randy, it’s admirable that you’ve voluntarily chosen to spend some time in this odious facility as well. I do admit there’s much insight to be gleaned here toward your future vocation. Here’s your first take-away. Senior adults are people too. And contrary to popular belief, we’re not just waiting around to die. Heck, at one time these people were successful businessmen and women, teachers and lawyers, and homemakers. They deserve to be treated with respect.”
He nodded. “Oh, I agree wholeheartedly.”
I smiled. “Ah, just listen to me prattling on and on, preaching to the choir. You’re going into old folk’s medicine. You already know what I’m referring to. Well, spank. It’s good to have someone on the inside who knows his head from his bahookie.”
Randy grinned. “I can already tell I’m going to enjoy getting to know you, Miss Erlene.” He stood up and fetched the bus pan. “His head from his bahookie? I’ll have to remember that one. Well, there’s work to be done. I’ll catch you later.” And off he went, out the door.
Nice kid. Color me impressed.