I couldn’t stop staring at her through the window of my office. It was Jenny’s first day on the job and she was dressed in nothing less than I expected—a semi-conservative gray knee-length skirt and a white button-up blouse with a light blue cardigan that highlighted her eyes. The cardigan could kiss my ass, covering up her curves the way it did. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail and she was wearing glasses.
The fact that she looked like a schoolteacher or librarian made her that much more appealing. There was nothing I could do about it either. I knew I’d have to fight my attraction to her when I hired her. Truth be told, there was just something about her. After running a business for several years, I had picked up on certain traits or characteristics. Most would’ve called it a gut feeling, or something similar that one could just sense. I could tell that they had what it took to be successful. Jenny Jackson had that going for her.
I walked back over to my desk, forcing myself to go through some emails as a distraction from my new hire. I’d worked my ass off building my agency, and I’d be damned if my dick was going to ruin all that hard work. It happened all the time. Some guy built a huge empire, fell for an employee, and it all crumbled to the ground. It’s why I ran my shit with no room for error. Excellence was demanded of every employee, and in return they were rewarded.
I scrolled through the emails, but my HR manager had sent out a welcome to Jenny, so my inbox was filled with a bunch of “reply all” messages welcoming Jenny aboard. Everywhere I looked it was Jenny, Jenny, Jenny—there was no escaping her. My brain fired on all cylinders, and thoughts of Jenny fueled it. Why had she accepted the job? She obviously didn’t like me. What was her motivation?
Todd knocked on my door and stepped inside when I motioned that it was okay to enter.
“I have contracts for you to review.” He laid them in my inbox.
“Thanks.” I didn’t even look at him, though I was glad to finally have something that would distract me from the beautiful woman who’d captivated me since the first time I had laid eyes on her on the sidewalk. I’d spend the rest of my day perusing legal speak, a surefire way to keep my dick from trying to burst through my slacks.
A few hours had passed and papers were strewn across my desk. My fingers squeezed tight around the neon yellow highlighter I tapped against my forehead. Regardless of the fact I always had these contracts examined by multiple sets of eyes, these sports teams still tried to slip bullshit in them under the radar.
I had picked up my phone to inflict some verbal abuse on a baseball team’s general manager when a light rap on my door jarred me from the shit storm brewing inside my skull.
“Come in.” I didn’t look up from my desk.
“I’m sorry to bother you, Mr. Mason. I was wondering if I could have a word?”
It was her.
Jenny.
Fuck.
Breathe.
How did she unravel me like this? I sat there for a few beats too long before I looked up at her. It was the first time I’d seen her when she didn’t look like she wanted to claw my eyes out. I had to remind myself that this was my business, not a bar on a Friday evening.
“What can I help you with, Miss Jackson?” My eyes went back to the contracts on my desk. I’m sure it came off as cold, but it had to be that way. If I looked at her I might smile, which could be misunderstood as weakness. She needed to know that her modest appearance and gorgeous eyes and smart mouth and beautiful curves didn’t send my mind into another dimension where I wanted to kiss the breath right out of her lungs.
“If it’s a bad time I can come back.”
I glanced over to her black pumps, refusing to look at the rest of her. She backed up a step toward the door.
What I should’ve already done was welcome her to my company. I was an asshole, but it’s what I did for all employees on their first day. They needed to be nervous but still somewhat comfortable. I couldn’t with her though. There was no middle ground. With her I was either an angel or the devil and purgatory didn’t exist.
“Now is fine. Have a seat.”
“Okay.”
As she neared, nerves pooled low in my stomach. With each step she took toward my desk my heart pounded out a John Bonham–style drumroll. I was afraid of which version of me would show up when I looked at her, Jekyll or Hyde. I hated both of them.
She took a seat and her stare was like a welding torch searing against the top of my head. When I looked up, the uneasiness on her face melted me. She wasn’t full of attitude and spunk. It’d all been drained and her cheeks were pale. She was weakened.
Everything in me wanted to ask what was wrong—hug her, comfort her. That wasn’t an option. This encounter would set the tone for our working relationship, and there’s never a better opportunity to establish control than when someone is in a bad position to negotiate. I knew what I had to do.
“What is it that you need?” My face hardened. It was an act, and I played the role all too well on a daily basis.
“I, umm…” She looked like she might tear up, and with this woman, it must’ve taken something extreme to drive her to this state. Jenny composed herself. “I didn’t have a chance to really discuss the terms of my employment. I got a call. You hired me. Then I started.”
How would I get through this? I was already hurting for her and she’d been an employee all of half a day. “And?”
She straightened in her chair and wiped her palms down her skirt. “Right. So, I was wondering if I could talk to you about a personal situation that I have?”
This was the reason she’d accepted the offer. Whatever she was about to tell me was what she must have been warring with herself about with regard to taking the job. It was the reason she’d put up with all the bullshit I’d given her. I leaned in slightly before stopping myself. If I cared about her problems, I’d be emotionally invested in her. That would prove disastrous. “Are you asking for special treatment, Miss Jackson? On your first day?”
The helpless look in her blue eyes cut me deep. Cut me hard enough to leave a scar.
“No, no, I’m not. I shouldn’t have wasted your time with this.” She rose from her seat. No sarcasm, no insults, no returning my jabs at her in her fragile state.
It was too much, even for me to bear. She turned toward the door so that her back was to me and I couldn’t see her face. There was no way I could be this ugly to her on her first day and allow her to leave my office in her current state. I could’ve for any other employee, and that ate at my convictions. But if she’d taken another step toward the door, the guilt coursing through my body would’ve combusted.
“Is it serious?” I heard something in my voice I hadn’t heard in a long time. Concern.
She froze in her tracks. One of her hands moved up to her face; from what I could see it looked like she covered her mouth. She nodded and appeared to be trembling. If I’d made Jenny Jackson cry on her first day, I don’t think I’d ever have been able to forgive myself. Thank God I knew she was too strong and proud to ever let me see it.
“Sit back down and tell me what you need.”
She took a brief moment and seemed to compose herself. I heard a large exhale, and she turned back around. Her eyes were the slightest bit puffy but otherwise she looked like she had when she walked into the room. This had to be difficult for her. Smart, intelligent, dignified women like her didn’t ask for favors, they didn’t back down—they didn’t break. Jenny Jackson looked like she was teetering on the edge of broken.
She sat back down in the chair, reservation in every movement.
“Tell me what you need.”
She looked away and I wanted her eyes on me. Not so I could watch them hurt, but because I wanted her to know that deep down inside of me somewhere I did actually care. And showing her at least a tiny glimpse might make her hate me a little less.
“Jenny.”
Her gaze returned and warmed me like a fireplace in winter. I think it was the first time I’d called her by her first name.
“I’m not unreasonable.” I held my hands out at the contracts littering my desk. “I just have a lot of work going on and it’s tedious.” Don’t apologize to her, Ethan. “Sorry about my initial reaction. Just tell me what it is you need, please.” Sorry? Please? You pussy.
She smiled the slightest bit, and then it faded as fast as it had formed. Nothing at that moment in time could’ve been more unbearable than not knowing what was running through her mind.
“It’s my father. He’s sick. Has been for a while.” She glanced to the wall again, peering at the various pictures of me with different professional athletes.
“Go on.” I leaned toward her, all of my work for the day, and really everything else in the world, fading off into the distance.
“Well, he’s all I have really. I’m his caretaker. I mean, my friend helps me a lot and makes working easier. But, on the really bad days I need to be there with him.”
Great. I should’ve let her walk out the door, but I just couldn’t. The company didn’t make exceptions like this, even for employees who had been there longer than her. I needed people when I needed them and I paid about twice the average salary for employees and showered them with benefits because I wanted the best, and I wanted them available to me at any time. Sure, I worked them hard, and they were rewarded for their hard work. That’s what I told myself anyway.
Life happened to everyone, not just Jenny Jackson and her perfect smile and beautiful eyes and sharp wit. What would happen when other people saw her leaving early or not at her desk? They would all talk among themselves. They’d know I had a thing for her. It could bring productivity to a halt. As much as I felt horrible for her situation, I couldn’t allow it.
“I’m sure we can work something out.”
What the fuck, dude?