It was the fifth inning and I couldn’t have told anyone the score. I sat there and watched Jenny and her father in the window from three suites over. They cheered and laughed and hugged.
On two occasions I rose to walk over there and stopped along the way, only to return to where I currently sat. Something told me I’d ruin their day. Matt would’ve told me to stop being a pussy if he weren’t down on the field playing.
The smell of stale beer and hot dogs, the cheers from the crowd, the crack when someone hit the ball—I loved the ballpark. Matt was already two for two with a home run and looked laser-focused on the field.
After the fifth I stood, determined to make it over and talk to Jenny this time. I headed out into the hallway, a long corridor with doors to the suites all on the side that faced the field. It curved with the stadium as I strode three doors down from the one I’d been sitting in. It was a spare suite used for bringing prospects and negotiating at the games.
I rested my forehead on one of the two doors and my hand moved to one of the handles. Nerves flooded my system. When I eased it open Jenny and her father appeared in my line of vision. She sat next to her dad’s hospital bed in front of the window. Her arm was propped up at an awkward angle, holding his hand. An empty chair was next to hers, practically inviting me to go sit down.
I crept through the room and eased into the seat. Her eyes darted to me and then back to the game. Nothing in my life had ever made me as nervous as Jenny Jackson. I leaned over to whisper something. I wasn’t sure what I was going to say, but I’m sure it would’ve been something along the lines of an apology.
Her hand slid over the top of my thigh—not in a sexy way, but in a way that gave me comfort. “Not right now,” she whispered, still looking straight ahead at the field.
I’d seen her father glance down at me. I had to assume she hadn’t told him half of what I’d done or he’d be fighting his way out of the hospital bed trying to strangle me.
The analyst in me deduced that she must’ve been protecting me. If she’d given up on whatever we were, she would’ve told him everything. I knew they were super close.
We sat there for a few minutes, nothing but silence, and watched the game unfold before us. It was pretty damn perfect. The way baseball was sometimes meant to be. They announced Matt’s name and we watched him come to the plate.
“Never seen him so focused.”
Jenny’s dad was a keen observer, as was she. I could see a lot of her in him, even through his frail condition. Sizing people up at first glance was my forte, and Brian Jackson’s voice told me he was a tough bastard.
“Better hope he gets me my points, Ethan. For both your sakes.” She looked straight ahead but a grin was trying to form at her words.
“What the hell? Did you bribe him at the house?” Brian laughed.
“What do you guys mean?” I was lost.
“Ol’ J.J. there has Matt on her fantasy team. What did you do to that boy, Jenny?”
“Just gave him a little motivation to play better.”
Brian laughed. “Devil.”
The pitcher went into his windup and released the ball. Matt crushed it. Jenny and I both sprang to our feet and Brian shook his head, grinning. The ball sailed a good twenty rows up in the left-field seats.
“Holy shit, that had to have been four hundred fifty feet.” I watched a boy run and grab the ball, then shoot his hand up in the air holding it.
“It was a good rip. I told J.J. that Matt is the best in the game since Mantle.”
Jenny turned to me and shrugged. “We’re kind of Matt Stallworth fanboys.”
“I see that.”
“Oh, Dad, this is Ethan. I’m sorry, I forgot you two haven’t met.”
I reached over and shook his hand. I knew it had to be painful for him, but he didn’t show it. “Jenny, can you get us something to drink?”
“Sure, Daddy.” She leaned over to my ear and whispered, “He doesn’t know anything. And you’re not forgiven, yet.”
Her words ran through me like a blade, reminding me of all the bullshit I’d put her through recently. But she’d added the “yet” on the end. That had to mean something, right? She hadn’t written me off completely.
Once Jenny was out of the room, Brian turned his gaze back toward the field. “I know you hurt my daughter.”
My head whipped around, but he didn’t look at me. I dropped my gaze to the ground. “She said you didn’t know.”
He scoffed. “A parent always knows when their kid is in pain, son.”
“I didn’t mean—”
He held up a hand and cut me off—where his strength came from I had no idea.
“She doesn’t let many people in. She’s tough as nails. Part of that is my fault. I didn’t know what I was doing when her mother left. I know she can handle whatever life throws at her. But I want her happy. It’s all that matters to me, and I’m not going to be around much longer.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Beyond her tough exterior, she’s still my little girl.”
“I may have screwed it up beyond repair.” I ran my hand through my hair.
“If you’d fucked up that bad, she would’ve kicked your ass when you walked through the door. Trust me. It’s not her I’m worried about in that department.” He wheezed and laughed at the same time.
He finally looked over at me. “Don’t hurt her again and you won’t have anything to worry about.”
“Understood, sir.”
Jenny walked back in with a tray of drinks. I stood to help her. “Hey, Dad, I got something for you. Thought you might want a beer since we’re at the ballpark.”
I took the tray and she went to help her dad take a drink from the plastic cup of beer. “This.” He looked out at the field. “This is perfect right here.”
Watching someone do something they love for probably the last time puts a lot of things in perspective. I stared at Jenny next to her father, in her flip-flops and shorts and T-shirt. Did I want to spend the rest of my life feeling the way I did when I looked at her? I knew the answer before I asked myself the question.
I sat across the table from Jenny at Starbucks. We’d dropped Brian off at home with Kelsey a little while ago. Kelsey had glared at me when we did. I took it in stride; there wasn’t much else I could do.
“I’m sorry, Jenny.”
The smell of roasting coffee beans and the sounds of the espresso machine roaring and steaming had my senses on high alert.
“The way you looked at me, spoke to me. I’m not gonna lie, Ethan. It did more than hurt.” She looked over at a couple of teenagers holding hands in the corner. “It killed me.”
What could I say to her? Words couldn’t make up for what I did. “I know.”
She bit her lip, not in the fun and sexy way either. “I can’t handle things like that right now. I just—I have too much going on that needs my attention.”
“It won’t happen again.”
She grinned sarcastically and shook her head. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
“I fucked up, okay? I know that. And I went through the emails and it wasn’t your fault. I gave you the bad information.”
“I should’ve asked you about it too. It’s not the fact that someone fucked up. You should have just asked me about it after. But you didn’t.” Her face tensed up, and her stare bore into me. “You left me standing at the airport. Do you know what that was like?”
“I—”
“I had to drive, by myself, over to my dying dad’s house and take care of him after that. I had to fight back tears. I couldn’t tell him about it because I didn’t want him to hate you, because he could be gone any minute and that would be the last thing he remembered about you.”
I kept my stare trained on her face. As much as I wanted to look away, I deserved to be punished by every one of her words, and she deserved to get it all out.
“You come into the office the next day and it’s the old you. The guy everyone is afraid of. The cocky asshole who does no wrong and berates everyone and everything. Would it have been so hard just to talk to me about it?”
“No. It wouldn’t have.”
She froze as if that wasn’t the answer she expected. “Why not talk to me then?”
I shrugged. “Fear.”
“Of what? Or are we not allowed to talk about that either?” She broke eye contact with me again.
“My mom left when I was young. My dad had spent years building up his business. She wouldn’t agree to terms in the divorce that would allow him to keep the business. Wanted a payout and to be done with us. Start her life over or something. He sold it to a competitor to pay her off. They liquidated it and my dad worked in a cubicle and other odd jobs to support me, and to pay for everything I needed for my baseball career.”
“That’s awful.” She covered her mouth. “The part about your mom. I’m sorry.”
I sighed. “It is what it is.”
“What does that have to do with your business though? You’re not him. Did you think I was your mother or something?”
“God no. That wasn’t it.” I reached over and squeezed lightly on her forearm. “I was like that before you ever came to work there, remember?”
“Okay.”
“I told myself I had to run my company that way to make sure nothing like that ever happened. To protect people’s jobs. To protect everything I’d built. But now, I don’t know. Maybe it’s just because I wasn’t really all that happy. I mean, I love my job sometimes. But the rush isn’t there that I felt when I played baseball. But my way worked before. And I was afraid of all the change. It wasn’t safe.”
“I see. Kind of.”
“But the same feelings, the same rush I had with baseball came back. I felt it again.”
“You did?”
“Yeah. When you showed up for your interview.”
Goose bumps broke out on her arm when I said those words. I brushed my thumb back and forth over them.
Jenny’s eyes moved to my finger stroking her delicate skin. “We can’t keep doing this. This cycle of running hot and cold. I need warm. Constant warmth.”
“I can do warm. I’ll be your Caribbean. Nothing but warmth.”
She smiled. “I’m more of a Hawaii girl, I think. I’ve never been there, but—”
I released her arm and placed my palm on the side of her face. “I’ll be wherever you want me to be.”