Over the past several weeks, Dad’s condition had improved drastically. He was able to move more, and had more range of motion in his joints and limbs. Kelsey or I would stay with him each day, but his hospice nurse had recommended the doctor reevaluate him. It was promising enough that they’d called Dad in for some new scans to see what was going on.
Today we were going to the hospital to have some kind of CT scan done and to meet with the doctor for an assessment.
“I hate that asshole.” A vein bulged in Dad’s neck. He despised all doctors.
“This is a good thing, okay?”
“Whatever.”
I chuckled, trying to hold it together, but my insides were tangled in a web of hope and worry. I pulled out my phone.
Me: I’m so nervous.
Ethan: It’s going to be fine. You sure you don’t want me to go?
Me: No, no, you have the Rodriguez deal going on. I’ll update you as soon as we leave.
My phone flashed and Ethan’s face appeared on the screen. I traced a finger down his cheek and smiled before answering.
“Hey.”
“The deal can wait. I can come with if you want me to.”
Ever since I told him I loved him back, his attentiveness had gone through the roof. I’d tease him about it occasionally, but he didn’t falter.
“No, we’re okay. I promise. I don’t want to get Dad more worked up than he has to be. Kelsey isn’t even going.”
“Okay. But—”
“But what?”
“You tell me if you need me.”
“I will.”
“I mean it, no matter what the news.”
“Okay, I will. Geez.” I rolled my eyes, but secretly my heart fluttered at his incessant pushiness.
“Thank you.” He drew out his words as if mocking me.
I sighed into the phone so he could hear. “You’re welcome.”
“Hey, Jenny?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you.”
“Love you too, babe. You’ll be the first to know anything.”
“All right. Gotta run.”
“Bye.”
I shoved my phone into my bag and looked at Dad. “Ready?”
“No!”
The nurse chuckled as she started to wheel him out of his room.
“Last time they took me to a ball game. You’re going to disappoint me, aren’t you?”
She laughed again. “Afraid so.”
“Assholes.”
“Dad!” I bugged my eyes at him.
He turned to the nurse. “Don’t mind her. She’s just in a good mood because she’s in love.”
I shook my head at him. “You’re on a roll today.”
He reached out for my hand and I took it. “No, I’m just happy for you, J.J.”
The doctor came to the hospital room, grinning wide. My heart jumped into my throat. That had to be a good sign, right? Dad had obviously fought the scans with everything he had. He was always a bit claustrophobic so being shoved into a giant magnet or whatever it was wasn’t his idea of a fun way to spend a day.
“I have some news, Mr. Jackson.”
“Well, I don’t have a lot of time left. So you might want to get to it, Doc.”
I placed a palm over my face and shook my head. Dad had a way with words. The doctor brushed it off with a laugh.
“It’s not miracle news or anything, so I don’t want you guys to get your hopes up, okay? But the tumors have shrunk a tiny bit.”
I let out a squeal before I could catch it from my lips. The doctor jolted when I wrapped him up like a linebacker after a quarterback. I caught a small smile on Dad’s face before it turned back to his usual frowny face.
“So what’s that mean? We start radiation again or something?” Dad leaned up slightly. A month ago he would’ve winced but this time it was with little effort.
“I’m not sure yet. We want to look at things some more. See how the next week or so goes. Maybe do some more scans. This happens sometimes. We still don’t know a lot about how these things work.”
I cut him off. “Is that wise? To let him sit for even a week? Why not attack it right now while it’s shrinking?” The idea of sitting around doing nothing bothered me. I liked to take action when there was momentum in our favor.
His gaze dropped to the floor. “Look, this is good news for sure. But you have to face the reality here. I don’t want to sugarcoat anything for you. Sometimes this happens. It can come back just as fast, and shocking him with radiation when he’s like this could possibly worsen his condition. Create an environment where if the cancer does come back it’s easier for it to take over.”
The wind was officially gone from my sails. Reality, that ugly bitch, smacked me hard across the face. But, after months of dealing with doomsday scenario–ing and countdowns, I would take whatever little bit of hope I could.
I turned my head and smiled at Dad. “We’ll take it one day at a time.”
“Okay, kiddo.” He winked.