When Dad died, and Ethan wasn’t there—something inside of me broke. Nothing was right with me. It was like I’d lost a limb, or a bone was out of place. He should’ve been there. Yeah, I’d told him to go on the trip because he’d been out of the office so much, but how could he let his cellphone die when he knew the condition my father was in?
Four days had passed, and we’d buried Dad yesterday. Ethan didn’t come to the funeral, but I’d noticed a large floral arrangement he’d sent. I must’ve traced my finger over his name a thousand times on the card and thought about how hurt he must’ve been that I’d shut him out like I did. The whole day was like living my worst nightmare, only in the flesh.
I said goodbye to the man who raised me, took care of me, taught me about life, and shared baseball with me. You try to prepare yourself for something like that, especially with the types of warnings I had, but at the end of the day nothing can keep you from breaking. And the man I loved wasn’t at my side, holding my hand or providing a shoulder for me to cry on.
Ethan called twice and texted once. He’d left messages saying how sorry he was for my loss and if there was anything that I needed to please let him know. I could practically hear his voice trying not to crack on the voicemails. It was obvious from his tone that he was restraining himself and it crushed my heart that much more, knowing what I was doing to him.
I admired the way he’d held back, if I was being honest with myself. He hadn’t forced me to hear his explanation. He was doing what he thought I wanted or what I thought I needed. It killed me on the inside.
Truth be told, I’d wanted him there, even after the cellphone debacle. I wanted his arms wrapped around me, and I’d wanted to lean on him. For some reason—inexplicable to me—my mind just wouldn’t accept it. My body wouldn’t call him, wouldn’t apologize, wouldn’t be anything more than angry at him. Yes, I was being totally unreasonable but for some reason I couldn’t stop myself. It was like an out-of-body experience.
I was upset about everything and took it out on him. He got all of it, the full brunt. Now, it was too late to change anything. I was punishing myself and in return it was punishing him. Yet every time I scrolled down to his name on the phone I could not physically push the button.
Kelsey stroked my hair on the couch while I curled up in the fetal position with a pillow. Dad’s death had hit her like nothing I’d ever seen. She didn’t do feelings much, and she tried to hold it together for me and hide the pain. But it was evident. After four days, she was just starting to look like her old self.
Three sharp knocks on the door had us both sitting up on the couch, staring at each other.
“I’ll get it.” Kelsey walked over and opened the door.
I couldn’t see who it was, but Kelsey had a hip cocked sideways with a hand on it. It was her tell that a cute guy was standing there. She’d never pull that move with Ethan. What the hell?
“I need to talk to her.” Matt’s voice was loud and insistent.
I shrunk back into the couch and shook my head, but Kelsey wouldn’t look over at me. She blushed and grinned before stepping out of the way.
Matt’s large, muscular frame came through the doorway. Kelsey shrugged behind him where he couldn’t see and mouthed sorry at me.
“Traitor.” I tried to glare at her, but it turned into a slight grin.
Matt held his hands up. Why did those two boys always do that? It’s like they knew they were walking into danger, and that somehow exempted them from attack. “I was really sorry to hear about your dad.”
I gripped the pillow closer to my chest. “Why are you here?”
He sat down next to me on the couch while Kelsey continued to ogle him from across the room. Bitch.
“You know why I’m here, Jenny.” He placed his big bear paw of a hand on my shoulder. “You need to talk to him.”
“I can’t. He wasn’t here when I needed him.”
Matt sighed and leaned back into the couch. “He couldn’t have known this would happen. His phone died while he was out of cell range on business. The second he heard—” Matt paused and sighed. “He freaked and hauled ass to your dad’s house.”
“It doesn’t matter. Business always comes first with him.” It was completely untrue. Ethan had changed, but I still couldn’t stop it from escaping my lips. I continued to lie to myself, fully aware of how ridiculous I must’ve sounded to everyone. “Always has, and it always will.”
Matt grinned. “That’s not true and you know it.”
“When he gets tired of me he’ll go back to what’s comfortable.”
“You’re close to him. You love him. But you don’t know everything about him yet.”
I glanced up at Matt, unbelieving that anything he said would be able to get me to change my mind. “Oh really? What do I not know?”
His smile grew larger. “Okay. No problem. Did someone pay all your dad’s hospital bills?”
I bolted upright. “A charity.” My words were pointed. I’d researched that charity thoroughly to make sure it didn’t lead back to Ethan.
Matt shook his head. “It all came from Ethan. Every dime.”
I sighed. “So he was trying to buy my affection? Nice.” I was such an asshole.
“If he was doing that, why wouldn’t he just tell you?”
He had a point, but I shook my head, still not convinced.
“And he wasn’t trying to buy your affection. He put it into action the second he found out you were struggling. Before anything had gotten serious between you two. Before he’d ever even met your dad.”
“We were attracted to each other the first day we met. If he did that, it was just because it was part of some big game. It’s who he is.”
Matt laughed. “Why don’t you ask your coworker Jill if that’s true then. Is Ethan trying to get in her pants too?”
I shot him a glare. “What?”
“Her kid is eight and had three open heart surgeries before she was hired at M and A. He did the same thing for her. A hundred and twenty-five thousand dollars’ worth of debt from the surgeries—gone. She has no idea it was him.”
“You’re trying to cover for him.” I shook my head, still refusing to believe it, even though I knew it was most likely true.
Matt stared at me like I was being silly. “Ethan at the office—Suit Ethan—that’s the act. That’s not him. Look in my eyes and tell me I’m wrong.”
I gazed up and could see the conviction of Matt’s words. I finally broke and my body gave in. I reached over and wrapped my arms around his broad shoulders. I sobbed into his chest. “I’m sorry, okay. I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m like this.”
He patted my hair. “Because your father died and you’re angry. We all understand. It hurts.”
“I told him to go. Told him I was fine. That everything was okay.” My tears soaked into Matt’s shirt.
“I know. He knows.”
I pushed away from him and wiped the tears from my eyes with my forearm. “Where is he?”
Matt and Kelsey both grinned wide enough to show some teeth. “At his house. He’s a fucking mess. You’ve been warned.”
I rose from the couch. “Take me.”
“Thought you’d never ask.”