Only toward the end of the week did Alex begin to recover. For several days Olivia had been sharply conscious of the growing tension in the house. As Sadie moved back and forth with cups of herb tea and the mustard plasters, Olivia hovered between stove and table, unable to remember the next task to do. At times she found herself desperately wringing her hands and thinking about praying, while the strain mounted on Caleb’s face.
On the day Caleb ceased prowling the room and went to sit at the table with the mug of coffee cradled comfortably in his hands, Olivia felt her own heart lift.
Taking a deep breath and looking around, Caleb said, “These people have been here nearly a week; it’s time to move on.”
“Surely there isn’t danger here—or is there?”
“Who knows?” He shrugged. “If we’ve had someone on our tail, could be there’s danger. Mostly we don’t want to lose anyone, and Canada is waiting.”
He grinned and sipped coffee. “As soon as Alex is awake, I’m going to propose taking them on over to the next contact—maybe tonight. Most certain, he’s not going to be up to the job for a few more weeks. Even if I have to sit on him to keep him down.”
Trying to keep her voice calm, Olivia said, “It was bad, wasn’t it?”
Caleb nodded and got to his feet.
“What do you mean by contact?”
“The next station on the Underground Railroad. We’re only one small contact. There’s a whole group of people out there, feeding and housing until it’s safe to pass them on to the next station.”
“And no one ever knows when more are coming?”
He nodded. “That right.” Turning he said, “Guess I’ll go out to the barn and talk to Amos about a wagon.” He paused at the door with the perplexed frown back on his face. “How come you didn’t go home?”
She hesitated. “Did Matthew tell you anything?”
He shook his head. “He just let Alex know he wasn’t going on. We figured he would go home with you.”
“He and Crystal got married, and they’ve gone to New Orleans.”
“Hey, that wonderful!” His face brightened. As he started for the door, he added, “Better let Alex know; he’s in the dark, too.”
Olivia stared at the door, wondering how much longer she could avoid facing Alex. She could still feel that kiss pressed against her palm. And Alex, too, would ask why she didn’t go back to Mississippi.
At supper time that evening, Caleb came into the kitchen. “It’s warmed up considerable; tonight should be a good night to leave. Have food ready for me to carry up?”
Olivia nodded. “Most of the people have been down here all day. The little ones were bathed and the men spent time visiting with Alex.” She went to the stove, checked the stew, and said, “Sadie guessed you’d try tonight. She’s cooked extra meat and bread to carry with you.”
“I’ll be back tomorrow. I’m using the sleigh—minus the bells. Amos has buffalo robes; that will help. In case we meet anyone on the road, there will only be a few well-wrapped figures visible.” Caleb took the kettle and headed for the attic.
There was a whisper of sound behind Olivia and she turned. Alex was leaning against the door jamb, smiling at her. “Then I wasn’t dreaming.” He walked to the table and sat down. “Pardon, please; I don’t seem to be up to a marathon.”
“Would you like some herb tea?”
He shuddered. “Coffee?” She carried the cup to him and he touched her hand. When she pulled it back quickly, he grinned. “Just making certain you’re real. Mind telling me why you decided to come back?”
The door opened and Amos and Sadie came into the kitchen. Sadie unwound her shawl and hung it on the hook. Amos came to the stove, rubbed his hands together, and picked up the coffee pot.
Sadie peered into Alex’s cup and frowned, “Tea’ll do thee more good. How’s that chest this afternoon?”
“Nearly burned all the hair off it with the mustard plaster,” he muttered. She chuckled and patted him on the back.
Sadie looked at the stove, and Olivia said, “The vegetables were cooked so I sent them with Caleb. He’s leaving tonight.”
“It smelled wonderful,” Alex said wistfully.
Quickly Olivia responded, “There’s more if you want it.”
During the meal, Olivia watched Alex eat eagerly for a few bites and then pick at his food with a trembling hand. She could see he was tired; even the lamplight revealed his pallor. She found herself worrying as she watched him. When he shook his head at the offer of apple pie, she blurted, “You’ve lost weight.”
Sadie looked at him. “Either go back to bed or sit by the fire; it isn’t warm enough here.” He nodded his head and moved to the rocking chair beside the fireplace.
Caleb and one of the women came into the kitchen. She was carrying the bowls and spoons. “Chillens down for the night,” she said. “Thought I’d come down and wash the dishes.”
“You needn’t,” Olivia replied. “I’ll do them all later.”
The woman shook her head, grinning. “Don’t seem right for white folks to be waiting on such as us.”
Thinking of the conversation with the Reverend Barker and Thomas Caffrey, Olivia carefully placed her fork on the plate and said, “Is that so? You know, even after being waited on for years, I’ve never thought of how you would feel.”
She walked over to the woman. As she looked into her face, she saw the fleeting shadow. Was it uncertainty or fear? Olivia touched the woman’s shoulder. “I’m just now realizing, it shouldn’t be that way. Now you people are starting a new life. Beginning this moment, to do something for a person is a kindness, and only that. Never again will you be forced to do anything. You were kind to me, and I don’t even know your name.”
“Ella.”
“Ella, when I went to bed that night I thought of it. You had suffered from cold and misery for days, yet you came to me when I was tired and took away the dishcloth. Do you suppose we white women will ever learn to do that?”
“But I will be kind tonight.”
“We will wash dishes together.”
The two enjoyed a warm conversation that made the chore go much faster, and by the time they had finished, Alex had disappeared and there was only Sadie nodding over her knitting. As she wiped the table, Olivia could hear the people coming down the stairs. She hugged Ella. “Have a wonderful life in Canada.”
****
Olivia discovered she had slept with the blue Bible under her cheek. She also discovered Amelia was home.
Sitting up in bed, she said, “Amelia, you look terrible.”
“Mrs. Tucker died. Now that man is alone with four small children. At times like this I wonder if there really is a God,” she said bitterly.
“Ask Alex; he has an answer for everything.” For a moment Amelia brightened. “You didn’t know he’s here?”
“I’d forgotten. But in addition I wondered if you would entertain us all by snipping at him again.”
Gloomily Olivia looked at the Bible and said, “Probably.”
Olivia slowly got herself out of bed, and when she reached the kitchen Amelia and Alex were sitting at the table watching Sadie knead bread. Alex saw her and started to rise. “Don’t bother,” she said. “I haven’t the strength to pick you up off the floor.”
He grinned at her and said, “Sadie, I think your patient is going to live; I can tell by the way Olivia is talking to him.”
Amelia’s eyes were sparkling. As Olivia passed her on the way to the stove, she muttered, “You bring out the worst in me.”
Alex said, “You didn’t answer my question yesterday.”
She sighed. “Did you know Matthew and Crystal are married, and that they’ll be coming back here?”
“No, I didn’t.” He was silent. When he lifted his head, he asked, “Does that explain why Joseph is still here?” She threw him a startled glance, and he added, “Don’t pour coffee on Sadie’s bread. Amos said Joseph is working at the blacksmith shop.”
She nodded. “Crystal told me he had refused to go to Canada.”
Alex shrugged, “His staying shouldn’t be a problem. She’s given him a paper declaring his freedom.”
“It’s just that I think she feels Joseph complicates her life.”
Alex frowned and continued to stare at Olivia while she ate breakfast.
Sadie thumped her bread into a bowl and covered it with a towel. “There’s going to be a meeting of the Female Anti-Slavery Society at the church next week.”
“Never heard of that,” Alex looked at her with interest.
Sadie nodded wisely. “Thee’s Southern and young. ’Twas started back in the thirties. I suppose thee doesn’t know the abolitionist group is largely women, poor people, and Quakers? Harriet Tubman will be speaking. She won’t be the only one, but she’s the one everybody wants to hear.”
“Is that so?” Alex murmured, “I’d like to hear her, too.”
“Who is Harriet Tubman?” Olivia asked.
“Even I know,” Amelia said. “She’s a runaway slave who bought her freedom and now is helping other slaves flee the South. They call her Moses.”
“I understand there’s a big price on her head, upwards to forty thousand dollars,” Alex stated. “She’s helped scores of slaves in the past ten years, and her reputation is such that John Brown calls her General Tubman.”
In a moment Olivia asked, “Who is John Brown?”
“Know anything about the Kansas-Nebraska Act and the fighting that’s going on in Kansas Territory?” Alex asked.
She shook her head.
With a wry smile he said, “Well, if you’re going to stick around, we’d better get to educating you.” His eyes asked the question, but she ignored it.
Sadie said, “Senator Stephen Douglas started it all.” Shaking her head she said, “I thought he was an intelligent gentleman. Would have guessed so, since he’s Senator from Illinois.”
“He’s coming up for reelection in 1858 this next year—which will begin in less than a month,” Alex added. “And it appears Abraham Lincoln will be running against him for the Illinois seat.”
“I heard Lincoln’s name mentioned a couple of weeks ago,” Olivia said, “but I don’t know anything about him.”
“He was in Congress for a term back in the late forties,” Alex said. “But the most interesting thing is the way he’s been emerging as a strong voice in the Republican party. He created a lot of excitement in 1856 when Fremont ran for President.”
“Fifty-six?” Olivia said. “That’s when we were in Boston.” His eyes were asking questions, and she looked away.
He sighed. “Where was I? Aren’t we getting off the subject?”
“You were going to tell me about Kansas.”
“First the Kansas-Nebraska Bill was written by Douglas, and there’s a strong feeling it was penned for the purpose of gaining support for a presidential bid. It set aside the Missouri Compromise of 1850, which placed limits on the expansion of slavery. The Bill allowed each territory to decide for itself whether or not slavery would be allowed by their state constitution. The concept is called Popular Sovereignty.”
As Alex got up and moved to the rocking chair, Sadie peered at him. “Thee’s overdoing a good thing. Best go back to bed.”
“I want to talk to these young ladies, and I doubt they will follow me in there.”
Sadie pursed her lips. “Amelia and I will be riding into town with Amos while Olivia tends the bread and cooks the beans. Go to sleep.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he said, heading for the bedroom.
Amelia looked at Sadie. “He’s been very ill?”
“He’ll be fine if he takes care of himself now.” She turned to Olivia. “Shove the bread into the oven when it’s to the top of the pan. Might be Alex will want something to eat later. I hope he has enough sense to stay inside and rest. The lung fever could come back.” She peered at Olivia. “Thee won’t be too sad, being left?”
Olivia shook her head. “I need to write a letter to my parents while it is quiet.”
After they left, Olivia rolled a log onto the fire in the parlor and then went to her room. Gathering up paper and pencil, she eyed the Bible and quickly pushed it into her apron pocket.
Except for the crackle of the fire, the house was quiet. Pale winter sun had turned the landscape into mother-of-pearl, and the soft light seemed to have wound its way through the house.
Settling into the deep rocking chair pulled close to the fire, Olivia nestled her head against the afghan draped across its back and stared dreamily into the fire. The paper and pencil were lying forgotten on the floor.
She slipped her hand into the apron pocket and fingered the soft leather, musing again over the strange gift and wondering about the giver. A door opened, and the floor boards creaked. Slowly she sat up, dreading the encounter, and yet curious. His question must be answered. He stood in the doorway.
“Would you like some soup?” she asked.
He shook his head and came to sit in the chair opposite her.
She sorted and discarded all the things she could say, and waited. Finally he looked at her and smiled. She held her breath while her glance slid over the gold earring.
“Now will you tell me why you came back?”
“Not until you tell me about the earring.”
He continued to stare into the fire. She openly examined his face, seeing the pallor and the lines, and noting new things. There seemed to be a seriousness, and a gentleness she couldn’t remember having seen before. As she watched him, she began to feel a crumbling inside, as if some wall had broken down, leaving her vulnerable. Filled with the need to flee, she started to slip out of the chair.
He looked up. “I’ll tell you, but I have a feeling you’ll laugh.” When his eyes met hers she felt a shiver of recognition. His eyes look the way I feel on the inside, quivering and raw.
He looked away as he started to talk. “Olivia, I’ve always considered myself a regular guy. Not too good and not too bad. I was spoiled by life, but not reconciled to life. And I’ve considered myself a Christian, a guy who kept all the rules and somehow deserved the best heaven could afford, both here and there.
“I’m not certain when the change began, but I can point back to things that happened—like stepping stones, they led me to where I am.
“Did Matthew tell you I dropped out of sight while we were in Boston?” She nodded and he continued. “I was on a drunk. An ugly, dirty drunk. I don’t know where I went or what I did, but I do know that I ended up on the front steps of William Garrison’s newspaper office. I’d heard about his paper, the Liberator, but how I managed to find the place in my befuddled state, I’ll never know. I like to think the Lord cared so much about me that He led me there.” His lips twisted in a small grin.
He continued, “I spent some time with the man and his friend, Whittier. That was my first taste of humility. They are great men.”
Silently he stared into the fire. Olivia quietly left the room, ladled soup for him, and returned. He looked surprised, but he took the bowl and ate. When she left again and returned with coffee he nodded and grinned at her. His hand brushed hers as he took the cup, she caught her breath, but he seemed unaware.
“The rest happened while Caleb and I worked on the boat. I had it in dry dock on my father’s Louisiana plantation. We’ve always hit it off, Caleb and I. For years he’s been more of a friend than a possession—a slave.”
Olivia went back to the rocking chair and Alex continued. “After listening to Caleb talking about the Lord as if they were the best of friends, and after being exposed to God’s Word—Caleb talked me into reading it to him—I had to face some things in my life.”
“What?” she whispered.
He looked up as if suddenly aware of her; his eyes were changing, but she didn’t notice. She went to sit on the stool close to him. Her hand on his sleeve urged him on. He said, “That going to church, being baptized, and taking instruction doesn’t make one a child of God. Just as Caleb’s whole life told me, being a Christian is a love affair with God.”
He touched the hand on his sleeve.
“Caleb had me read a passage about servanthood. When a slave had been freed, if he voluntarily chose to stay with his master, he had his ear pierced with an awl and an earring inserted. To me it became a picture of submission to Jesus Christ—belonging to Him for life.”
Alex shrugged. “I suppose I was an ignorant youngster, but I had to do something to show God I desperately wanted this relationship with Him. So I had a hole poked in my ear and bought an earring to fill it. It was hideous and visible, but it said what needed to be said. By then I knew what God wanted of me.”
“What does He want?” she whispered, nearly fearful.
“To give the way He gave. Only for me it was to be a redeemer of physical lives. Olivia, do you realize what I am saying? This—what you see now, will never be any different.”
“You won’t be a lawyer or a plantation owner or anything except—this?” The sweep of her hand took in the pallor of his face, the room, and pointed in the direction of the Golden Awl at the wharf.
“That’s right.” His eyes were expressionless but gentle, and she knew he understood what she was thinking.
When she frowned, he asked, “What is it?”
“I’m wondering what it could be that so convinced you.”
“It was that fifteenth chapter of Deuteronomy. After reading it to Caleb and having him act as if the words had set him on fire, I realized what a magnificent thing it is to belong to God.”
Looking embarrassed, Alex said, “I decided I had to express to God how I felt about being accepted by Him. Not the act, but the commitment. But after the commitment, I needed the other. The earring. It was the only way I knew to say, ‘God I want to belong to You, and I won’t trust my weak humanity instead of You.’”
“What do you mean?”
“I needed to take a step that would forever brand me as belonging to Him, a visible sign.” He moved uneasily. “I didn’t want to leave an open door for backing out of the commitment.”