Olivia leaned against the rail. Tonight the river wasn’t a silver highway; it was only a muddy, gurgling stretch of the Mississippi. She stared down at the swirling water and decided nothing would change the dismal aspect, either of the river or her own heart.
The last whisper of sound on the boat had quieted, and she felt as if she were totally alone in the world. She knew it was past midnight, but the haunting hour fit her mood.
Restlessly she moved from the railing to sit on the stairs. Wearily she pushed her head against the hard metal, wishing for the kind oblivion of sleep.
Tonight Alex’s Bible reading was responsible for keeping her awake. Her lips twisted with the irony of it. The verse he read was to have given comfort and encouragement. It had done just the opposite. Now the words drummed against her mind: “Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me…. I go to prepare a place for you.”
She heard a step and looked up. Alex came down from the pilothouse. He sat on the step above her. “I heard you roaming around. Can’t sleep?”
She nodded.
“Want to talk?”
She shook her head.
He waited, and in some strange way she was comforted.
Finally she admitted, “That Scripture you read. It was like giving me a dose of trouble. Instead of my heart not being troubled, it is. Doubly so.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. I feel as if life’s closing in on me.” She turned to look at him. “Alex, Crystal and I came to Bible study to learn more about how to pray. We didn’t have much time to study, but the things you said to me that night keep rolling around in my mind. About how I had to deal with the uncomfortable verses if I wanted to have the promises. Do you remember?”
He nodded and she continued. “Tonight that verse was like a sour note. It reminded me of what you’d said.” She was silent. Finally she got up and went to the railing. He followed her. She looked at him and admitted, “I’m still not dealing with them. In fact, just thinking about it all scares me. I don’t know what I would be getting into.”
“Plenty,” he murmured. “And don’t ever think otherwise. You’ll be getting life in exchange for death. Remember the verse in John, chapter five. It says if you believe in Him you have everlasting life. In addition to life, you have a totally new relationship with Him.”
“Is that what Bertie was talking about tonight?” Olivia turned to look into Alex’s face. “She looked like the happiest person on earth when she started talking about God. But the strangest part was the way the faces of those poor wretched people lit up when she talked that way.” Olivia’s voice caught as she admitted, “Alex, I felt left out. I was suddenly the poor person.”
“There is a man in the book of Revelation,” Alex mused, “who thought he was rich. The Lord told him he was actually ‘wretched and miserable, and poor, and blind, and naked.’ What a privilege it is to know our poorness!”
She shook her head. “Not when you’ve no way to cure the situation.”
“But Olivia, you do. Just tell Jesus Christ you accept Him. Let the Lord of all be your Savior. Remember John three? ‘The Son of Man was lifted up that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life.’ The real issue is, do you believe God is telling you the truth?”
“Oh, Alex, that’s a foolish question!” She dabbed at her eyes.
“You know and He knows you do, but He still wants you to say it.” They sat in silence for a long time, and finally Alex asked, “Want to do it now?”
She admitted, “I’ve thought and thought; I suppose it’s time to begin trusting Him with my life.”
With her head cradled on her knees, Olivia took a deep breath. “Lord Jesus, I—please, I want You to be my Savior. Please. I’m sorry I didn’t understand what it was I should do. But I’ve been rebellious too, not wanting to know. I need You more than anything else in the world. I want to be like Bertie.”
****
With the Golden Awl fighting the muddy current, Alex stood at the wheel as the morning air handed out its refreshing touch. He chuckled, shook his head and then began to sing, “‘Amazing grace, how sweet the sound! That saved a wretch like me!’”
Caleb came into the pilothouse. He looked around. “Who’s doing the singing?”
“What do you think of a white Southern woman who wants to be like Bertie?” Alex laughed.
Caleb crossed his arms and studied Alex. “Better explain.” “That’s what Olivia told the Lord last night.” He glanced at Caleb’s face and added, “I mean it! Olivia accepted Jesus Christ as Savior. I was there when she prayed.
“Furthermore, my friend, I guess the two of us don’t make such a hit as a bright, shining example. It was Bertie getting excited about the Lord that capped it all.”
Caleb began to grin. “Well, bless my soul, and praise the Lord!” He sat down on the bench, put his feet on the chair and with his hands clasped behind his head, he began to chuckle. “If that don’t beat all! So, when are you getting married?”
“Married?” Alex’s jaw dropped. “You don’t believe in rushing things, do you? I just patted her on the head and said good night.” He slanted a glance at Caleb’s shocked face and admitted, “We talked about it last December. The next move is up to her, and right now, I believe she’ll think hard and long before she accepts this old man.”
“That so?” Caleb stroked his chin. “Guess it takes white folks a lot longer to make up their mind. But then Bertie and I don’t have much time. If I don’t grab her, she’ll go off to Canada and marry some rich man.”
“Well, there goes my first mate.”
“Nope. Just might be I decided I want to get my license. Getting so I’m fond of this boating business.”
“Caleb, I think there’s a wood boat ahead. Go check our supply. If we can take on wood now, we won’t need to stop today.”
Within minutes Caleb was back upstairs. “Jeb says get wood.”
Alex reached for the bell cord. “The people need to take cover. Want to take the wheel now?” Caleb nodded, and Alex ran downstairs. Olivia’s startled face peered out the cabin door. “We’re just taking on wood,” he said to her as he ran down the final flight of stairs.
The flatboat was pulling alongside. “Okay, let’s go!” Alex yelled. Jeb and Pete came out of the shadows, made the flatboat fast, and dropped the plank. The flatboat’s crew swarmed over the side with their load.
Within minutes the load of logs had been transferred from the flatboat to the Awl. “Good work, fellows.” Alex pulled coins out of his pocket. Then he noticed the curious manner in which one of the roustabouts from the flatboat studied the boat.
“Wanna buy it?” he asked dryly. The fellow’s jaw tightened and he hurried to scramble over the side.
Alex continued to puzzle over the roustabout’s behavior as he started up the stairs. Olivia was still standing in the doorway. He threw her a quick smile and hurried to the pilothouse.
Olivia turned back into the cabin. Soon the boat was buzzing again and she sat down and watched Bertie and Crystal helping the children use pencils. Slowly she asked, “Bertie, do you mind taking the coffee up to the pilothouse?”
Bertie glanced up with a smile. “No, ma’am I don’t—”
“Not ma’am, just Olivia. You might want to make sure that everyone has come back out.”
When Bertie closed the door, Olivia turned to Crystal. “I never think to ask except when there’s people around, but did you see Joseph before we left Pennsylvania?”
Crystal didn’t look at Olivia. “No. I’m ashamed of myself. Seems nearly impossible at times to remember why I must see him. We’ll be in Pennsylvania in a couple of weeks. I really intend to go then.”
Bertie came back into the cabin. “Alex says we have wood enough until tomorrow afternoon. If you want, he’ll take you to the market when he stops. Said something about getting some newspapers.”
“Newspapers?” Olivia said in surprise. “Why does he want newspapers?”
Bertie said, “The menfolk are all talking about Mr. Abraham Lincoln running for the Senate. There’s going to be some debates between him and Senator Douglas. When I went up there, Matthew was talking about finding out what’s going on.” She started toward the table and turned. “Alex has a spot in mind, and he hopes to reach it tomorrow. We will also be stopping for the night in another hour.”
“I’d better do something with the fish,” Olivia murmured.
“Want me to cook a fish stew?” Bertie asked. “For this crowd it’s the easiest. Good with potatoes and dried corn.”
Olivia nodded.
When Alex came into the cabin at suppertime, he gave Olivia a quick, searching glance. She was still wondering about the look afterward when the table had been cleared and Alex took up his Bible. Everyone had gathered for the evening devotion time, and he stood, took a deep breath and looked at Olivia. “When I was a young boy at home, birthdays were an important event. There were gifts and a beautiful cake. I always felt like a prince on my day.
“God’s Word tells us that in order to be part of the kingdom of God, we must be born again. As Jesus said, born of the Spirit. That is the most royal of birthdays, the time when we are born into the kingdom.
“Tonight, if I had gifts and a birthday cake, I would give them to Olivia, because last night she was born into the kingdom.” With a smile he paused until the excited voices quieted.
“I have nothing to give her except God’s Word. Olivia, Jesus said, ‘I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.’ And, ‘Peace I leave with you…. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid…. Ye are my friends if ye do whatsoever I command you…. Hitherto have ye asked nothing in my name: ask, and ye shall receive, that your joy may be full.’ Happy birthday, Olivia!”
That night, as Olivia lay in her bunk, she thought of the evening and sighed. “Dear Father,” she whispered into the darkness, “thank You—for the gifts of Your Word, and most of all for belonging to You. I think I understand what joy is. I still can hardly comprehend all that happened. It was beautiful, only—” She stopped and thought about prayer and the gulf that still seemed to stretch between her and Alex. And in the quietness of the cabin it seemed the question was still there. “If only I knew what the question is,” she whispered.
****
When the boat slid into the sleepy river town the next day, Olivia was ready with her list. Matthew, Crystal, and Caleb were lined on deck chairs—on guard, but seemingly only interested in taking a double portion of the long absent sun.
With a teasing sparkle in his eyes, Alex escorted Olivia to the shops like a dutiful husband, then excused himself when she reached the drygoods store. “I’ll go find my newspapers and see about refilling our wood supply. Then I’ll return for you.”
Casually she shopped for needles and thread, a length of bright cloth, and new towels while she babbled on about curtains and chair covers.
When Alex returned, she took his arm and they walked to the boat.
When the Awl was safely back in the channel, Alex turned to Matthew and asked, “Well?”
“Not a thing. Except for the people who loaded wood on the boat, that was the most sleepy of sleepy towns. Even the dogs wouldn’t bark.”
“I hope you’re right,” Alex murmured. “Every extra day we spend on the river means we’re more likely to attract attention—now or any other trip.”
“You are developing old lady nerves,” Caleb said with a laugh.
“Maybe so. If you’ll take the wheel, I’ll read my newspapers. Maybe next trip or the one after, I’ll know enough about this river to take it during the night.”
Caleb nodded. “Wouldn’t be so bad when the moon’s full.”
Alex found the article he wanted and carefully spread the newspapers on the table. Olivia came with coffee and fresh pastries. After she poured the coffee, Alex waved her to a seat. “Listen to this. Abraham Lincoln received the Republican Party’s nomination to run for the Illinois Senate seat against the Democratic nominee, Senator Stephen A. Douglas.” Alex paused and chuckled.
“He’s getting a good start. Already he’s forced Douglas to admit the Dred Scott decision didn’t overthrow popular sovereignty in the territories. Listen to this. ‘Douglas admits communities hostile to slavery could blight and destroy the institution of slavery, simply by refusing to pass laws friendly to it.’
“Here’s a report on Lincoln’s June 16th, 1858, speech.” He lowered the paper. “That’s his acceptance speech for the Republicans’ nomination to run for Senate.” For a moment Alex was silent, then thoughtfully he said, “I think Lincoln is going to be the man for our times. In his speech he said, ‘A house divided against itself cannot endure permanently half slave and half free. I do not expect the Union to be dissolved—I do not expect the house to fall—but I do expect it will cease to be divided. It will become all one thing, or all the other.’”
Matthew came in as Alex read. When he finished, Matthew said, “Well said; but Mr. Lincoln, I’m afraid you’re just the excuse the South has been looking for.”
“Secession,” Alex stated. Matthew nodded and Alex slowly said, “Might just be, and it breaks my heart to admit it. But is there another solution?”
Olivia said, “Sadie seems to think if the people would turn to the Lord, war won’t happen. Just before we left, she told me about a report of revival starting in New York City.”
Matthew’s lips twisted as he said, “But my dear sister, you are ignoring one thing. Both North and South think they have God’s will all figured out. In such a situation, who’s going to give? There is a certain rigidity connected with the dogmatic assurance a man has when he’s convinced he knows God’s will better than God himself.”