Doug watched guests spill into the Comstock Inn Grand Ballroom and wished he and Nina could escape for a while until the food was served. He’d forgotten to eat lunch since his mind was filled with Nina and his expectation of the evening. He’d been forward during the wedding, holding her hand, and his heart sang when she didn’t pull away. Her acceptance escalated his hopes for the evening. Yet sitting at the table with El and Birdie and others he knew put a damper on his plan.
Though he wasn’t as new to the town, he’d never been inside the inn, but he was always impressed with the redbrick building with its white bay windows along the upper floors that stretched along Main Street. He particularly admired the colonial front porch with white pillars, and he watched Nina’s expression as they pulled in.
“This looks like a lovely place for a reception, especially with Angie’s color scheme.”
Doug couldn’t stop his grin. Men often missed those details thinking about the overall cost of a large wedding. Besides, he had a difficult time focusing on anything but her. Tonight Nina glowed, her hair color and eyes enriched by the deep hue of her dress.
He half listened to Nina chatting with El and Birdie, his mind focused on his hopes for the evening. With her openness to his romantic overtures, he rehashed how far he wanted to push, and he hoped he knew when to back off. He respected Nina and would never go beyond the bounds of what was moral and good, but since the day their lips touched in the fleeting kiss, he’d yearned to make it happen again but this time without interruption.
His gaze drifted to the miniature silver picture frame that listed their names and the table number that Nina said was a gift for guests. He loved seeing their names listed together as a couple, and yet he’d made a joke and asked her which half of the frame was his. So much for a romantic nuance.
“This room is a fantasy in white and various shades of purple.” Nina ran her hand over the white linen with centerpieces filled with purple flowers and bound in wide white ribbons surrounded by small candles around the center display. “Don’t you think this is gorgeous, Birdie? Look at the choice of flowers—lilies, dahlias and lavender blossoms—and I love the chairs covered in white and tied with the chiffon ribbon. It’s glorious.”
Birdie nodded. “It’s very nice.”
El gave him a wink, and they both grinned, but he couldn’t resist his admission. “This reception could have bought them a mansion instead of living in Angie’s house.”
El and Birdie chuckled, but when he saw Nina’s expression, he wished he’d kept the comment to himself. The cost hung in his mind but he let it fade, concerned that it would taint his enjoyment of the special day. Maybe his attitude would change if he ever...when he married. He liked hearing the more positive attitude for once. His mother would love it.
The mother idea struck his thoughts. Nina had mentioned Thanksgiving with her mother but nothing more was said. The open-ended topic left him curious. His wedding attendance was limited, and he’d forgotten how close people were seated. This was not a time for intimate conversation. It gave him even more motivation to find a place to talk.
El pointed to the other side of the room. “Anyone else ready to investigate the appetizers?”
Doug’s stomach growled, and he looked toward the hors d’oeuvres. “I’m ready. Nina, what do you say?” She rose, and they made their way across the room. A wide selection of hot and cold dishes enticed him to try a little of many things and as they headed back, he stopped at the bar to pick up a club soda with lemon and an iced tea for Nina.
Before they reached their seats, the wedding party had arrived, and they hurried back to their seats, bypassing neighbors he barely knew. Though he was cordial, he preferred to enjoy the appetizers while watching the wedding reception tradition of introducing the wedding party.
With his disinterest in chitchat, time dragged. Nina tried to lure him into the conversation and he added a few words, but he wasn’t one for small talk, except when he was alone with Nina, and then nothing was small talk. He listened to the dinner music performed by a string quartet and was relieved when the dinner service began.
Following the first course of salad and rolls, the highlight arrived, prime rib and chicken. With others focused on the food, he focused on Nina. “This meal reminds me of Thanksgiving. You mentioned your mother coming to visit. Is that still the plan?”
She didn’t respond for a moment, then wiped her lips with the napkin. “It’s not my plan but it’s still on as far as I know. My plans have to be altered, I suppose.”
Curious, he hoped she would go into detail, but instead, she sliced off a small piece of prime rib. “You’re disappointed?”
She nodded. “I’d thought about inviting you and Kimmy for dinner.” She turned to him with disappointment in her eyes. “And if Roseanne is home, I would have been happy to include her, but now...”
“I would have enjoyed that.” His chest weighted but no answer came. “Now it will be your mother and stepfather?”
“I suppose, and that not only frustrates me, but it makes me sad.”
Her eyes searched his, but he felt at a loss to respond. But as the seconds ticked by, he asked the logical question. “Is there a reason you can’t invite everyone? I’m happy to help with the meal, and—”
“Doug, it could end up being the worst Thanksgiving dinner of your life. My mom isn’t easy to please, and it frustrates me. I don’t want to spend the day defending myself in front of guests.” She closed her eyes.
Sorry he’d chosen now to bring up the topic, he searched inside for a meaningful response. “I heard a tip once, and maybe you could try it. That is if you’d like to hear it.”
Her eyes opened and she looked at him. “I’d like to hear anything that might work.”
“No matter what she says, agree with her.”
“Agree?” Her tone rose, and she caught herself and hushed.
“I know it sounds difficult but after you do it awhile it becomes easier.”
Her brow wrinkled. “I’ll think about that, Doug. It’s an idea, if I can keep my mouth closed and do it.” She gave him a grin. “My mouth doesn’t like to be closed.”
That made him chuckle. He loved knowing her traits so well.
Conversation rose around them as the meal ended, and he joined in as they discussed the good food. The dinner music had ended, the noise of the guests rose and a deejay was setting up in the same area. Soon, dancing would begin, and though it had been forever since he’d been on a dance floor, he suspected he could remember how. As so many said in that situation, it was like riding a bike.
Coffee and tea arrived, and soon the cake was cut and brought to the table. The dancing began with the traditional bride and groom dance followed by the wedding party, parents and all the folderol that went with a wedding. Nina’s situation broke into his thoughts. What would she do for a wedding dance without parents she felt connected with? She had said she’d never marry again, but he sensed that would change, and he prayed he would be involved in that decision.
Having Kimmy in his care and Nina’s positive approval had caused him to rethink his ability as a father. Maybe he would be a good one despite his lack of confidence.
The words encouraged him beyond his expectation. He wanted to be a father, and in the past months, he also wanted to be a husband.
“You’re quiet.”
He lifted his eyes to Nina’s curious expression. “Sorry, I was thinking about weddings and...”
“The cost.” She gave him an arched-brow look.
“No, not this time. I was thinking about the joy of it all.” He gestured toward the dance floor. “Look at Angie and Rick. Happiness is written all over their faces.”
She looked their way and smiled. “I’ve noticed. And they are very confident, which is so nice to see. And I think they’ll have a great marriage...in sickness and in health. That’s important.”
The added addendum jarred him. He could see from her expression it had a meaning for her. Now he wondered if she had an illness and that’s why she said marriage was impossible. Possibilities spiraled in his mind, but he only changed the subject. “And they’re both so wonderful with Carly—they will make tremendous parents.”
“Absolutely.”
“I’ve talked to you about my doubt of being a good father. I don’t like the feeling, but as I told you, I felt inadequate. But the other day at work, one of the men who just became a new father said something that made an impact on me. He said that no one is prepared for parenthood. It’s learn as you go and different for everyone, but it’s worth the effort and time. He put his hand on my shoulder and said that the reward of a child is far greater than the concern of whether or not I would be a good father.” He held his breath watching her expression.
Her eyes lit. “He’s a wise man, Doug. I’ve been telling you that you’re wonderful with Kimmy, and if you’d made mistakes, you corrected them quickly. I’ve seen nothing but good things with you and Kimmy.”
He slipped his hand over hers. “Thanks. I’m thinking I would like to be a father one day, even though I’ve said over and over I wouldn’t.”
“You need to be a father, Doug. You’re one of the kindness, sweetest men I’ve ever met.”
He loved hearing her say it, but her expression broke his heart. As the words left her, sadness slipped across her face. “Don’t you want to have a child, Nina?”
“Yes, I do. Very much.”
Her soft voice brushed past him, leaving him confused. Tony Bennett’s voice filled the air, and instead of lingering in his thoughts, he drew her hand in his. “Would you like to dance? We can take advantage of this slow number.”
Though she hesitated, she stood and followed him to the dance floor. When she stepped into his arms, warmth rushed through his body. Her thin frame lay in his arms and her sweet scent filled him with hope. The words of “The Way You Look Tonight” echoed his sentiments. Nina represented beauty without and within. Her heart opened to others and their needs. He’d seen that in his own life. And her love for Kimmy. How could she hesitate about having a child? It made no sense.
They moved in sync as if they’d danced together forever. Her breath brushed his cheek, and he longed to place his lips against her smooth skin. “You do look beautiful tonight, Nina.”
Her head turned. “Thank you, and you’re a handsome man, Doug.”
The music ended, and she turned toward the table, but Etta James’s voice filled the room, and she faltered. “Etta James. Do you mind? I love ‘At Last.’ It’s such a meaningful song.”
Mind? As the song said, he was in heaven. “Are you kidding? This is the best part of tonight.”
She grinned. “Better than prime rib?”
“One hundred percent.” He drew her closer this time, her head on his chest, her heart beating next to his. They glided across the floor, and when they were beside Angie and Rick, they smiled but he kept moving not wanting to break the rhythm of their movement or their hearts.
Exhilarated, his spirit soared as did his optimism. Despite her strange reaction to his question about having children, he hoped one day he would learn why. He’d learned too well that pushing Nina for answers caused her to raise a barricade between them. He couldn’t take the chance. Instead, he would be as patient as he could instead of barreling forward like an express train.
Etta James’s voice faded away, and he spotted El and Birdie making their way across the room. He motioned toward them. “If they’re leaving we should say goodbye.”
She agreed, and he slipped his hand into hers and crossed the room. When they caught up with them, Doug laid his hand on El’s shoulder. “Are you leaving?”
El chuckled. “Birdie and I fade away by ten so we’re heading home. The food was good, and I even enjoyed some of the music.”
Birdie nodded. “And we don’t dance anymore.” She gave El a sweet smile. “So nice to spend time with you both.”
“Same here, Birdie.” Nina gave her a hug, a sight he never expected to witness.
Before El said goodbye, he eased closer to Nina. “Drop by one of these days. I want to talk to you about something.”
Her eyes widened, and while she grinned, her voice resounded with question. “I’d love to, El. I enjoy our conversations.”
El gave her a nod and waved goodbye as he steered Birdie toward the exit.
Doug watched a second, and then slipped his hand back into Nina’s. “We missed dessert. Look at that table full of sweets.”
Nina patted her trim tummy. “I’ve had enough food. I couldn’t eat the cake. I’ll probably wish I had some later.”
Doug eyed the cake table and the pile of slices wrapped in napkins and ready to be taken home. “I can solve that problem when you’re ready.”
She chuckled when she saw where he pointed. “I know you have Kimmy on your mind and it’s getting late. I’m ready if you are.”
“Let’s grab some cake to go...plus a piece for Kimmy, and when we get home, I’ll make coffee or tea, decaf if you prefer, and we might be ready for the treat.”
She smiled and gave an agreeable nod. They said good-night to Angie and Rick before leaving and hurried to the parking lot. The weather had grown colder, and Nina had only carried a light dress coat for warmth.
He needed nothing. Being with her warmed him body and soul.
Nina leaned her head against the passenger seat headrest, the words to Etta James’s “At Last” filling her thoughts. Out of nowhere, Doug descended on her life. Her move to Lilac Circle had been for convenience and a new beginning. She lived closer to her work and away from the old memories. And while that was her plan, she learned that memories faded but the incidents that nailed them into her mind lingered like black mold, inciting a kind of deep illness that warped her view of life.
But little by little Doug and Kimmy had been the medicine that had healed Nina’s wounds. Though memories remained as a scar, the rawness had faded. But tonight, without realizing, Doug had pried open the wound again with his question about having children.
Hope crumbled with the reality of her situation. Yes, she wanted children. She had longed for children, but she’d failed twice and after that her husband moved into another bedroom and was only a paycheck in her life until he left her. She could never go through that again, and tonight Doug had let her know that he wanted children. Not that he would like to have them, but he really wanted them. The words were similar but different. The want leveled her hope and the possibilities she’d allowed to fill her mind.
Before she roused and forced away her sadness, Doug pulled in front of Angie’s house. “Wait here. I’ll run in for Kimmy, and then we’ll go to my place. I’m sure she’s ready for bed by now.”
Though going home would be better for her, Doug had suggested they eat the cake at his place, and she hadn’t objected. That would have been the right time. She sat in the car with the heater warming her legs while he hurried in, and in moments he appeared on the porch with Kimmy in his arms. She slid out and opened the back passenger door, and he placed the half-sleeping child onto the seat.
The cold prickled down her spine and she slipped back inside as Doug rounded the car. When he opened the driver’s door, another slap of cold sailed past her. When they pulled into his driveway, Kimmy stepped out, her eyes drowsy, and hurried behind him to get inside.
Nina followed, and once in the living room, she sat on the sofa, waiting for Doug to return from helping Kimmy get into bed. She weighed her options, either go home or stay, and when Doug returned wearing a grin, his expression made her decision. He chuckled. “She’d fallen asleep a short time ago. I hated to wake her, but—”
“She’ll be sleeping again in a moment. Maybe already.”
“Coffee, tea or...?”
“Either is fine, but make it decaf. I want to sleep tonight.” She rose, but he waved her back to her seat.
“I’ll bring it in here. It’s more comfortable.”
While she waited, her mind returned to her thoughts. The struggle continued between her heart and her head. Reason told her to pull back and let the relationship be a friendly neighbor. Her heart swung miles in the other direction. Let go and let God be in charge.
Unexpected tears blurred her eyes, and she closed them to stem the stream. She brushed the back of her hands beneath her lashes and opened them again. Though she’d been reading the Bible and knew the Bible said the Lord was almighty and with Him nothing was impossible, how could God fix her problem?
God could do anything. His words echoed in her mind, but her doubt remained. It would take a miracle like the parting of the Red Sea or the total darkening of the sun at noon to reverse her infertility.
The sound of mugs clinking reached her, and her pulse skipped. Should she be open and tell him? The answer fell on her heart. She wasn’t ready to end their relationship. Maybe the Lord had something up His sleeve or why would He have brought them together to face more disappointment?
“It’s decaf coffee. Is that okay?” Doug headed toward her with a wooden tray and set it on a small side table. “And cake.”
His boyish excitement lifted her spirit. “What’s a wedding without cake?”
“Agreed.” He handed her the mug and set the cake on the lamp table beside her. Then he shifted to a nearby chair and sat. “What is this cake?” He ran his tongue over his lips after taking the first bite.
She thought a moment. “White chocolate with a hint of raspberry. That’s what I taste.”
He nodded. “That’s it. I tasted the raspberry but it was the white chocolate that threw me.” He took another bite and gave her a wink.
The look rolled through her, and she watched him, unable to leave and yet unable to stay.
Finally he set down the plate and studied her a moment. “You said something at the wedding that made me curious.”
Her memory ripped through the evening, fearing it was the statement she wanted to erase. She tried to look unconcerned while she held her breath. “I said a lot of things tonight.”
“But this one made me wonder.” He studied her serious expression.
It made no sense to delay the inevitable. “And what was that?”
“What you said about believing a great marriage happened when the couple believed in the vows, in sickness and in health.” He shifted from his chair to the sofa and clasped her hand. “Nina, are you ill? Do you have cancer or MS or something that you think stops you from finding happiness in a marriage, because I don’t think—”
“No, Doug. No. I don’t have a terminal illness.” Questions remained on his face. “I have nothing debilitating, nothing that will limit my life. I—”
“Nina, I’m so happy to hear that.” He slipped his arm around her and drew her close, his eyes searching hers. “I could only think that you had a health issue so serious that you thought no one would love you. But that’s not true, even if you were ill. Most people don’t fall in love with good health or with perfect people. We... I fall in love with the person’s heart and attributes. You are a beautiful person no matter what.”
Tears pooled in her eyes, seeing his sincerity, and though she’d tried to avoid the truth, Doug loved her. Tonight dissolved any doubt she’d had.
Doug brushed his finger beneath her eyes, wiping away the dampness, tears she couldn’t hide. His arms drew her closer, so close her heartbeat reverberated against his chest. His lips lowered as her breath depleted. His mouth covered hers, tender and sweet, then the feeling grew to a depth she’d never experienced, as if their hearts and souls melded as one. An amazing sense of wholeness washed over her.
He drew back, his gentle look kissing her eyes and filling her with joy. Tell him. Tell him now. The voice echoed in her mind as fear crept in and cocooned the admission she’d longed to release. Unwilling to ruin the amazing moment, the kiss she’d longed for, she let her confession lie for now, but soon—very soon—she had to tell him the truth of her fear.
Doug drew his hand along her hair, his eyes capturing hers, until he lowered his lips to hers again.
Silence filled the room as she rested her head on his shoulder and prayed for courage.