Doug leaned back against the kitchen chair and savored his coffee. Saturdays always cheered him. Kimmy, to his surprise, had settled on the sofa watching a kids’ TV show. Though rare, he liked the moments when he didn’t feel the need to entertain her. He’d be a poor father. His knowledge of kids sank in his mind like quicksand. From one day to the next, he tried to recall what necessities were essential for a little girl’s needs. If she’d been a boy, he might have a better grasp. He gave five stars to women who seemed to be born with a maternal instinct.
Nina’s image formed in his mind, and with her face in his thoughts, he steeled his determination to escort her to Angie’s wedding. Though she was irked, an emotion he’d seen before, she admitted she’d planned to ask him. They had both needed the gumption to do it, and he was glad he’d been the one.
The jingle of his cell phone broke through his thoughts, and he grasped it from the table and clicked Talk.
“Are you busy?” Nina’s sweet voice sailed from the line.
He eyed his coffee. “Not busy at all. Do you need help?”
“Not from you really, but I promised Kimmy she could help me plant the fall flowers I bought yesterday. Did she tell you?”
“No. She was too wound up about the pinecones and Christmas ornaments.”
“I felt bad about that, Doug. She may not be with you at Christmas, but she really wants to make decorations.”
Her comment sank into his chest, causing an ache. “I am anxious for Kimmy to be with Roseanne, but it’s a change. I’ll miss her. Even though life’s more complicated with her here, I’ve begun to breathe it now. I hope you understand what I mean.”
“I do. She’s important to both of us. She’s brought fun and excitement into my humdrum life.”
He closed his eyes and pressed his lips together. “Kids are infectious, aren’t they?”
Nina chuckled. “You make them sound like a disease.”
“A disease of the heart.” Burdened with emotion, he segued from his dilemma. “Kimmy’s watching TV, but I’m sure she’d prefer to be outside with you. I’ll let her know you’re ready for her help.”
“Thanks, but only if she wants to. Okay?”
“Sure thing.” He ended the call and poured his cooling coffee into the sink. “Kimmy.” He strode into the living room as she jumped up from the sofa.
“Are we going to do something?”
“You are.” He grinned at her quizzical expression. “Nina’s ready to plant flowers.”
“Yeah.” She clapped her hands but faltered as she looked down at her clothes. “Will I get dirty?”
“Maybe, but everything’s washable. Even you.”
She giggled as she ran to the door. “I’ll see you later, Uncle Doug.” She gave a little wave and headed outside.
He watched her through the window, skipping along the sidewalk as if on her way to a party.
Watching her go took him back to the days before Roseanne’s accident when he lived a quiet undisturbed life. That time seemed empty now as he pictured his weeks—months—with Kimmy filling the house with giggles and noise. When she vanished beyond his view, loneliness washed over him.
Nina slipped her cell phone into her pocket and headed for the garage, but its ringtone caused her to dig it back out. She hit Talk.
“Nina, how are you, dear? You haven’t called in ages.”
Her mother rarely called. “Just busy. Is everything okay?”
“I’m fine, dear, and so is your stepdad.”
Howard. No matter how hard she tried he had never gained her favor, but she’d made the best of it. The call had a purpose, she knew. “Glad to hear everyone’s well.” She retreated to the front of the house and pointed to the phone as Kimmy arrived. “Mom, I was getting ready to plant a few perennials so they’ll bloom next year. I can’t seem to find time during the week.” Hoping her mother would get the hint. she waited for her goodbye.
“Flowers for your new house. How nice. And that’s somewhat why I’m calling. We thought we might come to visit for Thanksgiving. Wouldn’t that be nice?”
Her eyes widened. Nice? Images of Thanksgiving with Doug had entered her thoughts, and hopefully with Kimmy. Now the idea dangled like a loose thread. Her chest tightened. “Yes, it would be nice. But isn’t it a long drive and what about bad weather? The north has early snowfalls sometimes. Are you sure Thanksgiving’s a good time?”
“We’ll fly from Florida and rent a car. That would be easier, we thought.”
“Rent a car. Yes, that’s good idea.”
Kimmy sidled closer. “Are you talking to Uncle Doug?” Her piping voice broke the quiet.
Nina shook her head. “My mother.” She’d tried to whisper but it hadn’t worked.
“Do you have company, dear?”
“Kimmy just came over to help me with the planting. She’s seven and in the second grade.”
“Seven? Why in the world are you entertaining a seven-year-old?”
“She entertains me, Mom.” She gave Kimmy a wink. “Children like to learn things, and I’m teaching her how to plant flowers.”
“Couldn’t she learn that from her mother?”
Nina released a stream of air. “Her mother was in a serious accident and she’s staying with her uncle, who’s a neighbor.”
Her mother offered a loud sigh. “I suppose it’s none of my business.”
That’s right, Mom. She muzzled her thought. “Once you make plans about visiting, call and give me the details so I know when to expect you. Okay?”
“I’ll call when I know.”
Nina held her breath, knowing if she remained silent her mother might catch on.
“Okay, dear. We’ll talk later then.” Her mother added her goodbye and hung up.
With her mother’s visit clinging to her thoughts, she caught her breath. Under normal circumstances, she would be happy for a short visit with her mother. One thing they’d both learned over the years was their personalities tended to clash, and absence didn’t always make the heart grow fonder. “What did your mommy want?”
Nina grinned at her curious expression. “She wants to visit for Thanksgiving.”
Kimmy smiled. “That will be fun. I hope my mommy can be with us on Thanksgiving, too. I hope she’s better.”
“I do, too, sweetheart.” She wrapped her arm around Kimmy’s shoulder. “Are you ready for planting?”
“I’m ready. Then I can tell Carly that I planted flowers, too.”
“Maybe she’ll see you when we put the ones in the front yard.”
She nodded with abandon. “Okay, but what should I do?”
“Let me show you.” She guided her to the garage and pushed the button to open the big double door. It slid up, and she steered Kimmy to the plants. “We’ll set these out where we want to plant them first.”
Kimmy grasped a large pot and waited by the door. Nina hoisted two into her arms and headed out to the front flower beds with Kimmy following. “We’ll plant a coneflower on this side and the other over there.” Kimmy followed directions and placed the pot where she’d pointed. They added two more plants to the front and then moved to the back after she entered the garage and brought out two trowels, garden gloves, a hand cultivator and a bag of mulch.
In the backyard, she showed Kimmy how to use a trowel to dig the hole and the cultivator to loosen the soil. Once she placed the plant in the hole, Kimmy replaced the dirt and patted it down. Then Nina grabbed the mulch.
“What’s that stuff for?” With her nose curled, Kimmy eyed the mixture of soil and compost.
“It insulates the flowers from the winter weather. It protects them.”
Her expression changed with the information. “It’s good to protect things.”
“It is, Kimmy.” Her heart constricted. Doug had become Kimmy’s protector during the difficult time of her mother’s accident. His generous nature and kindness stood out in her mind as a badge of honor. Doug tried to hide those attributes but he’d failed, and in Kimmy’s eyes he was a hero. In her eyes, too.
With the planting completed in the back, she and Kimmy carried the gardening tools into the front yard to finish the four plants she’d set in the beds. Before the first plant was done, Nina sensed someone watching and she turned.
Doug stood back, a loving look on his face that sent her pulse skipping. “Spying on our handiwork?”
“Only curious.” He ambled toward her and stood closer to Kimmy as pride glowed on his face. “You have a pretty good helper here, Nina.”
“I do. She’s a fast learner.”
Kimmy gazed at her with her trowel poised in midair. “Tell Uncle Doug about your mommy.”
Her grimace managed to become a grin. Mommy? Her mother had never been the mommy type. “My mother called a short time ago. She and my stepfather, Howard, want to visit me here for Thanksgiving. Mother wants to see the house and offer her opinion, I’m sure.” The words were out before she could stop them.
Doug gave her a questioning look. “You’ve never mentioned your mother before.”
“I was closer to my dad. My mother and I have a few personality clashes.” She winced, unable to admit how much worse it seemed than a few disagreements.
“That can happen. And you have a stepfather.”
Her chest tightened. “Daddy died about seven years ago. Mom didn’t like living alone.”
Curiosity remained on his face, but he didn’t ask. Relief eased her nerves. “The good news is we’re almost finished here.”
“You are?” His spirit had brightened. “That’s great, because I have an idea.” He gave Kimmy a wink.
“What?” Kimmy paused on her final plant. “Is it fun?”
“I think so. Would you like to go to the Autumn Festival in Durand?”
Kimmy pushed the last pile of soil back into the hole and leaped up, forgetting about the mulch. “What’s a festival?”
“They have contests for kids and pumpkin decorating. All kinds of things.” He drew her into his arm. “I think it would be fun.”
“Can Nina come, too?”
He lifted his gaze to her and grinned. “I’d love her to join us.” He tousled Kimmy’s hair, then shifted his gaze to Nina. “They have arts and crafts.”
His eagerness made her chuckle. “Are you trying to tempt me?” His warm smile melted her.
“Naturally. We can stop at McCurdy Park on the way back and check out their Playscape.” He refocused on Kimmy. “I don’t think we’ve been there, have we?”
She shook her head.
“It has swings, slides, rock climbing and bridges for kids.”
Kimmy bounced on her heels. “Can we go?”
“What do you say, Nina?”
His eyes captured hers, and she lost her voice for a moment. “Sounds...like fun. Right, Kimmy?”
Kimmy gave a vigorous nod.
Doug sidled to her. “Okay, when you’re ready we’ll leave.”
“As soon as I add the mulch we’re finished.” She bent down and emptied some compost on the plant.
“While you finish there, I’ll run home and let Kimmy get cleaned up. I’ll be back to get you in a few minutes.”
She eyed her dirty pants and dirt-streaked arms. “Make that twenty minutes.” She rose and showed him her dirt-speckled skin.
“Half hour.” He gave her a smile and turned toward home with Kimmy skipping beside him.
Doug eased into his recliner as Kimmy skipped off to wash and change. His mind turned to its new favorite subject. Nina. His thoughts fluttered from trying to guess her feelings for him to trying to decipher his own. He liked her. Liked her a lot, but he had so much on his plate with little to offer a woman.
Maybe worse was Nina’s protected past life. She divulged so little, even regarding her mother. What had happened? He had learned nothing about her mother except their personality differences, and he suspected the problem was deeper than that. He saw it in her expression, but Nina monitored what she told him. Only when she was willing to give could he weigh the possibility of something greater.
Yet no matter what his reservations told him, he still admired her generosity and her open heart that welcomed Kimmy into her life while he dragged along behind. He knew she’d been married once, so why no children? Had her husband not wanted them? He had no doubt Nina would welcome a child with her arms and heart wide-open.
“Ready.” Kimmy’s excited voice entered the room before she did.
When she came through the doorway, he was pleased to see her face shiny clean and her clothes ready for fun. She already had an eye for color. He grinned, thinking of the times he’d struggled to match pants and shirt or suit with a suitable tie.
He checked his watch. “We should give Nina a few more minutes. Do you want a snack?”
“Can’t we eat at the place we’re going?” She ran her tongue over her lips. “Like a hot dog?”
“What if they don’t have food?”
She plunked her fists against her waist and leaned forward, eye to eye. “Uncle Doug, who doesn’t have food?”
He arched a brow. “Okay. We’ll look for a hot dog.” He drew her into his arms and she slipped onto his lap. “We could call your mom and see how she’s doing. What do you say?”
“I say yes...but can we still go to the slides and other places?”
“For sure.” He reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out his phone. Roseanne’s phone rang and when he’d just about given up, he heard the click. “Roseanne?”
“Sorry, Doug, my doctor stopped in and was saying goodbye when the phone rang. I couldn’t find it in the bedclothes.” She chuckled. “Is everything okay?”
“That’s what I called to ask you. Kimmy hasn’t talked to you in a while so before we go out for the day, I thought we’d call. Here she is.” He handed her the phone and watched her face light up when she heard her mother’s voice.
“Mommy, are you better now?”
She listened, her questioning frown lessening with every word. “Really? Then I can see you sometimes.”
His curiosity amplified the frown on his face. “Kimmy, let me talk before you hang up.”
She nodded. “We’re going to a place with contests for kids and all kinds of fun things and then to the swings and slides.”
He waited until she reiterated all he’d said to her, and he hoped the festival was as much fun as she envisioned it. He kept his guard up, fearing she might forget and click off the conversation.
“Uncle Doug wants to talk, Mommy.” She returned the phone with a broad smile. “Mommy has a surprise.”
Being released? The possibility divided his emotions. “Roseanne, what’s up?”
“They’re moving me to a rehabilitation center close to home, Doug. When I can handle things without too much assistance, I’ll finish any other therapy at home. It won’t be long now, and I’ll at least be close to you so I can see Kimmy more easily. You won’t have to make those horribly long trips. I know that’s been difficult.”
“Great news. I wish you could see Kimmy’s face. But I need to be honest. I’m going to miss her. The house will be too quiet when she returns home.”
“Doug, I know you don’t want to hear this, but you need to get serious about your life. You’ve put all your energy into your work and nothing into relationships. I hope my bad relationships haven’t influenced you. I’d feel—”
“Roseanne, you know better than that. I was shy in high school. Mom and Dad had a relationship that seemed practical. I never saw much romance there, and I don’t think most women want to get involved for companionship alone. I didn’t think I had much more to offer.”
“Don’t use other people’s lives to build your own, Doug. You’ve been such a great brother to me. You’ve always been there for me and now for Kimmy. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate that, but life is wonderful when you have the right person. I’m still trying. You know that. Kimmy is the love of my life, but I also want some romance and intimacy. My sweet daughter can’t provide that for me or for you.”
“Thanks for your concern, Roseanne, but I’m a big boy and I’m learning. In fact, I have to pick up Nina. She’s going with us.”
“That doesn’t help if she’s a friend of Kimmy’s.”
“She’s my friend, too. Nina’s a neighbor who has kindly watched Kimmy for me a few times, and yes, she’s single. Divorced to be exact.”
“Single. That’s a step in the right direction, dear brother. Now I can breathe a little easier.” She chuckled. “I’m doing well, Doug. Painful therapy and it’s frustrating trying to get around, but I’m doing better. That’s progress.”
“It’s great news, Roseanne. We have to get going, but lots of love from me and Kimmy.”
Kimmy leaned into the phone. “I love you, Mommy.”
He held the phone to her ear. “I love you with all my heart, Kimmy. It won’t be long, sweetie.”
“I know.” She beamed and stepped away.
Doug ended the conversation, his spirit rising for Kimmy. He slipped the cell phone into his pocket, and they were on their way.
Kimmy pulled a hunk of cotton candy from the cone. Nina chuckled, watching the floss melt on her tongue. She knew that Kimmy ate healthy food with no qualms, so she muted her thoughts about the sugar.
“Want some?” Kimmy held the fluffy cone toward her.
“No, thank you. The hot dog filled me, and I smell popcorn coming from somewhere. Before we leave, I might get some of that.” Free popcorn, cotton candy, coffee. A generous festival and a great idea to create community spirit.
Doug caught her arm. “Look over there.” He pointed to a man holding a chain saw. “The man is making things with that saw.”
His eyes bright with interest, she and Kimmy followed him to the barricaded area. Amazed at the man’s talent, she watched the chain saw artist create part of a bench with birds providing the legs on each side of the seat. Earlier they’d admired sidewalk chalk artists and laughed at the decorated pumpkin display.
She’d eyed the arts and crafts but couldn’t decide on anything. Kimmy had also passed on the children’s games. Other than watching a clown make balloon animals and having a small butterfly painted on her cheek, Kimmy had only watched.
Fearing the event had been a disappointment to her, she sidled closer to Doug. “Should we see if Kimmy would rather go to the Playscape?”
He gave her a wink and introduced the idea to Kimmy. Her rousing let’s go made their decision.
Though she’d enjoyed spending time with both Kimmy and Doug, Nina’s spirit had been dented by the news that Roseanne was being transferred closer to home and would be released soon. Her selfish attitude struck a bad chord, but she faced that life would change for her and Doug when Kimmy was gone. Kimmy had been the catalyst for much of their time together. The upcoming wedding might be the only event they would share alone. With Kimmy back with her mother, life would slip back into the occasional contact with neighbors and her work. Not much to say for that.
Doug had brought a new spirit to her life, one that caused her to anticipate the day. She looked forward to waking in the morning to see what the day held. But all of their activities had Kimmy as their focus. They would be at a loss without her.
Doug steered them away from the festival to his car, and they slipped in and headed back to Corunna and McCurdy Park, less than ten miles away. Doug parked as close as he could to the Playscape and Kimmy unsnapped her seat belt and darted across the grass before they closed their doors.
Nina grinned at Kimmy’s exuberance. “This is more like it, I think.”
He gave a nod. “I suspected she’d love this, but she wouldn’t have gotten her sugar quota for the day without the cotton candy.” He chuckled. “Hopefully she’ll burn off the energy here.”
She moved to his side and they followed Kimmy’s path to the tower of play equipment. The late-summer sun spread across her shoulders, and she enjoyed it, knowing that soon a cold wind would replace the warm rays. The idea filtered through her mind. Life was like that, too.
Doug’s arm shifted beside hers, brushing against her and warming her thoughts. When they were together, her emptiness seemed to be a thing of the past. Yet reality sat on her doorstep, waiting for the door to close and lock her inside again. Caught up in the moment, she took a step and stumbled. As she hurled forward, Doug caught her in his arms and drew her up as if she weighed nothing. With his arms around her, his eyes met hers. “Careful. Those sneaky sticks are out to get you.”
She grinned, adhered to his gaze, her lungs begging for breath with his lips so close she could almost feel them on hers. She grasped her wits and dragged her eyes from his. “Thanks for the save.”
“We Boy Scouts promise to be prepared.”
“Were you really a Boy Scout?”
“No, but I had friends who were. Nothing wrong with helping a woman in distress.” He ran his hand down her arm and wove his fingers through hers. “For safety.” He lifted their knitted fingers. “Okay?”
“Thanks.” She managed the comment, uncomfortable with her giddy feeling. Based on her reaction to hand-holding, she might drop over dead if he kissed her. Heat rose in her chest and she worked to keep it from cresting.
The ground evened out as they neared the Playscape, yet his fingers remained woven with hers. When they reached a bench, he motioned for her to sit. Through the slats of the play area, they could see Kimmy climb the tower and zoom down the tube slide to the ground. Without seeing them, she made her way back up the tower.
Doug slipped his arm along the back of the bench, his body close to hers. “Nina, I’m having a difficult time.”
Her heart jumped with his confession.
“I am thrilled that Roseanne is being transferred closer, but I know what that means.”
While wrangling her disappointment that she’d misconstrued his confession, she understood, having dealt with the same feelings. “It will be different, Doug. Quieter.”
“Lonelier.” He shook his head. “She’s forced me to come out of my shell—a shell I don’t totally understand, but one I’ve lived with—and I’m afraid I’ll slide back into my reclusive world. Work, home and church. That’s what it’s been. Not much social life.” He shook his head. “I don’t want to be there again.”
“You don’t have to, Doug. No one put you there but you, and you have the power to live outside those narrow walls.”
“I know.”
His head lowered and he fell deep in thought, thought she didn’t feel right to disturb.
Finally he looked up. “I know I should be in control, but my mind goes blank. Without Kimmy to stimulate action, it’s easy to sit in a chair and stare at TV programs I don’t care about or read a book that my heart isn’t in.”
“Maybe you’re reading the wrong book.” She hoped it sounded lighthearted, but he didn’t laugh and she wanted to apologize. “Seriously, Doug. Look around. What do people do? Get involved in church activities. I’m sure they have programs that need volunteers. Most organizations do. Become a Big Brother. Have you thought about that?”
He shook his head. “I don’t have much to offer kids. You see how I stumble around with Kimmy. If it weren’t for you, I’d be telling her to read a book or do her puzzles, about the same as her mother does.”
“That’s not true. And since she’s been here, you’ve discovered all kinds of good activities for kids. What about the train museum for a boy? Don’t they let kids get inside during the train festival? And this Playscape. Boys would like this. Take a boy to a sporting event. Most kids would love that.”
His eyes searched hers. “You have the ideas.”
“So would you if you didn’t doubt yourself.” She laid her hand on his. “Doug, you’ve set your mind on being a failure. I don’t know why, and I’m not sure you know either, but it’s not really who you are. I see your delight with Kimmy. Yes, she’s your niece, but a boy who needs a male friend can be a delight, too. You can teach him how to catch a ball, how to play croquet or badminton. Those are things you can purchase in most toy stores. Or get yourself a dog. They can be the best company and they’re faithful.”
Her voice had betrayed her. From his expression, he’d caught her tone on the faithful comment, an emphasis she’d hoped to control. Her mind shot to Rema’s surprise visit and the discussion they’d had on faithfulness.
“Uncle Doug, did you see me?” Kimmy’s voice severed their silence.
“We saw you on the big slide.” He nodded.
Kimmy’s face made it clear she meant something else. “Not that. I walked on the swinging bridge and I climbed on the caterpillar.” She pointed away from the wooden structure. “Over there.”
Doug glanced at her, surprise on his face. “I didn’t see you over there.”
Nina hadn’t seen a thing but Doug’s expression as they talked. He shorted himself so much when it came to children. His confidence at work seemed opposite to his uncertainty with children. The discrepancy aroused questions, but those would have to wait.
Doug rose. “Are you ready to go?”
“If you come and see me on the caterpillar.” She beckoned him to follow.
Nina stood and treaded along the path to the freestanding metal structure with the look of a crawling caterpillar, its back humped as it moved forward. Kimmy straddled the red metal tail and used the rungs to work her way up the high hump, then wiggled around to climb down the hump before she grasped the final rung to reach the insect’s bright blue head and yellow antennae.
They applauded as she grinned and lifted her hand as if she’d conquered Mount Everest. “Good job, Kimmy.” Doug reached her side and helped her jump from the metal structure.
Nina slipped her arm around Kimmy. “If I were littler, I’d climb it, too.”
“You can do it.” Kimmy’s eyes brightened, and Nina, wishing she’d not offered the suggestion, shook her head.
“No. You’re too good.”
Perfect response. Kimmy gave an agreeing nod and skipped along beside them as they wended their way back to the car.
Nina’s spirit lifted, then sank as Roseanne’s news struck her again. One day Kimmy would be back with her mother, a wonderful gift really. But for Doug and her, it would change the course of their lives. Did it have to? Couldn’t they continue to be friends and enjoy each other’s company? Doug had made no overtures for anything beyond friendship. Even holding her hand earlier had been out of concern that she might fall again. That was all it had been.
The recollection of his firm grip revived the warm feeling she’d experienced, a sense of security she’d had only rarely in her life when she was young and her father took her places. The loss of a relationship with Doug would be another loss even greater than her divorce. Before marriage, Todd had seemed to be a kind man. He had a good job and had been generous, but the intimacy she’d expected from their marriage had faded quickly. It died after she’d lost the second child. Died as quickly as their marriage.
Doug faltered at the car and gave her a questioning look. She smiled back, unwilling to talk about Kimmy returning to her mother’s home and what that meant to them. She would wait and see. That’s all she could do.