Surrender
“Surrender is not a weakness; it is a strength.
It takes tremendous strength to
surrender life to the Supreme—to the cosmic unfolding.”
—mooji
In the moment of surrender, you are free. You’ve opened your heart, released control, unfurled your grasp on expectations, relinquished judgment, and welcomed a higher, more expansive way of being. Surrender cannot be forced—only allowed. It’s the deepest level of grace and will bring miracles into all areas of your life.
If a deep breath is the first step to tune in, surrender naturally follows. In the pages that follow, you’ll discover how to surrender and why it’s so vital to an intuitive life.
The Art of Surrender
Surrender is one of the loveliest words to say out loud but can be a real challenge to accomplish. And yet, without surrender, you remain a slave to all you cling to.
Surrendering unhealthy habits, expectations, fears, insecurities, beliefs, ideas, stories, outcomes, attachments, emotions, and worries will feel difficult if you think these are what define you. Perhaps you’re afraid that you won’t know who you are if you let it all go. You may be unsure if you’ll lose yourself in the process or if you’ll feel empty and clueless without labels to lean on. But on a Soul level, these attachments are just masks covering the light of your true, spiritual being.
Inside surrender lives a reservoir of peace. The more you surrender, the more peaceful your life becomes. Becoming self-aware is ironically about undoing what you think you know about yourself so that you can sink into your inner spaciousness and slowly reclaim the truth of who you are. The true you will reveal your true path. And in surrendering what is in the way of your truth, you will connect to all you need with deep, sweet clarity.
My close friend Jarka went through a process of deep surrender that she shared with me. Jarka is a hard worker, a fiercely intelligent woman who overflows with motivation and drive. For years, Jarka focused on following the rules that promised her career advancement. Pushing, striving, and forcing were part of her default operating settings. She couldn’t see that this yang-driven initiative came from a place of wanting to be praised, approved of, needed, and, often, feared.
Inevitably, Jarka’s career came crashing down around her. As it did, she realized that she needed to surrender her identification with her vocation, surrender what she thought success was meant to look like, surrender the corporate games and how they played to her ego, and welcome a life and business guided by her heart. Jarka took to surrender like she previously took to her corporate hustle, and the more time she spent learning about herself, the more confidence she built. The more mindful she became in her life, the more she could distinguish between her ego’s voice and that of her intuition.
“The life and business I built as a result of this transformation are nothing short of incredible,” she told me. “I feel fulfilled, peaceful, and aligned on most days, and when challenges present themselves, I welcome them, because I know I already have the answers within my inner knowing.”
Her transformation took months of curiosity and self-inquiry, of surrendering old habits and reactions that didn’t serve her highest interest. This is a valuable process that doesn’t happen overnight but requires time and space to open to your truest being. Letting go isn’t something that needs to be done all at once; that’s an impossible task. Your attachments have been cultivated over many, many years; they are intimately plaited through the fibers of your human self and require endless patience and compassion for the deeply healing process of letting go. This doesn’t mean you have to give up your job, friends, house, and possessions—it means you need to let go of any attachments you have toward them. Then, if they’re not meant to be, they will naturally fall away. If they are meant for you, they will thrive in the space you’ve created for them.
When attachments dissolve, there’s nothing to weigh you down. No one to hold you back. No expectations to feverishly fulfill. No stories to weld you to the past. You’re free to be you. Once you have a regular deep breathing practice, you’ll find yourself naturally more conscious and relaxed throughout the day. It’s here in this languid state where you can openly and gladly surrender what needs to go and receive the cosmic goodness that wants to come in.
If you’re chronically breathing short and shallow breaths, surrender will feel like torture; you’ll be clinging to life as you know it to survive. Keep breathing, sweet Soul, and let it all go with the out breath.
How do you know what you’re attached to? You’ll know it because it’s the thing you can’t possibly do without, the person who’s always on your mind (for better or worse), the outcome you absolutely have to have, the conversation that keeps on repeating, the stories you keep telling yourself and the world, the fears that keep you up at night, the insecurities that prevent you from living your dreams, the habit that you can’t quit, the memory that you can’t shake, the activity you obsess over, and all the labels and limits of your being.
These are your attachments.
But here’s the thing … humans naturally have attachments because they have an ego. If you give yourself a hard time about your attachments, you’re playing right into the ego’s games. Surrender attachments without judgment. This doesn’t mean you need to give your favorite jewelry away, ditch chocolate, and stop buying crystals. It simply means seeing life through the gently but powerfully unattached Soul rather than the hungrily attached and disempowered ego.
Just for a moment, imagine what that kind of life would look and feel like. Imagine letting go of old beliefs and ideas that have nothing to do with the life you want to create for yourself. Imagine living in a state of peaceful presence every day. Imagine being completely happy just being alive.
• Practice •
Releasing Attachments Soul Prompts
Without judgment, have a look at your attachments. Write down all the ones you can think of in a column. You might start with the objects at home that you’re attached to, the people in your life who have upset you or you have upset, the aspects of your job that you feel strongly toward, the food you’re craving every day, and perhaps the loudest thoughts. Resist labeling them as “good” or “bad,” even in your mind; just write until they’re all down. Next to each attachment, write (or say out loud) a powerful releasing statement that will set you free from them, one by one. You can create your own affirmations or try some of these:
• I am free to eat foods that nourish me.
• I choose friends who lift my spirits.
• I love myself and prioritize my well-being.
• I honor my heart’s wisdom.
• I enjoy stillness and reveling in my unique presence.
• I release thoughts and beliefs that don’t serve my highest good.
• I respect my body, mind, and Soul.
• I am grateful for Spirit’s guidance, and I give thanks for all I have.
• I joyfully release any stories that perpetuate fear in my life.
• I lovingly let my ego’s voice dissolve in my inner ocean of love.
• My blissful attitude makes me happier than anything I own.
• I naturally surrender all attachments that don’t serve my greatest good.
Once you’ve created a list of affirmations, say them out loud every day for two weeks to fully charge their meaning into your whole self. Ensure you include the feeling of the affirmation beaming from your heart with every word. Then safely burn the pages and let it all go. If you don’t wish to burn them, just release them energetically. You can, of course, create any ritual with these affirmations that suits you and allows for a more immersed state of surrender.
There’s No Such Thing as Lost
I hear from many clients who admit they’d love to know themselves on a much deeper level, but perhaps when they’re a bit more “spiritual,” when they have more time, when the kids are older, when life isn’t so chaotic, when they’re not so scared of the unknown, or when they’re not feeling so lost.
But there will never be a perfect time. You don’t need to consider yourself “spiritual” to be able to know yourself on a deeper level. You will actually create more time and ease in your life when you are living with greater awareness. Children (yours or those around you) will benefit immensely from an intuitive carer. Life is always messy and chaotic; it’s self-awareness that helps us navigate through the mess and back into feelings of serenity and contentment. The unknown is simply the Divine in motion, ready to take your hand. And lost is the very best place to start.
Although, you’re never really lost. When you’re feeling uncertain and hopeless and you don’t know where to start, you’ve reached a powerful place to choose deep surrender. If you can allow yourself to surrender into this shadowy place of not-knowingness, confusion, and directionless wandering, then you won’t feel lost for long. Here in your dark depths you can create a foundation for your future based on your Soul’s power, purpose, and wisdom, rather than on someone else’s advice. If you can surrender and tune inward, you’ll find you’re already home.
I’ve felt lost a hundred times in my life. Some of these moments have seen me on my knees, with tear-stained cheeks, palms turned upward, and a few words of surrender falling from my salty lips: “Hey, Great Spirit, I give up. Show me the way back onto my path. Love me and heal me and help me grow stronger every day. Strengthen my back, my bones, my wings, and my resolve. And so it is.”
These are the uncomfortable, painful, squirmy moments that force me to give up what I think I know. I can see how pivotal and potent these moments are for my Soul’s transformation. All because of surrender.
Slowly I’m learning to see the beauty while in the moment. That’s a real gift. Smiling through tears. Gratitude during sleepless nights. Laughter in the midst of a truly hellacious day. Gravitating back to joy and trust when I’ve “failed” a hundred times.
So, feel lost, sweet Soul. Go on. Feel how that really feels for you. Take a moment to surrender the fight. Close your eyes. Ask your heart, Where to now? And when you’re ready, take the first step.
If a step is too much for you right now, go ahead and rest. Have a nap in the shaded woods of your Soul. Nurture. Recover. Nourish. Heal. Surrender to whatever is happening. When you are strong enough, stand up and tune in. You’ve got this, warrior heart.
• Ritual •
I’ve written this sacred prayer of release to be folded into your evening rituals as a way of surrendering from the day what is not meant for you. Trust that you are safe to let go and that this is creating space in your life for all that is good for your Soul. If you feel like it, add whatever words spill from your heart.
Surrender comes to me through breathing, poetry, prayer, songs, silence, humming, howling, tears, talking, drawing, and dancing. Every day requires surrender of some sort. Let it flow through you however it desires to.
Great Spirit, thank you for your infinitely comforting presence in my life. I ask that you come close to me now—allow me to feel your powerful presence. Wrap me in layers of golden light and fill me with unconditional love. Show me how to surrender attachments to all people, places, objects, thoughts, memories, energies, and substances that are not aligned with my Highest Self. Dissolve and transmute anything from my energy field that does not belong to me. Heal all parts of me that need restoration. Shine your cosmic radiance into every fragment of my being so that I may feel whole. Bless my life. My gratitude is eternal. And so it is.
Sometimes Life Insists on Surrender
It was May 2014. I was running late, but that was nothing new. I was driving a familiar route to pick up my son from preschool. I had left myself just enough time to buy some food from the shops for dinner and return a package to a friend’s house along the way. I was happy, but frantic. My heart was racing. Music was blaring. Thoughts were swirling like a storm. Nerves were on edge.
Suddenly I felt my left cheek go numb. I panicked. Was I having a stroke? Then my left arm started to tingle. I thought for sure that meant I was having a stroke. I was convinced I was, so I completely freaked out.
I drove for a few tortuous minutes up the road before I noticed a large pharmacy. I pulled into the parking lot. Sitting in the car, I tried to convince myself that I was fine and I shouldn’t be late for school. But I wasn’t fine. I was clearly the opposite of fine.
I got out of my car feeling helpless and panicked, and walked into the pharmacy. Nervously, I headed to the back of the shop where the pharmacists worked. I approached one of them, eyes wide with panic, and whispered, “I think I’m having a stroke.” He looked at me with eyes of pure compassion, asked me to raise and lower both of my arms, and then said, “You’re not having a stroke. You’re okay.” I told him my cheek was numb, my heart was racing, I felt dizzy, and I didn’t know what to do. He asked me gently to sit down for a while, grabbed a cold bottle of water for me, and said he’d be back in a few minutes.
As I sat there, two elderly women with beautiful and strong crone presences sat down on either side of me. Without holding me, I felt held. Without saying a word, I felt understood. Without knowing why, I felt loved.
My numbness was subsiding, but the panic was pounding. I phoned my son’s school and words about a “medical emergency” fell out of my mouth. I called my husband and asked him to pick up our son. Shortly after, the pharmacist came over to check on me, and after a brief conversation, he asked if I might be having a panic attack.
What now? No, no, no. I was sure this wasn’t a panic attack. This was real. (Little did I know about panic attacks.) He smiled without patronizing me and said one of the other pharmacists was going to take me to the nearby medical center.
Half an hour later, I was sitting across from an exceptionally kind doctor who was explaining that the results from my electrocardiogram were normal, and it was highly likely I’d experienced a panic attack. The words felt heavier coming from her. They rolled around like large marbles in my head. Panic attack. Panic. Attack. “But I’m fine; I’m happy,” I said.
She smiled. “How busy is your schedule?” she asked.
Still feeling edgy and vulnerable, I defensively blurted out a bunch of lies. I said it was “great” because I worked from home, which was so “easy,” and I couldn’t see why I would possibly have a panic attack.
She asked me to clear my calendar and actively look for ways to look after my body, mind, and Soul. I needed space to do nothing. Nothing? Well, this is new to me …
Since having my son, I hadn’t created space to do nothing. Because motherhood, and work, and friends, and cleaning, and attachments to busy-ness were so strong, and oh my goodness the weeds in the garden were always so out of control. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d surrendered to nothingness, to what my body needed, to deep nourishment.
Later that night in the bath, I cried. I began reflecting on what had happened so far that year. It was only May. In January, I’d had a devastating miscarriage. In March, my son had fallen from the top of a wall and narrowly escaped a head injury. And the week before, my husband and I had decided to plan a last-minute trip to San Francisco to visit friends. So much had happened, and I hadn’t yet taken time out to properly grieve, heal, or recover from trauma and a really big scare. I just kept up the relentless pace. And planned a holiday. I had been fooling myself for years that working from home was easy. It wasn’t at all.
Something inside me shifted. My defensiveness and lies were surrendered. The bathwater made space for saltwater as I wept for my body. I had taken it for granted, expecting it to carry out impossible feats every single day. I wept for my son, for his precious health. I wept for the baby we’d lost. I wept with gratitude for the state of panic that threw my whole life into disarray so that I could steadily find my center again. Because sometimes life insists.
That night I loved myself so hard. I breathed deeply. I took some grief-healing homeopathy. I listened to all the feelings. I opened up, softly, slowly, to what needed my attention. I surrendered the pain and let it speak. I surrendered my to-do list and created a self-love list. I surrendered what I thought was best for me and opened up to what was truly good for me. I surrendered my plans and let the Divine take the lead.
That night, I prayed to the universe that I would be shown an easier way, that I would understand what it felt like to live in accordance with my higher good, that I would know what it meant to cherish and adore myself every day.
Drying my tears, I whispered, “And so it is.”
Making Space
for Wild, Loving Thoughts
Surrendering unhelpful and unhealthy thoughts and beliefs will create space for bliss to bloom along your spiritual path. When you disable these kinds of thoughts …
• I’m not worthy of abundance.
• Love isn’t for me.
• I’m not smart enough.
• No one wants to hear what I have to say.
• I have no real purpose or calling.
• I’m not special or talented.
• Life is so difficult.
• I have no choice but to stay stuck where I am.
• I’m not spiritual enough to be intuitive.
… and cultivate these kinds of thoughts …
• I was born worthy of greatness and endless abundance.
• Love is who I am and I accept it into my life in every way.
• I’m smart, brilliant, and witty in my own awesome way.
• I have so much to say, and I’m not afraid to share my thoughts.
• I open up to my Soul’s purpose every day.
• I have gifts and I inspire others by simply being me.
• Life is beautiful, nourishing, and so good to me.
• I am free to create my life with every thought, word, action, and direction.
• I am a spiritual being and easily access my intuition daily.
… then you are actively believing in yourself and your Soul’s guidance.
Surrender the negative, outdated thoughts to make space for new ones. Believe in your own inimitable greatness. The process is as easy as you allow it to be, so don’t believe your ego when it makes up excuses to hold on to negative ways of thinking.
Surrender to the Divine
A part of the powerful practice of surrender is to relinquish the ego’s control and give it over to the Divine, the universe, the radically loving powers that be, and the light within.
Each Soul is a unique and equal piece of the fabric of Great Spirit; we’re all walking, talking Spirits in human bodies. Our Souls are love and light on a human journey.
Take a look at yourself for a moment through the eyes of your Soul. Eyes that are far more perceptive, eternal, and all-knowing. Eyes that aren’t looking for flaws or any wrongdoing. Eyes that see the good, the beautiful, and the perfection in all of you. When you see yourself and your world this way, the hard edges soften, priorities shift, love flows in and out effortlessly, and surrender to bliss comes naturally.
When you know that inside of you and all around you lives a Soul of divine light that will never ask for too much, never make you do anything you don’t want to do, you will realize that it is here you are safe. It is here in your own truth and presence you are home. It is here you are loved unconditionally.
Surrendering what isn’t in alignment with your Soul is only ever painful if your ego has an almighty hold on it. The ego may cling desperately, telling you how much this stuff matters, that you need it, that it defines you, that without it you’ll be a failure, lost, lonely, unhappy, regretful, and torn from what’s best for you. Attachments are distractions, and the ego loves distractions. Yes, you need your people, food, clothes, water, shelter, and love. If you have these, you are blessed beyond measure. If you have anything extra, you are wildly abundant. But if you’re attached to any of it, it won’t bring you joy for long.
If you have too much stuff in your house to keep clean, if you have too much to do in your day, if you can’t keep up with all your friends, if you feel drained, overwhelmed, and always on the run, stop and let go. Surrender the rush and competition. Notice the attachment and let it go. Create a life for yourself that’s easy to live in a way that feels good and true for you. This way, you’ll have easy access to love, light, and peace. This way, you’ll always be home.
Spiritual and Spatial Decluttering
I used to accumulate a lot of random, “meaningful” stuff. I once had a gorgeous collection of colored vintage glass vases. My husband spent years gathering unique European beer glasses. I bought cushion covers more often than I’d like to admit. I had cupboards full of teacups (for whom, I’m not so sure). I stocked drawers full of socks and jumpers I never wore, lined cupboards with board games we never played, filled bookshelves with books I would never read again, and picked up random knickknacks almost every time I went to a garage sale or a vintage shop.
Then I had kids. I suffered from anxiety and depression with both kids, and besides hugs, homeopathy, wholesome food, sunshine, and my incredible psychologist, shopping made me feel so good. My house was getting full, but it wasn’t helping me at all. It was cluttering my home and my heart more and more. And the buzz I got from shopping didn’t last long; it felt empty, echoey, and edgy.
Then one day, when my daughter was two, I was dusting my largely-ignored-but-perfectly-placed art deco vases when I had this overwhelming feeling of clarity and I wanted to scream, “Why do I have so much stuff?!”
Overnight I went from accumulation mode to decluttering queen. All the stuff without meaning, everything that wasn’t being used or deeply cherished, and anything without practical necessity was sold or given away, and the thought of replacing it with more stuff repelled me.
Letting go of stuff requires the same strategy as letting go of unhealthy habits, behaviors, thoughts, expectations, stories, and people. For me, it goes like this:
1. Notice the attachment or the accumulation without judgment.
2. See the attachment as merely an ego-driven thought that can be dissolved at any time.
3. Be willing to let go of the attachment.
4. Open your heart and let go.
5. Thank it for what it has brought to your life or taught you.
6. Know that you are safe and lighter without it.
7. Rediscover the art of appreciating a sweet moment without trying to own it.
As you get into a surrender practice on a physical level, you’ll begin to notice space in your home. Initially you might freak out, wondering what you’ll replace the old items with. You might also lean toward guilt for buying the pieces, books, toys, dishes, clothes, or other stuff in the first place. Be kind to yourself; you were and are doing the best you can. Surrender the need to fill the space and any guilt that arises. Space in your home allows for a more fluid flow of energy, which impacts the state of your mind and heart.
Eventually you’ll see limited options as an advantage. Less in your home means less stress, less time cleaning, and a clearer mind. Everything that’s left will be genuinely meaningful. Your body will respond with more serenity and comfort. The effect will ripple out through your whole life.
If you’re an extrovert, try holding a garage sale. If you’re more introverted, sell your stuff online. Or just give it away. Cease clinging, and the universe will show you what to do.
Make Room for Magic
When you create a life with sacred space and leisurely moments of time set aside to be still, you’re not doing nothing, you’re actively being—a truly profound way to live. Surrendering to stillness may seem like wasting time at first, but eventually you’ll see shifts in your life.
These shifts might feel magical, like stretching time, grasping insights, feeling indescribable joy, or tapping into wild self-love. Or they may feel uncomfortable if the space that you open up to is asking you to release, heal, or renew and you’re resisting what needs to be done. Stillness and space sound so easy to embrace, but for many they’re not because of fear of the unknown and the uncertainty of change.
We’re a culture that craves comfort, shopping, noise, entertainment, amusement, food, alcohol, screens, social media, and all things bright, loud, activating, numbing, and distracting. We fill our homes with trinkets that are empty of meaning. We pile high the magazines that tell us we’re not good enough. We fill our fridges, pantries, wardrobes, cupboards, beauty cabinets, garages, sheds, bookshelves, and spare drawers with stuff. We shove stuff under our beds and over our heads. We save things for the future because we haven’t surrendered our past.
This fake sense of comfort that we derive from material possessions is always a reflection of what’s going on in our precious minds and hearts. Repetitive, negative thoughts. Old stories. Out-of-date ideals. Perfect expectations. Stifled emotions. Other people’s views. Everything saved … just in case. Everything valued … because who are we without it?
All this stuff we simply don’t need, and deep down don’t actually want, is holding us back from a life of true abundance. Yet we hold on tightly not just to the stuff, but to the endless thoughts and feelings that play constantly. The old stories give us comfort. The ideals give us a false sense of purpose. The stifled emotions keep us from healing and changing. The victim mentality provides something to solve. The expectations give us an unfounded feeling of control.
When we hoard these outdated thoughts and emotions in our minds, when our brains are wall-to-wall junk, we leave no room for magic. No space for creativity. No open window to let the stardust in. No chance to discover who we are underneath it all. We need magic. Without it, we are carbon-copy, suppressed and repressed, frustrated and hollow humans, following other people, chasing someone else’s dreams, never taking a deep, deliciously full breath or thinking for our own wild selves.
Magic is the result of surrendering to stillness and allowing self-awareness to bloom in fortuitous ways.
It’s not always easy to surrender life to a divine order, to your Soul’s path, to silence, to the unknown. Living free and wild is a bold thing to do. But without space, there’s no finding your true self in the center of your sacred, eternal being. Underneath the dust and the debris is the real you and your treasured truth.
Clutter, no matter where it lives, needs to be cleared out bit by bit. Slowly, but deliberately, the pieces and the stories are taken out the door. It seems an impossible task when you’ve accumulated so much stuff. But it’s possible. Believe me, it’s possible.
When you meditate, you’re clearing out the mental clutter. Just one minute a day is a brilliant, I mean brilliant place to start if you’ve never meditated before. When you breathe consciously, you’re tuning in to your sacred body and coming out of your headspace. You’re finding yourself and detaching from your cluttering thoughts. When you take an inventory of your emotions with a psychologist, a friend, or your journal, you’re able to witness what is taking up space and clouding your well-being. When you surrender expectations and have faith that the universe will provide all you need, miracles happen. When you say, “Enough, I’m done,” to the stories that keep replaying, you kick out the old furniture of beliefs, rearrange the few valued pieces, and, suddenly, you have much more space to dance.
Truly, it is a dance.
Surrendering to life is clearing a dance floor for magic to come alive. As you let go, you learn to open to the space you have cleared. When you surrender to nothingness and silence, your own song will come to life, your heart will know the steps, and luminosity will burst from your being.
• Practice •
Make a plan to help you uncover more of the mental, emotional, and physical stuff that needs to be taken out of your life. Write down some dates when you will have a garage sale, make a big delivery to a thrift or charity store, or create simple daily reminders that will encourage you along the way. Ask for help if you need it from friends and family. Here are some questions to open your mind and your life to deeper clarity.
Where have you accumulated unnecessary physical stuff? Where do you hide things in your house or car? Where does stuff naturally build up? How does it make you feel?
How will you begin or continue the clearing process of your home? Put aside ten minutes each day and devote that time to one room until it feels peaceful, then move on to the next room. Get conscious of each cupboard instead of ignoring the clutter behind closed doors. Have a garage sale and let the unloved pieces go in one day. Ask your friends what they do with their unwanted pieces.
What old beliefs are keeping you trapped? Outdated beliefs may include thoughts around your body, hair, career, partner, or home that have come from family members, early caregivers, or partners. Consciously and gently open your ears to the thoughts that arise. If they’re love-based and feel like your truth, then they’re aligned and helpful, whether they came from within you or somewhere else. If they’re fear-based or simply don’t feel like you, they’re probably beliefs from someone else. Without judgment, surrender them. Take a deep breath and say, “This is not my truth.” Create a new belief that sounds like love and truth.
What repetitive thoughts are you willing to let go of? Are you ready to let go of thoughts about your body or appearance that aren’t positive? Can you drop the thoughts that don’t support a more aware and enlightened life? Are you prepared to look at people without judgment, only compassion? What else comes up for you?
What unhelpful or unhealthy emotions do you need help with? Repetitive and strong emotions—such as anger, depression, anxiety, harsh self-criticism, or deep sadness—that are uneasy or negative are necessary to release whenever you become aware of them. Feel them, open to them, and let them go.
What ego clutter is getting in the way of your spiritual practice? The ego will tell you that the rituals you love are a waste of time, too hard, not worth it, boring, or empty. Whenever you notice this, you are more able to surrender these thoughts and the accompanying emotions from the ego and rise above them. Then take time to connect to your Highest Self and align with your Soul’s truth.
Where do you feel the most serene? What does this place look like? How can you infuse the energy of this space into the rest of your world? If there’s a particular place in nature that creates a sense of beauty and light in your being, find a way to place reminders around your home that have the same energy. This way, bliss is always in reach.
Three Pillars of Surrender
When I think about surrender, there are three qualities that feel the most important to me: pausing, stillness, and mindfulness. At first, they may sound remarkably similar, but each has its own intricate qualities, and individually they have had an enormously positive effect on my life as I’ve come to appreciate and open to surrender.
Pausing. Before you make a decision, race out the front door, make a large purchase, call someone important, start work on a project, or do anything significant, take a minute to pause and center yourself. Take a deep breath and tune in to your heart. This ensures you’re not always on the run with a frantic mind. This creates a moment to listen to the quiet within. The more you pause, the more you hear.
Stillness. Whenever you can, be still. Relax. Get comfortable. Wake up slowly. Find peace in everyday moments with the people you love. Put your phone away. Enjoy the view. In stillness, you surrender busy-ness and multitasking and open to receive. In stillness, you find yourself.
Mindfulness. Be present in your life. Use your senses to experience your day. Pay gentle attention to what’s going on around and within you. Be aware of all of it but attached to nothing. Gently bring your mind back when it wanders into the future or the past. Connect to that which opens you up to a higher way of being and living.
With pausing, stillness, and mindfulness, you’ll easily come back in tune with your heart’s rhythm and truth.
Abandoning the Ego’s Fears
The ego is a fear-breeding, sneaky little voice. It wants to keep you small and stuck, so whenever you consider trying something new, it will come at you with a thousand fearful—but apparently “logical”—reasons why you should definitely not try new ideas, take on exciting adventures, or ever, ever believe in yourself as a person worthy of transformation and greatness.
When you learn to regularly drop into your heartspace and tune in to the loving sound of your Soul, you will realize that your ego is definitely not you. Your ego’s fears are not your fears. Your ego’s childish, critical, arrogant, and whiney voice is so not you. It’s up to you to abandon the ego’s fears as soon as they emerge, to stay as high as your Soul’s true vibrations, to sync with the pace of love, and to allow all flavors of abundance to flow into your life.
Surrendering the ego is an endless practice that will raise your energy higher and higher the more you keep letting it go.
When you hear fear-driven thoughts arise from your ego’s voice, stay in a loving mindset, surrender the urge to play along with it, and say, “Hey ego, I know what game you’re playing, and I’m going to lovingly and firmly ask that you keep your voice down. Yes, we’re transforming. Yes, we’re trying something new. Yes, it’s going to be awesome, even if we feel wobbly or mess it up. Yes, we’re safe. Thank you for leaning toward the light with us. All is well.”
Can you sense how gently optimistic and brave it feels to say this out loud? Your ego is not to be ignored or shut down (an impossible task). It’s to be taken under your wings and shown a more expansive view. If you can surrender your ego’s fears every moment they arise, they will eventually have less influence in your life, and this space will allow for positivity and love. Just open your heart and let go.
Mindfulness in the Messy Moments
During the months following my son’s birth in 2010, I journeyed into a dark and lonely place. I suffered postnatal depression and intense anxiety, so I was basically never present to the moment. I truly had no idea what was happening to me. I was tired right down to my bones. I had isolated myself from everyone I loved—including those I lived with. I was feeling guilty for bringing my boy into the world through an emergency caesarean. I was feeling lonely in a new neighborhood. One day I’d be overcome with rage; the next, complete despair. I had dangerous thoughts, and I didn’t know what to do with them. I was trying desperately to control my messy life, but the less I surrendered to it, the more intense my inner struggle became.
Thankfully, I found an incredible psychologist to talk to, and my naturopath prescribed some calming and healing supplements. My body felt nourished and my emotions felt lighter. The light was peeking through and pulling me toward it like a love magnet.
At some point, I picked up a book called Buddhism for Mothers, by Sarah Napthali. I was hungry for her wisdom daily. Each night after my boy went to sleep, I’d curl up with this book and read it until my eyes hurt. Slowly, the lessons and stories began to infuse their ease into my frazzled mind—like lavender in a warm bath—and unwind my anxiety from the inside out. A slow and necessary process of surrender was taking place, and as I loosened my grip, life found me again.
Sarah had a powerful way of gently guiding me toward awareness of the present moment. She showed me that even with small children and mental illness, real joy was possible. She spoke of mindfulness in the mundane and joy in the simplicity of life.
I was often angry and resentful of the jobs that had to be done around the house. I’d wash the dishes, hang up the clothes, clean the bathroom, and wash the floor with such disdain because the only thing I wanted to be doing when my boy napped was rest (and read). I was fighting against life itself, resisting everything that was right in front of me, and losing the battle daily.
I remember the night it all changed for me. I was hanging laundry on the washing lines outside after settling my boy in bed. My hands unexpectedly came alive, and I began to feel—I mean really, sensually feel—the wet texture of each item. I put them to my cheek and gave thanks for the clothes, my family, and my life. I surrendered to and fell in love with the moment, and it was such bliss.
The next day, I mindfully took to washing the dishes. I simply and gratefully connected with the warm, soapy water on my skin. Plates, bowls, and cutlery slipped through my hands. I finally stopped detesting it and embraced it for what it was: a blessing in disguise.
I found the more I surrendered into mindfulness without forcing it, the more my life became positive, wholehearted, and happy again. Happy in a way I hadn’t felt in so long. Absolutely nothing in my life had changed, but the way I saw it had transformed. Life was playing out before me, and I had two choices: surrender into it or rally against it.
I completely fell in love with mindfulness, and by mindfulness, I mean life. And when I held my boy, my sweet, beautiful baby boy, I was finally able to just be with him, love him, find peace with him, and surrender to each unpredictable moment.
Life didn’t suddenly become perfect and easy. Motherhood is a rough ride. Moving house is tricky. Depression is dark. Anxiety is intense. My mind and body still had so much to heal. But as I accepted and surrendered to what was in front of me, my life brightened, and I’ve never been to such a dark place since.
These days, I find myself learning mindfulness on a whole new level. Our daughter is five years old. She’s smart, determined, and completely gorgeous, but her stubborn attitude and wild ways have tested my mindfulness and resolve. I am far from flawless, but that’s hardly the point. What matters is that I am conscious of my actions and reactions, thoughts and emotions, judgments and expectations, and if I’m courageous enough, I can let them all go and simply be mindful to what is.
Mindfulness during an intense tantrum is a surprisingly beautiful thing. I don’t have to know the reason for her upset, nor do I need to fix it; all I need to do is be there for her, in whatever capacity I have available. Some days, I’m so in tune with that level of surrender; other days, I lose my footing. I’m not proud of how I’ve reacted at times, but the softer I become—with self-love, self-care, boundaries, and healing—the easier it is to let go and be present.
Mindfulness is the best gift you can give yourself and the treasured people in your life. And it’s the only way to be completely, clearly, and consciously self-aware. When you are in tune with life, you are in tune with your body, your senses, your energy, your spirit, and how every part of you is dancing together, journeying through life. Gently pay attention to life’s precious moments. They’re all we’ve got.
• Practice •
No matter where you’re at along your mindfulness journey, there are ways to seep into the moment, however that looks right now. Let your body sink into the chair, floor, or ground a little. Take a deep breath and surrender any tension in your muscles. Look at what is happening around you without judgment or commentary. Don’t let your ego tell you this is difficult; that’s a story that simply isn’t true. If you’re curious about mindfulness, try opening up to your truth with the following questions, either in a journal or as you meditate on the idea of what mindfulness means to you.
What is it about this moment that feels good? How exactly does it feel? Describe in as much detail as possible; really submerge into the moment.
Does anything feel uncomfortable? Why is it uneasy? What does that tell you? How can you surrender this feeling?
How can you lean into a little more mindfulness? How can you surrender your day and fully appreciate what is happening for you right now? How can you take in your world more deeply through your senses? How can you be more present for what truly matters to you?
Sacred and Pleasurable Rituals
The beauty of leisurely and pleasurable rituals is that they provide a nurturing basis for your spirituality, a touchpoint during busy days to come home to yourself. Rituals are a loving way to honor yourself and all that is sacred to you, deepening your connection to self and Spirit. They’re the heartbeats of life, providing a mindful, soothing, and meaningful rhythm. Rituals cultivate an awareness that goes beyond everyday living into the heart and Soul of what matters most. By surrendering busy-ness and creating stillness and pauses, you’ll find you have more time to open up to rituals that bring you closer to the mystery of all that you are.
You may wish to try the following rituals at the same time each day or week or simply flow between them whenever feels good.
• Ritual •
With these or your own words, say a prayer that opens your heart to gratitude, surrenders your thoughts into the arms of positivity, and fills your whole being with joy. Write it down and stick it somewhere you’ll see every day.
As you say the following words out loud, feel them move through your body. As you feel what kindness, generosity, divine love, protection, and humility feel like, they will come to life in your energy field and expand through your life. Say this prayer and, if you feel so called, write your own in your journal.
Thank you, Great Spirit, for another day in this breathtaking body. Thank you for my health, happiness, and the many gifts of today. Show me how to be kind and generous. Fill me with wonder, inspiration, and direction. Guide me toward fulfilling my Soul’s true desires. Surround me with your love and light. Help me to be of service to all. Wrap me up in your flawless protection and let me be firm in my boundaries and integrity. I am humbled to be your warrior, a lightworker of peace and compassion. I surrender to whatever is good and right for my Highest Self. And so it is.
• Ritual •
Lie down on a gorgeous patch of Mother Earth somewhere you won’t be disturbed. On the days you can’t do this outside—if you don’t have the energy or the weather isn’t right for adventuring out—try it in your bed while picturing a blissful scene in nature.
Begin with plenty of luscious, deep breaths. Gradually think of each part of your body, from the top of your head to the tips of your toes, and gently relax each part, surrendering them directly into Mother Earth’s healing hands. Visualize or feel this happening slowly, vividly. Start with the crown of your head, then forehead, eyes, nose, lips, teeth, jaw, cheeks, ears, neck, shoulders, arms, hands, back, chest, belly, hips, legs, and feet. Take your time moving all the way down. Sink into this healing sensation. Feel your whole body release and surrender as one. Melt your fears, concerns, and worries into nature’s energy; let them dissolve.
If you’re in bed, this is a good time to fall asleep. If you’re outside, gently come back into your body with soft stretches. Stand up slowly when you’re ready.
• Ritual •
Let your heart guide you toward the best place in your home for an altar. Choose a table, trunk, ledge, or other flat surface. Set an intention for the altar. You might like to have one for calling in abundance, honoring the seasons, connecting with ancestors, expressing joy, or receiving guidance. Start by placing one or two key pieces in the center. Over the following days or weeks, gradually add to it.
You can place anything you want on your altar. I like crystals, oracle cards, feathers, candles, shells, jewelry, statues, coins, and other meaningful bits and pieces from around my home and the world. Keep it clean. Acknowledge it every day. Change it around as often as your heart wants to. Give thanks for the connection and clarity it brings to your life. Honor yourself for this beautiful and sacred devotional practice.
When you sit with your altar, choose a ritual that speaks to you. It may be burning sage and singing, meditating and praying, surrendering your concerns, playing a drum or singing bowl, or just sitting with a particular crystal and receiving energy. It doesn’t matter what it is; it matters how it makes you feel. Surrender a small amount of time each day to sit with your altar, and the rest of your day will be so much more pleasurable, sacred, and productive.
• Ritual •
Writing and art therapy are uniquely healing ways to allow your Soul to communicate with you through words, emotions, thoughts, ideas, color, and form. Doodling or drawing in your journal is a creative way to delve deep into your intuition alongside the powerful use of words. Your intuition doesn’t use words and loves to be expressed in other ways. Art is a perfect way to do this.
When drawing, use as much color as you can and don’t attempt to make sense of the art as you make it. Surrender completely to the process. Surrender your not-creative-enough beliefs, surrender your inner critic and editor, and surrender the need to make it perfect. The mind will be tempted to analyze and critique it, but try to keep these thoughts quiet. When it’s complete, you can make sense of it—if you want to—by asking yourself what you feel it’s all about. The main purpose is soulful expression, to surrender to the artist within, but if there’s something else to be gained, then your experience will be all the richer.
Deeply and Divinely Protected
Shiny, Soul-driven people are enormously attractive. When you’re aligned with your Highest Self and living an abundant and aware life, people will want to be with you, but not all of them will have the right intentions.
I’ve had some intense experiences with unfavorable energies, but from these incidents I have learned so much about taking care of my energy. My focus is always love, not fear of what might happen. Keep love as your filter, your anchor, and your focus while maintaining big, strong boundaries.
I believe protection is a result of the process of surrender, because when I surrender my fears about the world and the people in it, I step into a new way of living that resonates with and attracts only love. It’s in this space where I feel oneness, where negative and harmful energies––based on separation––can’t reach me.
I use a daily ritual of opening to love that naturally protects my being from negative energies, and a weekly ritual for clearing my energy and raising my vibration. Consciously looking after yourself each day assists with the process immensely, but if you drink excessive alcohol, obsess over social media, spend hours staring at a screen, gossip or judge incessantly, or otherwise lower your vibes, then you’re also lowering your energetic defenses. These defenses may also crumble when you are overwhelmed, grieving, sick, or otherwise energetically depleted. Your power stays strong when you are healthy, responsible, grounded, and anchored into love. There will be times when your energy is low; this is your body saying it needs comfort, love, or something else unique to your needs. If you are moving through a difficult or dark time, extend your meditations and prayers longer every day. Surrender and give in to being still and present to your Soul’s needs.
When your energy is low, negativity can edge in. So while it’s important to trust in divine protection, it’s also really smart to be responsible for your own energy. Clean up your energetic field at least once a week and see an energy healer if you need assistance.
• Ritual •
Sit up in bed when you first wake up. Breathe deeply and take your time with this process. Let your Soul’s light expand to fill your whole being. Feel your energetic roots sinking into Mother Earth, deep, deep down into the earth’s core. Feel your crown chakra opening while golden white light pours through your crown and bathes your inner body with pure healing. Allow the doors of your heart to open wide and imagine unconditional love flowing in and out. Send love to all your favorite people, your Spirit Guides, animals, your home, and anything or anyone else who comes into your heart. Send love to your community, country, and all over the globe. Now receive love from everyone and everything you’ve just imagined. Allow love to flow into the depths of your being. Fill yourself completely with divine love. Feel love flowing effortlessly in and out of your being, touching all the areas and problems of your life, alchemizing everything that’s dark or heavy into love and light. Surrender all blocks to love. Know in your being that love is the most protective force of all. Keep breathing and allow messages or visions to come through. When you feel this process is complete, thank the Divine, the Source of all love and protection, and slowly open your eyes. And so it is.
• Ritual •
Lie down somewhere comfortable and allow your whole body to sink into whatever is beneath you. Surrender your worries. Breathe deeply. Take a few moments to receive bright healing light throughout your body. When you feel relaxed and aware of your energetic state, ask your Soul to show you anything that you need to clear and surrender in your mind, body, spirit, or surroundings. You may feel that a particular chakra is depleted and asking for deeper healing. You may notice a part of your house or car that needs energetic cleansing. You might hear the name of a healer or friend whom you are being called to check in with. You might see a vision of something you’ve been obsessing over that you need to mentally let go of. Your inner senses will show you what you need to clear and surrender. Whenever something arises, simply send it healing and love and feel the profound freedom this brings to your being. When you are complete, imagine a cloud of perfect white light surrounding you, bringing you peace and wholeness. Thank Great Spirit and anyone else you may have sensed was present and helping you with these insights. Gently stretch and be present in your body.
Take your time with these meditations. Feel into them and try them your way. Trust that your Highest Self knows what needs to be done. As you expand your self-awareness, your light will shine brighter than ever, sweet Soul. Don’t let fears of unworthiness or negativity dim your light. Surrender them to the Divine. You have nothing to fear, for you are always only surrendering back to love.
Expansive Sense of Self
Deep breaths and surrender create space—if you’re generous with yourself, lots of space—to clear out the seemingly endless self-talk from your mind, to soften into your wise and sensual body, to open your heart to the outpourings of love all around you, and to surrender to the guidance from your Soul.
Every time you consciously surrender, you’re able to expand your sense of self. Your sense of self is how you perceive yourself, how much self-confidence you have, how deeply you trust yourself, and the beliefs that come from within.
Journaling will give you powerful insights into your sense of self. So will following your dreams, taking responsibility for your energy, valuing your gifts, making decisions based on how aligned you feel, and healing your past. There are so many ways to get to know the true you.
All of these require some form of surrender for them to happen fully and completely. When you consciously begin the process of surrender, it may feel intense or awkward. Keep trying. Put loving reminders all over your house. Play peaceful music in the car. Declutter all the spaces. Say no to the things that don’t feel right. Make time in your diary for play and meditation. Love and acknowledge yourself every single time you do this.
Slow, soulful living is all about coming back to your truth, the only guidance you’ll ever need. When you rush, you have the tendency to follow others. When you bring in mindfulness, you have the power to align with yourself.
Try spending just one day getting to know yourself anew through slow surrender. Speak to yourself kindly and use affirmations like the ones that follow. Build up your confidence through conscious decisions. Look for ways in which you make a difference. Expand your sense of self by taking up more energetic space in the world.
• Ritual •
Use these affirmations—or create your own with positive and inspiring words—to bring a deeper level of surrender into your world. Say out loud what feels supple and untethered to you. Write them on a piece of paper and stick them where you’ll notice them every day.
• I am free to be all me in this moment.
• I joyfully claim my inner desires and divinity.
• I am grateful for the support of the universe wherever I go.
• I allow my body to completely relax.
• I accept whatever I’m feeling now and release it.
• I welcome who I am in this moment without judgment.
• I surround myself with people who understand and appreciate me.
• I use my gifts each day to infuse the world with my light.
• I surrender into bliss.
• Practice •
Complete Surrender Soul Prompts
As we wrap up this section on surrender, let’s look at inspired ways that you can stretch into surrender. Find a place to relax and open your heart. Finish these sentences with an honest and loving answer. Say them out loud or write them down.
• The last time I fully relaxed was when …
• My mind feels most awake and aware when I am …
• How I feel when I surrender busy-ness is …
• Today I choose to slow down by …
• In this moment, I am ready to release …
• Rituals that help me surrender into peace are …
• Habits that no longer give me the joy I crave are …
• Today, my intuition asked me to …
• Each time I surrender into my magnificence, I am able to …
When this process is complete, give thanks to your inner wisdom.