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Sara
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Jason shoves my clothes at me, refusing to look at me. “Get dressed,” he demands. I feel the tears trying to surface and breakthrough, not just through my eyes, but it feels like every surface of my body. I really want to cry. I’m so embarrassed. I’m overwhelmed with his rejection. My chest becomes tighter and tighter with anxiety, making it difficult to breathe. I clumsily pull my pants back on, followed by my shirt, before my tears finally spill over and start to fall.
“Isn’t that what you wanted?” I prompt, cringing at the strain in my voice.
“Yes...No...Ugh!” he grunts. He drops his head into his hands and pulls at his short hair in frustration still facing away from me.
“I’m dressed. You can turn around now,” I spit out and drop myself into the furthest corner of the couch. I pull my knees up to my chest and tightly wrap my arms around my legs holding them close to me, seeking both comfort and protection. I put my head on top of my knees and look in the opposite direction of where Jason is sitting. I want to go home, but I promised I’d give Liz and Blake some privacy for a while tonight. What am I going to do?
“What just happened?” he asks almost desperately. How the hell am I supposed to answer that? I threw myself at you but you didn’t want me? Instead, I remain quiet staring across the room at the brick wall behind the entertainment center, not able to stop the tears streaming down my cheeks. “Sara,” he stresses his voice sounding closer, “please tell me what the fuck just happened,” he pleads. I still don’t answer him. I can’t. My whole body aches as if there’s tiny bugs crawling just underneath my skin, trying to get out. I’m afraid I’ll completely fall apart if I answer him right now. He eventually opens his mouth again, practically begging me for an answer, but at the same time sounding hesitant, probably not wanting the truth. He asks, “Has...has anyone ever...” he huffs trailing off. I can feel the tension rolling off him in waves. He finally blurts out, “Sara, has anyone ever hurt you?”
“No!” I yell defensively before I sigh in defeat. I can’t let him think that about me, I need to tell him. “No, no, that’s just...that’s all I’m ever good for or all anyone ever wants from me,” I blurt out, letting my pain bleed into my words, right before I bury my face in my knees. I can’t believe I just said that to him. I’ve never admitted that to anyone before. I’m so embarrassed.
“What?” Jason questions sounding horrified. I feel him move in behind me and both of his hands come down onto my shoulders with obvious caution. I take a deep breath trying to breathe in his warmth. “Sara, you’re so much more than that! The reason I want something more with you is because I think you are fucking incredible,” he whispers sounding tortured. “I know I haven’t known you that long, but every minute I spend with you has me wanting more. And just to be clear, when I say I want more, what I mean is more time, more dates, more laughing, more talking, and yeah more kissing and touching because that’s fantastic with you, but I sure as fuck don’t want to do anything with you until you want me as much as I want you,” he rambles with extreme vehemence.
His words make my heart break a little more. Does he really mean that? It sure sounded like it. “Jason,” I barely breathe his name on a choked sob. He twists my body towards him, wrapping me in his arms and I let him, falling into his chest. He rubs my back with one hand, while the other pushes my hair out of my face before smoothing it down my back. After a while I’m finally able to catch my breath, but my embarrassment feels overwhelming and I’m still terrified to lift my head to look at him, afraid of what I might see.
He places a few soft kisses on the top of my head and I can feel him attempting to look at me. Eventually, he sighs softly and asks sounding strained, “Sara, I have to ask why in the hell would you think that’s all I want from you?”
I shrug my shoulders, not wanting to answer him, but he remains silent, waiting. I can’t handle the quiet from him, knowing he wants answers and it pushes me to speak honestly. “My brother is the only guy I know who respects me and loves me for who I am. Any ex-boyfriends never wanted anything else from me,” I generalize not wanting to mention Brad. So many more issues come up when Brad comes into the discussion. I take a deep breath for courage before I continue. “Even my father has always told me that’s all I’m good for. He always says I’m just like my mother,” I murmur, my voice cracking as I confess.
I feel Jason shaking with tension, but he doesn’t say anything right away. Eventually, he whispers with barely controlled rage, “I’m sorry, Sara. I’m so fucking sorry.” He pauses and I hear him take a deep breath before he speaks again. “You have to know that’s not true and I’m going to do everything I can to be the one to prove it to you,” he declares, his voice full of emotion. “Where’s your mom?” he prompts.
“Gone,” I tell him simply. “She left my dad years ago and lives with her other family. My dad and I have never really gotten along since she left,” I explain.
“Do you see her at all?” he questions.
I shrug my shoulders and mutter, “Barely.”
“Doesn’t your brother...” he starts.
I immediately interrupt him, knowing where this train of thought is headed, “My brother knows my dad and I don’t get along. He stands up for me when he’s around for it, but my dad is careful. He never says anything over the top around anyone but me and I can’t tell anyone. He’s good to my brother. He’s about to help him launch his career. I’m not about to ruin that for Stephen because if Stephen knew everything, he would walk away from our father and his future. I can’t be the one to take that from him.”
I’m thankful when I feel him nod his head and hold me tighter because that’s all I’m able to tell him right now. I’ve already told him so much more than I’ve ever told anyone. He’s giving me just what I need being in his arms, although I still don’t want to look at him. I feel like an idiot for throwing myself at him. I feel horrible for breaking down on him and I’m embarrassed about my family and my past. “I’m so sorry I ruined the rest of the night,” I mumble into his chest.
He tries to lean back to look at me, but I’m not ready to let him see me. I feel like he’s already opened me up more than I’m prepared for and if I let him look into my eyes right now, he’ll see every horrible secret I’m trying to hide inside of me. I can’t be any more vulnerable with him right now than I already am. Eventually he stops trying to see my face. He sighs heavily, insisting, “You didn’t ruin anything Sara. I’m thankful I’ve had this time to get to know you and I’m already looking forward to our next date.”
He pauses continuing to rub my back. “Do you want to watch another movie? It’s not like we really watched any of this one, so if you want to start this over, that’s fine. Or if you want to pick out some girlie movie on demand or something, that’s good too. Whatever you want,” he offers quietly.
“Okay,” I whisper my agreement into his chest. He switches the TV on and flips through the on-demand movies until he comes to Wedding Crashers. I grab his hand, urging him stop. Even though it’s an old movie, Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson always make me laugh and I need a good laugh right about now.
After he presses play, Jason moves us down on the couch so I’m lying face down comfortably on his chest with his arms wrapped gently around me. He brushes my hair back out of my face with his fingers, relaxing me even more into him. I have my face pressed to his chest and with one ear I’m listening to Jason’s heartbeat and with the other I’m half listening to the movie, feeling completely content.
I think this is just what I need and I’m grateful he’s giving this to me.
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Jason
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She laughs at something else on the TV and I reflexively do the same. I’ve seen this movie a bunch of times, but I haven’t been paying any attention to the television at all. My focus has been solely on Sara. I want her relaxed and happy. As long as she’s laughing, I’m following in her footsteps because the sound lightens me after what she just shared with me.
I’m completely blown away by what she said about her father. We all have issues with our parents, but our dad would never tell us we were worth so little. The thought of anyone saying something like that to my sister makes me want to kick their ass and I know my brothers would do the same! My dad would probably want to kill anyone if they treated Theresa that way, although he’s not that kind of man. I can’t imagine having a father who would treat you like that, let alone someone like Sara who clearly doesn’t deserve it.
Then again, no one fucking does. It kills me that she’s being treated that way. No wonder she was so on edge when I dropped her off last week. She must have been stressed about going to lunch with her dad.
I really can’t believe she would think I only want her to fuck her. She’s so much better than a one-night stand. Yes, I’ll admit I’ve had one-night stands before, but that was with girls who were looking for the same thing at the time. But then again, she said ex-boyfriends; does she think that’s all she’s good for in a relationship? I’ve never seen anyone check out like she did with me. Her eyes looked so vacant and haunted it makes me sick. I want her with me one hundred percent when we’re together, not just her body. Is that what it has been like for her with her ex-boyfriends? How many people have treated her like that? How many men? I feel my breathing pick up along with my anger. I swallow hard and take a deep breath, exhaling slowly, attempting to calm myself down. I don’t want to get her worked up again when I finally have her calm and smiling. Well, the movie has her smiling anyway; hopefully I had a little something to do with it.
I run my fingers through her blonde hair to try keeping my mind on the here and now. I have to get out of my head before she senses how pissed I am at what she just confessed. The way she was talking, she would probably take my anger as me being mad at her, but it’s not her fucking fault. I let her silky hair fall through my fingers over and over again, enjoying every time she smiles. “Your hair is so soft,” I whisper mindlessly.
“Hmm?” she prods without moving.
“Nothing. I just love your hair,” I confess.
“Thanks,” she murmurs quietly. “I should probably go home.” She sighs curling into me. I chuckle, loving her movements telling me the opposite, but don’t dare say a word. “Would you mind taking me home?” she prompts.
I look up and notice that the movie is over and heave a sigh. I give her one more squeeze and take in a deep breath, trying to inhale every bit of her I can before I reluctantly release my breath and her along with it. We both slowly untangle ourselves from each other. I stand and pull her up into my arms and wait until she’s looking in my eyes. “Thank you for spending today with me. I had so much fun just being with you today,” I emphasize, needing her to know the truth in my words.
She visibly blushes and tries to look away, but I won’t let her. I cradle her face in my hands and gaze into her eyes as I gently press my lips to hers, moving with the softness of her mouth, just needing to feel her, taste her. I pull away without deepening the kiss and can’t help but smile in satisfaction when she whimpers. “I could kiss you like that all night,” I whisper. I need her to know I want her for more than sex. I need her to know she’s worth it.
“Jason,” she whispers breathily.
I let my hands trail from her face down her neck, to her shoulders and down her arms until I reach her hands, interlacing our fingers and clasping them tightly together. I hold her there for a minute and just take her in. I don’t like what the men in her life have done to her. I need to do everything I can to be a good man for her. She more than deserves it and I want to be the one to give it to her.
“So, I have to work at the bar tomorrow, but I could take you to breakfast in the morning if you’re up for it?” I ask her.
“Really?” she questions sounding surprised.
I chuckle lightly. “Yeah, I don’t want to wait until next weekend to see you for our next date.” She smiles at my comment and I feel my heart pick up speed in response. “The diner has everything, what do you think?”
“Okay,” she nods shyly at me in agreement. I grin not holding back. I love making her happy. This girl can light up the whole room with just her smile. “What?” she prompts as I unabashedly stare at her.
I lift my right hand up still holding hers and run my thumb across her lower lip in awe. “Your mouth...your smile is fucking contagious. You are absolutely gorgeous.” She blushes a beautiful shade of red and shakes her head trying to look away, but I pull her back towards me with our joined hands. “You are, just accept it and say thank you,” I insist, grinning.
She purses her lips, but I see the humor dancing in her eyes. “Fine, thank you,” she mumbles sarcastically.
Chuckling, I joke, “Good enough, I guess. I’ll let it slide this time.” I lean down and lightly press my lips to hers one more time but pull away knowing I can’t push her anymore tonight. I want her to trust me and believe me, not give in to me. She has to want me just as much as I want her, and I do. I want her more than anything.
I sigh and reluctantly take a step back giving us some needed space. I let her left hand go so I can grab my keys and my wallet, slipping my wallet into my pocket before helping her with her coat. “Come on, I’ll take you home,” I offer regretfully. I hold her hand tightly as I lead her out to my truck, wishing I didn’t have to let go.
