FITZ TOOK OUT the piece of paper for the hundredth time since he’d found Elle’s address and jotted it down.
He didn’t think he’d ever forget the despair that had scraped at his insides when he’d discovered she’d spent her last few days at Razorwire and had left without a word.
As though he’d meant nothing.
As though they’d meant nothing.
He’d sworn to himself that he wouldn’t follow her. That if she walked away he would let her go. But it had felt so different when it had actually happened.
He’d thrown himself back into his work, into the mission, but at every turn he had been reminded of Elle. Brigade had been more than pleased with the progress they’d already made on the hospital and he’d been forced to remember that much of it had been down to Elle’s expertise on the layout, her ability to communicate the hospital’s needs, and her capacity for compromise with the engineering priorities. The fact that they had clicked so easily together, working as such a good team, only made it all the harder to push aside the memories of her.
The day he’d received the details of his R&R flight home, he’d known he had to find Elle. To speak to her. To convince her that they should at least try to see if there wasn’t some future for them.
And now he was minutes from landing, and it was time to decide whether to bin the address and let her get on with her life, or visit in the hope of...what? Convincing her to try a relationship with a man who didn’t have the faintest idea of how a real one should work? A man who was more than likely going to hurt her despite his best intentions because, when it came to love, his best wouldn’t be enough?
Fitz closed his eyes and waited for the plane to begin its final descent, the weight of hope, expectation and uncertainly all pressing down more intensely on his shoulders than even the heaviest of military packs. When the plane finally landed, he still had no idea what he should do. Losing her from his life had been unbearable even for the short time since she’d finished her tour of duty, but convincing her to risk more of herself only to lose her permanently, and no doubt crush her in the process, was unconscionable.
He was still coming to terms with what Janine had told him this last time they’d met.
Fitz was still lost in his thoughts as he split off from the soldiers heading out of the front door for the coaches, and instead strode out of the side door of the hangar, which led to the senior officers’ parking area. And then he saw her in front of him, resting, in civvy clothes that reminded with startling clarity of that first night, on the bonnet of her car.
He stopped dead, then slowly, very slowly managed to instruct his legs to work again as he walked up to her.
‘Major.’
‘Colonel.’
That slight quirk of her mouth tugged at his chest.
‘Elle.’
‘Fitz.’
She walked around to the driver’s door, letting herself in and clipping her seatbelt on. When he still hadn’t moved, she lowered the window.
‘Are you getting in or not?’
So calm, and cool, as though she knew exactly what she was doing and wasn’t plagued by even one of the doubts that collided inside his head. She made him want to believe it would all be okay. She made him want to see himself through her eyes.
She made him want to be the man she saw through her eyes.
The piece of paper with her address on it fluttered in the breeze, still held in his fingers. He smiled wryly and passed it through the window to her before opening the boot and putting his pack in. By the time he slid into the passenger seat, she had already started the engine.
‘So,’ she asked a few minutes later as she pulled away from the gatehouse and onto the main road, ‘were you going to use it?’
‘Your address? I honestly don’t know,’ he answered. ‘I kept telling myself to be a better man and let you go, but I suspect I couldn’t have stayed away for the entire two weeks.’
She didn’t answer at first, then she dipped her head in a simple nod.
‘Good.’
He let her drive, watching out of the window thoughtfully. It was only when she pulled up in a quiet road and he saw the house numbers that he realised they matched the address on the paper. She’d brought him to her home.
It gave him an irrational surge of satisfaction.
Her smile was like a beacon of light as she unclipped her seatbelt and, wordlessly, he followed her into her house. He couldn’t help taking everything in, from the muted, sophisticated colour scheme on the walls and floor to the vibrant splashes of colour in fun paintings or soft furnishings. It was all so essentially Elle. Every last photograph, every last knick-knack—not that there were many of either—but the selective few only emphasised her personality all the more. Her home reflected every different facet of her personality, solid and consistent yet quirky and dynamic.
Oddly, it felt like the closest thing to a home he’d ever known, and he’d barely been here for a few minutes.
It only made him want to be with her all the more.
‘About Janine—’ he began, but Elle silenced him.
‘I don’t want to know about your past. At least, not right now. You still have stuff to work through and, since I thought about it, so do I. I’ve already told you that you can’t underestimate guilt, Fitz. Believe me, I know how complicated and confusing it can be. But what I want to know is if you want us to work through it together. I want to know if you see a future for us.’
‘I don’t know how to build a future with someone—my whole adult life all I’ve ever concentrated on is my career, or it was until you came along—but I want to try. For the record, I never said it back that day but I know I love you. I just don’t know if love is enough.’
‘That’s still a great start.’ Her breath whooshed out as she took a step towards him.
‘But is it enough?’
‘Who knows? It will be if we want it to be. It will depend on us, I guess.’
He wanted to believe as she did. More than anything.
‘And if it falls apart?’ He barely recognised the strangled voice as his, echoing all the fears in his soul. ‘If I can’t be the man you need, the man you deserve, if it’s not in my DNA?’
‘I told you, let go of your past.’ She took that final step.
Her toes pushed against his, her breath rippled over the skin in the small V of his chest, where his shirt was unbuttoned. Then higher, as she tilted her head to look at him.
‘What happens if I hurt you?’
She took his face in her hands and he felt every last inch of that old, familiar, unwelcome glacier in his chest crack and slide away.
‘And what happens if you don’t?’ she whispered.
* * *
His hands came up to hold hers, then hauled her to him. Elle had no idea how long they stood entwined, as though he never wanted to let her go. She only knew she didn’t want to move, didn’t even want to breathe heavily in case it shattered the perfect moment.
Her little home suddenly felt more alive than she’d ever known it. Fitz filled the space, the air crackling around them, and it felt like the place could barely contain him. Or maybe it could barely contain all that flowed between them. She’d always hated anyone in her home. It had always been her sanctuary, her personal space from the world. Her real life away from the ever-increasing opulence of Stevie’s luxury bachelor pads. This had been her perfect home, and only her best friend Fliss had ever been welcome.
And now Fitz.
Somehow it felt as though he’d always belonged here.
‘I want to promise you everything,’ he murmured into her hair, his hand cupping her head like she was the most precious thing in the world to him. ‘You make me feel things I never knew existed before. Like what I thought was important isn’t as significant any more, and yet things I never gave a second thought to are suddenly vital. Like anything is possible as long as you are by my side.’
He shook his head, still trying to fathom it.
‘You make me feel cherished,’ she added simply.
Her words humbled him and yet made his chest swell with pride all at once.
‘But we’ve both said in the past that words mean nothing without actions to back them up.’
‘So don’t say them,’ she whispered. ‘You’ve already told me you love me, and that’s enough for now. We’ll work on the rest through actions, deal?’
‘Agreed. But for the record, can I tell you one thing again?’ His voice rumbled low against her cheek now, and she shivered in anticipation. ‘Because I don’t ever want to tire of saying it. I love you, Major Gabriella Caplin.’
‘I love you, too.’ She drew her head back, her smile freezing on her lips, her breath catching in her throat.
She didn’t want to talk any more. She wanted something else entirely. Fitz’s eyes were dark, intense, hungry. But there was something else, too. Something more. Promises he couldn’t yet articulate and she wasn’t ready to hear. Like they’d agreed. Actions. Not words.
‘Enough talking,’ he muttered abruptly, bringing his mouth down to claim hers with a fire she hoped would never be quenched. He kissed her with all the unspoken words that lay between them. He kissed her with all the possession she needed to make her feel wanted. He kissed her with all his flawed yet perfect heart.
And when he finally, reluctantly pulled away, she felt strangely bereft. Just like that first night.
‘There was one other thing I brought,’ he said suddenly. ‘Wait here.’
She watched as he slid the keys from the basket on her hall stand and dashed out to the car. And then he was back and the palm-sized pretty velvet box in his hands made her stomach flip-flop. A tiny bit of excitement, a lot of fear, but mainly with disappointment.
Because he didn’t know her at all after all. She wasn’t ready for this yet. It wasn’t right.
‘When did you do this?’ she asked nervously, hoping he couldn’t tell she was stalling.
‘In Razorwire. It’s where I got the box. It’s odd the things some people send in care packages.’
He was edgy too, she realised. But it didn’t help. She licked her lips.
‘Fitz, this is—’
‘Just open it, Elle,’ he insisted quietly.
Heavy-hearted, she pulled at the bow with painstaking hesitation and clicked open the box.
Her entire body soared until her head felt dizzy.
‘It’s a key!’ she exclaimed.
He’d remembered and this was his way of showing her—proving to her—that she could trust him. The first of his actions-not-words promise. Her grin was so wide it was almost uncomfortable. Had she ever known how it felt to be this happy?
‘To my place,’ confirmed Fitz. ‘You can call in whenever you want. No invitation necessary.’
‘Thank you.’ Her voice cracked as she nodded vigorously. ‘It’s perfect.’
‘Like you,’ he murmured, pulling her back into his arms. ‘Now, where were we?’
* * *
Elle could hear the Gurkha piper playing as she and Fitz turned. The honour guard formed outside the doors of the church, fellow officers from both their regiments only too happy to play their part in the big day.
‘Happy?’ Fitz murmured as they began their walk down the aisle, permanent grins attached to both their faces.
‘It doesn’t even begin to describe it.’ The laughter bubbled up inside her. ‘The perfect culmination to a wonderful three years together.’
‘It gets better,’ a voice chirped up from behind as Elle swung around to grin at Fliss, her heavily pregnant matron of honour.
‘If your waters break on my wedding dress train,’ Elle teased in a threatening voice, ‘well...I won’t mind a bit. I’m just relieved you made it through the service.’
And then Fliss disappeared into the background as Fitz wrapped his arm around her—her new husband. It felt so exciting and yet so fitting.
‘Come on, Major Fitzwilliam.’ Fitz chuckled. ‘Or are you sticking with Major Caplin?’
‘You already know the answer.’ She swatted him gently even as he led her out of the church doors and under the honour guard. ‘Definitely Fitzwilliam, but they’d better not call me Fitz.’
‘They wouldn’t dare. Not the incoming lieutenant colonel of the field hospital, and an OBE to boot.’
He soundest almost prouder of her than she was herself. But, then, that was Fitz. In the last three years he’d never let her down, never put his career ahead of hers. They’d worked together, well and truly buried any last demons, and now they were beginning another new, pristine chapter of their lives together. And Elle couldn’t wait.
‘Well, I had to do something to keep up with you, Deputy Assistant Chief of Staff for HQ Telridge Command. Although thanks to your new post, starting tomorrow morning, this is going to be the shortest honeymoon in history.’
‘I’ll make it up to you,’ Fitz promised.
‘No need.’ She turned to him as his arm snaked about her back and he pulled her close. ‘Enough talking, more action, soldier.’
And he obliged. As he always did.
* * ***
If you missed the previous story in Charlotte Hawkes’s HOT ARMY DOCS duet make sure you check out
ENCOUNTER WITH A COMMANDING OFFICER
And, if you enjoyed this story, check out these other great reads from Charlotte Hawkes
THE SURGEON’S BABY SURPRISE
THE ARMY DOC’S SECRET WIFE
Available now!
Keep reading for an excerpt from REUNITED WITH HER ARMY DOC by Dianne Drake.
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