RICK, LOGAN AND CAL sat in the conference room at the division, mugs of coffee in front of them.
“There’s only one thing that comes to mind about the break-in at Madison’s,” Rick stated.
“I know what you’re thinking, that it’s Los Zetas. But it doesn’t make sense. The cartel is after you.” Logan took a drink from his mug. His voice had a hard edge. “Their goal is not intimidation, Rick, and you know it. Sorry to be so blunt, but they want you dead.”
Rick wondered fleetingly why the reality of that didn’t affect him more forcefully. He supposed it was because he’d lived with the threat of being killed since he was a kid in Tijuana.
“So what purpose would it serve for them to ransack Madison’s place?” Logan continued.
“Yeah, I can’t explain that,” Rick responded.
“Unless they thought you were there,” Cal said.
Rick shook his head. “No reason they should. There were no vehicles in the drive or the carport. It would’ve been simple enough to learn my schedule. Heck, if they knew I was supposed to be leading the bust when Jeff died, they’d know if I was on or off duty. Why haven’t they made a move directly on me? Why not break into my house?”
“You live with two police dogs for one thing,” Cal said. “As I said, it doesn’t make sense, but what else could it be? That’s two incidents that Madison’s been exposed to since we learned about the cartel’s intentions.”
“Her father’s a Supreme Court judge,” Logan pointed out.
Rick nodded. “Yeah, he is.”
“Any possibility this has anything to do with him? A trial he’s currently presiding over? Or a recent one that might’ve had significant consequences for the defendant?”
Rick raised his eyebrows. “I hadn’t considered that. I don’t know...”
“It’s worth looking into,” Cal agreed. “If that’s the case, I’d suspect the father’s been experiencing some problems, too. If nothing else, we should eliminate it as a possibility.”
They agreed it would be best for Logan to make the call to keep it impersonal, but Rick asked him to hold off until he’d had a chance to talk to Madison. He didn’t want her to hear about it from her father.
Before Rick left to go see Madison, they also decided that it would be prudent to put a protective detail on Madison and on Rick’s family.
* * *
MADISON’S SHOULDERS SLUMPED when Rick explained what they’d been thinking. Owen was sitting tightly by her side, leaning in against her leg, and she dropped her hand on top of his head. “Yes, there’ve been times when my father was targeted because of a particularly sensitive trial. He hasn’t mentioned anything like that recently, but he did talk about a case in which he considered a jury’s verdict to be flawed and he was deciding what to do about it.” She stared at Rick, her eyes wide and shimmering with tears. “He said the accused had ties to organized crime. Is that what this is about? Is he in danger?”
Rick took her free hand in his, laced his fingers through hers. He was inordinately pleased that she let him do it. “There’s no reason to suspect he is. We’re just trying to figure out what motivated the break-in. It could be as simple as some kids out for excitement,” he said, trying to soothe her. “There’s nothing for you to worry about. Honest,” he added, sensing that she wasn’t reassured.
She pulled her hand back and started to rise. “I have to call him.”
Rick tugged her back down. “Let Logan speak to him. Logan said he’d ask your father to call you after they’ve spoken.”
He draped an arm around her shoulders and she rested her head against him. He wasn’t sure what this meant as far as their relationship was concerned but, man, did it feel good to have her beside him again.
* * *
“LOGAN WANTS TO see you,” Cal said to Rick the moment he walked into the squad room the following Monday.
“Yeah?” Rick glanced toward Logan’s office and through the glass partition to judge the mood his captain was in. He was reading. Nothing telltale. “Any idea what it’s about?”
“Nope,” Cal said with a grin. “Better ask the captain.”
Rick dropped his gear beside his desk and strode into Logan’s office.
“Close the door, will you?” Logan muttered.
Not good news, Rick decided, but he did as he was asked and sat down opposite Logan.
“What’s the situation between you and Madison Long?”
Rick frowned, irritated that he didn’t know the answer to that himself. “How is that your business?” Rick thought about Logan’s reputation with women and got to his feet. “Look, if this is about you being interested in her...”
Logan’s cool blue eyes flashed hot, but he motioned to the chair. “Don’t jump to foolish conclusions. Sit down and I’ll explain why it’s my business.”
Rick realized how unreasonable he’d been and chalked it up to his own emotional turmoil. He was unaccustomed to the green haze of jealousy. He lowered himself back into the chair.
Logan continued only when Rick was sitting and had forced his body to relax. “We had another incident last night...”
Rick was on his feet again, this time drawing the logical conclusion. “Involving Madison? Is she okay?”
“She’s fine. She doesn’t know about it yet.”
Rick clenched his fists. “What happened?”
“We’ve been patrolling the area more frequently, as you know, since the break-in at her place last week. A patrol car noticed a suspicious vehicle outside her home last night. When the cop went to approach it on foot, the car took off. By the time the rookie got back in his cruiser, the car was long gone. We have make, model and color, but he didn’t get the full plate...” Logan shook his head in disgust. “Rookie mistake, but he thinks he remembers some of it. Since it’s a common model, we don’t have much to go on.”
Rick straightened and shoved his hands in his pockets. “So what are you thinking now?”
“We’ve eliminated the theory that it has anything to do with Madison’s father, as I told you the other day. She’s aware of it, too. Her father hasn’t taken any action on the case we suspected could have been the cause. Nor has he encountered any problems.”
“Are we back to thinking it has to do with Los Zetas?”
Logan shrugged. “That’s why I asked about your relationship with Madison. If it’s casual, the incidents probably aren’t connected to the cartel. But if you’re spending a lot of time with her, that makes it more likely. We haven’t tracked down the car that was outside her home, but the timing is just too coincidental. With the failure of the cartel’s ambush at the warehouse and the most recent bust we’ve made, I’ll bet the cartel bosses are getting impatient...and worse.”
Rick dragged his fingers through his hair. “But you think they’d go after Madison?”
“They’ve been tailing you. We know that much. They might’ve thought you’d be with her. Her house is more remote—on a quieter street—than yours.”
“Aw, damn!”
“You knew this was a possibility,” Logan said.
“Sure. It’s a risk we all take.” He sighed. “And unfortunately, the risk extends to our families and the people close to us.” He felt the horror build. “What about my family? Mom and Dad? My brother and sister and her family? Nothing’s happened there that I’m aware of, but...”
“We’ll add extra surveillance for your family, and for Madison. You should give all of them a heads-up, though, if you haven’t already.”
Rick thought about his parents, his brother and sister and his sister’s little girl. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d asked them to be on alert because of a possible threat associated with his job. The anger swelled in him, intense and all consuming. The Stewarts had given him a home, a family, love. They hadn’t signed up for this, and how could he live with it if anything happened to one of them on account of his job? Although the SDPD would try to protect them, there was nothing he could do to put them entirely out of harm’s way.
But Madison? That was different. The threat to her existed only because of her relationship with him, and that relationship was voluntary. So far, there hadn’t been any indication that the cartel was targeting his family, but it seemed that they might be targeting Madison.
With his hands in his pockets, he paced the length of Logan’s office, his gaze on the carpet. “I just don’t get it.” He stopped and looked at Logan. “As you’ve said before, this isn’t about intimidation. They don’t want something from me. They want me out of the way. In that case, why involve Madison? Or my family? Why haven’t they simply taken me out?”
“I can’t argue with you in principle. But the point you make—about the cartel wanting payback... Maybe they want you to suffer before they go for you. Then the logical choice becomes the people closest to you. If they hurt them, they hurt you. And as we’ve discussed before, it might also be about making an example of you to ensure others leave them alone, too. That’s why I suggest added surveillance.”
“Fine. Do it for my family.”
“And Madison?”
“Well, yeah, her, too. But I’ll deal with Madison myself.”
“Rick,” Logan called after him when he was just about to walk out the door. “Don’t do anything stupid.”
He glanced back. “Let’s just move on the cartel soon, okay?”
* * *
MADISON HEARD THE roar of the Harley-Davidson when it was probably still a block away. She looked at her watch, then set the pot of water on the stove to boil, wiped her hands on a dishcloth and headed to the front door.
She’d finally come to the conclusion that it was foolish to judge Rick for something he was doing that was so bighearted and decent, even if it ignored the letter of the law. And as Jessica had pointed out, no one was being hurt by his actions. She thought of Rafael. Not only was Rick not hurting anyone, he was helping in a big way. She wanted to make amends. Inviting him over for dinner and explaining what she’d decided and why—telling him she loved him—was a good way to start.
Watching him dismount from his motorcycle, Madison felt the thrill of anticipation at just being with him again. She’d been so stupid to think they shouldn’t be together.
She swung the door open just as he reached the last step to her porch. She immediately noticed the grim look on his face, but didn’t let that deter her from the happiness she felt at simply seeing him again after an interminable few weeks apart. She placed her hands on his shoulders, rose up on her toes and pressed her lips to his. “You’re early,” she whispered. “Eager to see me?”
“We finished sooner than I expected at the school today,” he said.
Madison’s smile faded as she held the door for him. That wasn’t the response she’d expected, and the good mood he was usually in after one of the school sessions seemed to be absent.
Rick greeted Owen, but Madison could see that even Owen sensed there was something bothering him. She led him into the kitchen, stirred the carbonara sauce and checked the water in the pot. She took a Coke out of the fridge, poured it into a glass over some ice and handed it to him. Then a terrifying thought occurred to her. Was something wrong with one of the dogs? That would certainly explain his mood. But then she would’ve known because she’d been at the clinic all day. Unless... “Are the dogs okay?”
He took a sip, then lowered the glass. “Yes. Why do you ask?”
“I just wondered... You seem... I was wondering because you didn’t bring them.”
“Yeah, they’re fine.”
The water started to boil. She adjusted the heat and stirred the sauce. “Dinner can be ready in ten minutes, if you’re hungry, or we can sit out back for a while first.” She was anxious to tell him how she was feeling, but there was definitely something off with him. It worried her. “We can just talk for a while, if you like.”
He drank again before putting the glass on the table. He bent forward and scratched Owen’s ears, which brought a contented moan. When he straightened again, his eyes were almost black, and every muscle in his face seemed tense. He stuck his hands into his pants pockets. “Look, I think this is a bad idea.”
Madison’s hand with the wooden spoon in it stilled. “What is? Spaghetti?”
He turned away to give his attention to Owen again. It troubled her that he didn’t maintain eye contact with her. If she’d learned anything about him, it was that he was always direct, and that he wasn’t a coward. “What is?” she repeated.
“Us. I don’t think we’re a good idea.”
She hadn’t realized she’d released her hold on the spoon until it splashed in the pot. Ignoring the splatter of sauce everywhere, she gaped at him. “Sorry?”
He cleared his throat. “I just don’t think this is working,” he said. “Us seeing each other. I think you were right about us being too different.”
She felt a sudden panic. She’d finally reconciled herself to the fact that she loved him, that she could tolerate what he did, and what was he saying? Incredulous, she shook her head. Was he breaking up with her? Owen must have sensed her alarm because he strolled over to her side. “I...I don’t understand.”
“Like I said, it just isn’t working.” His voice sounded gruff. She couldn’t detect any emotion behind his words.
“But why?” The words came out as a wail. She leaned back against the counter and braced her hands on the ledge. She waited while he moved about restlessly. He seemed to be gathering his thoughts.
“We’re just too far apart on...philosophical matters that mean a lot to me.” She knew he was referring to her stand on the law and his lenience. “I know those differences would ultimately drive us apart, and I can’t change the way I feel or what I do. There it is in a nutshell.”
Her mouth was opening and closing, but no words were forming. She felt the sting of tears and squeezed her eyes shut until she was certain she had them under control. “But...but I’m okay with it... That’s what I wanted to tell you tonight. That I understand, and that...” She couldn’t say “I love you,” just then. Not because she didn’t feel it. But because it didn’t seem right if he was breaking up with her.
“I’m sorry. I really am.” He sounded more compassionate. He sounded like the man she’d fallen in love with.
“Oh, my God,” she whispered. She loved him. She’d been building up to it, but there it was. Totally. Unquestionably. She loved Rick with all her heart. Would it make a difference if she told him? She couldn’t do it now. He’d think she was trying to trap him into staying with her.
“I’d better go,” he said, but at least now she saw regret in his eyes. Still, she was too proud—and too hurt—to ask him to stay.
“I’m sorry about the trouble you went to with dinner. You don’t need to see me out,” he said, and with a final long look at her, he walked out of her house.
* * *
RICK SAT AT a back table at Buster’s Beach House Bar. He just wanted a coffee, a light dinner and to get home to bed. He hadn’t done much other than work, eat and sleep in the days since he’d broken up with Madison.
He knew he’d hurt Madison badly, but he’d had to do it. He loved her too much to risk seeing her get hurt by the cartel because of him. Ironically, to keep her from harm, he’d hurt her himself. But the pain he’d caused was the lesser of the two. And he’d had to lie to her. If he’d told her it was to keep her safe from the cartel, he knew she wouldn’t have let him break up with her. So he’d had to do it in a way she couldn’t question or refuse. She’d get over him in time, he was sure of it, but would he get over her?
Rick glanced around the room. He hadn’t seen Cal Palmer when he’d entered the bar, but obviously Cal had been there and must have seen him, because he was walking in his direction.
“Mind if I sit?” Cal asked. Without waiting for an answer, he pulled out a chair and dropped into it.
“That’s a rhetorical question, since you’ve already made yourself comfortable.” Rick knew Cal wouldn’t take offense. They’d known each other too long, both professionally and personally.
“Not to worry. I don’t plan to interfere with your brooding. I won’t stay for more than a few minutes. I’m here with Jess.”
Rick looked in the direction Cal indicated, saw Cal’s wife and lifted a hand in greeting. “If I were you, I’d certainly pick her over me.”
“No contest,” Cal said cheerfully. He waved off the waitress when she headed their way. “It was actually Jess who suggested I come and see you.”
The surprise must have shown on his face because Cal continued to grin at him.
“She saw you come in—and this is not a professional medical opinion—but she thought you looked, um, haggard.”
“Maybe because that’s how I feel.”
“Does it have anything to do with you and Madison breaking up?”
This time his gaze flew to Cal’s. “Not that it’s any of your business, but what gave you that idea?”
“Jess had lunch with Madison.”
“And Madison told her?” Rick didn’t know why that annoyed him so much; after all, they were friends, so it seemed natural enough.
“You could’ve told me, too.” The reprimand was mild but it was unmistakable. “And no, she didn’t tell Jess, at least not of her own volition. Jess asked how your relationship was going, and she basically broke down.”
Rick stared into his coffee cup. He hadn’t wanted to hurt Madison. He wanted to protect her and keep her safe. He still thought this was the only way, until they’d dealt with Los Zetas.
Cal remained silent for a long moment. “According to Jess, Madison didn’t seem terribly happy about it. So being the brilliant investigator I am, I surmised that you did the breaking up. Looking at you now, I’m not so sure.”
“It was me,” Rick admitted.
Cal cast a glance over his shoulder, signaling to Jessica that he’d be a while longer. She smiled and nodded. “What prompted that? It doesn’t seem to be making you happy.”
“It’s my problem. Don’t keep Jessica waiting.”
“She’s on her cell phone, writing an email to someone at work. Looks as if she’s still at it, so I’ve got plenty of time.” Now he did motion to the waitress to bring him a coffee. “You know you can level with me, and it won’t get back to Madison. Or even Jess.”
Rick could trust Cal, and maybe he needed to let it out. “We know that I’m being targeted by Los Zetas.”
Cal nodded.
“You’re obviously aware of the recent incidents with Madison. In addition to the break-in, there was another incident last week. I spoke to Logan, and although it still doesn’t entirely make sense, he and I kicked it around some more. We keep circling back to one thing—that the cartel wants to get to me through Madison.”
Cal seemed to think that over. “But why ransack her place?” he asked.
“The ransacking... Maybe it was to make sure we knew they’d been there.”
“So you figured she was in danger because of you and decided to end it?” Cal concluded.
“That about sums it up.”
“And you didn’t level with her? Give her a choice, did you?”
“No.”
“Idiot.” Cal’s expression was grim.
Rick raised his eyebrows in response.
“Do you really think she’d want you to try to protect her like this? Make an arbitrary decision about your future together without consulting her, well intentioned—although, in my opinion, misguided—as your actions might be?”
“No.”
Cal’s voice dropped. “The division can protect her. You know that. Just like your family.”
Rick exhaled. “It’s bad enough with my family, but I can’t distance myself from them. As far as protecting them goes, all I can do is plan for the worst and hope for the best.”
“And Madison?”
“That’s different. If she has no involvement with me, she’s safe.”
“What if she was your wife?”
“Well, she’s not.”
“But if she was, you’d protect her, same as you’re doing with your family. You wouldn’t push her aside, hoping to keep her safe.”
“No,” he conceded.
“You care about her. She cares about you. Don’t do this. At least be honest with her. Give her the freedom of choice.”
Rick was silent for a long time. Finally, he said, “I can’t. I’ve seen the effects of drugs and the drug trade firsthand. The violence.” His voice dropped to a whisper. “The senseless loss of life, what it does to families...”
“If you’re talking about what happened to your birth parents...”
Rick raised a hand. “I can guess what you’re going to say. Their murder was different. Yeah, they were involved with the drug trade. Madison isn’t. All the more reason for me not to take violence and possibly worse to her doorstep.”
Cal shook his head slowly. “I’ll never be able to understand what it was like for you when you were a kid. For that reason alone, I can’t argue this point with you.” He finished his coffee and rose, but rather than walking away he placed his palms on the table and leaned forward. “All the time I’ve known you, I’ve never seen you with another woman the way you were with Madison. I can’t imagine my life without Jess, and to think I almost screwed that up...” His lips compressed into a straight line. “Do me a favor? If you believe Madison could be right for you, think about it at least.” Cal gave Rick’s shoulder a pat and headed back to his wife.
Rick’s appetite was gone. The cold sandwich sitting on the plate in front of him had lost its appeal.
Yes, he loved Madison. She was the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. But that didn’t change anything in the here and now. Especially because of the way he felt about her, he couldn’t allow her to be touched by the darkness he was dealing with. Maybe after they dismantled the cartel, he’d go to her, explain everything and ask for her understanding and forgiveness.
He stood up, dug into his pocket for some bills and left a generous amount on the table.
Who was he kidding? Cal was right. She wouldn’t approve of what he was doing to keep her from harm. And after the fact? She wouldn’t forgive him.
He’d have to live with that.
If he told her the truth now? She’d almost said she loved him. He was sure of it. If he told her what was going on, she’d insist on staying with him. She wouldn’t let him distance himself from her, and they’d be back at square one.
Despite what Cal had said, his situation was different from Rick’s. Cal dealt with search and rescue, not narcotics.
Madison’s safety and well-being came first, and he wouldn’t do anything that might compromise that and put her in jeopardy. Not now and not in the future.