The Purpose Promise

This animated conviction came from my friend Sam as we packed up camp. It was just a few months before my trip to Costa Rica. Sam and my other trail buddies encouraged me to take this life-changing adventure. My trail buddies were guys that I’ve known from different aspects of my life. We loved to break away from our fast-paced lives and go off into the woods for a long weekend. We formed deep and intimate friendships around campfires and during rock climbing journeys. Those guys knew me well, and because they genuinely cared, they were in a unique position to encourage me. They wanted what was best for me, so their perspective has been profound in my journey through life.

In the same way, you have an impact on many people in your life. You are someone’s trail buddy. The genuine care, encouragement, and feedback you give to those who trust you will influence their life decisions. This is a privilege and a blessing!

I have spent a lot of time with my trail buddies. When I get away with them, I can count on quality time with great perspective, fun, and an environment of love. This did not come right away. I have nurtured those relationships. You cannot have quality time with great friends if you do not also invest a quantity of time. Time is needed to develop deep and trusting relationships. Relational abundance requires investment.

Return on Investment, ROI, is the most important metric for business and investment success. As we have discovered, financial prowess is just one of the four variables in our needs. The most important of our needs and wants are relational. Recall the depth of Day Two and Day Three on our retreat journey. Chances are the highest and lowest points on your career and life graphs had more to do with your relationships than they did your material wealth. As we explore relational impact, let me give you a definition for relational ROI: Return on Involvement.

Relational ROI can pay great dividends and lead to a full life of liberty and happiness. The healthier our relationships are, the more effective we’re going to be in all aspects of our lives. The pursuit of excessive material riches often deters relational wealth. Most billionaires regret the relational sacrifices they made to achieve their status of material wealth. Finding your balance of material and relational wealth is a key to sustaining happiness in your life.

As you make your way through today’s exercises, take pride in how you impact those around you. Part of your purpose is relative to who you impact. Downplaying your role in the lives of those closest to you will not lead you to full Purpose Dreams. Your involvement in others’ lives is an investment with significant returns.

Setting boundaries in your career that will allow you to spend the right quantity of time with friends and family will lead to quality relationships. Running after success factors that do not consider your relational investments will likely lead you to disengagement.

Quality relationships do not come without investment. Good relational investments do not happen by accident. It takes a lot of intentionality, grace, and truth to develop them. The stories and exercises ahead will help you explore both quality and quantity time with those you love. What you learn today will help you draft your Purpose Dreams with the confidence that you will be investing in others as well as yourself.

Scroll back to your notes from Day Four when you celebrated all the people who have invested their time and energy in you. You are evidence of the return on their involvement. Now, it is time to understand how your investment in others can have good relational ROI.

Grab Your Journal

« Who do you want to see live joy-filled lives?

« How can you give them quality time to impact their journey?

« What lessons from your own journey will give you wisdom to share with them?

« Have others recently told you they were struggling in a

particular area of life where you might be able to help?

« What can you offer to positively impact their journey?

« What lessons may you be positioned to help them with due to your own journey?

« As you have and continue to uncover greater self-awareness on your retreat journey, is there anyone who might benefit from what you are learning? Map out a plan to share with them what you’ve learned.

As you craft your Purpose Dreams through your Renewal Journey, be aware that your needs and wants may not be the same for those around you. Do your best not to project what you are learning onto others. Our loved ones have their own needs and wants that may not align with yours. Crafting Purpose Dreams without that awareness may not give you the Relational ROI you desire.

This understanding came to light for me with the brilliant teaching of Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages. Dr. Chapman says we all have love tanks, and we yearn for them to be filled by those we love. Loving others the way we feel loved may not fill their love tank. The five love languages are acts of service, physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, and gifts. Understanding these love languages (and applying them) has been foundational in my marriage, but I now see their merit in all of my most important relationships.

Early in our marriage, my wife had a tough day. She is a school teacher and an unusual event with one of the students brought her much stress. As she tearfully shared with me the circumstance, I wanted to support and love her the best I could. After she calmed down, I drew her a bath and told her to relax while I made dinner. I ran out to the grocery store, picked up flowers and ingredients for dinner, and came home to prepare it. When she came down from her bath, she was surprised to see what I had prepared. The flowers, the food, and the attention to detail I had given to this meal were impressive—at least to me.

I feel loved through acts of service and receiving gifts. My wife’s love language involves words of affirmation and physical touch. I was loving her the way I like to be loved. She would have felt more loved if I had given her a back rub while affirming her in the way she was handling the situation at school. Because I was not speaking her love languages, my well-intended investment of time and love in her did not have the impact that I had hoped.

To ensure true Relational ROI, you will want to be aware of others’ love languages and how you can make the most impact. I would encourage you to explore the five love languages at http://www.5lovelanguages.com/. On this site, you can take a short, free quiz to unlock awareness about your predominant love languages. Your loved ones can do the same. Being aware of the different love languages can be a game changer in the way you love those that you are called to impact in life.

Grab Your Journal

Has there ever been a situation where you have gone to great lengths to help or love someone you cared about, but it did not have the impact you imagined?

Keith and I go way back. He recently sought my guidance to help his brother, Tim, develop a more meaningful career path. I also knew Tim well, and after the conversation with Keith, I had the opportunity to ask him about how he was doing. It turns out Tim was doing very well. He didn’t have the flashy toys or the level of worldly success Keith possessed, but he was happy and more engaged in his career purpose than Keith was. Keith had genuine concern for Tim. He thought helping him gain more worldly success would make him more fulfilled. That was a poor assumption. It is commonplace to make assumptions for those we love the most about how they could be successful. In doing so, we are projecting our success factors on them. Awareness of projecting your success factors on anyone you love (and resisting the urge to do it!) will enhance your ROI.

Grab Your Journal

« Fill in the blanks:

« I think ____________________’s life would be better if he or she_________________________________________________.

« Is that desire for the person based on your needs and wants?

« Is that assumption healthy?

« Is that assumption based on fact?

As you find your Purpose Dreams, don’t assume everyone should view success the way you do.

Your definition of your needs, wants, and success factors may impact the journey of those closest to you. If you are married or have dependents, their well-being could be affected by the way you determine your needs and wants. We need to have accountability with those we love the most. I’ve learned this in my marriage. I need to communicate my Purpose Dreams to my wife, and we need to agree to them together. This kind of communication can be complicated. It’s not exactly a favorite topic for date night. As my wife and I have learned to get on the same page, though, we have minimized assumptions about each other’s needs, wants, and success factors. We can now successfully craft one vision for our individual and collective paths toward a family Purpose Dream.

As you uncover your needs, wants, and success factors, don’t assume that others need what you need. If your Purpose Dreams will impact any of your relationships, communicate what you are finding to that person. I assure you the ROI will be profound.

Grab Your Journal

« Is there anyone who is impacted by your definition of needs and wants?

« Is there anyone who is reliant on you for the fulfillment of his or her needs or wants?

As you consider those closest to you and how you can have great relational ROI, you are gaining self-awareness to align your relational treasures with your relational purpose. The return on your relational investment will be life-changing, for you and all those you impact!

As you conclude your contemplation on relational needs, here are a few more questions to help you determine the right boundaries.

Grab Your Journal

« Am I a good son or daughter?

« Am I a good friend?

« Am I a good spouse (if applicable)?

« Am I a good parent (if applicable)?

« Am I a good citizen?

« Am I making this world a better place for others to live in?

Now, put all you have examined together as you configure your relational needs relative to your Purpose Dreams.

Grab Your Journal

Questions to Explore about Your Relational Needs

« Who do you want to see live joy-filled lives?

« How can you give them the right quantity of quality time?

« Is there anyone you need to communicate with about what you are discovering during your exploration of needs and wants?

« List a few boundaries you need in your career to ensure you have Relational ROI.

Life is a journey. It is a blessing to have great trail buddies along for the trek. Your Purpose Dreams will become reality when you obtain a career and life with boundaries that keep you investing wisely into the lives of your trail buddies. As you near the destination of obtaining a career according to your Purpose Dreams, set the right boundaries. You are headed in the right direction: toward your Purpose Dreams!