“What you’re supposed to do when you don’t like a thing is change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.”
—Maya Angelou
I spend a lot of time thinking. I think about everything: what I read, what I hear, what I see happening around us. I think about what my parents taught me, what my kids say and don’t say. You name it, I think about it. And yes, sometimes I overthink it.
Lately I’ve been trying something new. When a negative thought pops up in my mind, instead of just thinking about it—or more likely dwelling and ruminating on it, even obsessing over it—I think about how I can turn that negative thought into a positive thought. Or as Maya Angelou says, change the way I think about it.
This requires being aware when I’m doing all that deliberating-dwelling-ruminating-obsessing and then making the conscious effort to shift away from it. That means when I notice a thought making negative noise in my head, I stop it ASAP and redirect it into a positive statement, a positive statement with certainty and clarity.
Try it yourself. For example, if you’re faced with an impending decision, you may find yourself thinking, “I don’t know what to do! I’m confused!” and then get stuck there, paralyzed. But when you become aware that you’re doing that to yourself, turn it around to say to yourself, “That’s not true. I’m smart. I do know what I’m doing. Yes, I have a decision to make, but I’ve made a many good decisions in my life, and I’m going to make another one.”
Or if you’re thinking something like “I’m going to fall apart when my youngest son graduates,” (oh, God!)—turn it around. “I’m going to be absolutely fine when my son graduates. I’ve prepared him well. He’s so excited to be moving on, and I myself am excited about this new time in my life.” (That actually worked for me.)
The first thought puts you in a place of doubt, the second puts you in a place of power.
Staying stuck up in your head in negativity keeps you out of the reality of your life and robs you of your intuition. Negative thinking gives you a negative mindset and a negative outlook on your life. It also keeps you paralyzed by fear and anxiety. That’s what you’re doing to yourself with your own thinking.
The mind can be a powerful ally or a formidable opponent. Athletes know this truth very well and are taught mental-strength exercises, because coaches know that mental strength is as important—sometimes more important—than physical strength. Just as you exercise your body, you must also train your mind to work for you and not against you. You need to train for those times when you suffer a setback or a disappointment. You’ve got to do your reps, over and over and over again.
So do as athletes do after a loss: they reset, refocus, reframe and, yes, reimagine, and get back into training. You must train harder if life knocks you down.
We all need to learn mental strength. I like to think of this as the Power of Rising in our own lives. For most of us, rising is a mental job. We have to visualize ourselves rising—rising above disappointment, rising above failure, rising above a negative mindset.
No matter what your age, no matter what your income, no matter what life has thrown your way, your mind will be your best ally in moving you forward. And the truth is, it’s not selfish to spend time learning how to redirect your thoughts. It’s crucial if you want to live in your power, in your center, in your certainty.
So this day, this week, this year, remember that. Think about what it would take for you to feel indestructible. Remember Maya Angelou’s quote when you read something that tells you to get in shape for spring and summer. Remember that although it’s great to have your body in shape, it’s just as important to get your mind in shape by practicing changing the way you think about things.
Learn how to rest your mind with meditation—how to ignite it with writing, reading, being inspired by another person’s story—how to grow it with brain exercises and learning anything new—how to turn it around, so it works on your behalf. Teach your mind to say positive things to you, about you—about why you’re here and how wonderful you are. This may sound silly—and it did to me!—but I’ve learned it works.
Your mind is your asset. It’s going to be with you for your entire lifetime, and it’s the best partner you’ll ever have. So there’s no better time than right now to start making it work for you.
Dear God, so many negative, critical thoughts and lies about myself and my circumstances have made their way into my mind. Help me to learn to silence those voices. Help me speak the truth to lies and negativity and to fill my mind instead with what is good and beautiful about me and around me. Amen.