“Perfection doesn’t make you feel perfect. It makes you feel inadequate.”
—Maria
Perfection is an illusion. It’s really important to know that.
There’s nobody anywhere who is perfect, and anyone who has tried to nail it has failed. Trust me, trying to nail it is a huge waste of your time and will only make you feel worse about yourself.
We live in a world where everyone is showing off and sharing their so-called “perfect” lives: perfect bodies and eyelashes and clothes and careers and homes and cars and love lives and children. Really? Such “perfection” is always an illusion, and measuring yourself up against an illusion is a guaranteed losing proposition. You have to feel less-than, because who can compete with perfection? Especially when it doesn’t exist.
Guess what? Human beings aren’t perfect. That’s what it means to be human. We’re supposed to be imperfect.
Everyone I’ve talked to whose life looks perfect on the outside will whisper in confidence that they’ve had times in their lives when they felt like they were just keeping their heads above water. I know I have. After each of my kids was born I beat myself up for not bouncing back physically, as I saw so many women on magazine covers do.
I remember when I was First Lady of California and many people thought I had a perfect life—great family, Kennedy hair, beautiful clothes, high visibility, big impact, making a difference. Perfect picture, right? Well, one day a teacher at my kid’s school pulled me aside and said, “I know you are super-busy, Ms. Shriver, but I thought you would want to know that—” and now she whispered, “—your son’s shoes have holes in them.” Ouch! I felt both humiliated and also like I wanted to tell her to go stick her head where the sun doesn’t shine. Truth is, I knew about the shoes, but I also knew they were his favorites and he didn’t want to give them up. But still I felt outed by her—the veil ripped off of my own illusion of gotta-be-perfect.
That was more than a decade ago. I have since found relief in letting the perfection illusion go. How did I do it? I simply had to face facts and admit my life isn’t perfect. My body isn’t magazine-worthy. My photos have to be retouched to look good. Sometimes my life has had holes in it, just like my kid’s shoes. IT’S THE TRUTH! I’ve learned some amazing life lessons in the messiness of my life.
One of those lessons is that I shouldn’t deplete my energy and self-worth by chasing perfection—like it’s some sort of light at the end of the tunnel or pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, just out of my reach. It’s out of my reach, because it doesn’t exist!
What exists is your life, the life you are in right at this moment. And focusing on some fantasy out there—thinking you’re unworthy unless you achieve it—is a guaranteed recipe for frustration, misery, and self-loathing.
There’s no such thing as a perfect life. What we need are meaningful lives. A full and meaningful life requires forgiveness of self for our imperfections—and forgiveness of others for theirs. A meaningful life is filled with victories and mistakes, ups and downs, good and bad, right and wrong, dark and light.
Life isn’t a straight shot to the winner’s circle. It’s more like a labyrinth with twists and turns, and you go around and around. Some twists take you the wrong way, and then you have to start over. Other choices take you in the wrong direction, and you have to start over again. That’s what’s called “learning”! That’s what’s called “gaining experience.” That’s what called “living.” For all of us.
Dear God, please help me to let go of trying to be perfect. Help me to realize that I am okay as I am. I was born sacred, and I will always be sacred. Help me to remember that when I stay focused on comparing myself to others—or to some illusion of perfection—I always come up short, and that’s not honoring the gift of life you’ve given me. Help me to remember I am one of your precious children, and I am enough. Amen.