“People are scared to talk about it, but they should be scared about not talking about it.”
—Prince Harry
Not too long ago, I was having a conversation with a friend when he said, “You know, every single person—yourself included—has mental health issues.”
At first, I was surprised by his statement—even insulted by it. But as I reflected some more, I realized he was right.
Every single one of us does have mental health issues. Every single one of us has a mind, and we all need to think about preserving its health.
That’s why I think the conversations Prince Harry and Prince William have ignited are so groundbreaking and important.
Prince Harry bravely told the world for the first time that grief over the death of his mother, Princess Diana, when he was twelve had wreaked havoc on his life for many years. He said that finally, when he felt close to emotional collapse after more than a decade of pushing the feelings down, his brother, Prince William, encouraged him to get professional help, which he did. Harry needed someone to give him the space and place where he could express his deepest feelings, and not worry about his confidentiality being broken.
I’m grateful that Prince William then used his own public platform to talk about how shock, grief, and trauma can live on in one’s mind and body long after the initial insult took place, possibly producing posttraumatic stress issues and other mental health challenges.
Both of these young men gave us insight into how the shocking and violent death of their mother deeply affected their lives—admitting they had never even really talked about it to each other all those years.
As someone who also grew up in a public family that endured many traumatic events—where we also didn’t talk about our feelings to anyone, either in the family or outside it—their revelations were liberating for me. To hear men talking bravely and openly about seeking professional help lifts the shame and stigma around mental health issues. When public people use their platform to spark awareness about an issue that needs to be out in the open, it’s a gift to us all.
I have in my own way tried to do this. The very first book I wrote was a children’s book about grief and death and the questions we all have about these once-taboo subjects. When I was First Lady of California, I moderated a moving conversation about grief at my Women’s Conference. My mother had died two months before, and I was smack in the middle of it and needed to talk about it. As a mother, I talk openly with my kids about feelings and emotions, because I learned the consequences of growing up not doing that.
The fact is, life-altering events affect not just our hearts, but our mental well-being as well. The same event can affect different members of the same family in different ways. It’s naive of us to think we can all just power on and power through trauma, in the mistaken belief that there are no lasting consequences.
My friend was right. We all have mental health issues. That doesn’t make us weird or weak. It makes us human.
So next time someone tells you they have sought counseling—be it for the death of a loved one, the end of a marriage, the loss of a job, anxiety, depression, or whatever else they’re dealing with—be compassionate. Be understanding.
After all, what Prince Harry said was both profound and telling: he just needed someone to listen.
Dear God, we all face life-altering events because we live in a world where terrible things happen and great loss results. Shock, grief, and trauma can produce times of darkness and deep discouragement long after the initial event. Because we are human, we are vulnerable. I am vulnerable. Thank you for leading me toward peace and hope in the midst of my brokenness. Help me not to withdraw into myself but rather to reach out to the right people when I need to. And help me to be gracious and compassionate to others in need, to listen, to support, and to protect. Amen.