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SHE’D ACTUALLY KISSED Cooper. Rivers stared out at the moonbeams floating on the waves, listening to their constant, haunting whisper. What kind of crazy realm had she fallen into? She’d even enjoyed the kiss—felt strong emotions surging through her. But it should never have happened. She shouldn’t feel the way she felt. What would Jordan think?
God, I know Jordan’s with you. I don’t know what I’m doing. I need direction—some sign to guide me, or maybe a whole slew of signs. I’m so confused.
“I miss them.” Cooper’s voice came out shaky.
“Your family?”
“Yeah, even though I always felt like I was on the outside looking in.”
He’d brought it up, but did she dare ask questions? Instead Rivers turned and studied his profile. The breeze ruffled his untamed, dark hair, and his eyes glistened.
“The last time I saw them was at the hospital.”
“Want to talk about it? I’ve heard I’m a good listener.” She tisked. “Barring my bad behavior tonight.”
His feet shuffled in the sand, and his brows dipped. “I woke to bright lights, dazed and confused—my father and Sheriff Barnes standing beside my hospital bed. I tried to get up, thinking I still had to search for Savannah, but the pain in my chest laid me back down. The guy who pulled me out of the water had broken my ribs while giving me CPR. Of course, he saved my life.”
“Thank the Lord he did.” And she meant those words, though meeting Cooper had poked holes in her balloon of plans and a few of her presumptions.
He gave a small nod. “Once they heard I was awake, my mom and Aunt Brooklyn and my grandmother left the beach and came to the hospital. But instead of a visit to see how I was doing, it was a free-for-all of accusations. ‘Why did you take Savannah out? What were you using? What did you give her? Where did you last see her? How could you betray us this way? You killed her as surely as if you’d put a gun to her head.’” His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed.
“Then my grandmother said she could never forgive me and left. My mom and Aunt Brooklyn followed. When my dad stayed, Mom leaned her head back in the door and said for Dad to choose, ‘Cooper or our marriage.’” Cooper cleared his throat. “He said he loved me, and he was sorry, but he left.”
“Oh, Cooper.” She wove her fingers through his, craving to impart some form of comfort. She could picture the scene, the grief, the shock. She knew those feelings intimately. What would she have done if someone she’d known had accidentally—yet carelessly—caused Jordan’s death? How horrible she’d feel if she had been the one to accidentally end a life. The shame and guilt and burden of that would be unbearable.
But He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on Him, and by His wounds we are healed.
The verse swept through her soul, excavating memories of her sins, along with the realization that her guilt had caused her Savior’s death. Nausea flooded her. Her sin, her shame had nailed Him to the cross.
Sure, she strove to do right, but she’d fallen short. Tonight’s explosion was a perfect example. And she’d judged. Oh, how she’d judged and held bitterness in her heart, especially toward her mother.
“You are forgiven.” She spoke the words to herself as much as to Cooper, because God’s love was that big and that good.
“I know I’m forgiven—in here.” He touched his forehead. “But the knowledge gets muddy here.” His hand went to his heart. “Right now I seem to be losing everything, even Re-Claimed. It feels like a punishment, but I know it’s not. And, by the way, I would never manipulate you. Whether you trust me or not, I care about you.”
How could his admission both set her on fire and turn her inside-out with fear?
“I care about you too.” Truth was truth. Even though she’d originally come to evict him from the gallery, now she wasn’t so sure. But that eviction had nothing to do with the sober living house. “What do you mean even Re-Claimed?”
“There are some petitions going around to get us to move. We can fight it, but it’s going to cost some serious cash. And frankly, it just hurts.” He turned her way, conviction in his gaze. “I never wanted to be a part of one of these clubs, you know. I don’t know why I have these brutal compulsions. I don’t understand why my brain has to work the way it does when other people get to be normal.”
Ouch. That didn’t seem fair. “Honestly, I never thought of it that way. I realize I’m guilty of a lot of prejudice.” She pulled her knees up to her chest. “Can I ask what it’s like? Or is that too much?”
His gaze traveled upward toward the starlit sky. “It’s like you’re really hungry—starving, insatiably hungry—and all you can think about is finding food. Nothing else matters. And I mean nothing. It consumes your every thought, and you’d trade anything to fill that gnawing.” He sucked in a breath and shook his head. “You feel desperate, as if you can’t survive until you get whatever chemical you’re addicted to, even though the hunger will never truly be filled no matter how much you get.
“Once you find your fix, shame sets in. So much shame. For being weak, for breaking trust, for lying or stealing or whatever you did to get it. Depression and anxiety and guilt entwine, and you bounce from denial to helplessness. And that’s just the emotional part. Physically, you feel horrible because you’re killing your body.”
“Sounds miserable.”
“Pretty much.”
“It’s sad and wrong, but I’ve just thought of addicts as ruiners. Like how my mother ruined our family, leaving others to have to pay the stupid tax. I’ve never thought about the other side.” Reaching over, she brushed her hand across his back. “I’m sorry for that.”
“Thanks.” He quirked an eyebrow and smiled. “I think.”
“That didn’t come out the way I meant it.”
“It’s okay to speak truth when you’re confessing.” He ran a hand through his hair then across his forehead. “Have you thought about attending Al-Anon, the meetings for families of alcoholics? The people I know who attend find it helpful. You don’t want anyone’s addiction to define you or steal your peace.”
“My dad took me to Alateen meetings way back, but I wasn’t ready then. I was mostly mortified. He attends an Al-Anon group, though.” She pressed her heels deeper into the sand in front of her. “I think I should try again. Maybe even while I’m here.”
“Perfect time to give it a shot, since you’re stuck around the lot of us.” He laughed quietly. “They actually hold some that coincide with the AA meetings our residents attend. They’re down the hall from each other in the same church. Kev and Gabby go to them, unless there’s a crisis like when Star and Blake were in the hospital.”
“Oh! The hospital.” She scrambled to her feet. “I need to walk the possum.”
~~~
THE STRESS DEFINITELY must’ve been getting to Rivers, or there was some strange lingo in Memphis he wasn’t aware of. Either way, Cooper stood and brushed the sand from his shorts. “And where might you need to take that walk?”
“The cottage.” She made a quick path toward the Jeep. “He’s been alone awhile.”
“Someone’s at the cottage? Or the hospital?” He opened the door for her.
A little giggle slipped from her cute lips. “My neighbor, Priscilla, is in the hospital, and I’m pet sitting.”
“Now it’s coming together. Mrs. Kelly was always nursing some critter.” He circled the Jeep and moved into the driver’s seat. “A possum this time?”
She nodded. “His name is Phoenix. At first, he creeped me out, but he’s really cute. I didn’t realize they were marsupials. Like kangaroos, but different.”
“Definitely different.” Before he pulled out of the lot, he glanced over at Rivers. “What’s wrong with Mrs. Kelly? And when did you get sucked into another predicament?”
“Time is kind of a blur since I got here, but just a day or so ago, an ambulance took her to the hospital. She’s having some stents put into her arteries. She acted like she’d be home soon.”
He shook his head. “I think someone might have a rescuer syndrome. You seem to jump into a lot of messy situations.”
Her eye roll was accompanied by a sarcastic smile. “Pot to kettle. Hello.”
God knew he’d gotten himself into a number of predicaments trying to help people, so he couldn’t help but laugh. “Guilty.” He pulled out onto the main drive.
“We’re more alike than I realized.” Her voice was almost a whisper, and the ride back passed with only the sound of the wind against the windows.
Her words created a burn in his heart. If only they were alike. Rivers was everything good and light and wholesome, and she helped others from that pure place in her heart. While he’d been one of those “ruiners” as she’d called them, destroying not only himself, but others in his wake. The sooner he could summon the discipline to put the brakes on their emotional connection the better.
God, give me the strength to do what’s right for Rivers.
At the cottage, they both jumped out at the site of a taxi in Mrs. Kelly’s driveway.
“What in the world?” Rivers tore across the yards. “Priscilla?”
Cooper followed her, this woman who seemed to have no thought for herself. What if it wasn’t her neighbor getting out? It could be a drunk at the wrong address or something worse.
But when they rounded the car, the driver held the door for Mrs. Kelly. Rivers offered her hand and helped the arthritis-ridden woman to a stand. Once they’d paid for the cab, it backed out.
“Why are you home this late? And alone?” Rivers wrapped her arm around Mrs. Kelly’s waist.
“They released me this afternoon. I had a friend lined up to drive me home, but she had car trouble. It was a really easy procedure though.”
“What about your family?” Rivers asked.
“My son’s in Europe. He’s a corporate pilot, so it’s hard for him to change his schedule.” She released a shaky breath. “Now he’s all in a tizzy about making me move into one of those retirement living communities over in Hilton Head if I don’t hire someone to help me at the house.” Her voice wobbled with emotion. “He thinks I need someone in here every day. Either plan might drive me crazy.”
“Why don’t you stay with me tonight?” Rivers pleaded. “Phoenix will be fine, and there’s plenty of room. I can get you settled in, then go get my car at the gallery. It won’t take long.”
“I don’t know.” Priscilla hedged, glancing between both houses.
“Please. I’d enjoy the company.” Rivers wasn’t letting this go.
Finally, Mrs. Kelly agreed. Cooper and Rivers got her and the possum settled, then headed back to the gallery to retrieve the Stink Bug.
When they arrived, the lights still shone from inside the studio. Cooper exited the Jeep. “That’s odd. Gabby is particular. She’d never leave the place lit up.”
“Maybe she’s cleaning my mess. I’ll run in and help.”
“You don’t have to.”
“I insist. It won’t take long, and I should apologize.” She set off toward the entrance.
He always seemed to be following her. They reached the door and opened it to a cacophony of female voices.
“She’s back!” someone chimed.
“Let’s show her our work,” another responded.
The women still sat at their easels. Gabby gave Rivers a hesitant look. “I hope you don’t mind, but we finished the project you gave us.” She lifted her canvas, which was covered in paint, a colorful heart in the center. “I mean, we dove in deep.”
Other ladies held their paintings up for Rivers to see.
A lump rose in her throat. “They’re beautiful.” She pressed her fist to her mouth for a moment as her gaze roamed the room. “I’m sorry I blew up at y’all.”
“Now we know you’re human.” Gabby set aside her canvas, came to Rivers, and wrapped her arms around her. “It’s too late tonight, but they want to tell you their stories when you’re free.”
“Of course. I’d stay now, but I have a houseguest.” Rivers addressed the group. “I’m proud of you, and I’ll come soon to talk with each of you one-on-one about your artwork, if you’d like.”
After they said their goodbyes, Cooper walked Rivers to her car, where he caught her arm. Whispers of rain floated on the air, the green scent of it fresh and strong. “See, they forgave you.”
Her lashes fluttered, then her gaze flickered toward him. “They did, didn’t they? And they did well.”
“Yep. You are inspirational.” He couldn’t stop his arms from sliding around her and pulling her into a hug. Under the canopy of clouds, he wanted nothing more than to taste her lips again, but he was determined not to be the manipulator Shane had accused him of being.
“This place, the art, the people, the sea, the struggle, and the faith—they’re doing a work in me. I just wish I knew where it was leading.” Her gaze zoned in on him, and her soft fingers brushed against his hair, undoing him. “Or what I’m supposed to do with you.” A sad smile crinkled the corners of her blue eyes. “I better go check the possum.”
