I feel like I’m on pins and needles the rest of the trip. Thankfully, Dragon doesn’t talk anymore and I do nothing to restart the conversation. We walk silently into the hospital and I follow him to the elevator. He didn’t stop to find out where we’re going, so I figure he knows.
Ryan is strangely quiet too. Part of that is because he’s just woken up from a nap, but I think he’s picked up on my nerves. He’s holding my hand, squeezing it hard and it’s so tight that it’s painful. I look down at him when the elevator door closes, tugging gently on his hand so he turns to face me.
“You okay little man?”
“What if Daddy is mad at me because I let you get hurt?”
His question makes the acid in my stomach churn. How do I prepare Ryan for the worst? I could kill these men for putting him through this. I crouch down so that we’re eye level. I let one of my knees rest against the floor, bring my hands up and use them to frame each side of his face.
“You did not let me get hurt, Ryan.”
“But it was because of me. Because I wouldn’t call the monster my Daddy,” he cries, his body trembling. I search my brain trying to figure out how to calm him down, but the tears start and seeing them shine over his green eyes and then fall against his sweet little face hurts. I will kill my brother. He deserves to die for what he has taken from me, for what he’s taking from Ryan and for the pain he dishes out without thought.
I’m going to kill him.
I may not have been able to before, but now… he’s changed me. Now, I’d have no problem whatsoever killing him.
“Ryan, you were right not to call him your father. He is a monster. He’s worse than a monster and you’re not responsible for anything he did.”
“But Daddy—”
“I’ll go talk to your dad first. I’ll tell him everything and make sure he knows how brave you are.”
“You will?” Ryan asks, hope shining even through the tears.
“I will.”
“I love you, Rory.”
“I love you, too. I always will, Ryan. I promise. I’m always here for you—no matter what,” I promise him.
He hurls his body at me, and even though we’re close, I still sway backwards from the force of his body. We hug, but all too soon the elevator door opens. I’ve barely stood back up when Ryan squeals.
“Uncle Crusher! Uncle Crusher!”
He runs straight to a large, tattooed man standing against the side of the wall. He’s got jet black hair—a little too shaggy, but I have to admit he pulls it off. There’s a touch of gray in it and it offsets his dark, brooding eyes. He’s wearing dark jeans that are faded around the hips and knees and a maroon colored thermal. Over that he’s wearing a motorcycle vest much like the one that Dragon is wearing. He holds Ryan close, pulling him up into his arms and against his body as if Ryan weighs nothing. Ryan holds on tightly, happier to see this man than he was to even see Dragon the day before.
“Hey there Ry. Missed you buddy.”
“I missed you too! Is ‘Kota here with you!??!” Ryan asks excitedly.
“Afraid not, but I’ll take you to see him soon,” Crusher promises and then slowly helps Ryan back to the floor, keeping his large hand on Ryan’s shoulder. I doubt he’s using the boy for protection—but, he should.
“Ryan? Why don’t you let Uncle Dragon take you down to the cafeteria for an ice cream while I go talk to your Dad first.”
“Are you sure, Rory?” Ryan asks, looking so hopeful that it guts me.
“What are you doing, Rory?” Dragon asks quietly, but I ignore him. My attention stays centered on Ryan.
“I’m sure. You go with Uncle Dragon and I’ll meet you down there and let you know what your dad says.”
“I don’t think—”
“You don’t get a say in this,” I say coldly to Crusher, my eyes locking with his and my voice so frozen that he has to know that I’m aware of the truth. I see surprise on his face and then his gaze slides to Dragon. Dragon just shrugs as a wordless conversation is carried on between them.
“Let’s go Ryan, maybe we will get lucky and they will have chocolate ice cream.”
“Ew. Uncle Dragon, I hate chocolate. You know I only like strawberry.”
“Yeah, I know,” he laughs. They start to walk away and Ryan looks over his shoulder at me, tugging on Dragon’s hand so that Dragon is forced to stop.
“Rory? You won’t be long right? I really want to see Daddy. It’s just I don’t want him to be mad…”
“I promise, Little Man. I’ll come get you soon,” I tell him and I do my best to smile reassuringly, even though I want to scream at the unfairness of it all.
“Okay!” Ryan says, grinning so big that it has to hurt his face.
I close my eyes once he turns around, and then open them slowly when the chime goes off announcing the elevator doors have opened. I plaster a smile on my face then… and wait. Ryan gives me a happy wave and I smile, aching inside because his world is about to crash down around him and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it. He has no idea that he’s lost his father—or at least what is coming next. He’s so happy and I won’t have time to prepare him. I’ll have to inflict pain that no child should have to endure. I know, because I remember when my stepfather died as clear as if it was just yesterday.
“Ms. McDaniels,” Crusher says once the elevator doors close.
My body jerks around and I don’t think—I just react.
I reach up and I slap the hell out of the man who thought he could play games with my feelings… who thought he could give a little boy hope and then yank it away.
The sound of my hand slapping against his face echoes, and complete shock registers on his face.
“That’s for the hell you’re about to put that sweet little boy through. I’ve been through more than you could imagine Mr. Dawson and so help me God, if you so much as even think my name at this point I’ll kill you, are we clear?”
“I see Dragon has filled you in.”
“I said are we clear?” I huff.
“We’re clear.”
“Good. Now I’m going to go see Ryan’s father. I’m going to determine if that little boy should even see his dad like he is and then I’m going to come out here and be an adult and try to talk to Ryan about losing his dad. During that time, it’d be really good if you would stay the hell out of my way.”
He studies my face and then finally gives me a resigned nod. I wring my hands together and look toward the door that says ICU on it, and then, even though I’m choking on fear…
I force myself to walk through it.